Want to call again, sigh

[Kanuk]

Yeah, it's me again. Same problem as before. I want to talk to her so badly. 3 months and i still feel this way. I just want to call and say "look, i don't want to try to convince you to come back, i just want to know why. Why did it happen, and what are you feeling"

 

I don't know what that would accomplish. I don't think she'll ever call me on her own to eplain it. This sucks so much. I thought that time would take away this hurt and these urges, but it gets worse with time.

 

At least i get out now, but I actually think it hurts more now that she wont even speak to me than it did then.

[confused_and_worried]

Have yo stop to think that may be that way you fell is what you should do.

 

I mean really if you think about it time has not healed you wound than the best thing to do is face then head on.

 

CAll her talk to her and ask her what you want to know. Because untill you do that , untill you get your answer you can start to put the past behind you and move on to the future.

 

I mean think about it .... What is the wore that can happen??

 

1. She might not pick up ?? Then your were you started. ! ! !

 

2. She picks up and you talk to her ! ! . wow you get to get it all out of you chest. You just might get the answers to your questions.

 

3. She pick up and she's mad at you for calling her . Than this will help you realize that you guys spliting up was the right choice, then you wont fell so conpell to talk to her and find out why you wont want to know why? she's a b*tch lol

 

See any way you look at it is the right thing to do. . . I mean it might not help her but it will help you . . . It will put you in the path to coping with it and lettin it go.

Sincerly

> > >>>>>>>>>confused-and_worried>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

ps. maybe you can give me some advise.

[trulyme]

Wait, wait, wait.

 

Did you not try to contact her via txt and she did not contact you?

 

Phone is even more personal then txt and you think she is going to respond??

 

Please give this girl one sign that you are not still there by leaving her alone.

 

She is just like you, she wants what she cant have. You can't have her and look how bad you want her. She knows she can have you, does she want you?? Is she calling you?? 3 months and no call?? I know you love this chick, but she is having her cake and eating it too. Its freaking killing me and I am 1000 miles from you.

 

You have given her NO CLUE that you have moved on, have you?? You say its been 3 months but just last week you said that it has been 2 months. Why dont you start over right now!!!!

Today say to yourself, I will not contact her, talk to her friends about her, listen to what her friends have to say about her, wont txt her, email her or nothing. ZERO NADDA.

 

Then see how long you can do that and see what happens.

 

Does this girl have bronze breast or what??? Do you want her so bad because she is with someone else already?? I just dont get it kanuck. If you love her so much, then you need to let her go for a little bit. Think about it, if she really loved you.....she would come back. Then you know that what you have is real. That is all that you need to motivate yourself right there.

 

Timing!!!Its either there or it isnt. Bottom line!!

 

There is nothing more that I would love then to talk to my ex right now and tell her I am sorry for breaking her heart and that I am trying to get myself to a point in my life where if another girl comes along and wants to take the next step, I will be ready. Because I certainly was not ready when she was in my life. You see, I am trying to better myself. I know I made a mistake, but it is how you recover from your mistakes that makes you a great person.

 

Mark your losses, then figure out why you lost and fix it!!!

If the ex comes back, then you will be ready, if she doesnt, the next girl is going to get a guy 10x better then the ex got.

 

Sorry dude, Truly

[sarah12]

trulyme - you said it all.

 

Kanuk - I heard through friends that my ex was very apologetic (even though I didn't ask for any apology) and that he realized what he did wrong (I am glad he realized, but it does no good to me now). The point is that it doesn't matter now, because we are broken up. If he were to say all this to me now, I would say, thank you and I wish you well. That is all. I have nothing more to say. I can assure you that your ex would do the same, if she were to respond. It doesn't change anything. It doesn't change that I don't want to be with the ex anymore. It is over there is no going back. As much as you think you can change things, you can't. It's an unfortunate situation, I know, but you will now learn from this and that's the best that you can do.

 

I'm glad that you are posting here instead of contacting her. Good job.

[mandrews1119]

Kanuk,

 

Fight the urge as much as you can!! Although no one can live for someone else here and I think some folks bring a certain level of bitterness with them on these posts, each life is unique. No one knows your situation better than you do. If it makes you feel better to call, try to call less. If it makes you feel better not to call, then don't.! Just be aware of the consequences of your actions, you'l have nobody to kick later but yourself. and ther will be no one on these posts that will hold your hand. Read and take the advice where it fits, then do what you must. Best of luck.

[look forward]

truelyme and sarah12 you guys have summed it right up.. whatever you do DO NOT CONTACT HER!!!! leave well alone...if you do you may as well have been contacting her for the whole last three months.. this girl needs to know that you can stand on your own and you will.. come on be strong.. it tough and it kills but it sthe only way to keep you rdignity, self respect and above all sanity...

 

hang on in there.. do anything else but stay away from the phone or any other means of contact..

[Kanuk]

Yeah, not calling. Want to but i'm not.

 

That's why i post here. As long as i'm reading a post or writing something, then I'm not writing to her.

[sarah12]

No one knows your situation better than you do.

mandrews - you are right. We don't. But we do know well enough. Kanuk's original post is somewhere on this site and a lot of us went through it with him so we do know his situation well, and in his case, I would have to say that it is best that he not call. And he knows this too!

 

Kanuk - I'll try and keep you entertained here! Hasn't school started for you? I'm sure there's some fluids problem you can solve to keep yourself busy.

[Kanuk]

I'm actually at school right now. I finished all of my homework for the week unfortunatly. That's the problem with only having 2 courses left. I have nothing to fill my sapre time with. And i've already been to the gym for 2 hours today.

 

Curse it all

 

I know it's best not to call her, especially given the 'circumstances' But i would have hoped I could of at least been forgiven. Do you think that will ever happen? It eats away at me daily, the thought that this women i adore hates or loathes me.

[mandrews1119]

Oh, I definitely agree that Kanuk should NOT call!!! I just think it was hard on him not to do so. I have had to wean myself from that, it took a little doing, but I managed it. In some cases, a little minimal contact (unless asked not to) may not drive her away, and yet let her know that you still care, or whatever message is to be conveyed. Depending on the circumstances, that may be needed to move things in a positive direction. some people figure if you don't say SOMETHING, then you don't care, each case is unique. In any case, I do think K has to stop calling.

[maxmuscle]

Kanuk,

 

Silence is the killer. It gives a person time to think! I actually told my ex not to contact me anymore because she pissed me off. She is still playing games. She emails me this morning and tell's me she was thinking of me, love me, and wishes me the best. She knows I have the ability to stay away. But I don't want to. That's my situation with her. Besides I can use the time alone to better myself. How can anyone make best use of their appeal if they are not on all cyclinders?

 

I explained my situation for a reason. You have to let your ex know you can live without her. Let her know you don't need her and life goes on. Women are telekinetic or have Extra Sensory Perception (ESP). They can detect your vibe, aroa, or how you are feeling. Try and stay silent for about 2 months.

 

STOP TREATING HER LIKE SHE IS MISS UNIVERSE OF LOVE!

[Kanuk]

Except for the accidental sms. I am leaving her alone and HAVE NOT called her. I jut want to is all. I'm beginning to think i may have some issues that need councelling.

 

I'm doing my best here. But it does not appear to be good enough.

[look forward]

Kanuk

 

It might be a good idea to get counselling as you seem in quite low point still and it has been three months.. you seem to have your gf on a pedastel and are not considering yourself maybe counselling will help you see that you are important to and that you need to start having some self worth and understanding.. So that you can begin to re-build your life as you seem very much in limbo which isn't healthy..

[lost_in_chgo]

Kanuk,

 

This is definitely one of the most stressful things you will ever do. Make sure you work off the stress with some exercise.

[monkey]

I always believe that if one person wants to split & the other doesn't , why does everything go with the one who wants the split.

Both agreed to the relationship in the first place so both should go 50/50 to try & resolve it, whoever is responsible for the situation, it should be a pre-requisition.

Everyone deserves the chance to show their change, depending on the severity. Mine was a medical problem, that i couldn't help. Not a good reason in my eyes to end a relationship, to seperate & give space ok, but then a chance to show the other their recovery!

As for the contact/no contact thing. There is definately a fine line. To bombard them with mails, phone calls isn't good but to never contact them may show them your trying to forget them & your moving on, where as your not, your just trying to give them space so they'l respect you & that they will see a good side & mabe want you back. So make them realise how you feel deeply, but not often. I think!

[Summerday]

And the truth of it all. It is what it is. Thanks.

[Kanuk]

Well, i think I failed an exam back in december when all of this was still fresh all because i couldn't keep my mind off of my ex.

 

Now i realy want to call her to let her know how i screwed everything up and i want to get my friggin closure from her. I just want to know why damnit. Why this all happened and what i did wrong.

 

But what good will it do, why do i want it? Why did she manage to get me to screw up my life so badly.

[lilac]

Kanuk,

I have read most of your posts and know exactly what you are going through. And I know that it sucks. But I want you to do me a favor and listen to me very closely. You are in a very scary situation right now as you sound desperate, lonely and very depressed. I was there and it was awful. But the only person that was able to pull me out of this state was me. And I did it. I posted on here and I received some excellent advice. But the deal is, we can give you advice 24 hours a day. The key is you must hear and apply it to your situation. You are asking for advice but you are not actively doing anything to get out of this funk. I was really down and out and I made it...here's my story in a nutshell.

 

I was with my ex for 6 years. I thought he was the best thing ever when I met him. Little did I know that he was a verbal, emotional and physical abuser. (This is different than your situation, but just listen) A little background, I am a college grad with an excellent job and have a good family. He has a decent job but had a rough childhood. My parents taught me to be strong and take care of myself and NEVER let someone disrespect me. Guess what, I let this guy do just that. He abused me, verbally at first, then physically. Black eyes, sprained ankles, you name it. He cheated on me, he berated me. And you know what, I let him because I had ZERO self esteem and thought that I could not survive without this guy in my life. Sounds silly, doesn't it. But this happens a lot and I was a battered woman.

 

To go on, he dumped me for some HS dropout that has a deadly disease and is a slut. He dumped me for her...how could he do that. I thought I would die....I am better than her...how could he do this. He did it and the last person he wanted to talk to was me. I called, I texted and I bugged because I needed answers. Guess what, he never gave me answers and I just felt worse. Maybe he didn't know the answer, but it didn't matter. He dumped me and there was nothing I could do to change it. So, you know what? I filled my life with hobbies, friends and I did go to counseling. I stopped the contact. Guess what, he showed up on my doorstep a couple months later crying the blues.. Screw him..he made his bed, he can lie in it.

 

Anwway, that was 16 months ago. I have a boyfriend that I live with now and he is the best guy in the entire world. But I would have never gotten together with this guy if I was still wasting time trying not to contact the ex or thinking about him constantly.. You have got to stop pining over this girl and realize that she is NOT the girl for you. If she was, she would have never left, right?

 

So, please stop wasting anymore time on her. Thank her (to your self) that she left and has opened a door for you to find a real and loving relationship because the cards were not right for you to have that with her. Be strong and realize that you can do this and you will be okay. I did it and millions of other people have done it. This is not the end of the world...but it will be the end of yours if you allow this woman to dictate your emotions like this...live well and prosper. You deserve it.

[Kanuk]

Just venting.

 

I'm in a horrible place right now. After finding out i failedmy exam... I've suddenly stoped caring about anything. At this rate, i was supposed to be done my degree in The summer of 2003, now i wont finish till January of 2005!!!

 

I wont say it's all because of her, but becuase she just ditched me with no reason i couldn't keep my mind off of her and didn't focus on what was more important, it would seem. I have no one to blame but myself, because i am weak and useless.

[Kanuk]

Sorry, shouldn't of said i'm useless, it just feels that way cause i can't seem to do anything right right now.

 

I just feel like ka-ka

[lilac]

Kanuk,

Oh my god...are you listening to yourself? How would you react if one of your friends was saying all this stuff about being useless? You would want them to snap out of it. I hope you read my post and everyone else's advice on here. The other people on this board give excellent advice and are doing everything they can to help you. But you have to help yourself. Stop this right now and if you cannot, then you must get help from a counselor to find out why you are doing this to yourself. I know that my friends got very frustrated with me because I was the same way...you have to stop this or people are going to stop listening and trying to help you. And that is the LAST thing you need right now. You need support and that starts from within. Be strong and keep posting but take some action and focus on yourself and not this chick...she is not worth it.

[Kanuk]

I think you're right and i think i do need couselling. I still blame myself for everything that went wrong in the relationship and in my life.

 

I'm just really really bummed outabout this news on my exam. It puts me back in school for another year almost, and all for just one course. I'm trying to find a bright side to all of this, but it looks so damned bleak. Maybe i'm just inconsolable right now.

 

I appreciate all the advice, and I'm trying to follow it, maybe i just need more time. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, cause that is exactly what I'm doing. I appologize if everyone see's it that way too. I'll try harder from now on.

[Kanuk]

And as for your post earlier, i know you said you've followed my storey, I hope by your post you're not suggesting i was abusive like your ex. I know iscrewed up really badly and scared the crap out of her, but i always thought i treated her well.

 

I don't think that's what you;re getting at. You did, after all, say our situations were different, but i just want to make sure and i want to clarify that I am not some abusive ass. I would never hit and women, and wouldn't even conciously hurt one, i know i still did, but i was trying to be romantic and suprise her, not hurt her.

 

That's something i have to live with though. I hope no one thinks that way of me.

[Kanuk]

Well, looks like it was a clerical error on the Registrar Offices' part. turns out i passed after all. A 'C', not something to be overly proud of, but it's an Engineering course and these things aren't easy at all.

 

Looks like I'm not so useless after all. Just wish my ex could see that. Things may be looking up after all. My job that i got fired from sent me a check in the mail for $700 (lord knows why, i didn't earn it but i'm taking it) and now i passed my exam, so maybe this is the boost i need to turn my life around.

 

Perhaps she will return, perhaps I will find someone better (although I can't imagine anyone better). I want to call her now just to share the good news.

 

Probably a bad idea.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

good man passing afterall! a bit of good news at last so dwell on that!

 

Snap out of it and listen!!!

 

this is a terrible thing to say to anyone suffering trauma, obviously if people could just switch off troublesome emotions they would do

 

sometimes people need help and can't get over trauma themselves, there are professionals out there to help so get all the help you can if your troubles are affecting your work, studies or other important life stuff

 

obviously breakups don't affect everyone to the same degree hence why some people end up in institutions for months and others just jump onto the next relationship seemingly without care

 

so Kanuk, don't just "Snap out of it and listen!!!" as you onbiously can't, go at your own pace of recovery and try and use the advice on LS as best as you can

 

do not call her if you know it is bad for you

 

if you can't find someone better find someone just as good, hopefully nexttime the girl will want to be with you which is a nice bonus!!!