Author Kanuk Posted January 15, 2004 Author Share Posted January 15, 2004 Ahhh! i did one of those spark.com quizes and at the end it listed my comparison to people i know who've done the quiz as well (if you've been there, you probably know what i mean) and it had my compatibikty with my ex, and it described the kid of person she was. And it was spot on, she's a kid at heart, and i love that about her. And i want to talk to her and see her so bad right now. Someone save me from the phone or i might be in trouble! Link to post Share on other sites
GoldfingerCymru Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Dude, I'll stop you from ringing, if you stop me from sending a letter that I have written (gone as far as putting a stamp on it too). I'm so bloody tempted as I haveny contacted her for over 5 weeks....... Link to post Share on other sites
lilac Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 Maybe "snap out of it and listen" seemed harsh but that was not my intention. Basically, Kanuk has 2 options right now...he can continue to wallow in this hurt and revolve his whole life around thinking about his ex (bad idea) or he can get some help (professional) and try to put this past him. I was just like Kanuk, so I know exactly how he feels and I know that it sucks. Believe me, after a few months of pining and crying and feeling sorry for myself, my friends told me that I have to let this go or it is going to kill me. And you know what they were right. I know that it takes everybody differing amounts of time to get over a break up. But when it goes too long and you are still letting the sad feelings run your life, you are obsessing and that is Kanuk. He is unable to live his life because he is obsessed with the break up of his relationship. This is not healthy. I know he's sad, I was sad too. But at some point, you have to realize that you are torturing yourself. Why? You are so sad right now because of everything that is going on in your head. Your ex dumped you but she is no longer doing anything to you to make you sad. Kanuk, you are making yourself sad by dwelling. You have to stop dwelling. So, if I sounded harsh, I apologize. But take it from me, my months of dwelling got me NOWHERE. When I finally realized that I only get one chance on this planet, I made sure I made the best of it. Trust me, this is not the end of the world, but it can be if you don't get help and try to move past this...it is the ONLY way you will ever find happiness again. And I know that you will...you have to want it and believe it. Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 When the thoughts of your ex keeping whirling around your mind about a billion miles an hour, Imagine your thoughts are cars on a freeway. Los Angeles freeway that is. Now Imagine yourself inside your brain, hold up a STOP sign. Freeze all those tiny neuron cars that are buzzing. Next, you'll have to return to your homework, or listen in school, or whatever you were previously doing before the compulsive thought of "her" came barrel-assing down the road. Have fun with it. It takes some practice, but it works. Link to post Share on other sites
maxmuscle Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 Kanuk, Hang in there, dude. Life is hard! Break-ups are harder. I feel your pain, but I made a effort (that's all you can do) to live my life. You owe it to yourself. You have been busting your hump trying to get out of school and controling your feelings of your ex. That takes ability. You are not down as you think you are. You are still functioning. I summoned the courage to tell my ex to not contact me because she is still playing games. I don't need that crap. I would love to see the look on your ex face once you are standing and walking with your chin up. Be brave, show courage and the will to move forward. Life is unpredictable, good things are going to happen for you. Just believe! Link to post Share on other sites
Meiso Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 My friend, I completely hear you and understand the feelings you have inside. It's tempting to feel as if you're the only one in the world going through such feelings. Just remember you're not. Lots of people endure these hardships, and eventually get through them. I've been a very confusing relationship with a girl for almost a year and a half. While we've never been an official item or intimate, there have been tons of mixed signals and a great deal of intimate emotional investment on both sides. I realized that I might have started to love this person, or close to it, and the downs of the relationship were causing me pain like never before in my life. All I can say is listen to the advice you get very closely, and even more importantly listen to your heart. I've found that people offer very good advice, but it's useless unless you put it to use. I can't speak for you, but I found the turning point for me was embracing what my instincts were telling me. For the longest time people told me I was getting jerked around by this girl, but my judgement was clouded as I felt this girl would never do me any wrong. Yeah, I made the mistake of putting her on a pedestal. I think in some level she picked up on that and took it for granted. Time rolled on and I realized I deserved so much better. For the first time I stopped being the "nice guy" and started looking out for myself, which I feel is completely appropriate. In my mind I started playing through possible scenarios for how things would unfold for us, good or bad. You know what's funny? We DID have the big dramatic argument and she ended up apologizing. Some time had passed and something funny happened. I saw her in person for the first time in awhile, and I looked into her eyes and realized I was just too tired to do it anymore. There was no dramatic end... No encounter, no words exchanged, no tears or anything. I walked out. Now I have her blocked online and I'm screening my calls. It's only been a week since I've talked to her but I'm quite confident I'm done with it all. I'm not doing it to prove a point to her either... It's simply done with the understanding of myself in that the longer I'm away from her the more progress I make. Perhaps it will take longer with you, but it will happen. Keep yourself busy with worthy pursuits and surround yourself with people that love you. Time heals. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kanuk Posted January 16, 2004 Author Share Posted January 16, 2004 Well I am getting on with things, i'm in school... 11 weeks left. I play hokcey and go to the gym, i go out with my friends whenever possible. i was just at the bar the othernight and noticed a girl looking at me from time to time, so i went and talked to her, it went well, i got her number. But i realize i'm still hung up on the ex. it's been 2 days since i got this girls number, and i haven't called her. Yet when i met my ex, i had to FORCE myself not to call the day afteri got her number for fear of coming off as a loser or needy or something. I still don't even know if i'll call this girl i met cause i only want my ex back. it doesn't help when i have one of my friends yelling at me to call her and demand my closure/answers out of her. kind of force her to explain herself and face her feelings. he's very convincing. So i jump on this forum and post instead of listening to him, but i don't know how much longer i can resist. Link to post Share on other sites
look forward Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 Kanuk I personally wouldn't call her but if you really think she'll give you the answers your looking for then its up to you... My feeling is if she wants to talk to you she will...Calling her still makes her know that she has you by the "balls" so to speak because if you had moved on you wouldn't give a sh*t about her answers and her explaining herself and she knows that.. right now she doesn;t know how you feel which i think is the best thing.. as for the girl you met in the bar.. you have answered you rown question you said " i only want my ex back" in book book that says it all dont use thi sgirl as a rebound leave it till your ready!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 Leave her alone, dude -- don't call her. Now, lets talk about this new girl you got the number from. What are you looking for? Do you just want to hit it or are you looking for something serious? If you are looking for something serious, I advise you to take that girls number and throw it away, because you said that you are still hung up on your ex. This means that if you start dating this girl, you'll be carrying excess emotional baggage to a new relationship and won't be able to give her all of you! Wait until you fully heal first. Then get back into the dating scene. ~V Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kanuk Posted January 18, 2004 Author Share Posted January 18, 2004 Sorry to dissapoint everyone here. I found a cd full of pictures of her and me, and i remembered how beautiful she was and how perfect we were, how much fun we had. I found letters from her and read them (like an idiot) and remembered how she used to say she was keeping me foreveretc. After all of that emotional stress, and all of the hurt. I figured that if i was going to hurt myself again, might as well do it all in one day instead of dragging it out over more and more weeks. SO i called her. It rang like 7 times so i hing up. She either wasn't home, or more likely, saw my name on the call display and didn't pick up. So i called her cell and left a message that said something along the lines of "I kno you don't want to talk to me, but i just wanted to get some closure so that i can completly move on. I just want to know why these things had to happen, so if you could call me and let me know, or at least write an e-mail or something, i would really aprreciate it. Cause right now, i blame myself for everything that went wrong, so if that's not true, i'd be happy to know otherwise. bye" I don't know why i'm telling you guys this, i'm sure i'm going to get blasted, and people are going to be veryt dissapointed in me for not leavingher alone. I know i screwed up, but i thought i had to do this. Oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted January 19, 2004 Share Posted January 19, 2004 No disappointment here. You do what you have to. We're just here to advise you. With luck you will get some closure (at least). If not, consider this another setback. Move on or don't. But do what you feel is right. Or be George Costanza and do the opposite of everything you want to do and see if that works. Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted January 19, 2004 Share Posted January 19, 2004 kanuk hun, my heart goes out to you. I really wish you would stop torturing yourself, but I imagine it must be very hard. I'm not disappointed that you called her - you said what you needed to say. And hopefully it made you feel a bit better to get it out there. PM me if you need. On a side note - how is the situation with the new girl? Have you called her yet? Link to post Share on other sites
dario Posted January 19, 2004 Share Posted January 19, 2004 Such a difficult place to be, buddy....I'm feeling the same way. What a mess, huh? Link to post Share on other sites
heartsafireky Posted January 19, 2004 Share Posted January 19, 2004 I'm in the same boat, basically. Just still communicating and hoping that things will be ok in the end. I'm new here and experiencing all the wonderful highs/lows connected to a relationship which has entered the "need space" period. I've been seeing a guy for over a year and a half, we had a wonderful relationship, with all the fixings...i luv u's and i need u's and even spoke of a future. Then out of the blue, on New Years Day *happy new year* he tells me he needs space. That things he spoke were "in the heat of the moment" and he's not sure of how he feels anymore. How do I know whether to hold on or not. All my friends say just opt out, he's just playing a game and wants to end it. He says he loves me. What do you do? Link to post Share on other sites
Richard_87 Posted January 19, 2004 Share Posted January 19, 2004 Dude, just hang in there.. Ive been reading your stuff a lot.. Im going through a similar sequence of happenings and emotions right now with my ex.. Even the timings are the same, anyway if you would like to share some experiences, id be happy too chat with emails or a PM.. IMO the worst thing is holding everything in, youve got to share things with people.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kanuk Posted January 19, 2004 Author Share Posted January 19, 2004 Apparently my friend talked to her yesterday and told another one of my firends wat wqs said, but not me. All i heard from the second friend was Matt talked to heather yesterday about your cal this weekend and all he had to say was "Heather's just about fed up enough to call him. Doesn't sound like the kind of conversation Jay was hoping for" Looks like i pissed her off. All i asked for was to know why this all happened so i could stop blaming myself. And worst off all, not only wil lthis women i love not tlk to me, my f'ing friend will tell everyonw what happens except for me. Sarah, looks like i did to her exactly what your ex did to you. Pestered her till she hates me. I feel so 'good' about myself now. Why is she doing this/ Why didn't she just tell me from day one so i could just leave her alone and get on with my life? Why do i keep doing stupid things? Link to post Share on other sites
Richard_87 Posted January 19, 2004 Share Posted January 19, 2004 Originally posted by Kanuk Why do i keep doing stupid things? I generally find it happens when my heart rules my head... Link to post Share on other sites
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