DagonM Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 alright, me and this girl have been friends for a year and a half now. were practically best friends and trust each other with just about everything and anything.she has a boyfriend of 2 years but they have been falling apart slowly and im always there to catch her. start of the new year i told her i love her and she said the same. i became suicidal and she helped bring me from the brink, but recently there have been issues. Ive had trouble from other friends and family and Ive broken down and when i get that way she says "you mean more to me then you know..." and when i ask she wont tell me. only recently have i asked what she plans on doing when she breaks up and she said she doesn't know, so i asked why not me and we fell apart from there. she did come out and say i mean more then the world to her, that i always amaze her when im being sweet and that she feels very strongly for me but there seems to be a wall between. i know i love her non-Platonic but i fear she doesn't feel the same, scratch that, im SURE she doesn't feel the same. im here asking for advice on how to change this from a platonic relationship to an actual one. Ive taken her on dates and her parents have said outright in front of me that they would rather see her with me then her current boyfriend, who puts video games before her. i can see the odds are against me because everyone asks why im not with her and all i can say is her. i am her boyfriend without the title or the benefits, but i want to take the plate as her actual one. Any advice on how to approach this and take the plate without causing to much of a problem between us or anyone else? Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 It sounds like you want to fight a war without causing casualties or damage. We all know that's impossible and this situation is impossible to do without causing hurt to someone. You need to be blunt and honest with her. You are no longer her friend and you cannot be there for her while she is with her current boyfriend. Do you not see that you are enabling them to stay together? Hell, this boyfriend should thank you for everything you are doing. He doesn't have to emotionally support her, as that's YOUR job, and his job is to have sex with her as much as he wants which that's NOT part of your job. You are basically putting her in a good enough mood so this boyfriend reaps all of the benefits of your work. That must make you feel really good a night. All she has told you is words. Her actions do not line up. She claims to want to be with you or what not, but for some reason this current boyfriend is keeping her more interested that you. Perhaps it's because she's not sure where he stands, or if he'll be there for her. The excitement of that keeps her hanging on and not wanting to jump to the predictable, and boring, you. She knows you'll always be there, so there's no aura of wondering where you are. The other thing going against you is her parents are pushing for you. That's the kiss of death. Name one kid that wants to date the person their parents want them to date! She'll stay with this boyfriend just to rebel against her parents. You need to give her an ultimatum. You or him. There is no longer a friendship between you two. What exists is an "almost" cheating relationship. She's got the excitement of almost cheating, the predictability of you and your support, and the excitement of dating someone who would rather put video games in front of her. Your best bet is to move on from her. Date other girls and watch what she does. That'll give you more answers that what she will ever give you. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 Drop the pseudo-boyfriend act and go date other ladies. Assign her the priority and interest you would assign any male friend. Enjoy Link to post Share on other sites
Author DagonM Posted March 21, 2010 Author Share Posted March 21, 2010 WTRanger, thanks for the advice. its gonna really sting but ill try what you said, and nice quote by the way. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 Yes, it will sting. Yes, it will be hard. It's never easy to cut someone out of your life. But look at it this way. A little sting now saves a lifetime of pain. Just back away from her. If she really cares, she'll seek you out. But I wouldn't expect her to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 Attention whores generally acquire tampons by the case, so each can be discarded when full. Reach in, grab another from the box Link to post Share on other sites
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