sumdude Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 I want to go NC to help me heal but also its going to be so so hard. He suggested meeting up every couple of weeks for a catch up but no contact in between. We have a house together so there are things we need to discuss. Finish up business with the house. Otherwise don't do this to yourself. Every two weeks is the worst kind of thing. You'll just start to feel a little better then it will just set you back again when you see him. If you were trying to kick heroin having a little every two weeks wouldn't help. Getting over a long relationship, love and being dumped is alot like kicking hard drugs. There's withdrawal and everything else. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 loooking back i can't say that i am really true "friends" with any of them. even after all the good intentions at the time. i have a few that will contact me here and there for some sort of catching up thing. other than that there's really no friendship. we just move on with our lives. my most recent ex "would really like to be my friend" per her, again i dont see the point, she is dating some one. so i dont see how that is going to work out. i dont see why she would want to hang out with me anyway while she is with another guy. and i have come to the conclusion i dont really want to be around while she is. in fact i am not so sure that i would want to be there if things ended between them and i was single at the time! its never the same. so my opnioin is trying to be friends with your ex is a waste of your time. im sure there are the rare, and i mean very rare exceptions, but for the most part i feel like its a ruse. your time would be much better spent working on your own life and finding someone else who loves and respects you. Good post. I think you hit the nail on the head. Now get a CBR1000RR and make even more friends Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 I am friends with all my Ex's except my most recent. From YEARS of experience with this, I can attest that being friends with your Ex *does* work but not immediately; you have to go through that period of NC and healing and establishing your own lives separately before you can come back to that conviviality of friendship. As an example, my first boyfriend was 15 when I was just 13. We literally saw each other on and off until our early twenties, in between other relationships. But now, 30+ years later, when he travels for business, he can come and stay on my couch and we can hang out cook dinner together, etc. I have met his wife and his child and have been invited to their home as well. But I would not recommend trying to start a friendship with someone with whom you have just been in a relationship with. You need that time apart first. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 What caveats apply? Cheating, abandonment, abuse, etc? How many ended relationships recounted here on LS simply result from two people waking up one morning, looking at each other across the sheets and saying, 'wow, I think you'd make a better friend than spouse/lover, etc'. Ex'es are ex'es for reasons and, generally, those reasons are counter-productive to healthy friendship. That's what the divorce process has taught me. If friends after divorce/break-up were common, we'd read about it here. Mostly it's about ego feeding, validation and manipulation by one party or another. Not my idea of friendship. This is not to say that *one* person can't feel that way. Sure. But, to find two ex'es who mutually care for, suppport and love each other as friends? I personally have not seen one example of that amongst all my social circle, ever. Friendly? Cordial? Co-parent healthily? Absolutely. Friends? Nope... Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 It can work, but only if both people are resolved about the outcome of the prior relationship. If one still wishes the relationship had not ended or is still upset about why the relationship ended, then no, it probably won't work. And it helps if the two stay away from each other for a while before attempting a friendship. Every time I see two people break up and immediately try to be active friends, it is a crash and burn result. Link to post Share on other sites
paleblue Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Now get a CBR1000RR and make even more friends not a bad idea!!!! the 600 just doesn't cut it anymore Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 not a bad idea!!!! the 600 just doesn't cut it anymore I have a CBR1000RR on order as we speak. Keep up the great comments. People need to understand why alienating exes is always a good idea Link to post Share on other sites
bluestraps Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 Real life example. My ex and I have a long history, 10 years. She had a huge arguement on Sunday with her boyfriends mom and the boyfriend and her are having major problems. She calls me and is hysterical on the phone telling me they broke up. She asked me to come and get her so we could talk. We have become sort of reaquainted in the last few days, And she has looked upon me for support. And we have been talking as friends. We have been apart for 7 months . Tread very carefully in these situations You need to be sure of your motovation for being with the ex. We got together yesterday to go for a walk. Most of the 2 hours was very positive. Be friends if you can handle it especialy if they are in another relationship . Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts