How DO I Know If A Second Chance is The Right Thing to do for HER???

[confusedmyself]

I(27) am so confused. My girlfriend(23) who i've lived with for the past 3 years

says that she feels confused and unhappy with her life. I think she feels like she

hasn'r founf her "thing", her career choice and she's afraid that she'll end up

doing nothing in life or accomplishing anything. Anyway, We've had a great

4 years, No Problems, No fights, I've always been there for her, always

treated her like a lady and told her and showed her I love her every

chance I got. I just cherished her so much. I realized that I was so lucky to

have her the whole time we were together. And her with me, She's been

such a great thing in my life, very supportive and nurturing, fun, beautiful, exciting.

She's everything i've ever wanted. But she feels that she

needs to venture out on her own and figure out her life so we've come to this crossroads.

She feels terrible about it and it took a while for her to get the courage to tell me.

 

SO WE BROKE UP and right now Things are so uncomfortable. But we are still living together a month later.

She's fixing on moving out. The reason it's so uncomfortable is because we know that

we still love each other so much, but she's just so confused on what she should do.

She keeps telling me that she doesn't know what her problem is, that she thinks

she's making such a big mistake by leaving our GOOD thing. She just feels like

she's in a rut and needs to get out there and prove herself and be on her own. She keeps saying that

she wishes she was older and had done some things in her life before she enetered this perfect relationship.

I tell her that if she loves me then just STAY and we can work things out, make things better

and she can figure out what she needs to figure out as far as her life goes...But I don't know what the right thing to do is,

Let her go and do her thing, just be her friend and help her out, Or try to reconcile things. I just

don't want any resentment down the road. I don't want to force her to stay, I want what's best for her.

Part of me thinks we do need a break, but even when we

don't see each other for 2 days because I'm trying to let her do her own thing and I'm painfully trying to

get on with mine, We end up missing each other really bad and end up running home to each

others arms and giving each other little kisses telling each other that we love each other.

Were at such a fragile state that, at this point

anything goes, But I just don't know what to do OR what the right thing to do is.

 

Any thoughts?

[look forward]

HI Confusedmyself.. if your gf is having doubts then there is nothing you can do but let her go.. it seems to me that you have tried to talk to her and try to reconcile and ask her to stay but she is still intent on going.. that says alot it says the girl needs her space to think and even though its gonna be a killer for both of you thats what she wants.. to be on her own thinking on her own making her own decisions.. it may take a week,a month or a good few months I'm sure if you two feel the way you do about each other she will realise she has a good thing with you no matter what and come back..

 

but you'll have to have the courage and strength to let her go.. if its meant to be its meant to be right!!!

[RobertoPNW]

You might try changing tactics here. Ask her what she wants to do in her life and offer your complete support. You have your concerns but don't be selfish. If she wants to travel, study, or try new hobbies with new friends (for example), let her do it and tell her how happy you are about it. Give her freedom.

 

You must also prepare yourself for the possibility that she just wants out of the relationship. If her interest level in you was high she would tell you about her dreams and wants, and to share those times with you.

[confusedmyself]

Yeah, it's just tough. I support her very much. If she's unhappy I want her to be happy.

If her happiness means being away from me and us going our seperate ways, then I just have

to deal with that.

 

I guess it would just be different if she came to me with solid plans and a clear understanding

of what she needs to do. Instead, she sort of goes back and forth with knowing she wants to go

but knowing that she wants to stay. When I see such indecisiveness, I want to help her. But

Do I help her move on away from me, which I think is probably best so that she can grow and

she can figure out what she wants on her own???

 

OR, when she says she loves me so much and thinks she should stay but isn't sure she'll get

those "wanting to be free" feelings out of her system, Do I then Convince her to stay and us

make this thing work, change things around, make things simpler???

 

I'm okay with letting her go. In fact I support her, I put myself in her shoes and I can feel

her frustration with her life....But At the same time, When she's sort of beating around the

bush and always says, I Don't Know What I'm Doing...It makes it hard for me because, I'm still

so much In Love with her.

[RobertoPNW]

Originally posted by confusedmyself

I'm okay with letting her go. In fact I support her, I put myself in her shoes and I can feel

her frustration with her life....But At the same time, When she's sort of beating around the

bush and always says, I Don't Know What I'm Doing...It makes it hard for me because, I'm still

so much In Love with her.

 

You can stay very much in love with her, just don't be greedy.

 

Decide to support her completely, with a smile and happiness. She'll see it and probably say to herself "This guy really wants me to be happy". It might turn everything around for you. Consider it.

[bicylejunk]

Dude, Be her DREAM man. Be that guy who is just the best to her and treats her like no one

else.

I can tell that you love her and it sounds like she's just going thru some problems in her

self-esteem and self confidence. so show her you love her but let her go and be free. But

be that positive thing in her life...Be that guy who loved her so much did so much for her

that someday she'll realize what she lost and hopefully, If you're into it, Come back to you.

 

Don't be pissed off, don't be bitter, don't be anything but In love with her. I know it may sound dumb

but i'm telling you, The last thing you want is for her to resent you or not want to be around you because,

you're letting your feelings screw things up by being mean or bitter or pushy. I think it's totally fine to

do your own thing right now, but be there for her too. Some might say that she'll be having her cake and

eating it too, but if she's not being a down right bitch to you and having problems and she loves you and

you love her, Why not be there for her til she figures out what she wants? Are you in a rush to find a new girl?

I think not. I think you love her. So Love her and care for her the best way you can under these new conditions.

[BklynGuy]

This is natural for one to be confused at that age. If she's having doubts, beware. I would treat her well and hope she stayed, but if she wants to leave, then you have to let her go. If she wants to come back to you, that's also her choice. Love is not always a great and safe thing. There are many dangers in falling for another person, and we all must deal with them at some time. I hope things work out for you.

[julieg]

i sounds like she is totally not ready to settle down. she sounds like me when i was her age. sadly i took another 5 years for me to realize how great the guy i left was. i suggest that you give her space and date others. julieg

[princess75]

Hi! Wow..just reading this comments ..makes me happy to know true love is out there! Well, yeah..guve her time...and do support her. If you do by chance date other women, dont tell her......or hurt her...

Otherwise..build your friendship! Best thing to do!

Way to go...good luck!

[confusedmyself]

Thanks Guys-

 

 

I appreciate your responses. Yeah, I'm not really ready to settle down just yet either as far as

House and Marriage and Kids go. But I just always felt good that I thought I had Found "The Girl"

for me. She always told me i was "the One" for her. And I tried like hell to make things easy and

never wanted either or us to feel locked down or like we were married just because we live together.

I always encouraged her to follow her dreams and not to feel bad about having "her" time and being

with friends and always asked her to tell me if she ever needed space or time to herself when we were

so In love. I always wanted to be so careful with us, because I love her so much.

 

 

But life goes on. I'll be there for her, But I support her going out on her own. We'll see what happens.

[confusedmyself]

My girl is still fixing to move out, well, She got a place with her friend, Well, they got apporoved for a place....

 

 

 

So She calls me at Lunch when I was at home and she asked if I would do her the favor of

finding our Landlord and asking her if she would write up a letter of recommendation for my girl

saying how she pays rent on time etc. and the only reason she's asking is because she's stuck at

work for til 2PM and she needs the letter by 3 to go and meet the landlady at her new apartment.

 

Isn''t that something SHE should take care of?? But like a dummy, i said sure.

 

I'm an idiot right?