Lap Dancing is not really cheating

[Els]

I have suggested a few things like that, she made it very clear that while it's a turn on for her to think about it, fantasize about it, and maybe do it while pretending I'm a stranger, she has no interest in actually doing it in real life. So that was the end of that.

 

Great, then. I can only hope the OP will be as logical and fair as you.

[Bejita463]

I have suggested a few things like that, she made it very clear that while it's a turn on for her to think about it, fantasize about it, and maybe do it while pretending I'm a stranger, she has no interest in actually doing it in real life. So that was the end of that.

 

Fair enough. Would it not then stand to reason however, that if she is unwilling to give a stranger a lap dance that involves physical contact, that she would not want you having one such performed on you?

[RobM]

Fair enough. Would it not then stand to reason however, that if she is unwilling to give a stranger a lap dance that involves physical contact, that she would not want you having one such performed on you?

 

Yup, it would, she doesn't want me going, and I don't.

[CrissyQ]

I think it depends on the person and if they think it is cheating or not,alot of women will consider it cheating,nothing wrong with that I mean come on who wants to think about some chic grinding on her guys penis as if she is riding him,slapping her vagina in his face and flapping her breast on him.Let me add if all he gets is a lap dance consider yourself lucky some guys get a little extra;)

[jthorne]

Many male friends have told me that their wives were upset when they heard we went to Strip Bars together. One guy confessed to his wife that he had a lap dance and she told him he was unfaithful and was damaging their relationship. I think this is a bit of an exaggeration. Men are confronted by sexual images everyday on billboards selling products. It is natural for men to fantasize about those billboard girls. Lap dancing happens in a fantasy arena. It ends at the door when you leave. An affair is a real relationship and yes that would indeed be cheating. The question is, is lap dancing being unfaithful. I don't believe so.

 

My rule of thumb is... If you can't do it in front of your spouse, it's inappropriate. Not sure I would call it infidelity, but definitely inappropriate.

[SilkRose]

Where or not the wife considers it to be cheating, the fact is a lot of women would feel upset and insecure, as if their boyfriend or husband didn't find them attractive (enough), it could just make the woman feel put down/unattractive and low. The OP mentioned the billboard's that men see all the time with semi-naked women on them, well those board make a lot of women feel terrible about themselves, so to come home and find out that their partner is spending lots of cash to seek out those 'billboard women' for topless/naked lapdances makes a lot of women feel bad about their relationships and themselves.

 

It all depends on the people involved in the relationship. Some women can handle it, some can't so it's all about communication and if the guy wants to be with a woman who can handle it, then they should find that kind of woman.

 

Honesty and communication.

[Silver_star]

Many male friends have told me that their wives were upset when they heard we went to Strip Bars together. One guy confessed to his wife that he had a lap dance and she told him he was unfaithful and was damaging their relationship. I think this is a bit of an exaggeration. Men are confronted by sexual images everyday on billboards selling products. It is natural for men to fantasize about those billboard girls. Lap dancing happens in a fantasy arena. It ends at the door when you leave. An affair is a real relationship and yes that would indeed be cheating. The question is, is lap dancing being unfaithful. I don't believe so.

 

 

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Meaning just because its called a lap dance and its paid for and made out by a society of men and your friends to be "normal" and appropriate doesnt make it any less disrespectful to the woman your seeing. Its not what its called, its what it actually is (an act of paying for another woman to grind her genetalia against your crotch(, and if you were not paying for it would that not be cheating? Its in a way institutionalized cheating

[linwood]

I'm guessing that you think lapdances are good for the marriage ?

 

They were good for mine.

 

I met my wife while she was giving me one.

[Art_Critic]

They were good for mine.

 

I met my wife while she was giving me one.

 

It was good for meeting your wife.. is is still good for your marriage now that you met your now wife ?

 

Do you still get them from strangers now that you are married and how is it good for your marriage today ?

[linwood]

It was good for meeting your wife.. is is still good for your marriage now that you met your now wife ?

 

Been married ten years and don`t know a couple in a happier stronger relationship.

So I guess it`s turning out ok.

 

Do you still get them from strangers now that you are married and how is it good for your marriage today ?

 

Getting a lap dance from a stranger is a rarity for me and when it does happen I`m with my wife.

 

It`s not good for the marriage but it`s not bad for the marriage either.

 

I guess lapdances don`t have much affect on my marraige whatsoever.

 

Go figure.

[Spark1111]

Here is my rule of thumb: If you wouldn't do it, look at it, talk to it, without your SO at you side, well then.....yep, it is a form of infidelity.

 

And if you couldn't envision her doing it, enjoying it, looking at it, flirting with it, talking with it.....well yep, it is still a form of infidelity.

 

Many guys think this stuff is harmless. Well if so, then encourage her to enjoy the same harmless fun with a hot-bodied, half-naked young stud.

 

How you feeling now? Are you feeling a little threatened imagining your sweetie getting sexually aroused by a stranger?

[sally4sara]

They have this service for women in Japan that I think is the equivalent to what guys get out of lapdancing.

 

Young handsome fella shows up dressed all GQ in clothes her SO doesn't have the sense of style to wear, takes the lady out for a night of dinner, drinks, and dancing. Fawns all over her with compliments her SO neglects to give her, spins her on the dance floor the way her SO doesn't do even if he does actually know how to dance at restaurants hers SO never thinks to make a reservation at. They don't say sex is involved, they don't say it doesn't. Maybe he just gives her a nice rub down? And who would her SO be to complain, isn't a lapdance a bit of a rub down?

 

Any guys here willing to let a Mr. Fantasy within 10 feet of their SO?

[pyroguy]

They have this service for women in Japan that I think is the equivalent to what guys get out of lapdancing.

 

 

 

Young handsome fella shows up dressed all GQ in clothes her SO doesn't have the sense of style to wear, takes the lady out for a night of dinner, drinks, and dancing. Fawns all over her with compliments her SO neglects to give her, spins her on the dance floor the way her SO doesn't do even if he does actually know how to dance at restaurants hers SO never thinks to make a reservation at. They don't say sex is involved, they don't say it doesn't. Maybe he just gives her a nice rub down? And who would her SO be to complain, isn't a lapdance a bit of a rub down?

 

Any guys here willing to let a Mr. Fantasy within 10 feet of their SO?

 

 

I wouldn't like it,and I'm probably one of the few men who will admit it. I put my money where my mouth is though. I haven't been to a strip club in years, for this reason. It may not be a good reason, and it's not the only one, but it does enter my mind.

 

I know how it would feel. I would be dissapointed since I still work out and stay in shape-believe it or not, for her as much as myself. I may not look EXACTLY like the male strippers, but, what can I say, I think my wife should consider herself very lucky comapred to the many other 40 something males out there-and I think she knows it.

 

On the other hand, me fawning all over some female stripper could certainly make my wife feel less than-it's understandable. Why make someone you love feel like that?

[madhatter1122]

Cheating is anything that is a betrayal.

Whatever is not acceptable - actual sex, cyber sex,lying, undisclosed spending, spanking the children, drinking and driving - if it has been discussed and agreed to as being a deal breaking act. Going ahead and willfully doing X is cheating.

 

Two people can agree to an open relationship but to always discuss each new partner prior to any kind of intimacy at all. So while the husband has discussed 3 sexual partners and been given a green light to sleep with each, he can kiss one other woman with no discussion of this particular woman and be guilty of cheating but only with that woman and not with the other three.

 

It all boils down to a broken agreement - whatever that agreement may be. If the guy knew lap dancing was not agreed on and got one anyway, he would be a cheat.

 

 

I agree totally with sally4sara. If these things are done openly and in agreement then it's perfectly fine. If not, then no.

[sally4sara]

I wouldn't like it

 

And there is no reason you should have to tolerate it under the premise that it was "just a fantasy" or that it was paid for.

 

Because it would be one partner getting from another person what they should be wanting out of the relationship. The service I posted about is, beyond the fact that it was paid for, a dreamy date. Why would you be okay with your SO going on a date with someone that is not you?

 

And lap dances are physical contact in a sexual manner. The fact that it was paid for doesn't change the act involved.

 

I killed someone, but it was for pay. Still murder.

I stole but because someone paid me to steal. Still theft.

I had a woman rub herself all over my body but it's not cheating because I paid for it? Does not compute.

[Lizzie60]

Many male friends have told me that their wives were upset when they heard we went to Strip Bars together. One guy confessed to his wife that he had a lap dance and she told him he was unfaithful and was damaging their relationship. I think this is a bit of an exaggeration. Men are confronted by sexual images everyday on billboards selling products. It is natural for men to fantasize about those billboard girls. Lap dancing happens in a fantasy arena. It ends at the door when you leave. An affair is a real relationship and yes that would indeed be cheating. The question is, is lap dancing being unfaithful. I don't believe so.

 

It depends on each couple..

 

If he's OK with her going to male strip clubs and getting a private dance.. then I say it's fair...

 

Most men don't think it's cheating..but ask them if it's OK for their wives to do the same.. ha-hem... most will say NO.

[fantasy2000]

I must say the posts to my original thread have given me pause to think. I did not expect some of the reactions. Considering the popularity of Strip Clubs the service they provide is definitely in demand particularly among men. I do have a better understanding of how lap dances can be considered cheating particularly by a lot of women and can cause hurt. I will take a closer look at the impact of going to strip clubs has on my own relationship with my wife. However, women should understand that the male brain is sometimes hard wired towards lusting after beautiful women but it does not make him a bad person. i.e Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton (who is as popular with women as ever). How do you turn that off? I don't know. Men do need to stop and take a close look at the impact their behaviour has on their wife/girlfriend. Will I stop going to strip clubs? I could'nt promise it but I might feel more guilty about it now.

[aerogurl87]

Well it's like this, when you ask the same men who say "a lap dance isn't cheating" if they would mind their girlfriends going out to clubs and grinding, I mean "dancing" up on other guys, they would say yes. They'd call it being slutty, whorish, or whatever. But then having a girl whose payed to sit on their lap and grind on them isn't wrong. Hmm, such the double standard...

 

And Tiger Woods and Bill Clinton both cheated on their wives. Sure they may not be murderers but they have some serious character flaws (especially Tiger Woods). Any person who cheats on their spouse after vowing fidelity for as long as their marriage lasts I don't consider to be a "nice" guy or gal. Quite the opposite, but that's just me.

[donnamaybe]

You've made two threads defending your right to go to strip clubs. So go already! If you lose your woman in the process, oh well.

 

Sheesh!

[phineas]

You've made two threads defending your right to go to strip clubs. So go already! If you lose your woman in the process, oh well.

 

Sheesh!

 

I know.

It's like, you know what she tolerates & what she won't.

Make a decision.

If your desire to do something your woman won't tolerate is so strong she isn't the right woman for you.

[Els]

Why don't you just tell her this is what you want, and she either has to take it or leave it? I'm betting on her leaving unless she herself is of the 'swinger' type and thus doesn't mind, but it's better for both this way.

[Jersey Shortie]

Because if he told her he has the possiblity of not getting his cake and eating it too anymore. He actually would have to be accountable for his adult choices. We can't have that when it invovles strip clubs.

 

 

Well it's like this, when you ask the same men who say "a lap dance isn't cheating" if they would mind their girlfriends going out to clubs and grinding, I mean "dancing" up on other guys, they would say yes. They'd call it being slutty, whorish, or whatever. But then having a girl whose payed to sit on their lap and grind on them isn't wrong. Hmm, such the double standard...

 

Totally a double standard. And I think men and women get turned on by different things. So men saying it's cool if their wife go see a male stripper KNOW it's not the same threat as a man going to see a female stripper.

 

Now ask those men how they would feel if their wife/gf would "once-in-awhile" stripped for other men. Didn't let other men touch her but displayed her body and had a good time. Got so sexually excited from these other men she came home and finished the job with him. They change their tune and say how "wrong it is". But logically speaking, if a man in a reltionshp isn't doing anything wrong watching a girl strip or getting a lap dance, then a girl in a relationship isn't doing anything wrong by strippering or giving a lap dance.

 

And Tiger Woods and Bill Clinton both cheated on their wives.

 

Yes, and you don't hear venom from other men about these two men. i've heard most men make fun of the women Tiger cheated with and even said his wife deserved what she got marrying someone rich.

 

I don't think many men want to be held accountable or responsible for their actions when it comes to sex.

[Woman In Blue]

I think it depends on how open minded she is. What about an actor who does love scenes for a movie? Does his wife not need to be open minded about that?

LOL...that's the BEST you can do to justify the 'innocence' of a lap dance? Comparing ACTING to some guy paying a stripper to grind against his junk for 20 minutes? My God, surely you can do better than that?

 

I'm not horrifically for or against men who are so desperate for female attention that they have to pay someone to pretend to be sexually interested in them by grinding on them for 20 minutes. It's kind of like paying the neighborhood hooker for a handjob, except she uses her ass to do it instead.

 

I just think it's rather pitiful and lame when men have to resort to it just for a cheap thrill.

[fantasy2000]

I was concerned that my friend's w might call my w but they don't know each other so it is not likely. I would prefer to deal with that issue myself.

[fantasy2000]

I was concerned that my friend's w might call my w but they don't know each other so it is not likely. I would prefer to deal with that issue myself.

 

I discussed my visit to the strip bar with my SO and she was hurt and disappointed that I had gone. It was a quiet conversation but she made me promise not to go anymore. I have changed my attitude towards these bars now that my eyes have been opened to what lap dancing really is. It was selfish of me to think that it was innocent fantasy. Thanks for all the feedback in this my last post to the thread.