Author onedayatatyme Posted April 1, 2010 Author Share Posted April 1, 2010 I fervently hope your dynamic is different, but, if I had ever heard something like that from my stbx's family, I would've immediately called BS. Your stbx has a mouth. She can use it and let her actions back it up. She doesn't need a sister to talk for her. That's my .02 Since I don't know what the dynamic was between you and your in-laws I can't speak to that. This particular sister-in-law has been very supportive of me and is disgusted with her sister's behavior going so far at one time to disown her in a widely distributed email. She has since cooled down and backed off of that but she is still very vocal about her disappointment and disapproval of my stbx's behavior. I don't think her email to me was intended to be anything more than support adn to help be be the bigger person by not sinking into bitterness and hatred. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 Gypsies is the best descriptor I can use. I can't ever imagine one 'turning' on the other or 'supporting' an outsider. That doesn't anger me, just is an accurate reflection of my perspective. I wouldn't believe anything supportive offered and would rather see it as some sort of an attempt at manipulation, based on a very complete and detailed past history of such actions. Like I said, your situation may be different. IME, and not exclusive to my marriage, most families stick with their own, even when an 'ex' is right. They don't turn on blood. In any event, SIL's support/perspective is meaningless in a divorce action. The judge won't care. Since that's the topic, I'll leave my prior advice as it stands. Hope things work out Link to post Share on other sites
Author onedayatatyme Posted April 2, 2010 Author Share Posted April 2, 2010 (edited) Since I put myself out there in my text message to my stbx that I would join the family in anything they did for her birthday, I was obliged to go. It did appear that she appreciated me making that gesture and we talked a little bit. She thanked me for taking the girls to shop for her birthday. I had a softball game last night but afterward I met them at a restaurant right when the food was beign served. Her dad, sister, BIL and sisters neighbors were there. As soon as I got there, I regretted being there. But I wasn't going to look like an a-hole by getting up and just leaving so I gritted my teeth, made conversation, gave my kids lots of attention and made the best of it. When we got home and were putting the kids to bed, stbx asks if I mind if she goes back to her sister's house, I inferred to continue celebrating her birthday. I said sure, I didn't mind. So she starts changing to go. While she's in the bathroom, I start texting a drinking buddy of mine. He's my old boss and is divorced. He's been like my own personal LS.org. STBX comes out of the bathroom and says, "Who are you texting at this time of night?" It's 9:45. I tell her. She says, "Why? So he can go check up on me?" Oh, boy... I reply jokingly, "Yes, that's exactly what I'm doing." Then I tell her that I'm only texting him to see if he wants to get a beer tomorrow. Anyway, she immediately changes her plans and doesn't go to her sisters. She stays home. How freakin' obvious is that? If she got busted, why not still leave and just stick to the cover story and go to the sister's house? About 10 minutes later I ask her if it would make her feel better to take a look at the texts. She says no, she doesn't care. Yeah, right. My attitude toward the OM is this: Me and stbx are done. I don't care who, where, when or what she's doing except for two reasons. 1) She's still living in the house and I'm paying the bills. I hate supporting a cake eater. If you want to screw somebody else, get the hell out of the house. 2) Evidence of the continuing affair will give me more leverage in our upcoming custody dispute. Edited April 2, 2010 by onedayatatyme Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 Ouch. ouch ouch.:( You are doing great tho! children first. she isnt. She needs topull her head out of the fog and see the reality of what she is doing. She has some brass neak and must think you were born yesterday! Hugs to you for being a top chap re the bithday gifts from your girls. My ex didnt bother with helping my kids with mothers day cards.............You aint my f'in mother..........pleasant. big hugs Nobby xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author onedayatatyme Posted April 2, 2010 Author Share Posted April 2, 2010 (edited) Regarding future birthdays, mother's days and Christmas. I will always help the girls express their love to their mother. Certainly I'm doing it for the girls and not for their mom. I do, somehow, want our girls to grow up to be well adjusted and have love and respect for both of us. I'm not so petty that I'll try to turn them against her although I certainly see how some people get sucked into that aweful behavior. And I do want to teach them healthy ways to express love to the important people in their lives. Now that this marriage is a complete failure, I have to turn my attention to minimizing the effect on the kids. Edited April 2, 2010 by onedayatatyme Link to post Share on other sites
Author onedayatatyme Posted April 2, 2010 Author Share Posted April 2, 2010 She has some brass neak and must think you were born yesterday! nob, I take it from your use of the word "chap" that you're from the UK. I'm not familiar with the word "neak". What does that mean? My guess is it's similar to saying "brass balls"? Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 your doing good. I wont do the same as Lowly. i will always pay for gifts to Dad. I may have not to but they should be given the chance and not feel in the middle. your a good guy. Try to get custody if you can. nobby xx Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 sorry darling! yes british through and through! brass balls/dim strength/ idiot/ all and more darling. How very dare she?? hahah well I get peed off with the time difference with you darn yankies. Just as it gets interesting i have to go to bed! tally ho and chin chin im off for a Gin! Nobby xx:D Link to post Share on other sites
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