johnnywinner Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 I have been in a long term relationship. We were together 4 years. Now foe 2 we have been long distance. She always wanted marriage. I was planning on getting married. SHE 2 MONTHS AGO WAS ALL EXCITED ABOUT OUR FUTURE LIFE AS A FAMILY. She recently decided that she can not make a decision about our future. She also decided that she does not want children and that she was willing to, in the past, but was doing it for my sake. For years she spoke of family and marriage? She feels that since we have been zaway from each other, is it possible that i changed? She feels that maybe i do not love her the same or am not attracted to her or maybe i will not treat her the same as i used to. I have been extremely loving and caring and called hwer everyday talking for hours. We used to live together. This all started after i told her i did not want her to have her dog come and sleep in bed wsith us when she comes. It is this all about control. She has friends, rhey seemn to influence her thinking. She even said that she likes her life there better. She is happy. Yesterday dshe told me she feels we should no longer be boyfriend and girlfriend. She says because she cant make a decision about us in the future. She wants to come on vacation and then, if she sees me as the same as before we can see .She can not make any ptomises until she spends a lengthy time with me. I feel hurt and disappointed. IS it that she wants to see if i will be a doormat and then it will be ok to marry me. Is she a princess now, and i must be acceptable before she agrees. Where is trust and love? Why is it necessary to be with me a month to decid.e. I have been 100% loving and loyal and this is what i deserve? help? What should i do? respectfully, johnnywinner Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted January 13, 2004 Share Posted January 13, 2004 You need to give her time if that's what she wants. You can't force the issue. If after a while, you feel you are being treated unfairly, talk to her about your concerns openly and don't hang around forever if it seems you want different things. I understand you've been through a hard time and that this is not easy, but if you love her you probably need to give her the time she wants and then decide where to go from there. You don't need to lose your self-respect in the process though. Link to post Share on other sites
johnnywinner Posted January 20, 2004 Share Posted January 20, 2004 i havbe been discussing how i am not in any contact, but she does not either.How long should i wait?It has been 2 weeks since my last call. help. i miss her and really want us to het back together./johnny Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted January 20, 2004 Share Posted January 20, 2004 Why did you stop contact with her? Is she still coming to see you? Were you away from each other for 2 months or 2 years? During the time you two were apart she got a taste of the 'single' life in some aspects. Possibly cold feet as well. Its normal for a woman to do that. Sounds like she's leaving an 'in' just in case with your relationship. But like you said you feel like you are a doormat. Do you really want to feel this way if you two end up together? If one mate feels like that, then the relationship is not going to work out. She moved out because you didn't want her dog laying on the bed with you? If that's the case, that is very unreasonable on her behalf. Sounds like she is spoiled and can't take no for an answer. One thing I learned is during the beginning of any relationship, if one mate treats the other like gold 24/7, then that mate is going to find out that is how its going to be from there on in. A couple should be able to argue about something, and not go off the deep end. Link to post Share on other sites
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