Something I'd thought I'd share in response to another... (member recommended I post)

[kevinm1019]

Well I just experienced the same thing recently and I'm having the same difficulty. We have been together for 13 years and out of nowhere I found out about her affair. For me, I found out within a month of it happening because the signs were starting to show. Destiny was calling because she shattered her knee in a fall and I found out while trying to dial her parents from the emergency room because of all of the previous text messaging she had been doing with her cousin regarding her experiences. The hard part for me is trying to comprehend why it happened. I was a very loving, dedicated, loyal and romantic companion... I took her on dates, etc. At first she denied it but then said she needed to feel desired because she reflected on our past problems and indiscretions. She had challenges putting closure to her previous relationships and felt some sense of weird obligation because she never addressed why those relationships didn't work out. She had a moment where she went on a business trip to the city one ex-boyfriend was in... he showed up at her hotel... they went to her room and she expressed she only shared a kiss but couldn't go through with it. I was very upset and in turn... I was ignored, rejected intimately on most occasions for television or sleep... so when another woman offered herself and intimacy to me after nearly a year of frustration... I accepted it. This was many, many years ago but she said she thought of that moment and got upset. The bottom line is it doesn't matter what happened or by who... it matters that it happened. The part that makes it difficult for me is that we talked about our problems... made peace and decided to move forward with our relationship... or at least I thought so. The truth is... she had never really forgiven me despite her indiscretions. If you share any type of intimacy with another man or woman... whether it is a kiss, hug, hand holding, sex or whatever... it is being unfaithful. All of those things should be shared with your mate. When a person goes outside of his or her relationship... it is a representation of the difference in the goals, dreams and desires you both have.

 

Now the big question... can I forgive her? I don't know. Why? Because I meant what I said when I decided to forgive her and believed we were headed down the path of eternal love. Truth is... her actions were intentional, deliberate and without remorse. People always have remorse once they are discovered and realize the consequences of a moment in time compared to his or her relationship. All I tend to think about is the intimacy she shared with this man she met on the internet and knew for three weeks. Can I see my life without her? No... not really... but the truth is... I won't be able to address this for myself while she is in our home or in my presence. Every time I look at her... it hurts... every time I think of her... it hurts... every time she touches me or tries to explain her mistake... it hurts... the only way it will stop hurting is if I have a moment to absorb this... think about it... and decide what is best for us and our children. I truly believe this is the only way. Many people cannot say they have a long term relationship with one person so if you are willing to try... there may be a chance but never let yourself be so blind with love you don't see the signs or become betrayed again...

[aerogurl87]

This is the way I look at it, once a person cheats on their partner that relationship will never be the same ever again. The person who was cheated on may try to forgive but they will never forget. Listen to When a Woman's Fed Up by R. Kelly, it hits the nail on the head.