Happydays04 Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Hi all, Just a quick overview of my story, I met a guy a year and a half ago. We clicked right away. I got pregnant 3 months into the relationship and he was great. He was really supportive. My parents never liked him and so they were not happy about it. They flipped completely. I lost the baby at 3 months and this hit us both very hard. He also lost his job and we broke up. We got back together shortly after for a short time but we were both still trying to figure out what was happening. Through all of this we said we would be together but we both just needed space and time. Along with the loss of the baby my parents really really do not like him. Not for any particular reason at first the just decided that they did not like how he looked. Anyway at New Years we got back together and everything has been going great. I recently found out that I am pregnant. While it was not planned, and we would prefer to be more prepared we have spoken about it and we are in general pleased with it. We both think that having a baby is one of life’s joys and should be a celebration. He wants me to move in with him again but we are holding off on that for a few month. The problem is that my parents have basically disowned me over this. They were very angry when we got back together and now they wont speak to me. They called me a slut and told me that I was the biggest disappointment ever. They told me that my life was over and how could I be so stupid to let this happen twice. (I really don’t know how this happened again as we were very careful but obviously not careful enough. They really have pretty much disowned me. The big thing is that I am 26 and my boyfriend is 25 so we are old enough to be responsible. I do not know what to do so that they will accept me again. I cannot enjoy being pregnant because of their negative attitude towards it. Does anyone have any advice to offer. Anyone been in a similar situation??? Link to post Share on other sites
bubbles5 Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 See first of all intially ur parents hated the relation for some reason or other they just accepted things for a while when again they came to know abt baby so they got angry bcos their can b possible reason that if anything wrong happens then again u have to go through same trouble.They basically want to prevent u frm ur bf.But still it seems ur family is having quiet inappropriate behaviour with u.Stay away frm ur family until u deliver baby, ya its very special moment 4 u but if u give stress to urself then it will affect ur health.You should have space with ur family once u deliver baby see how they react? Try to explain them ur situation tell them u care for them they r ur family. And prove them that infact ur bf has to prove that he is with u through ugly n good times.Good luck for baby n relax stay away for a while frm family.. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Your familiy's a bunch of idiots. Everyone goes through hard time. they need to be constructive in their critisism. I mean the economy we have these days are not the same as before. people loose jobs they will get laid off. It happens. They need to support you. but alas also you are a grown woman, you make your own decisions. You and your BF need to find high paying jobs that will support both of you. Pool your resources and go from there! it can work. Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Forgive me, but how can you not expect your parents to take this badly? Look at it from your parents' point of view. You are two young people in an unstable, on-again, off-again relationship. Neither you nor your boyfriend seem to know the meaning of the words "birth control." You just have sex, take you chances, let what happens, happen. You may not be kids, but you are certainly childish and immature and irresponsible. Your parents SHOULD be upset. Frankly, I bet they're scared to death, both for you and for the children they see being born into this mess. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 My ex H and I were faced with a similar situation (only we barely knew each other when I got pregnant), and let me tell you - as soon as that baby was born, it was as if each set of parents melted into 'new grandparent' goo. Right up until that point, it was horrible - his mother was cold and mean, and my parents had basically disowned me already. I got the 'slut' thing too, and a whole lot worse. I was washed up in my then career, and he was a college dropout. I wrote my father a letter saying that I didn't give a f*ck if he ever spoke to me again, but not to punish and be indifferent to an innocent grandchild. I did not speak to him or see him again until I was in labor and coming out of a demerol stupor. I woke up with him holding my hand. The baby is what changed everything for the best. We both found a new purpose to succeed, got our sh*t together, the relationships with our parents healed, and here we are fourteen years later, with this awesome kid doing better than we probably would have on our own. Granted, our marriage did not last, but we are still a close knit bunch. Honestly, it was terrifying and I never felt more alone until that baby was born but I would not change a thing. Not all stories like yours are destined for failure, and not all are destined for success - sometimes it falls somewhere on a continuum and for the most part having that kid in your life is the thing that keeps you going regardless. You can make it if you are determined. Stand up to your parents if you have to. You are the parent now, and if they don't want to participate - then guess what? Their loss, though I imagine once the pregnancy turns into a grandchild you'll see a different set of people in your parents than the ones you see now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Happydays04 Posted March 24, 2010 Author Share Posted March 24, 2010 Forgive me, but how can you not expect your parents to take this badly? Look at it from your parents' point of view. You are two young people in an unstable, on-again, off-again relationship. Neither you nor your boyfriend seem to know the meaning of the words "birth control." You just have sex, take you chances, let what happens, happen. You may not be kids, but you are certainly childish and immature and irresponsible. Your parents SHOULD be upset. Frankly, I bet they're scared to death, both for you and for the children they see being born into this mess. Well Thank you for your reply and each person has their own opinion. The only problem I have with this is that you have made some assumptions about us that really are not true and I am going to explain why below. I should have given more info in my original post but I did not see the need at the time. Firstly we had been using birth control. The first time I got pregnant I had been on the pill but I had been ill for a few weeks and it had not worked. It took longer to take effect again after the anitbiotics than I had thought. The second time round I had to come off it for a medical reason. We had been using protection but it obviously failed. We did not jump into this without taking precautions. Sometimes these things happen. I have never knowingly had unprotected sex, there has always been some method of birth control even if ineffective. I would like to ask you why you feel we are childish, immature and irresponsible? Do you not think that by stepping up and planning to give this child the best life we can that that is the most responsible thing? I work in a good full time job. I do not live with my parents I have been independant for the past 7 to 8 years. I do not see my life as a mess and I do not think that anything in my original post made it look that way. I agree that the on off relationship is not ideal but I live a good life. I have a good education, job, friends etc. I am not at all worried about the life my child will have. I will provide for it and I know that it will have a stable and happy upbringing. Again I thank you for your opinion but I think you have made quite a few assumptions and I just wanted to clear things up a bit. Thanks!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
AirForceWifey Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Congratulations on your pregnancy. I am sorry you are going through stress because of your parents disapproval. I was in a slightly similar situation the difference being I was 16 and could completely understand my family being upset. But you are a grown woman and even though it sucks you are going to have to just distance yourself from their negative energy and take care of YOU. Since you have lost a baby before it would be best to stay away from them if they are just going to cause you hurt and stress because that can harm your baby. All you can do is let them know how you feel. They can either be supportive or stay out of your life. Good luck and I hope they come around. Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Well Thank you for your reply and each person has their own opinion. The only problem I have with this is that you have made some assumptions about us that really are not true and I am going to explain why below. I should have given more info in my original post but I did not see the need at the time. Firstly we had been using birth control. The first time I got pregnant I had been on the pill but I had been ill for a few weeks and it had not worked. It took longer to take effect again after the anitbiotics than I had thought. The second time round I had to come off it for a medical reason. We had been using protection but it obviously failed. We did not jump into this without taking precautions. Sometimes these things happen. I have never knowingly had unprotected sex, there has always been some method of birth control even if ineffective. I would like to ask you why you feel we are childish, immature and irresponsible? Do you not think that by stepping up and planning to give this child the best life we can that that is the most responsible thing? I work in a good full time job. I do not live with my parents I have been independant for the past 7 to 8 years. I do not see my life as a mess and I do not think that anything in my original post made it look that way. I agree that the on off relationship is not ideal but I live a good life. I have a good education, job, friends etc. I am not at all worried about the life my child will have. I will provide for it and I know that it will have a stable and happy upbringing. Again I thank you for your opinion but I think you have made quite a few assumptions and I just wanted to clear things up a bit. Thanks!!!! I didn't make any unwarranted assumptions. You just left out a lot of critical information, which resulted in your painting a very different picture of yourself than you are now. That said, if you had to come off the pill for medical reason, you could have still used condoms. So no, you didn't consistently use birth control. But look, why do you care what your parents think? If you're old enough to be in this relationships, get pregnant, ect, you are old enough to live your life the way you want without your parents' approval. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Happydays04 Posted March 25, 2010 Author Share Posted March 25, 2010 "That said, if you had to come off the pill for medical reason, you could have still used condoms. So no, you didn't consistently use birth control." We were using condoms hence why I said "We had been using protection but it obviously failed." "But look, why do you care what your parents think? If you're old enough to be in this relationships, get pregnant, ect, you are old enough to live your life the way you want without your parents' approval." Yes I agree with you here. Just would be nice to have acceptance if not approval. Thanks again to everyone. I really appreciate the feedback Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted April 12, 2010 Share Posted April 12, 2010 I gotta agree with your parents. You were dating a guy for 3 months and got pregnant. Did you think they would be happy about this? Also, I am sure that there are other reasons they don't like him. Is he educated, has a real job, life experience, and so on? I don't agree with calling you names but if you are in a unstable relationship and just got pregnant what do you think is gonna happen? Do you really think that this relationship will have a fairytale ending? Link to post Share on other sites
Dooda Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 You're 25 years old, not some 16 year old immature, irresponsible child. Take what your parents say and move on with it. I don't mean take it as in take in their 'advice', I mean just take it at stride. Whatever, who cares. Calling you a 'slut', and saying your life is over is no way to deal with it, and no way to talk to anyone. They have a lot of immaturity that THEY need to come over before being able to deal with you having a baby. Perhaps they had similar troubles when they were your age, and that's why they're acting in this way? Parents are often most protective about the things they fear the most, I've learned that my own way, through having abusive parents. My parents grew up poor, worked hard to get their degrees, and now maintain a highly-regarded social status. They push me hard to be exactly like them, pressure me, and pressure me, but it doesn't amount to nothing, because all it creates is anger, hate and a growing feeling that I DON'T want to be like them. If you can't talk to them, take your space, and remember that they will have to be there to support you. Otherwise, it's THEIR loss. I hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 If the two of you are committing to this relationship and to being a family ...and certainly you are adults...then why wait? As soon as you both demonstrate that you are adults capable of taking care of yourselves as well as your baby...your parents will accept reality. But until you do that, of course they will have major misgivings. You are an adult. You possibly made a mistake but yes the baby is now cause for celebration. Link to post Share on other sites
Deeblondie82 Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 yes you are an adult and for your parents to Disown you just because you got back with the guy and had another baby is wrong. I get that they are concerned like most parents are but calling you a "slut" and talking crap to you is horrible. I mean parents are always wanting the best and when they see you dating a guy who they think isnt right for you they flip out. I mean I get that but to disown you for making a "adult" choice in your life is really stupid. I mean everyone makes mistakes and since u got prego they need to see that its not a mistake that its a blessing and they will be grandparents. Hopefully they will come along, give it time and just live your life... and enjoy this new life! Link to post Share on other sites
Joe Normal Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 I didn't make any unwarranted assumptions. You just left out a lot of critical information, which resulted in your painting a very different picture of yourself than you are now. That said, if you had to come off the pill for medical reason, you could have still used condoms. So no, you didn't consistently use birth control. But look, why do you care what your parents think? If you're old enough to be in this relationships, get pregnant, ect, you are old enough to live your life the way you want without your parents' approval. You didn't read her post properly, and are mistaken. Why can't you admit you were wrong, rude, and apologize? Grow up. Link to post Share on other sites
SimoneAri Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 This is ridiculous. I have been in a similar situation. You are a grown woman and having a baby is a time to be happy, not to think about your parent's hating you. Pregnancy is hard enough, especially since you have had a miscarriage, which I am very sorry about. You would think your parents could push their opinions aside and support their own child and growing grandchild. Some parent's, I know mine being some, are really superficial to the not being married aspect. I have two children with my husband, both born before we were married, and my mother was extremely against it. However, it is not like you are a 15 year old, neither was I. As many have said with their posts, when the baby is born hopefully your parents will see their errors. If not for you, but for your baby. If not, you are a strong woman and you will be just fine by yourself or with the help of your baby's father, as well. GOOD LUCK! You will be a great mommy Link to post Share on other sites
SimoneAri Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 "Is he educated, has a real job, life experience, and so on? I don't agree with calling you names but if you are in a unstable relationship and just got pregnant what do you think is gonna happen? Do you really think that this relationship will have a fairytale ending?" -lkjh What does education, real job and life experience have to do with it? Isn't being a parent a life experience? What does college or real job, which I thought every job was a real job, have to do with it either? I understand it takes money to raise a baby, trust me, I have two, but it seems as if this young woman is pretty established on her own, to begin with. And the fairytale ending may just be having a healthy child and watching the baby grow. It is ideal to have a mother and father raise a child, yet it does not always happen that way, whether you have a child after being married for 3 years or if you have a child after dating each other for 3 months. That is life, and it involves some risks. Not trying to start an argument, just commenting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Happydays04 Posted April 21, 2010 Author Share Posted April 21, 2010 Thank you to everyone who has replied to my post. It is really great to get so many encouraging words and I am really grateful to you all. Had a scan last week and all looks good so fingers crossed !!!! Thank you again to everyone for taking the time to post Link to post Share on other sites
Frontliner Posted April 30, 2010 Share Posted April 30, 2010 Be careful. They killed your baby before, and they might do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
Peaceful Guy Posted April 30, 2010 Share Posted April 30, 2010 This is ridiculous. I have been in a similar situation. You are a grown woman and having a baby is a time to be happy, not to think about your parent's hating you. Pregnancy is hard enough, especially since you have had a miscarriage, which I am very sorry about. You would think your parents could push their opinions aside and support their own child and growing grandchild. Some parent's, I know mine being some, are really superficial to the not being married aspect. I have two children with my husband, both born before we were married, and my mother was extremely against it. However, it is not like you are a 15 year old, neither was I. As many have said with their posts, when the baby is born hopefully your parents will see their errors. If not for you, but for your baby. If not, you are a strong woman and you will be just fine by yourself or with the help of your baby's father, as well. GOOD LUCK! You will be a great mommy yeah, im with this one! im happy for you and i hope everything goes well! :) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Happydays04 Posted May 12, 2010 Author Share Posted May 12, 2010 Hey everyone, Thanks again for all the advice and opinions. I hope they will come round because I want them in the baby's life. If they don't then I am sure we will be fine anyway. Thanks again to everyone Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 Your parent's reaction is over the top, but you do seem to fail at the BC thing. It doesn't do much to instill a sense of being responsible. It was not your intention to get pregnant yet, because you both realize now is not a good time. I can see them being worried. I can see them being even upset. But to call your own daughter a slut and not at want to happily know this child as their grandkid? That is raw and awful. You may not have planned it, but you won't be the first person to have an unplanned kid and your age is not an uncommon age for a woman to become a mother. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 Be careful. They killed your baby before, and they might do it again. Did I miss something? I didn't see anything that indicated her parents killed the first kid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Happydays04 Posted May 12, 2010 Author Share Posted May 12, 2010 Did I miss something? I didn't see anything that indicated her parents killed the first kid. No I think someone was referring to their reaction when I told them of the first pregnancy which caused much stress and worry for me which would not have been beneficial to the baby at that time. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytie TV Posted May 25, 2010 Share Posted May 25, 2010 I personally feel like there's way more to the story and we have received the condensed, "positive light" version. At any rate, congrats on the little bug! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Happydays04 Posted May 25, 2010 Author Share Posted May 25, 2010 I personally feel like there's way more to the story and we have received the condensed, "positive light" version. I'm not quite sure what you mean by this. I don't think I've left anything out really. Anyway my mom has started to come round. They are now saying that they are not happy with it and they are disappointed in me but its my life and they can't do anything about it. Might not seem like she coming around much but she talking anyway so thats a big plus!!!!! Thanks for your reply. Link to post Share on other sites
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