Family are against my pregnancy...

[LucreziaBorgia]

I'm telling you, when they get ahold of that 'grandbaby' you'll hear them singing a different tune. I had all kinds of 'disappointed' folks in the family and since my girl came around, no one has had anything to say but very positive things all these years since.

[Heathy]

I just don't understand why they are so upset about this. Is there any reason for them to hate this guy? Were you really upset when things broke off the first go around? Maybe they just don't want you hurt again. Is there something about this guy that you're not telling us? Is your family religious? Are they upset that you didn't get married before getting pregnant?

 

I just can't believe they would be so negative for no reason. They should be happy they are getting a grandchild. A cute little baby that they can play with and give back to mommy when it needs a diaper change. What's the big deal? But like many others have said, once the baby is born they'll have a completely different outlook. I've seen my boyfriend's parents completely change there opinion of his jobless pregnant sister as soon as she became a mom. Even though they are completely supporting her and paying for her to have her own house with her jobless boyfriend....

[turnera]

They really have pretty much disowned me. The big thing is that I am 26 and my boyfriend is 25 so we are old enough to be responsible.

I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you: You date a guy and obviously have sex with him within the first 3 months and do NOT use adequate birth control. When you know you're not being consistent with your birth control...you stop having sex until it is consistent again; at least that's how it was taught to people back in the stone ages - you control yourself until you're safer.

 

Then you're in a relationship, you're out, you're in, and then you're pregnant again. Again, without adequate birth control because you had issues, and just relied on condoms.

 

And you never mentioned if he ever got another job. And you never really got into why they disliked him in the first place, except for how he looks. If you're as old as you are, I can bet a lot that there is more to why they don't like him than just how he looks. Once your child is your age, you'll understand - we look for more than just how they look. I'd be willing to be there's more to his personality than you are willing to look at, because you are...in love. Or...not. Actually, you were just dating...and the kids happened without you even wanting them.

 

If I were your parent, I'd be questioning the responsibility, too. JMHO

 

But, it is what it is. All you can do is try to show them that you can be a responsible parent and wait for them to come around.

Edited May 26, 2010 by turnera

[Happydays04]

I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you: You date a guy and obviously have sex with him within the first 3 months and do NOT use adequate birth control. When you know you're not being consistent with your birth control...you stop having sex until it is consistent again; at least that's how it was taught to people back in the stone ages - you control yourself until you're safer.

 

Then you're in a relationship, you're out, you're in, and then you're pregnant again. Again, without adequate birth control because you had issues, and just relied on condoms.

 

And you never mentioned if he ever got another job. And you never really got into why they disliked him in the first place, except for how he looks. If you're as old as you are, I can bet a lot that there is more to why they don't like him than just how he looks. Once your child is your age, you'll understand - we look for more than just how they look. I'd be willing to be there's more to his personality than you are willing to look at, because you are...in love. Or...not. Actually, you were just dating...and the kids happened without you even wanting them.

 

If I were your parent, I'd be questioning the responsibility, too. JMHO

 

But, it is what it is. All you can do is try to show them that you can be a responsible parent and wait for them to come around.

 

Hi turnera,

 

Thank you for your response but I feel I have to point out a few things here. Firstly Condoms are an adequeate form of birth control. I could no longer take the pill and so we had to use condoms. I think it was more responsible than not taking any precautions.

Secondly I was upset after we broke up but they hated him from the moment they saw him. They never gave him a chance. They are not overly religious but they are very judgmental on the way people look.

He is trying to get a job. Small town and there are no opportunities. Closest large town is quite a while away and there are no trains. He is doing interviews all the time and has had a few part time things but nothing permanent. Half the town are out of work but there is no point in leaving when I have a good job. Perhaps you do look for more than how the person looks but unfortunately not everyone is like you. I have no reason to come on this forum and make up things as to why my parents do not like him. I came on with the facts and while it may seem difficult to believe that people can be so fickle, unfortunately it is the case.

 

"Actually, you were just dating...and the kids happened without you even wanting them."

Never in this forum or at any point during either of my pregnancies have I said that I did not want my child. I see it as a gift and so does he. While it was unexpected the pregnancy is in no way unwanted. I am so happy about the life growing inside of me. I respect life and I am excited and looking forward to this next part of my life. This post was never a question of my dedication towards my pregnancy but more of the utter shame of my parents and at 26, going on 27 I find it a little harsh.

 

Again I think you for your reply and I hope the above fills in some of the blanks in my post for you.

[turnera]

I never questioned your dedication to your babies. I said that you weren't wanting to be pregnant. There's a big difference.

 

What your parents are seeing, from their side, is a lack of planning and a laissez faire attitude about what, in their day, was carefully planned out. It scares them. It scares them that you don't date longer than 3 months before getting pregnant, so you truly know a person. It scares them that you have such a tumultuous relationship with this guy, whom they never liked, and yet you get pregnant again!

 

They are used to people dating, getting engaged, planning a wedding, being careful so there IS no pregnancy before the wedding. THEN starting a family. I realize that's not what your generation believes in any more, but it's what your parents believe in. And your actions trample all over the hopes and dreams they had for their baby daughter.

 

I'm not trying to say you're wrong; you're an adult and can do anything you like. But you came here asking about your parents. I'm trying to tell you why YOUR actions have created this response in them that you don't like. If you tried to put yourself in their shoes, you'd be able to find a middle ground and they'll open up a little more.

[Happydays04]

Yes I understand what you mean about things being different in their day. I do have an older sister who got pregnant at the age of 21. She had been with her now husband for a little over a year and they really liked him. They were very supportive of her from the beginning so i guess it all comes down to the fact that they dislike my partner and I suppose they assumed I should have learned from her. I had expected them to be similarly supportive of me considering I was very pleased about it. I do understand your point of view and I do thank you for sharing it with me. I guess I just have to hope that they come round.

[cira09]

I didn't read all of the posts, but you are a grown women and you're parents are making a bad decision. They may not like your choice of men (for what ever reason) but it is your life and for you to decide. They will regret disowning you and hopefully when they do, you are able to forgive them. My parents have never liked any of my boyfriends (and for very good reason: Love is blind and they could see what I couldn't) but they NEVER disowned me. They gave me their opinion and allowed me to make my own mistake and learn from it. This is what life is all about.

Hopefully you and this guy can make your relationship work and you can have a happy life together. But having a baby is stressful on a relationship so be ready to be open and to be able to communicate with one another.

If your parents don't smarten up, they will miss out on being grandparents to your beautiful child. In the end, it is their loss; not yours!