Intense feeling of disgust

[annxxdisaster]

Yes! Exactly! And it goes so much further than just anger, i'm not sure there is a word to describe the emotion. But it's intense!

 

 

“Contempt is the sulfuric acid of love.”

 

 

Maybe that's it?

[EricaH329]

Wow that's creepy. As you guys already know my ex dumped me on my birthday. That morning we woke up and did the nookie. He didn't even bother to say happy birthday to me. Back story he completely ignored my birthday the previous year and I was so upset he actually freaked out and went out and bought me a bunch of presents that night and even cried saying he didn’t realize that it was important to me, even though for two weeks I was jumping up and down going “it’s my birthday soon woo hoo”. Needless to say he knew if he ruined yet another birthday for me it was over, so when I didn't even get a happy b-day I knew something was up. He spent the whole day in front of the TV hardly talking to me. I finally said “so what's up with ignoring my birthday again?” Do you know what his response to me was? I quote "What the hell do you want? I let you touch my d.ck". Three hours later I was told he no longer loves me and I need to move out. Repulsive, heartless human being.

 

What a horrible thing to say!!! What a horrible person!!! That's absolutely absurd that he would act that way! I am so sorry you had to deal with such a low-life!!

 

I find it amusing that my ex never brought up the fact that my birthday is coming up, until him and I broke up. He has sent me a few IMs referring to my birthday, and I think it's funny how now all of a sudden it matters. We dated losers, plain and simple.

 

breaking up is so much easier if you're really disgusted by the other person in the end, because you know you're 100% right.

So much more difficult to end it on good terms.

 

Yes, exactly! I'm having a much easier time dealing with everything now that I have these feelings.

 

“Contempt is the sulfuric acid of love.”

 

 

Maybe that's it?

 

YES! That's it! Contempt!

[sedgwick]

That's priceless! Doesn't it make your skin crawl at the thought that you've actually allowed this person to touch you in ways that would have never been allowed, had you known what kind of person he really was?

 

Oh GOD yes! If I had known what kind of person he really was I'd have had myself STD tested just from laying eyes on him.

[EricaH329]

Oh GOD yes! If I had known what kind of person he really was I'd have had myself STD tested just from laying eyes on him.

 

It makes me wonder why these guys are the way that they are. Is it out of stupidity? Lack of respect for anyone involved in their lives? Mommy issues? Mental issues?

 

Makes me wonder how many more of those kinds of guys are going to be able to fool me. The thought is frightening.

[sedgwick]

It makes me wonder why these guys are the way that they are. Is it out of stupidity? Lack of respect for anyone involved in their lives? Mommy issues? Mental issues?

 

Makes me wonder how many more of those kinds of guys are going to be able to fool me. The thought is frightening.

 

I'd say with mine it was most certainly lack of respect. What sucks is that so often these guys are good-looking and charming as hell when you first meet them.

 

The reason mine gave for breaking up was that we were long-distance -- thank GOD he's across the country so I never have to run into him, because I'd barf if I saw him! What this really meant, of course, was, "I have a girlfriend at home and other girls I'm f*cking on the side." This guy is also a writer, and I am not kidding when I say he dedicated his first book to his penis. He thought he such a badass and god's gift to literature -- his business cards actually said "American Literary Menace" -- and in fact his book TANKED. Maybe it was because so many people had to get themselves STD tested just from picking it up.

[sedgwick]

It makes me wonder why these guys are the way that they are. Is it out of stupidity? Lack of respect for anyone involved in their lives? Mommy issues? Mental issues?

 

Makes me wonder how many more of those kinds of guys are going to be able to fool me. The thought is frightening.

 

I'd say with mine it was most certainly lack of respect. What sucks is that so often these guys are good-looking and charming as hell when you first meet them. I told my therapist about him and she said, "I'm not one to diagnose people I've never met, but everything you're describing is classic sociopath."

 

The reason he gave for breaking up was that we were long-distance -- thank GOD he's across the country so I never have to run into him, because I'd barf if I saw him! What this really meant, of course, was, "I have a girlfriend at home and other girls I'm f*cking on the side." This guy is also a writer, and I am not kidding when I say he dedicated his first book to his penis. He thought he such a badass and god's gift to literature -- his business cards actually said "American Literary Menace" -- and in fact his book TANKED. Maybe it was because so many people had to get themselves STD tested just from picking it up.

[EricaH329]

I'd say with mine it was most certainly lack of respect. What sucks is that so often these guys are good-looking and charming as hell when you first meet them. I told my therapist about him and she said, "I'm not one to diagnose people I've never met, but everything you're describing is classic sociopath."

 

Oh god yes! They are incredibly charming, and seem perfectly normal! It wasn't until a year and a half later did I truly learn how he was. And with my ex, it's a combination of everything I listed.

 

I just looked up the definition of sociopath to get a better understanding of what it means, and it sounds like my ex also! Isn't that such a scary thought?

 

The reason he gave for breaking up was that we were long-distance -- thank GOD he's across the country so I never have to run into him, because I'd barf if I saw him! What this really meant, of course, was, "I have a girlfriend at home and other girls I'm f*cking on the side." This guy is also a writer, and I am not kidding when I say he dedicated his first book to his penis. He thought he such a badass and god's gift to literature -- his business cards actually said "American Literary Menace" -- and in fact his book TANKED. Maybe it was because so many people had to get themselves STD tested just from picking it up.

 

Wow, we have a ton in common! Mine is also long distance, in another country as a matter of fact. And I couldn't be more grateful for that! The thought of him being in another country, another time zone, and a whole ocean away from me makes me happy. Sometimes I still feel like it's not far enough though.

 

He dedicated his first book to his penis? This guy sounds like a winner!! I wonder why you guys ever broke up...

[Beeotch]

This is the first time this has ever happened to me with my most current ex. I broke up with him a week and a half ago because of his degrading, selfish ways.

 

Anytime I think about him, I get this intense feeling of disgust and hatred. It's so hard for me to remember the good times anymore. I'm so incredibly angry with him, and it seems as though this feeling will never go away.

 

I don't miss him, don't want him back, don't even know why I stuck around as long as I did.

 

Ugh

 

Is this normal?

 

I guess that is better or more conducive to moving on than if you did miss this person or had these lofty ideas about them....

 

Depending on what he did, it might be normal....OR this could just be the beginning of a rollercoaster of emotions. One day you miss them, the next you're angry, the next sad, the next disgusted etc...so with time you'll figure out which it is.

[EricaH329]

Great, i'm crying. Why? Because his mother decided to post a comment on my FB page, basically saying how she wishes me a happy early birthday, telling me how their family is doing, and then posted a pic of my ex and told me to print it out and hang it up on my wall.

 

I don't think she knows that we are not together. Even though its been 2 weeks.

 

I saw the picture, and immediatly started crying.

 

Why can't he be the person that he was when I first met him? Why does he have to be such an @$$hole now???

 

I will not let this get to me. I will allow this to run its course, then pick myself back up again.

 

This is not fair!!!!!!!!

[EricaH329]

Ok, i'm over it. That was quick! Usually I stew over this for much longer. It only took 10 minutes!

 

:bunny:

[skydiveaddict]

I wish I was as tough as you

[EricaH329]

I wish I was as tough as you

 

I don't know what it is. I'll get upset for a few minutes, then i'll be over it. I don't know why, or how this happens. But i'm very grateful for whatever it is. This is not something I do knowingly, it just sort of... happens. It's like there is only so far I can go emotionally with him, before it just stops.

 

I'm not complaining!

[skydiveaddict]

I know what it is. you are are a well balanced, healthy person. I'm jealous

[EricaH329]

I know what it is. you are are a well balanced, healthy person. I'm jealous

 

I truly appreciate that, but i'm not sure if a well-balanced, healthy person would even get upset over that sort of thing. Especially for only a few minutes at a time, when this person has done nothing but been completely destructive.

[skydiveaddict]

I truly appreciate that, but i'm not sure if a well-balanced, healthy person would even get upset over that sort of thing. Especially for only a few minutes at a time, when this person has done nothing but been completely destructive.

 

 

You're not giving yourself any credit Erica

[nobmagnet]

hi,

 

Ahh how well you have summed up Lowly Worm. Sucked us in, payed lip service, smarmed, ect.

 

Took till he left for me to realise he is a narsassist. Has no empathy, doesnt beleive he can do wrong, doesnt understand it if somebody dissagrees,.......the list of unpleasant qualities is endless. They screw with your head and they are sooooooooooo needy. Decieptful lowlife.

 

I am 7 months on now. I cant tell you how happy I am because you wouldnt beleive me. He will continue to go through life doing the same old same old and will never forge a meaningful relationship as it is with any other sociapath/narsassist/physicopath.

 

Take heart in the fact you were not a fool..........you were fooled. Big difference. Rest assured my love when you meet a true empathetic caring chap it will be like a breath of fresh air.

 

 

we are survivours.

 

Nobby xx

[EricaH329]

You're not giving yourself any credit Erica

 

Thanks, I am trying. I do know i've come a very long way from where I was after the first time him and I broke up. It just gets very aggrevating sometimes, like I should have cut this off a long time ago.

 

hi,

 

Ahh how well you have summed up Lowly Worm. Sucked us in, payed lip service, smarmed, ect.

 

Took till he left for me to realise he is a narsassist. Has no empathy, doesnt beleive he can do wrong, doesnt understand it if somebody dissagrees,.......the list of unpleasant qualities is endless. They screw with your head and they are sooooooooooo needy. Decieptful lowlife.

 

I am 7 months on now. I cant tell you how happy I am because you wouldnt beleive me. He will continue to go through life doing the same old same old and will never forge a meaningful relationship as it is with any other sociapath/narsassist/physicopath.

 

Take heart in the fact you were not a fool..........you were fooled. Big difference. Rest assured my love when you meet a true empathetic caring chap it will be like a breath of fresh air.

 

 

we are survivours.

 

Nobby xx

 

Wow, that's a really nice thing to say! Thank you! And it really puts things into perspective. I was sitting here thinking I was the biggest idiot alive for having dealt with the crap he gave me, but that one line really makes me believe that I am not the idiot, he is (even though I knew he was from the beginning). Thanks!

[EricaH329]

I need advice about what to say to his mother. This is the deal: she left a comment on my FB page, oblivious to the fact that my ex and I broke up (like I posted earlier). Now, I don't know if she is trying to be vindictive or not (which she has a tendancy to do), because my FB page has clearly stated that i'm single for the past 2 weeks now. Even though my ex's FB page still states that he is in a relationship.

 

I want to send her a message to let her know that him and I aren't together anymore, but in a nice way to sort of let her know that she can't post his pictures on my FB page anymore. Any ideas on what to say?

 

Oh -- btw, in her comment she added that my ex's neices' birthday is tomorrow and to let my ex know that he needs to call between a certain time to get ahold of her. My ex doesn't have his mom on his FB page, because they don't talk. So i'm usually the in-between person as far as his mother goes.

 

I sent my ex a message, with only what his mother told me to tell him. The times, etc. No other message was added. I figured he would get the point that i'm only doing this for his neices' sake.

 

He responded with the following: "Thanks. Happy birthday. By the way, be safe. And please don't send me any messages from my mother, i'm done with her."

 

To which I responded: "Thanks. And I figured you'd like to talk to your neice on her birthday, so I thought I would forward the message. My bad." And left it at that. I can truly see that some things just do not change. It feels as though we have gone through a terrible divorce and are mustering up all the courage we can to be civil with eachother.

 

But i'd really like to know how I can cut the ties with his mother. I would like to hear about his neice and nephew from time to time, because I care a great deal about them. But as far as his mother talking to me about my ex, I don't want any part of it. Any suggestions?

[USMCHokie]

I need advice about what to say to his mother.

 

But as far as his mother talking to me about my ex, I don't want any part of it. Any suggestions?

 

 

Be direct, but courteous. Thank her for the well wishes, but let her know that you and him aren't together anymore. It's pretty obvious that she won't hear it from him, so she definitely deserves to hear it from someone...she seems to think highly of this kid...for whatever reason...

 

Let her know that it would be best if she stopped contacting you...notice how her message to you forced you to have to contact the ex...and she will continue to do this as long as she's kept in the dark...and I'm not saying that you should burn this bridge, but just block it off...it doesn't seem necessary to maintain any sort of relationship with her...I'm sure her feelings will be hurt, but she'll understand...unless she's crazy...and in that case, oh well...

 

But as far as the niece and nephew, if you don't currently have ties to them without going through ex's mother, then it might be something you have to deal with losing...as we often say on LS, you can't have your cake and eat it too...I'd try to establish some form of communication outside of the mother...because to be honest, it's incredibly selfish to tell ex's mother that you don't want to hear from her again, but you want to be able to ask her about the niece and nephew...that's just not cool...sorry......

Edited March 27, 2010 by USMCHokie

[thepulse27]

I agree with USMC, I think this is one of those horrible times when being honest is quite uncomfortable but necessary. I would explain that you broke up, and don't talk at the moment. Your reasons for not wanting her to contact you are perfectly alright, but might not be taken in the right way, so if you want to make things slightly easier on yourself I would say that just don't want any reminders of him for a while.

 

Regarding his niece and nephew, I think you'll have to let this go, at least for now. I'm really sorry, I know losing a lot of my exes family was really tough for me, I miss hearing from her little brother, and how her aunts and little cousins are doing.

[EricaH329]

Be direct, but courteous. Thank her for the well wishes, but let her know that you and him aren't together anymore. It's pretty obvious that she won't hear it from him, so she definitely deserves to hear it from someone...she seems to think highly of this kid...for whatever reason...

 

Ah ha, the fact that she thinks highly of him is a whole other story. But i'm trying to figure out exactly how to word it. Maybe something like, 'Thank you for the well wishes! I appreciate it. I just thought i'd let you know that (ex's name) and I aren't together anymore. I wasn't sure if you were aware of this or not. But I did forward the message you asked me to. Let (ex's neices' name) know that I wish her a Happy Birthday and give her a big hug for me! Thanks!'

 

That way, it's sort of letting her know that any other messages won't be forwarded, but I do still care about the family.

 

I'm sure her feelings will be hurt, but she'll understand...unless she's crazy...and in that case, oh well...

 

My ex learns from the best...

 

But as far as the niece and nephew, if you don't currently have ties to them without going through ex's mother, then it might be something you have to deal with losing...as we often say on LS, you can't have your cake and eat it too...I'd try to establish some form of communication outside of the mother...because to be honest, it's incredibly selfish to tell ex's mother that you don't want to hear from her again, but you want to be able to ask her about the niece and nephew...that's just not cool...sorry......

 

The only other way that i'd be able to find things out about the neice and nephew would be through my ex's sister... who doesn't like me very much.

 

I think I might just send my ex's mother a message every month or so asking how they are. She is very good at not putting in any information i'd rather not hear about, when she knows that I don't want to hear about it. I do care for her, and how she is doing though. I lived with her for awhile, so it'd be nice to know that they are doing alright.

[EricaH329]

I agree with USMC, I think this is one of those horrible times when being honest is quite uncomfortable but necessary. I would explain that you broke up, and don't talk at the moment. Your reasons for not wanting her to contact you are perfectly alright, but might not be taken in the right way, so if you want to make things slightly easier on yourself I would say that just don't want any reminders of him for a while.

 

Regarding his niece and nephew, I think you'll have to let this go, at least for now. I'm really sorry, I know losing a lot of my exes family was really tough for me, I miss hearing from her little brother, and how her aunts and little cousins are doing.

 

The thing is, it really doesn't bother me when she talks about him. It did last night, for about 10 minutes, but I think the fact that I was a little intoxicated had a huge part in that.

 

There is a massive emotional block when it comes to him. Sort of like... he is just another person. There are no feelings, that i'm aware of, besides anger and hatred towards him.

 

It's just very, very awkward when she posts things like that on my FB page, when everyone knows that i'm not with him anymore. It's like... she's the only one who doesn't know, and it's a little shocking for my friends to see that posted on my FB page. The big elephant in the room has come into view, and now I have to address the situation.

[GrayClouds]

Boy girl you love the drama!

 

You been here long enough to know the drill. NC? remember that? No contact...no email, text, no facy-facbook, ect ect ect.

 

It simply does not matter what the ex mom thinks and if you do not like her posting on your FB, block her.

 

Unless your looking to extend this on going drama.

[thepulse27]

The thing is, it really doesn't bother me when she talks about him. It did last night, for about 10 minutes, but I think the fact that I was a little intoxicated had a huge part in that.

 

There is a massive emotional block when it comes to him. Sort of like... he is just another person. There are no feelings, that i'm aware of, besides anger and hatred towards him.

 

It's just very, very awkward when she posts things like that on my FB page, when everyone knows that i'm not with him anymore. It's like... she's the only one who doesn't know, and it's a little shocking for my friends to see that posted on my FB page. The big elephant in the room has come into view, and now I have to address the situation.

 

I know, you're handling this incredibly well. I just think that in your situation I would rather not deal with any contact from her as I'd find it quite awkward and annoying, particularly if she likes to drop things in that you won't like to hear. I loved some of my exes family, but there are plenty of others who would just annoy me if we met in normal life. If the mother is anything like this then I'd wash your hands of it.

 

 

About feeling nothing though; are you sure you're ok? There's no numbness that's going to hit you later and be all the harder to deal with for it? I know you're well aware of your own emotional health, and I feel stupid thinking I have to remind you, but I wouldn't like to see that happen to you.

[EricaH329]

Boy girl you love the drama!

 

You been here long enough to know the drill. NC? remember that? No contact...no email, text, no facy-facbook, ect ect ect.

 

It simply does not matter what the ex mom thinks and if you do not like her posting on your FB, block her.

 

Unless your looking to extend this on going drama.

 

I am trying to be a civil, adult about this. My ex is very close with his neice, and I know that he would like to talk to her. I forwarded the message. The drama has absolutely nothing to do with anything. If I wanted to drag this out, I wouldn't be asking for advice on how to let his mother know that i'm not with him anymore, and to basically ask her to stop talking about him to me.

 

I know, you're handling this incredibly well. I just think that in your situation I would rather not deal with any contact from her as I'd find it quite awkward and annoying, particularly if she likes to drop things in that you won't like to hear. I loved some of my exes family, but there are plenty of others who would just annoy me if we met in normal life. If the mother is anything like this then I'd wash your hands of it.

 

Yeah, you are right. I doubt she will continue to contact me after I let her know that him and I aren't together anymore. She has in the past, but it's only been once every few months or so to check in on me.

 

About feeling nothing though; are you sure you're ok? There's no numbness that's going to hit you later and be all the harder to deal with for it? I know you're well aware of your own emotional health, and I feel stupid thinking I have to remind you, but I wouldn't like to see that happen to you.

 

I'm almost 100% positive i'm alright. I think if there were any under-lying emotions, I would have experienced them by now. I didn't feel bad about breaking up with him. And in retrospect, I know I did the right thing. But, no one can ever say for sure how this will impact my life later on.

 

I appreciate your concern. It means a great deal to me. Thank you!