Way too young to be in sexless marriage...

[carhill]

Examine the hurt behind the anger. 'I feel abandoned' 'I feel unattractive' 'I feel unloved'. Add/change as you *feel*.

 

Psychologists always have cancellations. If you're flexible, you can get in on short notice. Since you're a successful professional, you have flexibility. This is the future of your family we're talking about. Get it done

[RegardingMe]

Wow, I get that. I have a chronic health condition and I am so sick, barfing it is crazy. I have a small list of foods I can eat and everyone has to go where I can eat. It really sucks. I get depressed, there is no surgery to fix it. I appreciate my DH helping me and all but I can tell he gets tired of my condition. I had to come to grips with it myself.

 

Don't say anything to her. Go talk to her and talk to a marriage counselor. Maybe you should start writing a grude list to get out of you, kind of like getting the poision out. Not for her but for you. Maybe a blessing list was well.

 

Does your injuries affect your sex life? Mine does! It doesn't matter in that he has had his been taking his medcine for years and still has a low sex drive.

[Married_and_Lonely]

Our shared experiences are uncanny - thank you for taking interest in my story and being my personal angel today.

[RegardingMe]

I appreciate what your thanks. I do want to encourage you to explore all your feelings. BTW my health issues started when my child was 2 turning 3.

I had an open wound 6 inch wound from april till june. It was diffiult I couldn't pick her up. What I could do is go in the bath room and sit after my DH put the baby in the bath, I loved this.

 

 

Remember your not alone in this. There are lots of people to help you. Good luck!

 

The first step with change is a single action.

[Lovelybird]

I sound like a horrible, superficial person, but I can't shake these feelings, especially when she walks around the house with her "i'm sad and bored with life" look on her face. Quite often I ask, "is something bothing you?" and she'll say, "no, i'm fine" in a "why are are you asking?" puzzled tone. I guess that's just her normal state, but it's a turn-off for me and she can't change that.

 

......

 

And yes, attitude and personality, can really make up for pure physical beauty. This is why I think I dated her and we got married. She had a good attitude and personality and I enjoyed spending time with her. And she smiled more like 50% of the time. But now that her attitude and personality aren't there most of the time, I'm left trying to be attracted to her physical attributes and it's hard for me.

 

I think being honest is a good start. Your wife sounds like a woman who lost her passion for life, just go through daily routines and buried under duties. She isn't being honest with you either. So basically you two are like strangers to each other, fear rejection if you try to be real, no wonder you feel lonely.

 

If you think she lack of passion for life, how is yours? Is your life full of passion and joy? Ok, you say if your wife gets better, then you will be happy. You just base your whole life's happiness on a person, and this person isn't you, but your wife. If you want some passion and joy for your marriage, find some for yourself first. Your wife may follow you and inspired by you.

 

So, did you let your wife know how hurt you felt when she didn't support you when you had injury? Did you give her a chance to know this and improve? Your wife sounds selfish, but all of us are, in certain ways. some of us have high emotional intellegence, some of us low. If you confront her, and let her know your feelings, she might learn and improve, she might have some fears you don't know to make her act certain ways.

[Married_and_Lonely]

So, did you let your wife know how hurt you felt when she didn't support you when you had injury? Did you give her a chance to know this and improve?

 

Yes, I've told her at least twice how deeply hurt I am over her lack of support and sypmathy. Both times she failed to address my feelings or her actions and instead deflected the conversation back to putting the spotlight on me and blaming me for not doing enough to get better.

 

On the cruise I told her that it hurt me how she's not supportive and is resentful about my injury. Her response to this was, "well you tell me too often about your pain; I wish you wouldn't tell me everytime something's hurting you." Another words, please stop bothering me with your problems, I'm trying to have a good time over here. And I'm not exaggerating or making this stuff up. So I left the conversation about me being hurt by being even more hurt.

[RegardingMe]

My DH is my biggest supporter with my health. If she doesn't want you to talk to her about your pain, can you go back to her and tell you your going to join an online support group for your pain? Or even a local support group.

 

I do know that sometimes my needs can be overwhelming and especially placed on my spouse. He feels a huge burden and he gets depressed. Once I acknowledged that and was able to find support other places as well. Things lightened for DH and he was happier. We did discuss it.

It did improve our relationship. I think when I am vomiting my brains out, I forget the impact my illness has on others. My DH had plans to go to a computer geek thing and had to cancel. I couldn't care for our daugher.

He had to stuff in his feelings or look bad at because he was pissed and felt his needs came second to me all the time.

[Windsurf66]

I am usually not pro-divorce, but you should divorce this person who does not love you and does not treat you as a husband, but just treats you like a bank. I have heard before such relationship, the uncaring partner eventually dump the other person and moved on to another bank. Even if she does not dump you, you will never be happy with her, with the lack of initimacy and care for you. To be fair to her, give her an ultimatum to sort resolve all issues through MC, and if she refuses, then you should know what to do.

 

You are still young, there is no need to be unhappy for the next 40 years of your life

[AVR1962]

tnttim......I REALLY hope you DO NOT beleive what you posted. This is not going to work for you or anyone:

 

Build the tension:

 

1. Do not be always ready to have sex
   
2. Ignore her little attempts to feel sexy
   
3. If she asks if she is sexy, avoid the answer, or do not answer
   
4. Tell her she looks like someone, then call that someone a turn off
   
5. Make her believe that you think everyone wants sex from you
   
6. Be the bad guy once in a while, do not do everything she asks
   
7. Ignore her sexual advances until she gives in and takes it from you
   
8. Figure out her taboos and mimic them
   
9. Do not be predictable, do not be predictable
   

Your sexual value:

 

 

1. React happily if she turns you down
   
2. Sex is no longer top of your list
   
3. Do things you would expect sex from, and then do not have sex
   
4. Wait for her to initiate sex, but build the tension in the mean time
   
5. Make sure she knows other people respect you, and want to be your friend
   
6. Have compassion, when she is hurting, help her heal
   
7. Do not do every little thing she asks you to do, say NO once in a while
   
8. Keep other females interested in you
   
9. Stop anti-seductive behaviors immediately
   
10. Find out what shes proud of most and use it to prop her up when she needs it
    
11. Sex is not a god given right
    

[AVR1962]

Married and Lonely.....I'm glad to see that you and your wife are communicating. It takes two people giving and willing to look at themselves and the issues they have contributed.....pride, stubborn, hurt all stand in our way and those are the root of many issues. As a woman who has been with her husband for 21 years I can tell you life does get mighty lonely sometimes and what I wish more than anything is for my husband just to show he cares and that he is interested in me. It's not about sex or how often, how many times, that's just the physical plus to things that are going right as far as I see it.

[Married_and_Lonely]

Well I went to marriage counseling by myself for my 1st visit, but left a little unsatisfied. I picked a woman counselor because I thought there was no way my wife would talk about sex issues with a man. So I called the two woman counselors near my office so I could go during my lunch hour and talked to them both before picking one.

 

The counselor I didn't pick was trying to steer me toward divorce on the phone before even seeing me after I laid out alot of our problems during a 30 minute conversation. She said, "well it sounds like you have all the information you need to make a decision, but you just don't want to do it." AKA, you know you need a divorce but you're scared. She also said, "I'm not very impressed with your wife so far; she sounds like a scared little rabbit." And further, "I'm getting the FULL picture here." Shouldn't she not assume she fully understands my situation after a 20 minute phone conversation? She asked why I married someone that doesn't like sex and I told her about my Baptist commitment to save my virginity for marriage, and she went on about what a crazy disservice that is and how my marriage is an example of what happens when you don't have sex before marriage. She also said that kids being involved doesn't really affect her view of divorce and that we only get one go at this life and we shouldn't spend it unhappy.

 

The other counselor on the phone wasn't as opinionated and sounded very likeable and easy to talk to, so I picked her. I thought her style would be better for my wife once I can hopefully get her to go; wouldn't be as threatening and abrasive.

 

So I went today to see this counselor, and provided her with most of the posts I've written on here about all of our issues, and the main thing the counselor focussed on was my physical health issues and how they're the main reason that my wife is unhappy with me, that I'm not meeting her expectations as a strong and healthy husband. She said to focus on my physical healing and maybe switch doctors, etc. I mentioned my wife being stressed frequently and tired from watching the kids and running them around from activity to activity, and the counselor talked passionately about how raising kids is the most important, rewarding, demanding job there is. But then the counselor didn't really go anywhere from that statement. I reminder her of my wife's intimacy issues even before our kids and my health problems, but she didn't really have an opinion on that. Just said, "that's definitely something we'll try to figure out."

 

The most hopeful thing she mentioned during the 50 mins was some EFT (emtional freedom technique) that she'll teach me to let go of stress and resentment in some future visit. But she can't see me again until July 8th. I didn't leave there with anything to try or a tip or something to say to my wife; just a suggestion to make healing my physical health problem my #1 priority. I was also put off when she said 2 or 3 times, "I've NEVER had a chronic pain problem; I can't imagine hurting all the time. Don't they know how to fix it?!?" Maybe some people are blessed with good fortune and health, but not all health issues just heal up on their own in 2 weeks with a pill and hot baths. I felt like this lady didn't have any better of a clue to help me sort out my issues than one of my friends - like I'm just paying her to listen to me. I wanted solutions, suggestions.

 

So what would you do? Should i give her another chance and go again? Look for a 3rd counselor? Go to the over-opinionated divorce advocate? I'm a little disappointed and am losing faith in marriage counseling already.

Edited June 24, 2010 by Married_and_Lonely

[carhill]

If you're in counseling alone, the focus is on *you*; your history, your perspective, your perceptions, your feelings, your *work*. If/when your wife joins you, then the work can be on the M. IME, the important dynamic is two-fold; 1. You have to want to work on *you*. 2. You have to respect the counselor and trust their professionalism.

 

That said, being the stubborn old goat I am, I was pissed at the counselor for about three months and meaningful work didn't begin until about the eighth month, meaning changes/perceptions which actually 'stuck'. Expecting anything more than building a foundation of rapport and understanding out of an initial meeting is asking too much, IMO.

 

Is this counselor a psychologist?

[Married_and_Lonely]

her credentials are MS LPC, Master of Science, Licensed Professional Counselor

[carhill]

"I want to recover my marriage. Do you have a plan for recovery?"

 

This presumes you do wish to recover your M.

 

"Our marriage has sexual issues. Do you have experience working with couples with disparate sexual drives and/or sexual issues?"

 

IMO, if there are no immediate turn-off's, go for a month's worth of sessions (we went once a week, mostly) and see where you are. IME, feeling positive about the total experience, even with the challenges within the sessions, is key to identifying a good counselor, as well as being an indication that you're open to the process. Hope it works out

[RegardingMe]

If your not comfortable with this counselor perhaps find someone new.

 

I would like to suggest that her discussion of your health may not be all wrong. My spouse does get emotionally and physically drained with my health problems. My spouse can not meet all the needs in that area.

 

My DH is in Europe for 2 weeks. I was so sick on tuesday, I thought I was going to die. I told DD, I had to put out some calls for friends to help. No one was home. My Dear friend who is a nurse wasn't due home for hours. I finally told DD, if I wasn't better in 30 minutes we were going to the ER.

Thank God I was better. I realized how much stress my DH, has in dealing with a full time career, house, child and me.

 

How about a chronic pain support group???? Or chronic pain forum??? Any chance of having someone come in and help with some of the jobs you can't do?

 

I really have been trying to look at my spouse's emotional needs. I have really been working on making sure, he knows how much I appreciate him.

How hot I find him. I have been emailing him. Trying to give him little surprises. I send him one email called 10 things I love about you! He has been really affectionate.

 

I was trying to be more of a giver instead of a taker.

[carhill]

EFT:

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a form of alternative psychotherapy, that purports to manipulate the body's energy field by tapping on acupuncture points while a specific traumatic memory is focused on, in order to alleviate a psychological problem. Critics have described the theory behind EFT as pseudoscientific and have suggested that any utility stems from its more traditional cognitive components, such as the placebo effect, the distraction from negative thoughts, and the therapeutic benefit of having someone actually listen, rather than from manipulation of meridians.

 

I think, if his W was with him in MC, a competent counselor could form an *opinion* about the efficacy of the process after a few sessions. As it is, the counselor is only hearing one side of the story so, IMO, it would be grossly premature to form *any* conclusions about the M (not to be confused with the OP- separate dynamics) at such an early date. Our psychologist interviewed us separately and together over about a month's period before formulating a plan to attempt recovery. I saw that as the methodology of a conservative practitioner. He didn't jump to conclusions like I'm often guilty of on these forums. That's why he's a professional

 

OP, I'll throw out a couple of words which came to have meaning for myself in counseling: challenge and support. Do you feel challenged in the process, yet supported in the midst of those challenges? Why? Keep an eye on that moving forward. It will help in many areas, including the erection and enforcement of healthy boundaries. Good luck

[Married_and_Lonely]

Have you thought that the first counselor, in her presumed years of experience, has seen enough to know that your marriage is worse than perhaps you think it is (or want to believe it is)?

 

Of course I considered that, but I'd rather come to that conclusion myself than let a stranger on the phone make it for me. And I want to make an earnest effort through counseling to improve my marriage because ultimately I would love to be happy with my marriage and stay with my wife and be an everyday father to my children, not a 50% of the time father. I don't want to be unhappy forever, but I'm not ready to give up yet.

[RegardingMe]

I agree, I wouldn't let a stranger on the phone tell me to D.

 

What about looking into another therapist? Look for one who you can relate to.

 

Does your wife know your going to therapy?

[She's_NotInLove_w/Me]

Though I would not consider myself an expert by any means, I have a lot of experience with marital counselors. Throughout our 16 years together we have had 6-7 different counselors, and probably a over a couple hundred of hours of marital and individual therapy.

 

Based on my experience, martial therapy allows you so share your feelings with your spouse in a safe manner, and allows your spouse to do the same with you. It allows a professional to zero in on what your needs are as a couple and as individuals in the couple. IMHO, usually 60-70% or more of the time spent in therapy is not truly effective in resolving deep issues. However, it still proves effective to invest all the time and effort as the remaining time often improves the marriage and allows both parties to make positive changes in the marriage.

 

When only one partner attends, this is really individual therapy, and you can only work on yourself. Indentifying your needs and wants. What works and what doesn't. What you can change for yourself. Alot of individual counseling is just a matter of getting things off of your chest...

 

I encourage you to consider continuing with this counselor for several sessions (at least 6-8 or more) before deciding if you should proceed or try elsewhere. There is no quick fix or immediate solutions that come from counseling, trust me... Invest and you should see the return over time.

[Married_and_Lonely]

What about looking into another therapist? Look for one who you can relate to.

 

Does your wife know your going to therapy?

 

She doesn't know yet; I nearly told her the night before I went, but she was in one of her moods - exhausted, stressed, and just trying to crawl to the finish line of the day and go to bed - so I didn't think it was a good time. I'll probably tell her soon though, because I think she's the one that would benefit the most from having a safe outlet to talk about our issues. She won't even talk to her best friend because she's so worried about what other people think and she's embarrassed to not have a perfect marriage.

 

Not even just for our marriage, I think counseling in general would be good for her mental health because of the release it would give her for all of those bottled up emotions.

[Married_and_Lonely]

I encourage you to consider continuing with this counselor for several sessions (at least 6-8 or more) before deciding if you should proceed or try elsewhere. There is no quick fix or immediate solutions that come from counseling' date=' trust me... Invest and you should see the return over time.[/quote']

 

I'll go a couple more times and try to reserve judgment until then; I don't think I'll need 6 - 8 visits though to decide.

Edited June 25, 2010 by Married_and_Lonely

[Married_and_Lonely]

Are you going to continue to see a counselor (this one or someone else) even if your W refuses to go?

 

I'm not sure. I may have chosen a male counselor if it was just for me, but went with a female one because I know my wife won't open up talking to a man (lots of experience to verify this theory ). I will probably continue therapy as long as I keep feeling tormented like I do now. It's not healthy to be like I am now - frequently sad and frustrated to be stuck in a bad marriage because I have to protect my kids.

 

I can't remember too many times where my wife has been happy with me lately - just either indifferent or upset. She's usually indifferent, and ocassionaly upset. She's taken on this victim mentality, where instead of fighting for us and trying to turn this thing around, she's just sulking inside and acting like it's business as usual on the outside. I think our marriage may be getting closer than I want it to be to "the point of no return."

 

But, I think we're doing a good job at hiding our problems from the kids. We're both still loving to the kids, smile when with them, affectionate with them, help each other in front of them, etc.

Edited June 28, 2010 by Married_and_Lonely

[Married_and_Lonely]

I'm feeling a little guilty about flirting a little yesterday due to a snowball effect.

 

It started with a simple lunch with my co-workers (2 male, 1 female) at a downtown restaurant. The cute, mid 20's waitress with a pretty smile first laughed at an innocent joke I made about adding a little money to the left over credit card folding thing (I don't know what they're called) from the previous customer. She then kidded around with us a little about finally having a fun table after a string of boring ones. Well it then progressed to me making a few more jokes (non-flirtatious) to her during the lunch, each getting a hearty laugh - and then finally to me making a flirty joke at the end of the lunch. I know waitresses flirt for tips and their intentions can't be trusted, but regardless my confidence had been raised. But nothing else happened.

 

Then after work I went with one buddy to have a beer at a bar across the street from my work that's full of cute waitresses. I barely flirted with one comment, definitely not trying to get anywhere other than to draw a smile, but nonetheless I wouldn't have said what I said in front of my wife. Nothing else happened there.

 

Leaving the bar a beautiful young woman stepped out of a bright yellow sports car wearing a very short skirt and high heels. I complemented her car to her in passing but she was way out of my league so I didn't even make eye contact and kept walking, though she said "thanks - I love it (the car)."

 

Woman #4 - I stopped at the video store on the way home to rent a couple movies. I talked briefly to the very cute woman employee that was stocking shelves, just about the movies, and not flirting. But her smile was striking and I'd lie if I said I didn't feel a little something talking to her.

 

So there you go, one incident at lunch raised my confidence enough to where the casualty list totaled 4 girls in one day. I didn't ask their names, #, whatever and I was wearing my wedding ring and probably the waitress was the only one that realized she was being flirted with a tad, but I feel guilty and recognize that my behavior is bad for reconciling my marriage.

 

I don't want to cheat on my wife, but I'm so vulnerable to it. Just about everyday at work I run into 20 or more pretty-to-beautiful women because I work in a downtown tower full of client service businesses that hire pretty women. I don't like that I'm a sleeze ball husband that looks at women, but it's hard not to justify it in my head when I have such negative feelings about my wife who is 99% focused on the kids and has no interest in flirting with me or smiling to me. And yes, I make comments at home trying to elicit a smile or laugh occasionally (but maybe not enough).

 

And the thing of it is, I think if I had a good, strong marraige with a wife at home I was connected to, the same behavior might not make me feel guilty at all because I'd see it for what it could have been - completely harmless mild flirting with no intention of getting anywhere. But if I had a good marriage this harmless flirting wouldn't leave me thinking about the 1st waitress for the rest of the day like it did. It created feelings in me that I don't feel too often these days.

 

I don't know where I'm going with this post, as I know I haven't asked a question, but partly I wanted to get this off my chest and give y'all a chance to throw stones at me. I know the grass always seems greener, but in my case I'm pretty sure it is greener on the other side.

 

Has this been as issue for those of you with intimacy/affection lacking in your life? I don't necessarily actively seek out something to fill that void, but the first time I connect with a cute girl, I spin out of control a little bit because I'm so starved for it.

Edited July 2, 2010 by Married_and_Lonely

[She's_NotInLove_w/Me]

I know the grass always seems greener, but in my case I'm pretty sure it is greener on the other side.

 

Has this been as issue for those of you with intimacy/affection lacking in your life? I don't necessarily actively seek out something to fill that void, but the first time I connect with a cute girl, I spin out of control a little bit because I'm so starved for it.

 

I can totally see how you are feeling the things you are. You are so starved for the attention, and feeling like your marriage is not worth the effort (ie. greener grass), so naturally you are assessing your level of desirability to other women.

You need to get your head in the right place. What you are doing is totally fine - ONCE YOUR DIVORCE IS FINAL! You said yourself that if you were totally secure and confident in your marriage you would view the interactions from a different perspective...

 

You asked if anyone else had this as an issue. I can honestly say that no, I am not at all inclined to flirt, and if anything, even more protective of our marital fidelity (even low level concerns). Our marriage is at a lower point, perhaps defined as lacking the bond it once had. Frequency of sex, though not a huge issue, is definitely not where I want it. But I certainly would not use outside opportunity (not matter how minute) to boost me up. My self worth is actually stronger when I avoid those situations and feelings. In the unlikely event my marriage should come to an end, I am sure that I will have to look back at the mistakes I made. But I want to be able to look back and know that I always respected my wife and marriage no matter what. Issues in the marriage are no excuse for the need to boost your ego, and or engage in flirting.

 

I do understand that it's completely natural to want to assess your level of desirability. Trust me that's the last thing you should be concerned about now...

[Married_and_Lonely]

I had my 2nd MC session today and it went a little better than the 1st. I got the counselor to understand our issues a little better and that they stem from the beginning of our marriage, and not just since my injuries, although I admit they've magnified the marriage problems.

 

The counselor still isn't really offering any solutions other than saying she wants to talk to my wife and find out her reasons for being ambivalent about sex and affection. And she asked me what my wife could do to give me the words of affirmation and physical touch that I need, which gave me an indication that that would be a good conversation to have with my wife present at the counseling office. Anyways, below are some thoughts I wrote down and took to the MC session, and we spent most of the hour talking about these:

 

• I've begun reading "The 5 Love Languages book"
  
• Chapter 2, "Quality Time". discussed personality extremes of Dead Sea and Babbling Brook.
  
• People that are the “Dead Sea” take in emotions and feelings but none leave them. They’re good listeners but they don’t share much with others.
  
• Babbling Brooks” share all of their emotions and talk a lot, but don’t necessarily listen well. The book said that frequently babbling brooks and dead seas marry because it seems like a perfect fit. The talker has a listener, and the shy person has someone to carry the conversation and lead in social settings. But the book said that in 5 years the Babbling Brook wakes up and says, “ I don’t know this person – who are they?”
  
  • This perfectly describes my situation with my wife. I’m close the babbling brook and she’s close to the Dead Sea. It worked for us in the beginning, but not now.
    
  • Example: Our whole I marriage I’ve viewed buying roses as a romantic gesture for special occasions, valentines day, and a couple of times just as random “I love you’s.” She always said thanks but she never fussed over them and I noticed she’d put them on the mantle and never glance at them. Well it took her until just last year to tell me that she doesn’t like flowers, and she said I should know this and got mad that our mutual friend Alex emailed her about one of her childhood favorite shows coming out on DVD and that he knows her better than me. (no, he's not trying to steal her from me; trust me) I always thought I was doing good getting her roses, but I didn’t know she didn’t like them because she never told me.
    
  • I told her we don’t talk much, even when in the car, which is when I like to talk a lot, and she says her life with the kids is boring and she has nothing to talk about. That even though she talks to her friend best friend 2x a day on the phone, that she’s mainly just listening to her friend talk and talk. She thought that me and her best friend were a lot alike and that’s why I was a good fit for her.
    
  • She’s on a cruise this week to Alaska with her whole family and still has nothing to talk about on the phone when she calls me. We have awkward silences even during these phone calls when she’s been doing lots of fun, new things and I haven’t seen her in 3 days.
    

  [*]Physical Touch

  • When we hold hands, I have to do 100% of the motion and grab her hand. She doesn’t stroke, rub, kiss, or squeeze my hand and her hand stays motionless, still like a 12-year old holding hands for the first time with a boy.
    
  • At movies she crosses her legs away from me and when I want to put my hand on her leg, I have to slouch in my seat just to reach that far, which I resented so I stopped doing it.
    

  [*]These days I don’t recognize a lot of good, positive traits in her besides being a good mother, reliable with finances, and keeps the house going well.

  [*]We were watching “The Middle”, a TV show last week together, and she said that the oldest kid was “totally her” growing up, and laughed about it. But I resented her for it because in this episode the kid had been very disrespectful to their parents, talking back, and refusing to do simple chores or clean their messy room. Before she’d said that was her, I’d thought that kid needed a good whipping from his dad because that’s what I would have gotten.

  [*]She doesn’t admit fault or say she’s sorry. When her parents always both talk about how difficult of a teenager she was, she always says, “I wasn’t that bad! And then talks about what her parents did that made her teenage years difficult for her. This is a pattern of deflection that she uses on me frequently. She never takes responsibility/blame or apologizes and always deflects to something I’ve done.

  [*]I don’t think she brings out the best qualities in me. We avoid social interactions with our neighbors and people at church because she’s afraid of the unknown and rejection.

  [*]At church we always sit in the same spot in the back and then go home without speaking to anyone.

  [*]I’ve wanted to go sit outside with our neighbors on the weekend (we were invited) but she wanted to get out of the car, duck into the house, and shut the garage door. So I started hanging out with them myself and making excuses for her that she doesn’t feel well or is watching the kids. But eventually she didn’t want me to even do that because it made her look like a hermit.

  [*]I think my primary reasons for remaining married are guilt, fear, love of my children, and not wanting to disappoint family members, especially my in-laws who we see all the time and watch our kids a few times a week.

I plan to talk to my wife this week about going to counseling again, except this time not relenting so easy. She's been on vacation with the kids and her family since Saturday so I didn't say anything before she left because I didn't want to ruin her vacation and she was stressed out packing for her and the kids. (It never seems like a good time to have these talks).

Edited July 8, 2010 by Married_and_Lonely