Men, why would you not invite your girlfriend to a night out with your friends?

[sally4sara]

Yes, so much better that he look like a giant dick to his GF rather than his friends and the girl he cheated with.

 

Hmmm, either way, he looks like a giant dick. If it quacks like a duck and looks like a duck it must be a duck right?

 

So maybe he just IS a giant dick.

[phineas]

He could also be afraid the OP will cause a scene when she gets close to this OW.

 

But, he should of thought about that before he kissed her.

[dunnowhat86]

I'm not going to say that I can appreciate all the ways that you use it, but it's a damn shame that younger women these days don't have such an understanding of their powers as a female. They make it too easy. A woman isn't going to be respected and appreciated unless she respects and appreciates herself first. You are exactly right here, IMO. If the OP plays it like you said, homeboy might be at that other chicks party, but he's going to be wondering where in the hell the OP is instead of hoping for another drunken kiss from the birthday girl.

 

But how can you play that game when you can predict that he would not mind if I would come or not? You see he has said this before, that he LOVES when I go out on my own and with my friends because he knows I am having a good time. I have tried the "being independent" way, but he loves it when I do my own things and he does his own things. He never minds me cancelling plans. Like for example last week I was in the library the whole day. He asked if I wanted to come by his house before I drove away to where I work(which is where i live from monday to friday). But in the end I couldn't because I was so tired and it would be too much driving over to his just to say good bye (he was also studying with his friends). I told him and he just didnt mind. at all. And this is just an example. He never minds anything. It feels like it doesn't matter if I am around or not.

 

I know I may be young. And I may not know how to "play the game". But I dont want to play games. The only solution would be if I just stop caring. I wish I knew how to...

[Lizzie60]

He cheated on you with this girl by kissing her while drunk and then he came clean about it. She was obviously already in that group of friends when this happened and I would assume that they hung around each other frequently. Maybe it was nothing more than a weird moment where they connected somehow and it happened... then it was over and done with. You act like he has been hung up on this girl since that night they kissed, but I don't see it in your posts. There are ten other people taking this girl, who was and still is a part of what is probably a close-knit group of friends, to that birthday dinner. They were friends, and she knows he cheated on you when he kissed her. You think she's going to be happy to see you walk through the door?

 

Look at it like this: If he doesn't show up to the dinner, then he's going to look like a big giant dick to the rest of the group. If he brings you, there is a risk that the night will be ruined... which again makes him look like a big giant dick to the rest of the group. That's why bringing you isn't such an attractive idea to him. He has handled it all wrong, I'll give you that, but don't be so quick to jump to some horrible conclusion here.

 

 

Lizzie, no wonder you can run the game you do. You are quite good at it, aren't you? As a man, women like you both scare and excite me. You have that ability to, at your whim, make a man feel like the king of the ****ing world one minute and then have him crying in his beer the next. I'm not going to say that I can appreciate all the ways that you use it, but it's a damn shame that younger women these days don't have such an understanding of their powers as a female. They make it too easy. A woman isn't going to be respected and appreciated unless she respects and appreciates herself first. You are exactly right here, IMO. If the OP plays it like you said, homeboy might be at that other chicks party, but he's going to be wondering where in the hell the OP is instead of hoping for another drunken kiss from the birthday girl.

 

 

Exactly... you said it better than I did.. I can run my game now the way I WANT because I'm older now... When I was younger I was miserable and insecure.. possessive and clingy... I know exactly how that feels... and trust me.. it's not a nice place to be..

 

BUT.. unless you have the experience, the emotional maturity.. it's harder to be 'strong and independant'.

 

Most women know that men have the power over them.. because men ARE more independant (most cases), they don't wait by the phone, will she call... will she invite me.. will she say the L word, will she propose, will she... will she... women do that...

[Lizzie60]

But how can you play that game when you can predict that he would not mind if I would come or not? You see he has said this before, that he LOVES when I go out on my own and with my friends because he knows I am having a good time. I have tried the "being independent" way, but he loves it when I do my own things and he does his own things. He never minds me cancelling plans. Like for example last week I was in the library the whole day. He asked if I wanted to come by his house before I drove away to where I work(which is where i live from monday to friday). But in the end I couldn't because I was so tired and it would be too much driving over to his just to say good bye (he was also studying with his friends). I told him and he just didnt mind. at all. And this is just an example. He never minds anything. It feels like it doesn't matter if I am around or not.

 

I know I may be young. And I may not know how to "play the game". But I dont want to play games. The only solution would be if I just stop caring. I wish I knew how to...

 

 

I think you just answered your post.. you nailed it.. he's just not that into you.. simple..

[St. Nick]

Sounds like a loser to me. Tell him good bye.

How bout saying it a dozen more times? I don't think we read you right the first time.

[Stung]

It's not being possessive or clingy to set boundaries and stand up for yourself. OP, it's a good thing to have a man who values and respects your independence. People should have a little personal space in relationships, and perhaps allowing this is a skill you will need to work on over time. However, your boyfriend has crossed the line into making you feel like a third wheel in your own relationship, and disrespecting you by making out with his female friends. He doesn't seem to do anything to make you feel secure about his feelings for you, which is key to making a relationship work. He should be grateful that you forgave the 'kissing' incident and willing to defer to your boundaries around the issue, instead he is throwing parties for her and disinviting you to them. Not cool. He is counting on you to be too weak to assert yourself here.

 

There is no way to just stop caring for people other than the passage of time, you can't wait for some magical emotional balm before you decide to take care of yourself. In life, you have to decide what is best for you in the long run and make hard choices. Personally, if I were in your shoes, I would call this relationship over. It will be hard and painful for you in the beginning but you've got to look at the big picture.