Should I stay with my boyfriend or go with someone new??

[confused_and_worried]

I've been with my boyfriend for about 3 year now. OVer the past 3 year it been good I mean we have are ups and downs but overall we seem to handle it very good. He has a three year old dauther from a past relationship (she is the pretties little thing) that does not live in california with him. This causes a strain in our relationship, well no her her mother.

 

It's always I have to do this for my dauther, I have to do that.. I mean when it comes down to anything that concerns Emerald(thats her name) it is all he,he. But when it comes down to anything else then is us. I really don't understand it.

 

Lately ... these couple of months have been really rouff on us. We have been arguing and fighting they just hasn't been good. Overthings we never argued about or been considered important.

 

First of all when we first started we friends in fact he was my basketball coach. From that are relationship developed.

 

When we first started I told him I could not be with anyone who drank or smoked. He told me that he did drink smoke, So then I said then will just keep it as friend but he said no that drinking and smoking was not as important to him as I was . That he would stop.

So we started going out .

Everything whent well for about 2 years I mean sure we have are little fits here and there but it was really smooth over all.

 

This year However it's been hell.

 

started off with been going back to his old habbit. ! ! ! The drinkin and the smoking.

Everyday after work my boyfriend would come home smelling like nothing but smoke,

I asked him "honey did you smoke

A he would say no I've just been around the guys and they smoke a lot so I probably have that smell stuck to me.

I would say ohhh okay.

 

Then One night I was going to my friends house for dinner and ask if he wanted to come

he said no he was tired

I said ok I'll be back soon .

he said okay.

 

About 3hours later I come back to find his friend Raymond (this boy is a pot head, and a drunky and his proud or he says he is) in the house

I say Hi..?? what are you guys doing

He says nothin raymond was just leaving

I say ooohhh okay.

 

I go outside to throw the trash away I'm really puzzled and confused and I find nothing but empty cans of beer I go back in and ask him about it he lies to me about it. After arguing about it he finally admits he was drinking I say to him we agreed on you not doing that any more .

 

he get all mad start yelling that when by but ever since them he ha not been the same

 

He constanly lies to me about were he is or were his going most of the times he doesn't tell me.

He excludes me from his friend like if they have a party event he wont tell me about it untill the night before the party and will say something like "I would love for you to go but I know your working".

 

Then I would ask him how long have you knowen about the events and he will say ohh they told me a few weeks ago but I forgot. or something like that . We are constanly arguing about everything.

 

He promises me he stop drink and smoking but everytime I come over his house there is beer cans every where and he will say somthing like oooh those are from when I use to drink..

He shows no intrested in me and only call me when he needs something or is bored . This past year we must have broken up like over 20 times and got then back together

 

I really don't know whats going on. I don't know if his cheating or if he is just what I mean I can tell his unhappy but when I ask him about it he says no everything is fine.

 

On sunday 1/11/04 he lied to me about where he was at and he did I was really hurt by it and then when I get to his house his got picture of nake girls all over the screen I was really hurt by it, I have not spoken to him since.I don't know what to do any more... its like everything I try doesn't work a I say I'll leave and when I do I end up coming right back.

 

The reason probably is that I met a guy..! ! ! Yeah I know it sound bad but I think that if I had not meet him, I would prabably be back talking to my boyfriend again.

 

Is so funny the way meet him I accidently hit is car at the coffe bean parking lot lol . He told meok lets exchange information I said ok gave him my number and showed him my drivers license. but then he said not to worry about it that it was just a scrach. Then he said well under one condition that you have a coffe with me I said yeah sure why not.

 

I must say I felt realy guilty because I was thinking about my boyfriend.

We were sitting talkin and he said he was divorsed and he has a 7 year old boy I said coo.

That night end well and I when home .

I wanted to call my b-friend and tell him but I was still hurt and did fell like crying that night.

 

The next morning he calls me. and says he what are you doing for dinner . I said nothing and he said can I take you out to dinner I said I didn't think it was right because I had a b-friend and then he said ok that he could respect that an then said will just go as friends just to chat. I said ok and we whent to dinner that night.

 

We sat and talk He told me he had his own morgage company and I said wow that is a lot to accomplise at such a young age.

I ask how old are you and he said " OLD ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU VERY HAPPY" I laugh and responded that does not answer my question he said " YOU DONT LIKE BEEN HAPPY"

and starred at me, he finally said "I'M 34"

and keep starring at me I finally said what are you looking at and he said " a beautiful woman that I want to get to know better" I smilled and said you know what I think is time for me to go .

 

I got up and started to head for the door, he said at leat let me walk u to your car .

 

He walk me up to my car and said you know if he can't understand you , then maybe his just not right for you and you need to move on. He smilled and say if you decide call me I'll be waiting for your call. I really would love to get to know you better I know I can make you very happy.

 

I got in my car and when home I have not spoken to my b-friend or him since. I dont know what to do. HE is a really nice guy, well he seem like it, but I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. Can someone please help me . Should I stay with my boy friend or shoul I go and see what could happen with this new guy???

[yes]

now that i've read this long story, i must reply, even though i'm not sure what i'd do.

 

i think you should definitely break up with your bf. but i'd be in doubt about dating the new guy right after the break-up - perhaps take it REALLY slow, to make sure he doesn't end up right next to the hurt of breaking up in your mind.

 

good luck,

-yes

[confused_and_worried]

Thank you for reading the whole long story ! ! ! ! ! I know it is really long but it just didn't seem right or fair to summe it up in just a few words in fact it would be impossible.

 

I mean reading the whole thing makes me realize how bad my boyfriend seem but in all do honesty his a really good guy, I can talk to him (maybe he feel he can't talk to me) He trys to do his best and he just recently started his new possiton as a supervisor for upper management, I guess Well he is just stressed maybe????

 

T H A N K Y O U FOR R E A D I N G T H I S and I appreciate your input I guess I though I should say that his not a bad person, he is very kind and caring. May it's just we are not right for each other.

[yes]

perhaps he's a good guy and all but:

- he breaks his promises to you

- he lies to you

- you said he calls only when he needs something from you

 

ok, so he's stressed, so what?! that's no excuse to act like that. perhaps he's just so damn sure that you'll be back to him, after these 20 break-up and come-backs. so maybe the cure is to break up and give it a long while, so that he realizes you're actually leaving (and date the other guy meanwhile). see how hard he tries to get you back.

 

perhaps if you think it's worth it, you can have a talk with him, see if things can straighten out, etc. but if you're genuinely interested in this new guy, i dunna, i'd be tempted to date him. either way, i wouldn't call the 3-y. bf - let him call you when he comes to his senses.

 

best of luck,

-yes