lisaghere Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 My husband and I have been close friends with another couple for years. We spend holidays together, go on vacations together and I feel like they are more family than friends. I knew the guy years before he met his wife, he's been like a big brother to me since we were teenagers. His wife and I are close friends, talk 2-3 times a week, etc. Over the past few years though she has gotten to be really close to my husband. I'm beginning to wonder though if they may be getting a little 'too close'. He doesn't try to hide his friendship with her and will tell me about a funny text she sent or something she said on the phone and she will do the same. I don't know EVERY time they text or talk, because I know they do it, as does her husband, and don't feel I need to know every single detail. I've 'sneaked a peak' at his phone before and nothing they are sending back and forth is sexual or anything like that. I don't think either one of them would ever do anything to hurt me, but the fact that they communicate almost daily is making me start to doubt myself. He finds her very smart, funny and really enjoys her company, as do I. I guess over the years if they hadn't become close that would have been weird, but I just wonder am I being too paranoid or too naive? Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 You've already disrespected your husband's privacy by secretly snooping through his cell and found--nothing. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Well you snooped and found nothing so nothing is probably going on. BUT on the flipside, this is obviously bothering you. Why don't you tell your husband that you don't appreciate all the time he spends talking to her, even if they are just friends? If I were married and my husband was constantly talking/texting another woman I'd feel a bit weird about it. Sure she's smart and funny and their friends, that's great. But there's this thing called boundaries and it seems that he's teetering on the verge of crossing one that you have in your mind. Speak to him about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Fouts Posted March 25, 2010 Share Posted March 25, 2010 It just sounds like your self confidence and esteem are being threatened by her popularity. I'm sure they have a spark, but that's all it is. No one wants to lose a marriage for that. Feel good about yourself Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted March 25, 2010 Share Posted March 25, 2010 It doesn't sound like anything bad is going on yet, but honestly I would be careful about this situation. IMO this is how many affairs start -- people are just friends, enjoy each other's company, and then suddenly one has a fight with their spouse and goes to the other person for comfort.... and it's downhill from there. Your husband doesn't need to be in DAILY communication with another woman. That is crossing the line. Would he be comfortable with you texting/calling this woman's husband everyday as "friends?" Link to post Share on other sites
Woman In Blue Posted March 26, 2010 Share Posted March 26, 2010 Come on guys. It's inappropriate as hell. Probably as far as I've seen from emotional cheating as that much contact can be, but they need to talk about it. It disrespects the crap out of you. In this case, he may actually not know it's bad. Finally, a voice of reason. Forgetting the horrific "sin" of snooping (oh brother..snooping is hardly punishable by hanging, for God's sakes) the fact remains that this is a slippery slope he's going down. We've all heard about how affair partners just 'started out as friends.' This is how it always starts - being chat/phone/texting/email "buddies." There are MANY betrayed spouses who only WISH they'd seen the signs when their husband or wife was a close "buddy" with someone of the opposite sex. Whether your husband realizes it or not, it's inappropriate and can only lead to worse. Nip it in the bud before irreperable damage is done. Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted March 26, 2010 Share Posted March 26, 2010 EXACTLY, woman in blue!! Sometimes you have to stop these things before they start. It's not paranoia or being controlling. It's just establishing boundaries within your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lisaghere Posted March 29, 2010 Author Share Posted March 29, 2010 UPDATE: Well this weekend I invited our friends over this weekend. I decided I would pay REALLY close attention to their behavior. When they got their I got her to run to the store with me to pick up a few odds and end and some wine then when we got home I arranged the table so they sat directly across from each other. Here is what I found....NOTHING!!!!! The only thing is while we were out when he wanted us to pick up something or had a question he texted her instead of me....with this said I HATE texting and she is about the only person I do text on a regular basis, so instead of him calling me 4 or 5 times it was easier for him to text her. At dinner they did not make prolonged eye contact, but did not avoid it either, so really just normal conversation. They didn't play any type of footsie under the table. At one point their legs did touch for 5 or 6 minutes, but I think it was more just because of the way they were sitting and his actually bounced most of the time! There wasn't any extra accidental 'touching' during the evening and neither one of them seemed the least bit nervous in the others present. After supper we all went into the living room. I went back for dessert and asked her husband to help me. I made sure to stay close enough to hear their conversation....AGAIN NOTHING! They THOUGHT we were out of earshot, but I wasn't! They talked the same with us out of the room as they did in the room. While we were all talking they brought up things from their convos and texts and neither of them even flinched in a way to lead me to believe they feel at all inappropriate about it. When they left I felt like CRAP. I feel like I tried to set them up to take a fall and all I found out was these people are our BEST FRIENDS...Sure they talk more than some other male/ female friends, but after evaluating I don't think I have anything to worry about. I know she loves me like a sister and I do not believe she would EVER do anything to hurt me....AND YES, I know words can come back to bite me in the a$$, but I really feel I have NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT HERE!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
SadandConfusedWA Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Honestly, like others have said there is nothing going on YET. This is why you found nothing during their visit. But, the amount of contact is inappropriate. Over time sexual tension and feelings develop. One evening proves nothing. Next time, have them sit next to each other and see how close they get and if there is any touching going on. Also, if you are watching them that closely they are probably aware of it and thus might hide things better. Link to post Share on other sites
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