Can't find anyone

[Faceless]

Well I'm sure you people hear a lot about this kinda thing on here, but I was just browsing along and just thought that I'd post on here to see if I can get other people's opinions on this..

 

I've been single forever, all my life, never been with anyone. I'm 28 years old, and the closest thing I had for a girlfriend is someone online. Yes I've tried to ask out girls of course, becoming friends with them and all then asking them out, but surprisingly enough every single time they seem to already have someone they're with. I'd believe they were lying if it wasn't for the fact that I heard them talking about them so much afterwards.

 

So I go online to check out and see if there's any online dating sites, half the time the people won't even talk to you unless you put up your photo (which makes me kind of suspicious to be honest from the start), but when I do talk to girl, they don't even seem interested at all, or I have nothing in common with them...and I try to strike up conversation but it seems like they're not interested or don't have anything I can really talk to them about (I know it might sound stupid, but sooooo many of them love the hobby of walking or something of that nature and I'm into computers and video games so go figure).

 

I'm not going to blame how I look like, or anything like that even though I'm not even sure how attractive I am. And I am bitter but I try not to let that bother me at all when I talk to other people. I guess I do have a hard time to talk to anyone no matter who they are, the idea of going out and meeting people seems alien to me, how can I meet someone I don't know and not get pepper sprayed? I don't know I'm about on the verge of giving up totally, am I the only one who has this problem? Am I even doing anything wrong or looking just in the wrong places? I don't know, but it seems almost like I have a better chance to win the lottery then getting together with anyone for a date let alone for the rest of my life.

[Faceless]

I wish! I been asking and it's not like it's uncommon knowledge but either they don't know anyone or just don't really care..

[TouchedByViolet]

You need to get out. Play a sport or do some outside activities that involve others.

 

Video games are the WORST for people who struggle in social situations, because you will never improve socially by playing video games.

[xpaperxcutx]

I agree with TouchedByViolet, unless you're a computer whiz who makes a living in the video game industry, at your age, you're better off getting rid of the video games than anything else.

 

Sorry to say this but you sound like a nerd. The kind that befriends women in hopes they date you and going out of your way to do things for them.

 

Ask yourself what attributes do you have that would attract women? If you can't think of anything then you better start building them up.

 

Even if you don't think you're an attractive guy, do you have confidence? Style?

 

What do you have going for you that makes women wants to get to know you more?

 

What do you know? ( Yes, being financially well off will win points)

 

Get off the internet and start focusing on real life, and building your characteristics and personality.

[Els]

I wouldn't go so far as to suggest you give up video games just because it isn't helping you in the dating scene. Life is short, do what you enjoy, as long as it isn't marijuana or something of the sort.

 

However - the above posters are correct in that if your main passion is computers and gaming, it will be very, very difficult for you to land a girl with similar interests. There are more girls who are into football, even, than who enjoy video games and computers (unless what you mean by 'gaming' is really Bejeweled or Diner Dash or such). I used to be a relatively hardcore gamer previously, and believe me, we're such rare commodity that guys go all bonkers as soon as they even catch whiff of a girl gamer. Not exactly the sort of situation you want to be in.

 

So. Keep your hobby, but consider adding a new one. Surely there must be SOMEthing else that you like?

 

Also, what sort of women are you aiming for? Frankly, if you're a nerd aiming for the prom queen, it ain't happening til you become Bill Gates. Girls who like nerds tend to be at least somewhat nerdish themselves - like me.

[zebracolors]

I wouldn't go so far as to suggest you give up video games just because it isn't helping you in the dating scene. Life is short, do what you enjoy, as long as it isn't marijuana or something of the sort.

 

However - the above posters are correct in that if your main passion is computers and gaming, it will be very, very difficult for you to land a girl with similar interests. There are more girls who are into football, even, than who enjoy video games and computers (unless what you mean by 'gaming' is really Bejeweled or Diner Dash or such). I used to be a relatively hardcore gamer previously, and believe me, we're such rare commodity that guys go all bonkers as soon as they even catch whiff of a girl gamer. Not exactly the sort of situation you want to be in.

 

Cool, Gamer girl here too!. But yeah there is no quick fix solution to your problem that isn't going to involve some work on your part.

[Faceless]

Awesome, yeah I guess I should still look around a bit, turns out this one girl I was interested in is actually a lesbian, and I didn't find out until today..!

 

As for other people's comments, I don't think I'm going to change myself just because people think I'm a 'nerd'. In fact this is the first time in years I ever even heard that term used to describe anyone, if someone can't except me for being me, I sooner just be alone. I'm not the sort of person to change myself for someone like that because once you do then you're stuck and odds are I'll be miserable for the rest of my life.

 

As for sports, I hate sports. That doesn't mean I spend all my time gaming, I like to play as hardcore as some people I do play about four hours a day at most. Though that might keep me from finding someone I'm not going to cut them out of my life completely, it's just that I really have a hard time talking to people that's all..

 

As for the person I'm looking for, I'm really looking for someone who's nice and understanding.. of course they have the be physically attractive in some way, but I sooner have someone who's average looking than someone who's a super model and is totally shallow..

[xpaperxcutx]

Awesome, yeah I guess I should still look around a bit, turns out this one girl I was interested in is actually a lesbian, and I didn't find out until today..!

 

As for other people's comments, I don't think I'm going to change myself just because people think I'm a 'nerd'. In fact this is the first time in years I ever even heard that term used to describe anyone, if someone can't except me for being me, I sooner just be alone. I'm not the sort of person to change myself for someone like that because once you do then you're stuck and odds are I'll be miserable for the rest of my life.

 

As for sports, I hate sports. That doesn't mean I spend all my time gaming, I like to play as hardcore as some people I do play about four hours a day at most. Though that might keep me from finding someone I'm not going to cut them out of my life completely, it's just that I really have a hard time talking to people that's all..

 

As for the person I'm looking for, I'm really looking for someone who's nice and understanding.. of course they have the be physically attractive in some way, but I sooner have someone who's average looking than someone who's a super model and is totally shallow..

 

I hope that was a typo. Your post reeked of double standards. You're not willing to change yourself which is commendable but if others turn you down because well you're not their type, please do not complain that you're still alone, and likes to play video games.

 

I think a better word to describe you is stubbornness. You expect others to accept you except at your age most guys would be working a good job instead of facing a computer screen playing Zelda for 4 hours straight. Have you grown out of your high school phase yet?

[Els]

 

As for other people's comments, I don't think I'm going to change myself just because people think I'm a 'nerd'. In fact this is the first time in years I ever even heard that term used to describe anyone, if someone can't except me for being me, I sooner just be alone. I'm not the sort of person to change myself for someone like that because once you do then you're stuck and odds are I'll be miserable for the rest of my life.

 

Commendable.

 

As for sports, I hate sports. That doesn't mean I spend all my time gaming, I like to play as hardcore as some people I do play about four hours a day at most.

You do realize that to the uninitiated person, four hours actually does sound like a lot. Frankly, if you do get into a relationship, you'll have to be prepared to cut down on that, unless you have so much free time that you can accommodate your partner AND still game for four hours a day.

 

I hope that was a typo. Your post reeked of double standards. You're not willing to change yourself which is commendable but if others turn you down because well you're not their type, please do not complain that you're still alone, and likes to play video games.

 

Well, I think his standards are far more acceptable than those of most men on this site. How many others here do you see who find 'average' acceptable?

 

I think a better word to describe you is stubbornness. You expect others to accept you except at your age most guys would be working a good job instead of facing a computer screen playing Zelda for 4 hours straight. Have you grown out of your high school phase yet?

This isn't quite a fair assumption. Back when I was in college, I used to head to cybercafes with a bunch of 2nd and 3rd year medical students in my college from 6pm-2am pretty regularly - it wasn't so much about the gaming as the camaraderie, just like playing football or watching movies together. Both my bf and ex-bf were from that bunch - great guys, very loyal, honest, non-player and non booty call people. They're all intern doctors now, and while they certainly haven't been able to keep up those hours with an increasingly busy schedule, they still do retain their hobby and play sometimes.

 

It IS however true that most of them have been single for as long as I've known them - which is going on 4 years now.

[Faceless]

I hope that was a typo. Your post reeked of double standards. You're not willing to change yourself which is commendable but if others turn you down because well you're not their type, please do not complain that you're still alone, and likes to play video games.

 

I think a better word to describe you is stubbornness. You expect others to accept you except at your age most guys would be working a good job instead of facing a computer screen playing Zelda for 4 hours straight. Have you grown out of your high school phase yet?

 

Oh my god, playing games is just a passing hobby of mine.. I only mentioned it because I like to do it from time to time and just gave a rough guess, since I only play them while I'm online. I'm not even sure what "double standards" you're referring to either, is it because I just enjoy playing videogames and it automatically makes me a loser? I have a hard time to believe that.

 

Not to mention the fact that you highlighted me wanting someone who's "physically attractive in someway". Isn't that something that everyone wants?? Isn't that a part of attraction itself..? I don't think you really understand what I said there, but if you can't find beauty in everyone believe that I'm stating I'm looking for a knock out Pamela Anderson or whatever then I pity you. But, it's not like someone can help me out with that anyway, asking for it is pointless, I just put it up in response to a question.

 

In closing, I should be asking you if you're the one who hasn't grown out of a highschool phase yet if you have such a shallow view of people in that manner. Yes I play videogames, big deal. That's not the end all and be all of my life, I have other hobbies. It's a really sad some people judge someone just by one forum post, especially only because I mentioned one of my hobbies in passing..

[D-Lish]

half the time the people won't even talk to you unless you put up your photo (which makes me kind of suspicious to be honest from the start),

 

If you look at it from the other persons perspective, most people are equally suspicious of those that don't want to post a photo. Why? because it is often indicative of someone that is hiding something.

[dazzle22]

Well, don't give up yet. I really believe there is a lid or several lids for every pot. Just look around. I'm sure you will see hundreds of less attractive people who are attached to someone, which means there's likely someone who will be a fit for you too. That's what I did when I was single again after a divorce - I looked around and said, well, if they can find someone, there's definitely hope for me!

 

That being said, you may need to go out of your comfort zone a bit to FIND someone like that. I think the best way for someone a bit shy, is to make good friends of the SAME sex first. Then they have parties, or take you with them to parties, or take you with them doing whatever, or they have a sister, or a sister who has a friend, and so on.... network, and expand the field that way. It is more "natural" than "cold calling"...

[xpaperxcutx]

Oh my god, playing games is just a passing hobby of mine.. I only mentioned it because I like to do it from time to time and just gave a rough guess, since I only play them while I'm online. I'm not even sure what "double standards" you're referring to either, is it because I just enjoy playing videogames and it automatically makes me a loser? I have a hard time to believe that.

 

Not to mention the fact that you highlighted me wanting someone who's "physically attractive in someway". Isn't that something that everyone wants?? Isn't that a part of attraction itself..? I don't think you really understand what I said there, but if you can't find beauty in everyone believe that I'm stating I'm looking for a knock out Pamela Anderson or whatever then I pity you. But, it's not like someone can help me out with that anyway, asking for it is pointless, I just put it up in response to a question.

 

In closing, I should be asking you if you're the one who hasn't grown out of a highschool phase yet if you have such a shallow view of people in that manner. Yes I play videogames, big deal. That's not the end all and be all of my life, I have other hobbies. It's a really sad some people judge someone just by one forum post, especially only because I mentioned one of my hobbies in passing..

 

I asked specifically if you wrote your last post as a typo, because the way I read it was " of course they have the be physically attractive in some way".

 

Of course I'm not chastising you for going for someone attractive ( we all do) but you're saying that your habit of playing video games shouldn't hinder you from meeting someone in that category, which I have to disagree on because it completely hits the point of why you can't " find anyone". Correct me if I'm wrong, you came on here to seek a resolution to your problem, based on the information you wrote here, and I'm stating the OBVIOUS, based on the information. Unless you like to add that you have other hobbies and interests that will in essence elevate you to bf status, the only image I have of you right now is that of a " nerd" who spends 4 hours in front of his computer.

 

Do I sound shallow? No, I'm only being realistic and truthful.

[zetkin]

Dear Faceless, of course, you might have expected a real advice instead of a discussion of your nerdiness or non-nerdiness.

 

I'll try to give you one - may be you should ask your grandma to fix you up with someone. Mine tries to do it all the time (I am single for quite a long time now and she's worrying)

 

That's a joke of course. But what I'm trying to say is that yours is a situation where no one can give you real help. May be you're just a non-dating type of guy... no one here knows it. It's hard to say what you are doing wrong.

 

What people who don't know you can advise is to change yourself (or your way of life) to the standards that are commonly supposed to be attractive. But that's not the piece of advice you seem to need.

 

I would just tell you - keep trying but don't be hung up on your problem. The more you think of it as a Problem, the harder it will be. I mean don't try too hard, don't be obsessed with the idea. It usually happens when you don't expect it at all.

[Ross PK]

I guess some people don't realise it's possible go out and do out door activities, whilst still sometimes playing video games in your spare time.

[Disillusioned]

I could tell you how to meet more people for sure, but then my post would immediately get yanked.