Confronting the OM

[bestplayer]

Im not saying that he has no right, just that the anger is fruitless and almost entirely misplaced.

 

the OM never broke any promises to anybody.

 

FryFish , so if a woman wants to kill her husband , should OM help her do that ? and according to u besides wife , this OM should not be blamed because he was a stranger to her hsuband ?

 

If this is your way of life the its simply disgusting .

[Jeff1962]

I was a total pr**k. Please accept my apology.

[spriggig]

If this thread has helped you confront any issues you may have had, then LS is doing what it was intended to do. All persons should be able to come here and express themselves without being personally insulted or assualted. You have, in general, conducted yourself well, and I sincerely hope that you will at some point , get the closure that you should be entitled to. In an affair, nobody is blameless. Every participant has some responsibility for their actions, but by the same token, every participant is influenced by the actions and words of the others. Yes, I was a fool to believe her lies, the many , many times, she said that she would leave her marriage. Yet if you had seen her, and held her and loved her, you might have believed the same things. This is NOT an excuse, just a statement of fact.

 

Of the three primary players, the OM IS the least culpable and sometimes even duped.

 

My OM knew from the beginning, before he had first contact that she was married and had kids. You see, she had/has a reputation in the game as to throwing herself at other men and he knew all about her. This is all documented in her hand and in chat logs.

 

He lost quite a few points in my book because of this.

Edited March 27, 2010 by spriggig

[Ima Texan]

Of the three primary players, the OM IS the least culpable and sometimes even duped.

 

My OM knew from the beginning, before he had first contact that she was married and had kids. You see, she had/has a reputation in the game as to throwing herself at other men and he knew all about her. This is all documented in her hand and in chat logs.

 

He lost quite a few points in my book because of this.

 

Well, you never said that before, unless I missed it. That may say that your OM (that just sounds wrong) is only after one thing, I don't know. YOU don't know, but can only assume. Either way, YOUR WIFE is the one that left the house, left the marriage in REAL life to go to this, well, you know what she did.

 

To argue my point to some of the others, not all OM's have that knowledge. We are told that "one foot is out the door, with bags packed, and this was the case before you came along, the marriage was over, blah, blah, blah..."

[spriggig]

Well, you never said that before, unless I missed it. That may say that your OM (that just sounds wrong) is only after one thing, I don't know. YOU don't know, but can only assume. Either way, YOUR WIFE is the one that left the house, left the marriage in REAL life to go to this, well, you know what she did.

 

To argue my point to some of the others, not all OM's have that knowledge. We are told that "one foot is out the door, with bags packed, and this was the case before you came along, the marriage was over, blah, blah, blah..."

 

Fair enough, considering the topic of this thread this IS an important point that I missed conveying, it seems.

 

Yeah, I tried to come up with a different way than "my OM", it just seemed most succinct.

 

What I know is that my marriage is over and my son will bear the brunt of the damage. But, I also take solace in the fact that he is MY son and he will be strong through this--not only as a facade but truly able to handle it well.

[Ima Texan]

Fair enough, considering the topic of this thread this IS an important point that I missed conveying, it seems.

 

Yeah, I tried to come up with a different way than "my OM", it just seemed most succinct.

 

What I know is that my marriage is over and my son will bear the brunt of the damage. But, I also take solace in the fact that he is MY son and he will be strong through this--not only as a facade but truly able to handle it well.

 

You know, I never liked that phrase, "kids are resilient", but it is true. VERY true. Of course that can't just be accepted and taken for granted, there is a lot of work that has to go into it, but you know what is great? That "work" is easy... Its LOVING your son and putting him first, or at least equal with you. And I know you will do that, ONCE you forget your OM. You have to go NC with your OM. Your OM is no good for you. (sorry, I couldn't resist)

 

Anyway, keep your chin up and look at a bright future for you and your boy.

 

Is he into sports?

[spriggig]

You know, I never liked that phrase, "kids are resilient", but it is true. VERY true. Of course that can't just be accepted and taken for granted, there is a lot of work that has to go into it, but you know what is great? That "work" is easy... Its LOVING your son and putting him first, or at least equal with you. And I know you will do that, ONCE you forget your OM. You have to go NC with your OM. Your OM is no good for you. (sorry, I couldn't resist)

 

Anyway, keep your chin up and look at a bright future for you and your boy.

 

Is he into sports?

 

Yeah, I went NC with the OM, LOL! I did what I wanted there, completely done with that.

 

My son will need and get a lot of love and attention from both sides.

 

I can't imagine what I would do if the OM actually ends up in a LTR with my ex and playing father to my son. That bridge leads to hell for all involved, I hope I never have to cross it. I would expend the entirety of my resources to get him under my wing. I'd be penniless and homeless before I let that happen.

Edited March 27, 2010 by spriggig

[Ima Texan]

Yeah, I went NC with the OM, LOL! I did what I wanted there, completely done with that.

 

My son will need and get a lot of love and attention from both sides.

 

I can't imagine what I would do if the OM actually ends up in a LTR with my ex and playing father to my son. That bridge leads to hell for all involved, I hope I never have to cross it. I would expend the entirety of my resources to get him under my wing. I'd be penniless and homeless before I let that happen.

 

First, he can't "play father" your son KNOWS who his Father is, YOU. And I don't think you have to worry about that with the OM. Now, you may have to cross that horrible bridge down the road with someone else, but you can not worry about that now. It could be years from now. I am just now starting down that road. My exW is starting to get pretty serious with a guy, but he too is divorced, he too has a child, and he too is a father, so I hope he "understands" where HIS children are and where MINE are in his picture of things. I think he does.

[JustJoe]

Of the three primary players, the OM IS the least culpable and sometimes even duped.

 

My OM knew from the beginning, before he had first contact that she was married and had kids. You see, she had/has a reputation in the game as to throwing herself at other men and he knew all about her. This is all documented in her hand and in chat logs.

 

He lost quite a few points in my book because of this.

Sprig, this is an important point to me. I didn't WANT to involve myself in someone else's marriage. In the Military, it's still a crime.

[spriggig]

First, he can't "play father" your son KNOWS who his Father is, YOU. And I don't think you have to worry about that with the OM. Now, you may have to cross that horrible bridge down the road with someone else, but you can not worry about that now. It could be years from now. I am just now starting down that road. My exW is starting to get pretty serious with a guy, but he too is divorced, he too has a child, and he too is a father, so I hope he "understands" where HIS children are and where MINE are in his picture of things. I think he does.

 

My STBX is also divorced from a previous marriage. She has a son from that marriage who was four at the time I met her. He grew up in my house, I supported him as my own son.

 

From the beginning I resisted connecting with him because I wanted him to know who his real father was. We have a friendly relationship and I love him, but he has never had any doubt, from day one, who is father is.

 

I know this isn't the way it always works.

[FryFish]

FryFish , so if a woman wants to kill her husband , should OM help her do that ?

I dont know how you got to that from where I left off... A little bit ridiculous dont you think?

 

and according to u besides wife , this OM should not be blamed because he was a stranger to her hsuband ?

I said anger at the OM is misplaced unless he was a "friend" to the marriage. Nothing more and nothing less.

 

If this is your way of life the its simply disgusting .

No its not my "way of life"... it was a phase. And its the CHEATING that is disgusting. The betrayers are the disgusting players in this game... OM's are often just opportunists. Not a good thing to be but in my case I was always honest.