Do men also "friendzone"?

[BiscuitXOXO]

Question: ^title^

 

Details: I like the guy and he might like me back. He's does really special things for me sometimes. We're very good friends and see each other almost every day. The yesterday I sent him an IM telling him thanks for something he had done for me, and he replied, "You're welcome...but what else is a friend suppose to do?"

 

@.@

[norajane]

Maybe he thinks you've friend-zoned him. Plant a kiss on him one day. Have fun.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Guys can 'friend zone' but watch out - that doesn't always preclude sex.

 

Hard to say how this guy feels just from what you posted.

[ADF]

No. At least, not in the sense women do.

 

What men do is No-Relationship Zone. They are almost always willing to have sex. They are usually willing to be friends. What they are sometimes unwilling to do is commit to anything more than a FWB relationship. In fact, many men prefer FWB to having a GF. They'll take FWB if they can get it, and settle for having a GF if they can't.

[BiscuitXOXO]

Ok, I understand the No-Relationship Zone. I suppose a guy might pay attention to a girl without desiring a relationship or sex, because he doesn't seem to be angling for either? He hangs around me, is gentlemanly and opens doors/pulls out chairs, pays attention to what I say, cracks inside jokes. And then he throws in this friend statement. So...?

[EricaH329]

Ok, I understand the No-Relationship Zone. I suppose a guy might pay attention to a girl without desiring a relationship or sex, because he doesn't seem to be angling for either? He hangs around me, is gentlemanly and opens doors/pulls out chairs, pays attention to what I say, cracks inside jokes. And then he throws in this friend statement. So...?

 

Sounds a lot like he's gay.

 

Anyway, i'm a girl so I can't say from a guys perspective what he's doing, but i've thrown out the friend statement a few times myself, and it was because I knew the other person had feelings for me and I wanted to let them down easily.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[ADF]

Ok, I understand the No-Relationship Zone. I suppose a guy might pay attention to a girl without desiring a relationship or sex, because he doesn't seem to be angling for either? He hangs around me, is gentlemanly and opens doors/pulls out chairs, pays attention to what I say, cracks inside jokes. And then he throws in this friend statement. So...?

 

I don't know this man, so I can't say for certain what his intentions are. All I can talk about is what generally holds true. And generally speaking, men almost never go out of their way to befriend women they aren't attracted to. Almost never. And this is particularly true of younger men. But maybe this man is that rare exception.

[norajane]

Do you flirt with him? Do you look into his eyes and smile? Do you compliment him? Do you touch him sometimes, like his arm or shoulder? Do you hug him?

 

Maybe if you turn it up a notch, he'll feel comfortable taking it a step further. I'm convinced he thinks you have friend-zoned him because of this:

He hangs around me, is gentlemanly and opens doors/pulls out chairs, pays attention to what I say, cracks inside jokes. And then he throws in this friend statement. So...?

 

He sounds exactly like those guys that hang around a girl hoping she'll be interesting in him one day when she's sick of the other guys she's been all hot for up until then.

 

How do you treat him? Do you confide in him about the other guys you've dated, like you would one of your girl friends? Is he the guy you turn to and hang out more with when you aren't dating someone else? Do you cancel plans with him if something "better" comes along?

[TouchedByViolet]

Men generally, do not "friendzone". If a guy makes an effort to hang out with you I would say he is in interested. Instead of getting hung up on the fact he used the word "friend" you should make a move to show him you are interested and see how he responds. Good luck

[Fouts]

Men generally, do not "friendzone". If a guy makes an effort to hang out with you I would say he is in interested. Instead of getting hung up on the fact he used the word "friend" you should make a move to show him you are interested and see how he responds. Good luck

 

That's about all you can do.

 

One key thing to look at before letting him know you like him though is to see if it's possible you have a girlfriend that he may be interested in? We'll friendzone you if we want a hookup with a hottie you know

[sally4sara]

I cannot think of one current guy friend I have (as in more than just someone in my social circle) that is single, that would turn down sex if I offered it. That is not to say that any aspect of these friendships are sexually charged. They know I am in a committed relationship and do not do things to undermine this or make subtle attempts at trying to break me off. I am very careful not to send any mixed messages but.......

 

None of the ones I would say were really involved friendships in my past have ever not resulted in them letting me know at some point that they found me appealing. In the past this has come in the form of a drunken confession or them making their move when I came out of whatever relationship I was in. Just recently, my ex roomie (we now live in different states and get together rarely) let me know he didn't try for a relationship when we met or lived together because I was in a relationship that turned LDR with the intent to move and I never gave him reason to think he had a shot. He let me know that during that time, he carried quite the torch for me. I was stunned; I had no idea and am glad it never became an issue.

 

I think there are many men who will remain content, and even value a friendship when that is the only option you give them, but not many of them would turn down more if it was offered.

The only male friends I have that I think would not be willing are the ones that are part of a relationship and the friendship is based on me and my partner being friends with them and their partner. And a few who became friends with me through my partner and would not wish to betray him in that manner - I hope it is like that anyway!

 

But there is a female version of this too where, while they may not have definite designs on their guy friend, they like to cultivate a sexual vibe to boost their ego. They like to dangle a vague possibility and see if the guy reacts even if they don't really wish to have more with them. They will go as far as disrespecting the guy friend's relationship, or remaining aloof of their friends female partner because the relationship and female partner put a damper on the ego food they seek. I can't say as that is a real friendship because the self serving sexual vibe can cause their "friend" problems.

[norajane]

I cannot think of one current guy friend I have (as in more than just someone in my social circle) that is single, that would turn down sex if I offered it. That is not to say that any aspect of these friendships are sexually charged. They know I am in a committed relationship and do not do things to undermine this or make subtle attempts at trying to break me off. I am very careful not to send any mixed messages but.......

 

None of the ones I would say were really involved friendships in my past have ever not resulted in them letting me know at some point that they found me appealing.

 

Do you attribute that to your attractiveness in general (you attract lots of men to begin with), or do you think that's because they wouldn't really have become friends with you if they hadn't been attracted to you?

 

Or some other reason?

[sweetjasmine]

I cannot think of one current guy friend I have (as in more than just someone in my social circle) that is single, that would turn down sex if I offered it. That is not to say that any aspect of these friendships are sexually charged. They know I am in a committed relationship and do not do things to undermine this or make subtle attempts at trying to break me off. I am very careful not to send any mixed messages but.......

 

That's so weird to me, just like all those "you can't have platonic friends of the opposite gender" discussions. I have guy friends who are like brothers to me and would say no. I even have a guy friend who wanted to go out to me in the past but who would now feel really awkward and uncomfortable making any kind of move if we both found ourselves single.

 

And now that I think about it, I don't think any of them would say yes knowing I was in a relationship even if they would say yes if we were both single.

[sally4sara]

Do you attribute that to your attractiveness in general (you attract lots of men to begin with), or do you think that's because they wouldn't really have become friends with you if they hadn't been attracted to you?

 

Or some other reason?

 

Mmmm, I'm mean I am attractive, but I wouldn't say I'm anywhere near the hottest thing running. I was a stripper for two years (many years ago) and didn't have anywhere near the same amount of guy friends I do now or before the job. I also don't wear my sexuality so obviously as I did in my late teens and early 20s, more a tomboy who will put on a dress now and then.

I do think guys can enjoy a real friendship if that is their only option, these friends did not generally disappear after disclosure and I didn't drop the friendship so long as it had been a respectful attempt.

 

I can't really guess at what my friends' initial motives were. I know I accepted these friendships with them due to their personalities and not any kind of attraction. There have been guys where it quickly became obvious what their intent was, but they generally gave up when I didn't bite the bait and didn't stick around to build anything you could call a friendship.

 

It is just that over the years, even if they handled it with some grace and class, all have voiced a willingness or appreciation of me that would include (if I wanted) a romantic option. But I have no way of knowing if it is what pulled them in or if it developed out of the friendship.

[Rearden Metal]

No. At least, not in the sense women do.

 

What men do is No-Relationship Zone. They are almost always willing to have sex. They are usually willing to be friends. What they are sometimes unwilling to do is commit to anything more than a FWB relationship. In fact, many men prefer FWB to having a GF. They'll take FWB if they can get it, and settle for having a GF if they can't.

 

 

+1

 

Although, men can be friends w a gal that he's already had a romantic cycle with.

 

Example: I have one friend whom we dated briefly at 15 yrs old, tried again at 20 and then after that reconnected in our late 20's as friends.

[ADF]

That's so weird to me, just like all those "you can't have platonic friends of the opposite gender" discussions. I have guy friends who are like brothers to me and would say no. I even have a guy friend who wanted to go out to me in the past but who would now feel really awkward and uncomfortable making any kind of move if we both found ourselves single.

 

And now that I think about it, I don't think any of them would say yes knowing I was in a relationship even if they would say yes if we were both single.

 

No, you do not have male friends who are "like brothers to you" and would say no. I don't know you, and I don't know them, but I can still say that with absolute confidence. I would add that telling a guy who isn't your brother that he's like a brother to you is the verbal equivalent of a kick in the groin. I'm sorry, but you are a little naive about male sexuality.

[soup]

The posts here seem weird to me.

I have quite a few female friends who are just friends. If they wanted to have sex with me I would be very surprised. I definitely wouldn't accept the offer. I like them but I'm not attracted to them in a sexual way.

We are not friends because one or both of us hopes to have sex one day, we are actual friends who talk to each other and hang out and do things for each other who happen not to be the same sex.

 

OP, maybe he just wants to be friends. It is possible to really like someone and not be physically attracted.

[sweetjasmine]

No, you do not have male friends who are "like brothers to you" and would say no. I don't know you, and I don't know them, but I can still say that with absolute confidence. I would add that telling a guy who isn't your brother that he's like a brother to you is the verbal equivalent of a kick in the groin. I'm sorry, but you are a little naive about male sexuality.

 

No, you can't. You have no idea what they're like. I can list some guy friends who I'm absolutely confident would never sleep with me.

 

And if it's such a kick in the groin to be called a brother, how come a friend of mine has told me that I'm like a sister to him? Maybe he likes kicking himself in the groin?

 

I'm not naive enough to think that all men are like some of my male friends. I know there are people out there who are incapable of maintaining friendships with people of the opposite gender without wanting to sleep with them.

[sweetjasmine]

The posts here seem weird to me.

I have quite a few female friends who are just friends. If they wanted to have sex with me I would be very surprised. I definitely wouldn't accept the offer. I like them but I'm not attracted to them in a sexual way.

We are not friends because one or both of us hopes to have sex one day, we are actual friends who talk to each other and hang out and do things for each other who happen not to be the same sex.

 

Hey, buddy, you're just naive about male sexuality.

[soup]

Oh my bad.

 

Maybe i'll get the hang of it in another 40 yrs.....

[sally4sara]

No, you can't. You have no idea what they're like. I can list some guy friends who I'm absolutely confident would never sleep with me.

 

And if it's such a kick in the groin to be called a brother, how come a friend of mine has told me that I'm like a sister to him? Maybe he likes kicking himself in the groin?

 

I'm not naive enough to think that all men are like some of my male friends. I know there are people out there who are incapable of maintaining friendships with people of the opposite gender without wanting to sleep with them.

 

For what it's worth, my ex roommate and one other once said the same thing. That is why it was such a shock when they confessed to feeling otherwise. I don't wish to imply your friends are not sincere just that it isn't proof positive that they would not feel something else for you. The point is that not everyone is as comfortable exposing feelings they are not certain will be welcomed or returned.

[sweetjasmine]

For what it's worth, my ex roommate and one other once said the same thing. That is why it was such a shock when they confessed to feeling otherwise. I don't wish to imply your friends are not sincere just that it isn't proof positive that they would not feel something else for you. The point is that not everyone is as comfortable exposing feelings they are not certain will be welcomed or returned.

 

That's a fair point.

 

In this specific case, it came up in the context of someone else saying we should date, and his response was framed in a "uhhhh, no offense, but" kind of way.