A Ticking Timebomb...

[onedayatatyme]

Mikey, everybody does have their own timeline and I don't mean to make it sound like it was easy. It was hard. Really hard. I still have moments of weakness too. For me several things seemed to happen at once. I got a new hobbyon the advice of everybody I know. I developed a new support system of friends and rekindled some old friendships. I got tired of being a doormat. I realized I've "still got it". I realized my misery was affecting me as a father. I was the victim of constant, ongoing lying. And finally she filed for divorce. What else could possibly happen to drive me away? It just all seemed to click for me at once that this relationship isn't healthy for anybody.

 

I think the final nail in the coffin for me was realizing that I could never trust her again. Not just because of the A but all the lies of the last three months too. I have lost all respect for her. If this trust issue were nit so certain, maybe I would be where you are today; still holding onto hope. But living with constant suspicion is no way I want to live my life and not a vibe I want my kids to grow up with.

[Gunny376]

(Tom T. Hall)

I've always said someday

I was gonna leave you.

 

Some April when all the land is wet.

Some spring, summer, fall or maybe winter.

I'll leave someday but I'm not ready yet.

 

I know I should of left the day

I knew your love was dyeing.

But I passed up every date

That I ever set.

 

But I know I'll leave

When my heart tells me it's ready.

But I'm still around, but I'm not ready yet.

(Spoken)

 

Yah know I must have left you

a hundred times but you don't know that.

'Cause I was afraid you'd laugh

when you found out just how far I'd get.

But you didn't, and you don't.

I know you aint gonna ever.

And someday I'll go, but I'm not ready yet.

 

I know I should of left the day

I knew your love was dying.

But I passed up every date

That I ever set.

 

But I know I'll leave

When my heart tells me Lord willing

 

But I'm still around, but I'm not ready yet.

But I'm still around, 'Cause I'm not ready yet.

 

And that's when you'll move on. When your good and ready and not a moment before.

[mikeymad]

I guess my anxiety is increasing because I am so soon to having the divorce paperwork signed and finalized. Combined with the anxiety is just being apalled at how easy it would be to just work on this **** instead of run away. I mean, come on...how much could have we accomplished in the time that was spent going through all the crap of D proceedings. Couldn't the money we spent on lawyers be used for MC, or at the least, a vacation???

 

I feel like Brooks from Shawshank redemption.

 

Red: Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.

Andy:Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.

Edited April 8, 2010 by mikeymad

[tnttim]

ODAAT-

I've heard of people who after they D, they keep trying for years and eventually reunite because of their faith that they would restore their marriage. I guess giving up would mean that I would be stooping to the equivalent of her giving up on me, and I want to be better than that.

 

First of all most people that remarry spouse, do so after having a few bad relationships, only then do they realize that: It's as good as it gets.

 

 

 

I realize that I might not ever get her back, and that's the scary part. I don't want to say this woman was my world, but I had plans, goals, dreams, a future planned with her. Sure it was a short marriage, but it was a long time in the making, and we had a really rough start. I'm sure, had certain decisions not been made things could very well be different. That kills me.

 

Go back and look at all your posts and tell me that statement is far from reality.

 

Mikey read some books about how women think, and relationships. They might help you overcome this hurrdle you have with your wife. Another change I made in my relationship was reacting to her every mood swing. The old me was becoming reactive instead of proactive, almost to the point where my mood was dictated by her mood. The new me knows that she is just thinking out loud sometimes and what she says is not what she really feels.

[tnttim]

I guess my anxiety is increasing because I am so soon to having the divorce paperwork signed and finalized. Combined with the anxiety is just being apalled at how easy it would be to just work on this **** instead of run away. I mean, come on...how much could have we accomplished in the time that was spent going through all the crap of D proceedings. Couldn't the money we spent on lawyers be used for MC, or at the least, a vacation???

 

If you think working things out is easier? Let me tell you that it's very very very difficult. The cliche "no good deed goes unpunished" is my life.

 

I feel like Brooks from Shawshank redemption.

 

Red: Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.

Andy:Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.

 

I agree....but good things die all the time.....the memories always remain

[mikeymad]

If you think working things out is easier? Let me tell you that it's very very very difficult. The cliche "no good deed goes unpunished" is my life.

 

 

 

I agree....but good things die all the time.....the memories always remain

 

nobody said it would be easy, but is it worth it? obviously on some level it is tim, otherwise you wouldnt' be working on it with her. For me the pain of staying the same was more than the pain of changing.

Edited April 9, 2010 by mikeymad

[Chrome Barracuda]

I think something you have to ask yourself and answer on your own is if she can treat you like garbage, and belittle your feelings and emotionally abuse you, why the F do you want her back.

 

As is, she is no good for you.

 

You want the woman she was, not the woman she's become.

 

All you can do is detach and focus on yourself. screw what she says or thinks. Self preservation is your highest priority.

[LisaUk]

 

I agree....but good things die all the time.....the memories always remain

 

Hi Tim, while I see that may be the case for some, it isn't always true. I have come to realise and am gradually accepting that my memories are gone, b/c they were false memories, the ex spent years lying and gaslighting me and making me beleive he was a person he wasn't, all those memories were based upon feelings I had for a person who was fake.

 

nobody said it would be easy, but is it worth it? obviously on some level it is tim, otherwise you wouldnt' be working on it with her. For me the pain of staying the same was more than the pain of changing.

 

I understand this feeling completely Mikey, I to feel/felt that my ex left over really silly insignificant reasons, such as he wanted a motorbike (no I'm not kidding, that is one reason he gave), if he had told me it was THAT important well dang, I would have gone out and bought one for him! In reality, it was an excuse on his part and to be honest if that is all he could find as a self justification then I didn't really deserve him to leave.

 

I to had thoughts of going to see him the night before I moved out out of home and 200 miles away. I decided not to, b/c nothing I had said or done had made any difference up to that point. He was not prepared to listen to anything I had to say or give me a chance (he didn't even give me a chance before he left, in that, he didn't even express or show any unhappiness before the day he left). You must do whatever you feel you need to do in order to know you did everything you could, but the only thing I will say is given her past behaviour, do you think it will make any difference?

 

I think something you have to ask yourself and answer on your own is if she can treat you like garbage, and belittle your feelings and emotionally abuse you, why the F do you want her back.

 

As is, she is no good for you.

 

You want the woman she was, not the woman she's become.

 

All you can do is detach and focus on yourself. screw what she says or thinks. Self preservation is your highest priority.

 

Chrome, I am finally starting to see things the way you do, thank GOD!