Now what?!?

[laylia2]

So my long time best friend and ex-boyfriend (from four years ago) and I had a very frank discussion a little over a week ago. I still believe that honesty is the best policy, I really do, but I think that next time, I'd like it in smaller doses. I came clean about having cheated on him while we were dating. He came clean about having hack into my email to find out why I had broken up with him and discovered that I had cheated on him. I told him that I believed my cheating led to my need to break up with him because telling him about it would have been too horrible to imagine (the thought of him knowing how wrong I could be was terrifying) and pretending that I was "just not in love with him" was easier. He told me that he's suspected all these years that I was just not physically attracted to him. I told him that after four years of denial, I'm feeling those romantic feelings surfacing again but that I have serious trust issues with myself. He came clean about having very recently slept with a good friend of ours.

 

Obviously, this is the very brief version of our chat. There were many tearful moments as we discussed our past and current relationship and our feelings for each other. We've come out of it well, I think. We have a renewed knowledge that our friendship can survive just about everything. We know that whatever happens, we love each other very much (at the very least, on a friendship level) and that we will both work our hardest to maintain the caring relationship that we have had for years.

 

Now, we're at the "time will tell" mode. We live roughly an 8 hour drive apart, so seeing each other is difficult and he has expressed a need to actually spend time with me before he knows what he wants. He has also expressed a reservation about getting back into a relationship with me because of our history. He's rightfully scared and so am I. So we've agreed to take it one day at a time and not jump to any conclusions.

 

My request for advice is this: How do I keep my feelings in check for the time being? How can I be patient? What can I do to allow him (and myself) the time we obviously need, when I just want to quit my job, move to him and never leave his side again. I'm impulsive by nature. This is a proven fact. But the feeling inside of me is so strong. He's always been there for me. He's forgiven me for my wrongs against him without ever having me ask for that forgiveness. He's been honest with me about his feelings. And beyond all this, he matches me in ways that no other person has come close to doing. I've been spending the past four years in a kind of denial that I feel anything other than friendship for him, but even through that I thought he was perfect for me. I just couldn't understand why I couldn't love the perfect man.

 

Has anyone got any advice on how I keep my overactive romantic impulsive side at bay so that I don't end up crushed if we end up deciding that friends IS all we should be?

 

Please help if you can!

[trulyme]

Well, I personally would not be able to trust an ex that has cheated on me. I mean if I had really really strong feelings for her, that would be a very hard decision. Cheating is like a slap in the face. I have never been cheated on that I know of, but man that would make me feel like the smallest thing in the world.

 

As far as for how you can be patient? Maybe try to occupy your time be learning more about yourself. Like, what made you want to cheat. Read a book. Learn what makes you tick and better yourself that way. If/when you guys meet up later on, you will be smarter and more "relationship mature". I like that saying. When I am reading and talking to everyone on here it is just making me smarter and more mature for the next relationship. What not do, and what "to do" the next time around.

 

Better yourself, that takes a lot of time anyways. You should have a full schedule!!! LOL

Had to say it sorry, cause I know I have a full one!!

Truly