This is gonna be long...

[You Go Girl]

I struggle with thoughts that I AM self-centered, "too needy" (his words), too bitchy, grumpy, that I'm making this problem into a monster in my head when it really "isn't that bad" etc etc etc.

 

I second guess this all the time! I go from packing my stuff, to wavering whether it's bad enough to uproot everything for the 2nd time in my life every 30 seconds.

 

I lost a business, my car(s), my home and a storage shed full of antiques the last time I broke up with someone and it took me & my credit YEARS to recover...but we did lol...but...well...now I gotta do it again because I have bad taste in men...or whatever...

 

Cleaning helps. It's therapy.

 

That's why it's good you are here. You are still in the 'need assurance you see things accuately' stage.

Naturally you're not perfect, and you haven't revealed all your flaws as a person here...don't bother, we know you have some and are human.

 

Tonight ask that control freak when he's going to pay for fixing your car. He said he would pay for it, now hold him to it.

I don't want to see you at the place where you don't have a car, a job, friends, my gawd, maybe he will take away the internet at home.......ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

[FarmGirl]

On my farm (which I can never get to lately) I raise/d animals for milk, meat and eggs; as well as tons of fruits & veggies. SO is always complaining about the grocery bill yet we have 100s of #s of frozen meat, milk, fruits & veggies. We also have a flock of hens in the city that lay tons of eggs. So essentially we're covered foodwise...

 

Yesterday I made bacon (from our farm) & eggs (from our city chickens). The bacon is fresh and good, but he refused to eat it because he believes it's freezer burned.

 

It got me thinking about ALL the things I raise & grow and I realized that he didn't drink the milk, eat the tomatoes, beans, peppers, squash, zucchini, fennel, basil, meat, eggs etc...EVER.

 

Our food is ultra organic & pure (more so than any organic cert at the the store can give you) and it's gorgeous. And if he doesn't want to eat it or always buys other things to make for meals & then gets upset if I don't use those store bought things...then in effect it's lessening the reasons why I need to farm at all.

 

If we don't use anything from the farm & the grocery bill stays the same but I spend tons of MY OWN money & time growing this then eventually I'll give up the farm (in his mind).

 

The complexity and deviousness with which my life is slowly being swallowed whole by this man knows no bounds.

I know he realizes that the farm is a way I can escape him & that's why he hates it.

 

That said - in this situation, the best thing I can & will do is prepare the foods from my farm while I live here (since I am not working now except on an on call basis for the rest of this week). Which saves money & uses it up so it doesn't go to waste.

 

 

Problem AND Solution (well the real solution is me moving out, but I'm working on that) in ONE post yay.

[LittleTiger]

@littletiger

 

you asked a few questions - let me see if I can answer -

 

1. Are you here just to see if other people would agree with you or do you actually want to get out of this situation?

After 8 years of this & never talking to anyone about it I finally opened up to someone at work a few months ago. They were horrified and said I should leave immediately. Of course knowing me I just rationalized what they said since they 'don't really know my situation'...but what they said planted a seed. I thought, and thought, and thought about it...Then I started searching the internet to see if what she implied was true. Then I found LS & wrote my post. See next question...

 

2. Is LS just a sounding board where you can vent your frustrations or are you actually looking for help?

LS is a sounding board & a reality check for me. I do need help. I'm so detached from the reality of my situation that it's hard to imagine I am actually even here. Which is why I need to hear 'yes it is as bad as you wrote' LOL. Seriously. Most of the time it doesn't feel that bad (probably because I feel nothing anymore).

 

 

3. You say you are trying to figure out what to do? Trying will get you nowhere. What are you actively doing to change the situation (other than talking about it)?

Last week I started "cleaning" and will hold a couple of big yard sales this summer. I separated out a bunch of my movies yesterday while "organizing" things. I also laid aside some kitchen towels, dishcloths and sponges on Friday. When my car is fixed I will load my car with "stuff for Goodwill" & then drive to the farm & leave it there for when I move out. I've accumulated medicines, toiletries and the like as well. So yes I'm getting ready.

I'm also on unemployment in 2 weeks and will get it for at least 26 weeks (job mkt in my state is dismal so maybe longer). I'll save every dime of it that I can. I also have a large crop of what we raise on the farm coming ready this summer which will tide me thru financially for awhile...

I can live rent free at the farm but the upstairs area needs some TLC (bathroom broken) so I need to save up to fix it. Luckily I can barter my labor and food growing skills for a place to live.

I'm sure it will be fine in the long run moving there...it's just a bit weird since about 12 years ago when I split from my XH I ran back to the farm...now I'm running back again...altho they need me this time with my mom's bad health.

 

5. OK, so the house is yours and you can't just up and walk out. So what can you do?

I need to call a real estate agent & find out what they think about the current market. I checked zillow this weekend & the house is down $100K in value since we bought it Glad we bought low so that there's still equity in it.

 

6. You very clearly realise that your current life is not what you want. So what do you want? How would you like to be living two years, five years, ten years from now?

I just want to have an original thought without wondering what the fallout will be. Novel concept eh?

2 years from now I'd like to be a successful farmer, living at the farm and teaching others how to do things like cure meats, make cheeses, can fruits & veggies, home dairying and raising livestock on a small scale. I'd also like to repair the damage done to my kids & me by living here so long. That may take more than 2 years tho

I can't imagine 5 years from now, but LORD help me if I'm still here in this mess!! $#@!!!

 

Brilliant Farmgirl, very impressive. You've just proved to yourself here that you have options and you're taking action to get yourself out. Well done.

 

That last sentence re 5 years from now - 'LORD help me if I'm still here in this mess!!'? That's not an option. For the sake of you and your children it is not an option. You will not be in this mess in 5 years, you will be an even more successful farmer doing what you enjoy doing. Keep taking those small steps as often as you can. You don't want to stand still, you want to keep moving until you get where you want to be - whatever that takes. Keep asking yourself 'what next', what is the next step towards freedom - because that's essentially what you're after. Freedom from this hell that you've got yourself and your children into.

 

If you'd like to repair the damage done to your kids, how will you do that? What's your plan? It won't take as long as you think if you focus on that as your goal and keep heading in the right direction.

 

You've come a long way since your first post. I look forward to reading all about the day you move out. What a great day that will be.

[Mary3]

Thanks for your help!

My reply to @littletiger has most of these things covered.

I'm so grateful for everyone here on LS. I'd be lost w/o you.

 

I wish to God I had/had this LS when he was screaming at me for 4 hours in the bedroom trying to prevent me from leaving....

[Mary3]

I hear Mary, and she definitely speaks from experience.

My roommate H did all the threats a couple years ago...

suicide. my life. financial ruin to me through dragging me through the courts. etc. This coming from a man who was Mr. Generosity, someone who years ago taught women self-defense.

Mary knows what she is talking about. The last year--me living on the couch--has created a buffer zone between the dramatic threats and now, which is a quiet acceptance. I didn't want this marriage to go out with a bang! but rather a wimper.

He had me scared a year and a half ago. I ran away at one point, rather afraid. Then I did what every smart woman would do--TELL people what threats he had made. That made him back down and realize he was being an absolute control freak mental case idiot. I told my family, and I told him that I told them.

Control freaks count on something--all abusers do--that they can keep their woman quiet about what really goes on at home. Scream it to the world, and he will back down, having been revealed for trying to get away with it.

So do watch yourself farmgirl--he may really get ugly. I certainly hope not--but I'd prepare for the worst.

 

BINGO ! Thats the most important thing you will EVER learn here : TELL SOMEONE ! FReeeee Yourself !

[Mary3]

On my farm (which I can never get to lately) I raise/d animals for milk, meat and eggs; as well as tons of fruits & veggies. SO is always complaining about the grocery bill yet we have 100s of #s of frozen meat, milk, fruits & veggies. We also have a flock of hens in the city that lay tons of eggs. So essentially we're covered foodwise...

 

Yesterday I made bacon (from our farm) & eggs (from our city chickens). The bacon is fresh and good, but he refused to eat it because he believes it's freezer burned.

 

It got me thinking about ALL the things I raise & grow and I realized that he didn't drink the milk, eat the tomatoes, beans, peppers, squash, zucchini, fennel, basil, meat, eggs etc...EVER.

 

Our food is ultra organic & pure (more so than any organic cert at the the store can give you) and it's gorgeous. And if he doesn't want to eat it or always buys other things to make for meals & then gets upset if I don't use those store bought things...then in effect it's lessening the reasons why I need to farm at all.

 

If we don't use anything from the farm & the grocery bill stays the same but I spend tons of MY OWN money & time growing this then eventually I'll give up the farm (in his mind).

 

The complexity and deviousness with which my life is slowly being swallowed whole by this man knows no bounds.

I know he realizes that the farm is a way I can escape him & that's why he hates it.

 

That said - in this situation, the best thing I can & will do is prepare the foods from my farm while I live here (since I am not working now except on an on call basis for the rest of this week). Which saves money & uses it up so it doesn't go to waste.

 

 

Problem AND Solution (well the real solution is me moving out, but I'm working on that) in ONE post yay.

 

Can I move to your Farm ?? hehe....Hey what state are you in ? I can tell you about your EC if you are eligible for tiers....

[dreamingoftigers]

I read these thru & well wow

 

If I only I could explain to you how easily these waters I live in switch from a comfy 72* to 150* or 10* in a flash, and then poof it's all gone again & everything is comfy again. I actually (to this MOMENT I am typing this) second guess myself all the time wondering if I am making a mountain out of a molehill or if it's even as bad as I wrote it was...

 

It makes me feel like I'm totally nuts.

 

Everything I wrote it the God's honest truth. There are hundreds of things I didn't write because just complaining about him isn't giving me the answers.

 

The absolute HELL that will open up on me the moment I try to leave is going to be catastrophic for me. I'm going to have to argue for every dishtowel or bedpillow that I take with me or else I am going to have to sneak out like a coward when he isn't here, or worse I'm going to have to leave with nothing. I am unemployed as of this Friday from a very good job that I worked 9 years to get to...and replacing it in this economy isn't going to happen. I'm totally screwed!

 

I am wrung dry financially paying more than my share of our bills so if you want to think I am a golddigger for being broke all the time then you need to take a look in my bank one of these days. The only thing I have is an address in a good town. I don't even own a mattress...or a couch...or plates...

 

I admit it's cushy here, sometimes, as long as I don't think about the price I am paying to be here.

 

The SO *is* good to the 2 year old mostly, but he is also weirdly disconnected at times. I can't seem to tear the good daddy who gives the boy baths every night & plays so sweetly with him a lot - away from the monster who crushes my life so easily...and yes I realize that I can rationalize with the best of them.

 

Time will get me thru this I know...

I've done wrong by my oldest sons I know. I'm trying to fix it with the 2yo.

 

I came to LS to see if other people would agree with me that what I suspect about my life is true. They did. But I can't just up & walk out. I own this home, it is in my name only. To leave it would be financial ruin for me, yet I can't afford it on my own...so I am trying to figure out what to do. Selling it with a minimum of drama would be best...but I know what I am up against with this guy & he will probably do everything in his power to ruin any chance I have of selling this house rather than losing it to the bank...

 

PS he hasn't fixed my car yet...it was just an offer that nothing came of.

 

PPS I noticed today as I started to talk about the farm, that he instantly became standoffish & unkind. Because (I assume) it was me talking about the thing I love...he also lectured me on making money at it etc etc...to which I replied 'well it's hard to make money not being able to go out there anymore'. He won't let me use his car on weekends to drive to the farm so I can't help there...and my dad gets mad because I don't come help...sigh...I'm being held hostage in a Chinese Laundry & I'm not joking...

 

I'll keep writing.

You can keep yelling at me, encouraging me, listening, cheering me on - whatever...but nothing negative you can say about me is new - I've said it all to myself already. I'm just trying to save myself and my 2 yo now.

 

Over and out.

For now.

 

PS @YGG yes please re the Thelma & Louise thing

 

I know what it is like to live with a manipulative spouse. Often you suspect or believe something and they find a way to drill it into you that whatever you believe or suspect isn't really what is happening, or they act like their behaviour is perfectly normal and you must be crazy for thinking and feeling the way you are. YOU ARE NOT CRAZY.

 

I would definetly get yourself into a position so that you have the power to leave, and not with nothing. Start playing a chess game and push the boundaries. Start with your finances. Push for a savings account. Push for spending money. PUSH.

 

Even if this guy becomes your ex, you are still not going to have proper boundaries with him unless you make them. If you just disappear then you really haven't dealt with the actual problem, (co-dependency, trusting yourself and boundary issues) you've just reduced the symptoms.

 

I know it is very hard to set boundaries (especially if you are not deatched yet which is why I say again to read the book). The first time we did a boundary exercise in counselling, I burst into tears, and it was just a piece of yarn on the floor!

 

Detaching sounds scary and lonely, but actually it just means you detach from the BS. Everytime you doubt yourself or feel that uncomfortable guilt or sadness come up go to war with your thoughts and remind yourself that you are protecting yourself so that you can raise your child right.

 

I would totally work on making a stance before just leaving an 8 year relationship with the child's father. But that stance would have to be that the behaviour stop, whether he goes to recovery, anger management or both of you go to counselling (even if it is just how to co-parent).

 

This guy may not even realize the effect he has on others. Most abusers seem to be oblivious to that or at least go through the guilt-shame-do it again cycle.

 

Kick some ass, but aim in the right direction.

[dreamingoftigers]

On my farm (which I can never get to lately) I raise/d animals for milk, meat and eggs; as well as tons of fruits & veggies. SO is always complaining about the grocery bill yet we have 100s of #s of frozen meat, milk, fruits & veggies. We also have a flock of hens in the city that lay tons of eggs. So essentially we're covered foodwise...

 

Yesterday I made bacon (from our farm) & eggs (from our city chickens). The bacon is fresh and good, but he refused to eat it because he believes it's freezer burned.

 

It got me thinking about ALL the things I raise & grow and I realized that he didn't drink the milk, eat the tomatoes, beans, peppers, squash, zucchini, fennel, basil, meat, eggs etc...EVER.

 

Our food is ultra organic & pure (more so than any organic cert at the the store can give you) and it's gorgeous. And if he doesn't want to eat it or always buys other things to make for meals & then gets upset if I don't use those store bought things...then in effect it's lessening the reasons why I need to farm at all.

 

If we don't use anything from the farm & the grocery bill stays the same but I spend tons of MY OWN money & time growing this then eventually I'll give up the farm (in his mind).

 

The complexity and deviousness with which my life is slowly being swallowed whole by this man knows no bounds.

I know he realizes that the farm is a way I can escape him & that's why he hates it.

 

That said - in this situation, the best thing I can & will do is prepare the foods from my farm while I live here (since I am not working now except on an on call basis for the rest of this week). Which saves money & uses it up so it doesn't go to waste.

 

 

Problem AND Solution (well the real solution is me moving out, but I'm working on that) in ONE post yay.

 

what is with the food thing and these guys?

 

I am an excellent cook, crazy good, top notch.

 

My father who is a narcissist and well a totally deprivational dad would NEVER eat anything I cook. EVER. Even if it is stuff he would absolutely love and he always has a different BS excuse. It is really insulting. But now I look at it as his loss. He orders takeout all of the time and I know the vast vast majority of it isn't as good as what I make and he'll never know

 

(I actually have had a pretty low self-esteem so this isn't me just beaking off, I am a great cook)

 

The food thing is just a pretty basic insult.

[You Go Girl]

Oh gawd. I have to chime in once again. Farmgirl and I are preparing notes on the control issues, and we keep finding mirroring circumstances.

 

H does the cooking. Why? Well long story short he moved into my place and was unemployed at the time and I thought that would be something for him to do. Afterall, we all have to keep somewhat busy. So he took over the kitchen. He REALLY took over the kitchen. And part of me resented it, as I had always been in control of my kitchen, even though I didn't want to cook. Illogical on my part, I know.

Anyway--where this story gets weird--H carries some extra weight. H has a different relationship than me with food, I simply eat because I'm hungry. But he has something in his head--and uses food as a manipulator.

--Has walked out the door without telling me when angry with me and left food burning on the stove.

--Has become angry at me and taken the just finished cooked dinner and thrown it all in the garbage, more than once.

--Has emptied the fridge in the garbage when angry at me.

--Has purchased no food when he knew my bank account was empty.

--Wants to go to the grocery store together when he feels the relationship is doing better.

--geesh.............I can't believe this.......reading my own words!

 

And Farmgirl--H has resented my cottage that I purchased 2 years ago from day 1--similar to your farm--

he had no part in the decision. I simply took my 401k money and bought it.

By the time I did that, the relationship had deteriorated.

I also felt that $ I made before we were married--I wasn't giving up all my independence.

Oh! And just 2 Sundays ago, when returning from my cottage, he had dinner on the stove. I guess he didn't plan on me walking in at that time. So, to punish me for going to my cottage for the weekend, and to not reward me for such bad behavior, he took the entire pan of dinner and put it on his plate except for 6 or 7 bites.

I warmed up something else.

I watched him try to eat it all--of course he couldn't, can you say oink.

Edited May 4, 2010 by You Go Girl

[Mary3]

Oh gawd. I have to chime in once again. Farmgirl and I are preparing notes on the control issues, and we keep finding mirroring circumstances.

 

H does the cooking. Why? Well long story short he moved into my place and was unemployed at the time and I thought that would be something for him to do. Afterall, we all have to keep somewhat busy. So he took over the kitchen. He REALLY took over the kitchen. And part of me resented it, as I had always been in control of my kitchen, even though I didn't want to cook. Illogical on my part, I know.

Anyway--where this story gets weird--H carries some extra weight. H has a different relationship than me with food, I simply eat because I'm hungry. But he has something in his head--and uses food as a manipulator.

--Has walked out the door without telling me when angry with me and left food burning on the stove.

--Has become angry at me and taken the just finished cooked dinner and thrown it all in the garbage, more than once.

--Has emptied the fridge in the garbage when angry at me.

--Has purchased no food when he knew my bank account was empty.

--Wants to go to the grocery store together when he feels the relationship is doing better.--geesh.............I can't believe this.......reading my own words!

 

And Farmgirl--H has resented my cottage that I purchased 2 years ago from day 1--similar to your farm--

he had no part in the decision. I simply took my 401k money and bought it.

By the time I did that, the relationship had deteriorated.

I also felt that $ I made before we were married--I wasn't giving up all my independence.

Oh! And just 2 Sundays ago, when returning from my cottage, he had dinner on the stove. I guess he didn't plan on me walking in at that time. So, to punish me for going to my cottage for the weekend, and to not reward me for such bad behavior, he took the entire pan of dinner and put it on his plate except for 6 or 7 bites.

I warmed up something else.

I watched him try to eat it all--of course he couldn't, can you say oink.

 

This is disturbing. They want to control the situation. His feeling is : Let me just throw this food in the trash.

 

I think the * food * that's thrown in the trash represents something else...

[You Go Girl]

This is disturbing. They want to control the situation. His feeling is : Let me just throw this food in the trash.

 

I think the * food * that's thrown in the trash represents something else...

 

He suffered a lot of childhood trauma. Part of that was a debilitating illness for several years. He took comfort in food.

His subconscious, I believe, still relates food to comfort, security, stability, even love.

 

Dreamingoftigers--sounds like your father's way of rejecting you. Tell him to grow up already! No, don't tell him, just think it

[dreamingoftigers]

He suffered a lot of childhood trauma. Part of that was a debilitating illness for several years. He took comfort in food.

His subconscious, I believe, still relates food to comfort, security, stability, even love.

 

Dreamingoftigers--sounds like your father's way of rejecting you. Tell him to grow up already! No, don't tell him, just think it

 

OMG that is the tip of the iceberg of my father rejecting me LOL

 

Here's a cute example of that

 

#1327: Two years ago he finds out my cousin Sarah exists, she was raised by her mother after my father's brother abandoned her. Her mother is an office manager and she has remarried and they are well-off. My father pays for my cousin's education.

 

I spent time living in the back of my van and he couldn't have given a crap. When I ask about my education, he says no. He doesn't want to make any financial committment. My mother says she felt bad for my cousin who didn't have a dad so that's why they paid for it. She's had a new dad for years and her family is well-off enough to have sent her to school!

 

I have always had excellent grades and attended 3 university courses that I got A and A+ in.

[You Go Girl]

OMG that is the tip of the iceberg of my father rejecting me LOL

 

Here's a cute example of that

 

#1327: Two years ago he finds out my cousin Sarah exists, she was raised by her mother after my father's brother abandoned her. Her mother is an office manager and she has remarried and they are well-off. My father pays for my cousin's education.

 

I have always had excellent grades and attended 3 university courses that I got A and A+ in.

 

Dreaming, my father told me he wouldn't let me go to university even though I had straight A's. He said, you belong at a community college.

He liked to make sure that none of his children aspired nor succeeded beyond him.

Your father has been detrimental in your choices in men. He's kept your self-worth down purposely and maliciously.

[dreamingoftigers]

Oh I know, when I opened my own business, he did everything he could to shut it down. Ridiculous, he was scared that I would go after his contracts at the grocery store chain he services.

 

He was so paranoid he would call my house all the time about it, very, very frustrating. Our businesses aren't even the same! I do residential cleaning and he does refrigeration tech!

 

Well a funny thing happened, he made such a stink over it and my H now knows how to pressure wash a dairy case, that we may very well go after the dairy case cleaning contracts. If he wouldn't have let us know the ins and outs and all the paranoid ways that we could get the contracts, we would have left well enough alone.

 

I actually doubt we'll go that far but the money is very good and I know he overcharges. I kind of don't want to do that because then it just reinforces hi nutty beliefs. I am glad I don't see him much anymore.

[Mary3]

He suffered a lot of childhood trauma. Part of that was a debilitating illness for several years. He took comfort in food.

His subconscious, I believe, still relates food to comfort, security, stability, even love.

 

Dreamingoftigers--sounds like your father's way of rejecting you. Tell him to grow up already! No, don't tell him, just think it

 

Did you say he was overweight or was that OP that might have said that regarding food ?

[You Go Girl]

Did you say he was overweight or was that OP that might have said that regarding food ?

 

My H (roommates only for a year now) is overweight, yes. Has struggled forever with it, except when extremely physically active long before I met him.

[FarmGirl]

Did you say he was overweight or was that OP that might have said that regarding food ?

 

My SO also struggles with weight (don't we all)...

He goes on crash starvation diets, then non-stop eating binges for months, back to starving himself. I know he was very introverted as a child & had few friends plus they were an immigrant family & his parents were very Old World. So he definitely has food baggage...

Which is why his food thing hit me so suddenly...since I know how he is...a total food hoarder and LOVES food...so to not be eating my beautiful farm fresh food is a statement against my independence with the farm not against my food.

[Mary3]

My SO also struggles with weight (don't we all)...

He goes on crash starvation diets, then non-stop eating binges for months, back to starving himself. I know he was very introverted as a child & had few friends plus they were an immigrant family & his parents were very Old World. So he definitely has food baggage...

Which is why his food thing hit me so suddenly...since I know how he is...a total food hoarder and LOVES food...so to not be eating my beautiful farm fresh food is a statement against my independence with the farm not against my food.

 

I love having fresh veggie garden. I grew cherry tomatoes , celery and a few others....You are lucky to have a great farm and natural foods to harvest

[Mary3]

Farmgirl : The answer is ___ ( PM me ) to give you the number % regarding what I was going to look up for you...

[FarmGirl]

I rallied the troops today and am having my car towed & repaired on my own. Thank goodness for tax returns.

 

I can't tell you how freeing it was to start this process. I've been so dependent on him since Feb 1 when it died for the 3rd time in 6 months! Gah! I let myself give up.

 

I wonder why it's so easy to allow myself to become a prisoner...it's weird. Must be some mental flaw on my part. Must address that ASAP!

[Mary3]

I rallied the troops today and am having my car towed & repaired on my own. Thank goodness for tax returns.

 

I can't tell you how freeing it was to start this process. I've been so dependent on him since Feb 1 when it died for the 3rd time in 6 months! Gah! I let myself give up.

 

I wonder why it's so easy to allow myself to become a prisoner...it's weird. Must be some mental flaw on my part. Must address that ASAP!

 

Goooood girl !

 

Once you open up to the world , your world feels lighter !

[You Go Girl]

I rallied the troops today and am having my car towed & repaired on my own. Thank goodness for tax returns.

 

I can't tell you how freeing it was to start this process. I've been so dependent on him since Feb 1 when it died for the 3rd time in 6 months! Gah! I let myself give up.

 

I wonder why it's so easy to allow myself to become a prisoner...it's weird. Must be some mental flaw on my part. Must address that ASAP!

 

 

Yay!

Prisoner thing--he has a hold on you, as H has also had on me.

I don't understand my dependency completely either, but I have it in the forefront of my mind.

Everyday, do one thing, if only one thing, toward independence. Baby steps until you're ready for a bigger step.

[dreamingoftigers]

I rallied the troops today and am having my car towed & repaired on my own. Thank goodness for tax returns.

 

I can't tell you how freeing it was to start this process. I've been so dependent on him since Feb 1 when it died for the 3rd time in 6 months! Gah! I let myself give up.

 

I wonder why it's so easy to allow myself to become a prisoner...it's weird. Must be some mental flaw on my part. Must address that ASAP!

 

It's a very good step, often co-dependents depend on their partner in a way that make them indispensible. I have had to learn as well to do more for myself. If there is something he normally takes care of that you don't know how to do, instead of asking, just look it up on the net. ehow.com is a good site for that.

[FarmGirl]

@Mary3 thanks I like being cheered on!

@YGG thanks! I'm going to post this somewhere secret so I can see it everyday... "Everyday, do one thing, if only one thing, toward independence. Baby steps until you're ready for a bigger step."

[FarmGirl]

It's a very good step, often co-dependents depend on their partner in a way that make them indispensible. I have had to learn as well to do more for myself. If there is something he normally takes care of that you don't know how to do, instead of asking, just look it up on the net. ehow.com is a good site for that.

 

 

Funny thing is that I used to do EVERYTHING for myself and just got lazy/used to having certain things done for me. Now to the point that I *think* I can't do them anymore when the exact opposite is true.

 

Bah!

ehow.com it is