Author FarmGirl Posted May 12, 2010 Author Share Posted May 12, 2010 Farmgirl, I think you need to separate sooner than later, for your own mental health. If you pack away pennies all summer and fall, it could be Christmas again so soon...and depressing that idea is. YOU own that house. If you can sell it to the neighbors, do! Could you rent it out? Could you get 3/4 or more of the mortgage payment, and be able to pay the rest without him? You could evict him. He might even just leave, if you said, it's over, you need to pack your things and go. Eviction is easy in this case, he has no lease, you're not married. Call the cops and he's out of there immediately if he starts threatening, breaking things, or scaring you. See a realtor. Find out what it's true current value is, then sell it for a little less. Be competitive with other houses similar on the market. Do you have equity? I'm not sure with the real estate market if I have equity or not. But it is one of the last old home hold outs in a 1 mill $$$++++ neighborhood so the lot is worth a lot especially with the big trees. Crossing fingers. I can't rent it out since there are a ton of repairs that need done that as a landlord I'd have to do...no $$ to do... Link to post Share on other sites
Author FarmGirl Posted May 12, 2010 Author Share Posted May 12, 2010 The reason I keep saying to stop talking about him is only that it becomes an easy way to stayed mired in the mess. You KNOW what he is about. It's time to find out how YOU can get your life back. You can. I keep reading this over and over. It's HUGE. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 I get so bogged down by my absolute INABILITY to motivate myself. Are there any resources that can help me plan my move out? ie 1st do this, then this? I'm struggling here. PS I found my journal from when we broke up in 2005 & I moved out. Oh how I wish I could have been stronger (except of course that I have the baby now) and STAYED moved out. Every single thing in my house is overwhelming me right now...I'm stuck. I know this is not a new problem to people in my situation, but it's SO frickin easy to just stick my head in the sand for one more day and "think about it tomorrow" as Scarlet O'hara so famously put it. Good news - my state offers college/retraining for people who need it & are laid off. I do not have a college degree & the program I like is closer to the farm than here...very very interesting PS @YGG I DMed you back, dunno if it went thru as I was playing with my new ipad and I suck at technology. ipad = unemployment gift from one of my long time vendors. Might keep it, might sell it! But it's a GREAT asset to have...pure cash hehe Listen : If you lived near me I would DRIVE over there and help you out of there. But you live in O and I live in the east now. You are suffereing paralysis because you are frozen. Your mind is tricking you. I had the same thing recently when I wanted to move to a better place. FROZEN. Hoping. FROZEN. Knowing I needed to do SOMETHING. In your case you are being emotionally abused and it really reeks havoc on the mind after awhile. It is easier to do NOTHING than it is to do something ! What you have is normal. I had the same thing when I need to leave the x husband. Listen you DO need a girlfriend or a best friend or an aunt or ANYBODY that cares about you to HELP YOU OUT OF THERE. Remember , I said start slow. Do one closet today . Tomorrow a drawer. As you build a stash and confidance you will be able to go. YOU NEED to contact a Battered Womens Shelter. You don't have to be physically beaten to go there. You can be an emotional wreck and go there. CALL ONE. They will meet you at a remote location and you will follow them/ For the protection of the B women that are there you cannot tell anyone where the shelter IS. They offer advice . Classes ( All free ) Daycare for the baby while you are in the room with other women . Yes there will be women more SEVERE than you but only concentrate on how you can be helped. Maybe you can help the BW there to feel better. They offer legal advice too. They offer EVERYTHING. New housing. Jobs. Whatever you need. DO it !!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Red Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 Listen : If you lived near me I would DRIVE over there and help you out of there. But you live in O and I live in the east now. You are suffereing paralysis because you are frozen. Your mind is tricking you. I had the same thing recently when I wanted to move to a better place. FROZEN. Hoping. FROZEN. Knowing I needed to do SOMETHING. In your case you are being emotionally abused and it really reeks havoc on the mind after awhile. It is easier to do NOTHING than it is to do something ! What you have is normal. I had the same thing when I need to leave the x husband. Listen you DO need a girlfriend or a best friend or an aunt or ANYBODY that cares about you to HELP YOU OUT OF THERE. Remember , I said start slow. Do one closet today . Tomorrow a drawer. As you build a stash and confidance you will be able to go. YOU NEED to contact a Battered Womens Shelter. You don't have to be physically beaten to go there. You can be an emotional wreck and go there. CALL ONE. They will meet you at a remote location and you will follow them/ For the protection of the B women that are there you cannot tell anyone where the shelter IS. They offer advice . Classes ( All free ) Daycare for the baby while you are in the room with other women . Yes there will be women more SEVERE than you but only concentrate on how you can be helped. Maybe you can help the BW there to feel better. They offer legal advice too. They offer EVERYTHING. New housing. Jobs. Whatever you need. DO it !!!!!!!!!!! I agree. You can call them just to talk and not be obligated to do anything that you don't want to do. Call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. You need help from those experienced in your kind of situation. I called them just now and asked if they could help someone who has questions like you do. They said it doesn't have to be physical violence for you to call them and they can help you figure out how to make a plan to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 Farmgirl, what state do you live in? Link to post Share on other sites
Author FarmGirl Posted May 14, 2010 Author Share Posted May 14, 2010 I just can't bring myself to waste resources at a women's shelter when physically I am just fine. Somehow I think bruises will heal faster than my heart, but that's a story for another day I can't remember if I wrote this already so sorry if I did... I found 2 journals (2003 & 2005) of mine this week. I was already hurting deeply in 2003...wow. It broke my heart to read what I wrote. Things are so far gone with me at this point I can't even begin to write things like that down anymore. Which is really telling if you think about it. I also found my sketchpads. God I was such a great artist back then. Where did I go? Who is this person in my place??? I'm still cleaning and working on my plans here. I talked to my middle son this morning telling him that I was planning to move out when he goes to college in August. Sadly, to me, my reasons why I need to move out sounded so petty and dumb when I said the words. Sigh. I'd rather not say my state just so I can keep my ID really private. I'm laying a lot of crap out on this website & don't want it to come back and destroy me later LOL. I'm thankful the weather is sunny right now. It's cheering me up and motivating me. Ahh & I'm making a deal to swap a bunch of frozen meat for some bathroom repair at the farm. Yay. The upstairs bathroom is out of order & I want to live completely apart from my mom & dad as much as possible so fixing this is a must. I'm also in the process of setting up a kitchen w/o a kitchen. The upstairs is 1 huge bedroom, 2 medium bedrooms, 1 small room (library - huge closet whatever), 1 bathroom and a huge 4 wing attic. It has a separate entrance and is really quite cozy. My parents could use the rent and it's a very peaceful place to be...altho my relationship with my mother is complicated, luckily she is wheelchair bound and can't come upstairs (that sounds awful, but it ensures my privacy). I do want to address the laundry situation asap too since being separate means not sharing laundry too. Lots to think about. The sun is calling...more veggies to plant. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FarmGirl Posted May 14, 2010 Author Share Posted May 14, 2010 One more thing: This stay at home mom thing is hard. It's even harder because I'm completely dependent on a man who is controlling and manipulative. I haven't been out of the house since Sunday because of the no car thing. He's been very *clear* about needing his car every day which is total BS, but I don't fight it so I don't rock the boat. Now my car is almost ready (maybe today) & he is throwing up TONS of road blocks why he can't take me to go get it!?!?!? Gah. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts