Today .. my MM showed me a picture ...

[Lizzie60]

Maybe they just have a high sex drive Seriously though everyone knows that the oldest saying in the book by a MM in a A is I don't get it at home

 

And everyone knows that, most of the time, it's true.. just read the threads here about male LSers who hardly get any at home..

[xxoo]

And everyone knows that, most of the time, it's true.. just read the threads here about male LSers who hardly get any at home..

 

But you believe that 95%+ men cheat?

Does that imply 95%+ men hardly get any at home?

 

Curious

[Lizzie60]

But you believe that 95%+ men cheat?

Does that imply 95%+ men hardly get any at home?

 

Curious

 

No.. not necessarily.. but a large percentage, either don't get as much as they'd want.. or they're starved in one department.. oral, sexiness (lingerie, sexy mood, etc.).. sexual variety.. etc.

[Miad's Princess]

a large percentage, either don't get as much as they'd want.. or they're starved in one department.. oral, sexiness (lingerie, sexy mood, etc.).. sexual variety.. etc.

 

One thing that everyone knows is 100% of (cheats) are liars. So whatever they tell you should be taken with a pinch of salt.

[dazzle22]

Lizzie - don't mistake a "friend" as a business transaction. you are in it to make money - they are willing to pay. big difference between a business transaction and friends.

 

they pay for services you provide... that's all it is to you - remember you've said that?

 

 

Any reference post or confirmation or denial from source?

[JustJoe]

MS 2 sure, I am the least subtle of people. I never intended to use your posts for any other purpose than what I stated. YOU say that in your affairs, that YOU recieved gifts, rent money, cars. etc. I never said any of that , those were your own words. I was just trying to understand the nature of your relationships, NOTHING more....Okay? If I gave you any other impression, I am truly sorry for it, and will never mention it again. If Liz's MM's feel comfortable enough to show her pics of the family, all well and good, but I would question if that is real friendship. So I guess my question would be to all of you. Is the MM trying to assuage his guilt by showing Liz the pictures? Or by including Liz in what is essentially HIS betrayal, not Liz's, is he somehow feeling empowered? These are the questions I'm interested in having answered.

[pureinheart]

My 'scout dad' ... for the first time in 7 years showed me a picture of his wife and kids...

 

When we first started seeing each other, his youngest was about 3 years old...

 

We talked a lot about his W and kids.. but since he's terrified to be caught.. he never showed me pictures.. and I never asked..

 

I know where his business is... he is a very successful businessman...

 

I had imagined his W completely the opposite of what I've seen in the pic.. I thought she was tall and skinny, with dark short hair... funny how we picture people ... I don't find they match together...

 

I have to admit that I was a little bit flattered by his 'trust'...

 

Ya, it's interesting how we picture others in our minds without ever seeing them.

 

I'm trying not to do that anymore because I'm always wrong...lol...

[mitchell]

Were she and the kids crying in the photo because their husband and father betrayed them?

[Lizzie60]

Were she and the kids crying in the photo because their husband and father betrayed them?

 

 

Nope..they all look verrrry happy..

[Fallen Angel]

Were she and the kids crying in the photo because their husband and father betrayed them?

 

I just want to go on record with my view that the sexual and/or emotional relationship of a parent is in no way a "betrayal" of their children.

 

It is a betrayal of the spouse for sure, but the betrayal of the parent does not equal a betrayal of the child.

 

I could have had so many penises stuck in me that I was like a pin cushion, and guess what? It would have been no more of a betrayal of my children than if I had none.

 

The only way a parent can betray a child is to turn their back on said child. To not participate in their upbringing, to abandon them. THAT would be a betrayal. Since the children are not involved in a sexual relationship with the parent, there is no way that a sexual act could betray their relationship.

[Lizzie60]

FA-Are you saying that daddy hurting mommy doesn't hurt the kids as well? Just trying to understand.

 

But daddy is not hurting mommy, because mommy has no idea and daddy is much happier now that his sexual needs are met.. therefore mommy is happier because there is no more pressure for sex.. then the kids are happier because mommy and daddy are happier..

[2sunny]

But daddy is not hurting mommy, because mommy has no idea and daddy is much happier now that his sexual needs are met.. therefore mommy is happier because there is no more pressure for sex.. then the kids are happier because mommy and daddy are happier..

 

Lizzie - i see this as you assuming the W doesn't want sex with her H.

 

many of my married friends would LOVE MORE sex with their H and they don't get it from him... please don't make such a broad brush stroke and assume that all wives don't want a lot of sex with hubby.

 

FWIW - great and really frequent (at least every day - sometimes 2-3 times a day) sex is probably what kept my 20 year marriage together as long as it did.

 

some men are never satisfied or are narcissistic - in that they need more or think they deserve more variety.

 

do you have any MM that state they get it a lot at home but just want some variety?

[Fallen Angel]

FA-Are you saying that daddy hurting mommy doesn't hurt the kids as well? Just trying to understand.

 

I am saying that the affair itself is not a betrayal of the children.

 

If the marriage becomes emotionally abusive due to the affair, then yes, daddy hurting mommy hurts the children. If the children are put in the middle of a fight over the affair then yes, daddy hurting mommy hurts the children.

 

But, for example in my situation, if mommy is aware of the situation and is content with the status quo, and daddy is happier because of the affair, and the marriage is not being disolved due to the affair, then where is the betrayal of the children?

 

In my case I know that I have had some positive influence over my sweteheart and how he deals with his child.

 

While he tends to be very loving and forgiving of my children's mistakes, he has a tendancy to hold his own child (the same age as my oldest) to a higher standard. And to dole out discipline accordingly.

 

My influence on him has been that through my eyes, he has been able to see his own child with a clearer eye. And to deal with his child with a softer approach. How is that a betrayal of his child?

[Miad's Princess]

But daddy is not hurting mommy, because mommy has no idea and daddy is much happier now that his sexual needs are met.. therefore mommy is happier because there is no more pressure for sex.. then the kids are happier because mommy and daddy are happier..

 

Until dday comes and it explodes in everyone's faces

[Lizzie60]

Until dday comes and it explodes in everyone's faces

 

I trust my MMs for being extra careful... we BOTH are extremely careful, we don't take unecessary chances EVER..

[fooled once]

 

Joe - this is the not the first of your posts to attempt to imply that my experience with affairs was as a prostitute or a professional.

Your jabs, which you almost immediately apologize for, stating you are a "newbie" sound as passive aggressive as they are. And by the way, I dont think you are a newbie at all.

 

I would prefer if you no longer use my posts to other members as an opportunity to name call. You are not as subtle as you seem to think.

 

TOTALLY AGREE!!

 

Lizzie - i see this as you assuming the W doesn't want sex with her H.

 

many of my married friends would LOVE MORE sex with their H and they don't get it from him... please don't make such a broad brush stroke and assume that all wives don't want a lot of sex with hubby.

 

FWIW - great and really frequent (at least every day - sometimes 2-3 times a day) sex is probably what kept my 20 year marriage together as long as it did.

 

some men are never satisfied or are narcissistic - in that they need more or think they deserve more variety.

 

do you have any MM that state they get it a lot at home but just want some variety?

 

Why do people always think the wife is withholding? Maybe the husband sucks in bed? Maybe the husband isn't 'doing it' for his wife anymore? Maybe he just doesn't turn her on? Why is it blaming is always laid at the wife's feet...if she just put out more, if she just dressed up sexy more, if she just.....(fill in the blank)? What about if he just helped out more, she may not be so tired? what about if he actually took the time to ensure she was getting some satisfaction? What if he brushed his teeth or rinsed off first and wasn't stinky? What if he didn't let himself go? What if he tried foreplay more? What if he actually planned a romantic get away for them? What if he .. (fill in the blank)?

 

Not one single person outside the married couple KNOWS what goes on at home. Most of what we hear on here is conjecture and assumptions..and probably a bunch of lies from the MM Maybe if he was honest with his wife and/or himself there would be no need for the services of someone like Lizzie?

 

As for affairs not being a betrayal for the kids -- I believe it IS a betrayal. Betrayal because instead of being out with the OW, dad could be at home with his kids, playing ball, helping with homework, reading a bedtime story. So in MY view, dad IS short changing his kids unless he is doing all of his cheating while (a) the kids are in school or (b) it is after the kids go to bed. Other than that, in MY mind, it is a betrayal. And I do believe cheating is emotionally abusive - UNLESS the cheater tells his/her partner that they are out getting sex elsewhere. Unless the cheater is honest with the spouse, then it is emotionally abusive. And I highly doubt the MM out there are telling their wives they are off to meet their girlfriend, sex buddy, etc.

[JustJoe]

I would still respectfully like an answer to my questions. What is the reason that the MM showed Liz the pics? What is in his mind, that he would (indirectly) involve Liz in his family life? What type of gratification does he get? In my case, I wanted to know NOTHING about her H and her h's family, and forbid that subject being brought up. I realize that I'm a single OM and the dynamics are different, but I am trying to understand not what causes affairs, but what besides sex, is the motivation for an affair to continue. Why would an MM share his "other", life with his AP?

[Lizzie60]

Wow.. I think you're overanalysing this...

 

He showed me a pic of the new house they're building.. and at the same time, he asked me if I wanted to see the pic of his kids.. (we often talk about them).. in one of them, his W was in the pic... he showed me a few pics with his W in it..

 

he wasn't specifically showing me his W...

 

gosh people.. what's the big deal with showing pics..

[CarrieT]

gosh people.. what's the big deal with showing pics..

 

Oh, Lizzie... we are just fascinated by you and your life and just want to have fun picking apart every little bit...

 

:laugh:

[Lizzie60]

Oh, Lizzie... we are just fascinated by you and your life and just want to have fun picking apart every little bit...

 

:laugh:

 

 

Oh my.. your life must be boring then.......

[CarrieT]

Oh my.. your life must be boring then.......

 

Right now -- for me -- yes...

 

No men, no prospects, and no interest in advertising for such (the only way I've met anyone in the last two years).

[Owl]

I doubt that there were any "hidden meanings" in him showing Lizzie the pics.

 

He showed the pics 'cause he's proud of his family. He likely considers her at least a friend, if not more than that in some fashion. Ergo, he showed off the pics.

 

Pretty much that basic is my guess.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

TOTALLY AGREE!!

 

 

 

Why do people always think the wife is withholding? Maybe the husband sucks in bed? Maybe the husband isn't 'doing it' for his wife anymore? Maybe he just doesn't turn her on? Why is it blaming is always laid at the wife's feet...if she just put out more, if she just dressed up sexy more, if she just.....(fill in the blank)? What about if he just helped out more, she may not be so tired? what about if he actually took the time to ensure she was getting some satisfaction? What if he brushed his teeth or rinsed off first and wasn't stinky? What if he didn't let himself go? What if he tried foreplay more? What if he actually planned a romantic get away for them? What if he .. (fill in the blank)?

 

Not one single person outside the married couple KNOWS what goes on at home. Most of what we hear on here is conjecture and assumptions..and probably a bunch of lies from the MM Maybe if he was honest with his wife and/or himself there would be no need for the services of someone like Lizzie?

 

As for affairs not being a betrayal for the kids -- I believe it IS a betrayal. Betrayal because instead of being out with the OW, dad could be at home with his kids, playing ball, helping with homework, reading a bedtime story. So in MY view, dad IS short changing his kids unless he is doing all of his cheating while (a) the kids are in school or (b) it is after the kids go to bed. Other than that, in MY mind, it is a betrayal. And I do believe cheating is emotionally abusive - UNLESS the cheater tells his/her partner that they are out getting sex elsewhere. Unless the cheater is honest with the spouse, then it is emotionally abusive. And I highly doubt the MM out there are telling their wives they are off to meet their girlfriend, sex buddy, etc.

 

Stay on the Marriage Section.... Anyways I'll tell you maybe that is 10% of the cases. Maybe another 20% are just narcissistic aholes... Add another 15% who just find their spouses unattractive (sorry I will say that ugly word weight gain , no effort to do anything about it while they have remained the same).... So I will say 2/3rds are cheating because they don't get it at home regardless of what they do.....

 

I love these spurious arguments.

[Fallen Angel]

I doubt that there were any "hidden meanings" in him showing Lizzie the pics.

 

He showed the pics 'cause he's proud of his family. He likely considers her at least a friend, if not more than that in some fashion. Ergo, he showed off the pics.

 

Pretty much that basic is my guess.

 

I agree in this situation that is exactly waht it is.

 

However I feel that sometimes in EAs they share the pictures as a way of bringing their "other" as far into their lives as possible given the situation; a way of sharing the things, events, and people that are important to them. My sweetheart often shares pictures of his children, grandchildren, events etc with me. But the only picture I have ever seen of his wife is one in which she was on the periphery of the photo.. only one arm visible in the shot.

[Owl]

I agree in this situation that is exactly waht it is.

 

However I feel that sometimes in EAs they share the pictures as a way of bringing their "other" as far into their lives as possible given the situation; a way of sharing the things, events, and people that are important to them. My sweetheart often shares pictures of his children, grandchildren, events etc with me. But the only picture I have ever seen of his wife is one in which she was on the periphery of the photo.. only one arm visible in the shot.

 

Makes sense to me.

 

In your case, he really wants a relationship (I'm assuming) with you, and so he's emotionally investing in his relationship with you by sharing what he can of the "rest" of his life. At the same time, he's trying to 'compartmentalize' his wife out of the equation by avoiding any pics that include her where he can.

 

In Lizzie's case, I think her MM would all LIKE to have a further relationship with her, but she's the one who actively maintains the boundaries in how far things go in their relationships. I also think that there's less of a need to 'compartmentalize' the wife out of the equation, since in her situation she's always made it clear that it's not a competition between her and the wives...she's not trying to 'win' the MM to be with her more permanently...so there's less concern about showing a pic of the wife as well.