Kim's Coping Log

[kimflute26]

I was inspired by RM's log so decided to make my own. My relationship lasted a mere two months but somehow I'm taking it harder than any other breakup (I was with one guy for 9 months and another for 2 years before this most recent ex). The reason I'm taking it so hard is because I feel I was largely at fault and can't stop thinking about what could've been. The ex said he would "always be there for me. not in that way, but as a friend..." Honestly there's nothing he could've said that ripped me up more than hearing the words "not in that way."

 

Today has SUCKED. I went out to get something to eat and that Rascal Flatts song, "What Hurts The Most" came on. Was the perfect thing to get me bawling in a public place. I went home feeling numb and decided I would just go to sleep. Slept for maybe 5 hours and dreamed about stuff that didn't really involve my ex (I think). That sleep was blissful because for a short time I was taken into a different world where this breakup didn't exist. I can't tell you how horrible I felt when I woke up and realized this is my reality. I swear sometimes it feels so surreal, almost fake, and just plain not right.

 

My apartment is quiet.... The ex has been texting every day but so far nothing today. I didn't respond to his last message so that's probably why. Haven't really gone NC yet.... still floundering around wondering what I should do. I wish I could wake up from this like a bad dream... I also wish I could know what the heck is going on in his head. I know he must be thinking about me, but I hope it isn't thoughts like "Yup, that relationship never would've worked." Ugh...

 

I'm useless right now. I have urges to watch movies like The Notebook. I might even do that. I want him to text me so I'll feel happy for like 2 seconds. I want him to come back. Those are my real thoughts, as sad as they are. And you know what sucks? At this point I realize every damn thing I did wrong in the relationship and would be a model gf if given another chance. Why couldn't I have realized everything that I know now, maybe I don't know.... 3 weeks ago? THIS SUCKS.

Edited March 27, 2010 by kimflute26

[Rearden Metal]

FIRST. Obviously. I'm the new crowned prince of LS. (self appointed)

 

Spill the beans, why are you at fault? What did you do?

[kimflute26]

Lol thanks for replying. Ok well... it's hard to admit what I did since I feel so damn lame for it. But...

 

Uhh well for some side info I'm 20 and my ex is 18. I know... very young. But whatever. This semester he decided to join a fraternity so suddenly we went from talking all day to a wholleeeee lot less than that. Long story short, I panicked. I saw the huge drop in communication and thought it meant the relationship was changing or dissolving. So I made an ass out of myself for a while with asking questions like "Are things still the same between us?". I also started over-analyzing everything. As our communication dropped it made me look at even normal things in abnormal ways. If he posted a comment on a friend's picture telling her she "looks pretty" I'd get jealous. I know it's not because I'm a jealous person persay... It was because I was already worrying all th time. To top it off I also went through a rough time this semester... Struggled through a couple of my classes and had a hard time making friends as a new transfer student at my school. So I basically became an emo loser and my boyfriend picked up on it.

 

What kills is the good times we shared. The fact that he pretty much was an angel and I'm the one that messed it up. Intimately we were amazing... and he also was like my best friend in how well we got along (when I wasn't being an emo bitch). Last time I visited him we'd chase each other around the room, slam each other against the wall in elevators, dance... I mean it was great! ****. Thinking about those memories tears my heart out. I want a ****ing time machine.

Edited March 28, 2010 by kimflute26

[RobM]

I know it's hard to do but you just gotta realize it's over, relax and live your life and you will meet someone new. If it helps maybe you should take what you've written here and put it an a nice email and tell him you're sorry for how you acted, then let it go.

[Rearden Metal]

Kim-

 

It sounds to me like you've learned some valuable lessons during this relationship. If you pay attention to what you've learned, you will be much better adjusted and "qualified" to maintain a loving, adult relationship in the near future.

 

What you need to focus on is the negative emotions you had, and try to face the source of them to beat the bad habits. Counseling may help (it has for me).

 

And yes, you both are very young. I had deeply meaningful relationships at 18, met my ex wife at 20 and married at 23, so I won't totally discount your story due to age...BUT I will say that now, at 32, having had 3 substantial relationships in my adult life, that my vantage point is miiiiiiiiles away from where it was 12 years ago.

 

In short, pick yourself up and stop beating yourself up. Forgive yourself and work HARD not to recreate the mistakes you've made. That, you can consider a victory.

[kimflute26]

Thank you for your replies... they mean so much. I can't stop crying. I feel hopeless right now. All I want to do is contact my ex and tell him how diffrent things would be if we had another chance.

[Rearden Metal]

Thank you for your replies... they mean so much. I can't stop crying. I feel hopeless right now. All I want to do is contact my ex and tell him how diffrent things would be if we had another chance.

 

I'll tell you what my mother always told me. And she'd know, she's seen it all:

 

This too, shall pass.

[GrayClouds]

Uhh well for some side info I'm 20 and my ex is 18. I know... very young. But whatever. This semester he decided to join a fraternity so suddenly we went from talking all day to a wholleeeee lot less than that. Long story short, I panicked. I saw the huge drop in communication and thought it meant the relationship was changing or dissolving. So I made an ass out of myself for a while with asking questions like "Are things still the same between us?". I also started over-analyzing everything. As our communication dropped it made me look at even normal things in abnormal ways. If he posted a comment on a friend's picture telling her she "looks pretty" I'd get jealous. I know it's not because I'm a jealous person persay... It was because I was already worrying all th time. To top it off I also went through a rough time this semester... Struggled through a couple of my classes and had a hard time making friends as a new transfer student at my school. So I basically became an emo loser and my boyfriend picked up on it.

 

So let me through out a possibility. Yes you will not want to agree but give it a little time and it may seem so far fetched. Take a breath and here goes: you panicked because he was putting distanced between you and him. That deep down inside your heart knew things had changed and you responded to that change. And while you did not respond 100% like you would have wished, your instincts were correct. And while he said everything was the same it was not copacetic with reality and the more you wanted to believe him the more internal confusion happened resulting in emo'ism. This gave him a continent opportunity to end and look like the good guy, letting you take the blame and him not having to have the courage to break up like a real man. And conveniently if all the hot chick down not fall at his feet, he has you in the wings for a ego boost.

 

Again, I know, I know he would ever do that to you, it all your fault for this help you accept feeling bad about the relationship ending. But here is a little secret it was not all your fault, he could have work harder to make you feel secure. Someway between talking all day lot less is a easy middle ground to hit, if he really wanted to he could have found it for you.

 

Allow yourself to grieve for your loss, but understand it take two to make a relationship work and it is always 2 peoples fault when it does not.

[RobM]

I feel hopeless right now. All I want to do is contact my ex and tell him how diffrent things would be if we had another chance.

 

Sit down and write a nice long email to him admitting all the things you did wrong and what you would do different next time, then DON'T SEND IT, just save it to read.

[skydiveaddict]

Sit down and write a nice long email to him admitting all the things you did wrong and what you would do different next time, then DON'T SEND IT, just save it to read.

 

 

I would agree, but she would probably send it in a moment of weakness

[RobM]

I would agree, but she would probably send it in a moment of weakness

 

Ok, write it and post it here then let us review it and tell her if she should send it.

[GrayClouds]

FIRST. Obviously. I'm the new crowned prince of LS. (self appointed)

 

IIIIIIIEeeeeeee , your looking more like a pirate these days sailing the seas of heartache... look out johnny deep:cool:

[Rearden Metal]

IIIIIIIEeeeeeee , your looking more like a pirate these days sailing the seas of heartache... look out johnny deep:cool:

 

Haha!

 

I started rocking a bandana last summer. I like it. Fits my persona well!

 

Funny you say that about pirates. I've long thought pirates were cooler than cowboys, and just as relevant. People dress and sing like cowboys and think it's cool (I don't).

 

So I guess it's fitting

[GrayClouds]

Haha!

 

I started rocking a bandana last summer. I like it. Fits my persona well!

 

Funny you say that about pirates. I've long thought pirates were cooler than cowboys, and just as relevant. People dress and sing like cowboys and think it's cool (I don't).So I guess it's fitting

I suspect it is more about liking a good booty...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLsJyfN0ICU&feature=related

 

 

 

By they way Kim, stay way from the notebook, doing depressing things makes you feel depressed.

 

 

 

.

[kimflute26]

Lol, I don't think I'll be watching the Notebook anytime soon. Besides, Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling dated in real life and they broke up too .

 

Anyway, I snapped out of my depression THANK GOD. RM, ironically I talked to my own mother tonight and she knocked some sense into me... haha. My mom is a strong woman so she knows whats up, so to speak. She told me that I NEED to take this as an opportunity to become a strong woman and grow as a person, and one of the best ways I can do that is by getting involved with things that have everything to do with OTHER PEOPLE and not myself.. (like getting a job, volunteering, etc). I totally agree with that and I think if I could land a job it would do wonders for me at this point in time.

 

I was thiiiiisssssss close to sending a pathetic message or some other pathetic crap to my ex and now I've got my strength back. Slowly I'm starting to accept that the person I ENTERED that relationship with was not a person that was ready to be in a relationship. That person had way too much work to do on herself. Remembering that fact takes away the sting of it not working out between him and I.

 

I've decided not to go total NC with my ex. In this case I feel like requesting no contact from him would seem fake, unnecessary, and like some weird game. I'm doing semi-no contact (meaning, NEVER initiating... letting him come to me). That's what I had been doing up until tonight when I unfortunately broke it and sent him a quick hello. That's not too bad though.... at least I didn't send anything pathetic like I was going to. Do you know that I actually filmed a video of myself playing my guitar and singing a song... FOR HIM?? And considered sending it??????? Thank flipping god I didn't send it. I can do this. I'm gonna look for a job...

 

p.s. I find the pirate video amusing in this thread...

Edited March 28, 2010 by kimflute26
to underline something I REALLY need to remember.

[GrayClouds]

Lol, I don't think I'll be watching the Notebook anytime soon. Besides, Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling dated in real life and they broke up too .

 

Anyway, I snapped out of my depression THANK GOD. RM, ironically I talked to my own mother tonight and she knocked some sense into me... haha. My mom is a strong woman so she knows whats up, so to speak. She told me that I NEED to take this as an opportunity to become a strong woman and grow as a person, and one of the best ways I can do that is by getting involved with things that have everything to do with OTHER PEOPLE and not myself.. (like getting a job, volunteering, etc). I totally agree with that and I think if I could land a job it would do wonders for me at this point in time.

 

I was thiiiiisssssss close to sending a pathetic message or some other pathetic crap to my ex and now I've got my strength back. Slowly I'm starting to accept that the person I ENTERED that relationship with was not a person that was ready to be in a relationship. That person had way too much work to do on herself. Remembering that fact takes away the sting of it not working out between him and I.

 

I've decided not to go total NC with my ex. In this case I feel like requesting no contact from him would seem fake, unnecessary, and like some weird game. I'm doing semi-no contact (meaning, NEVER initiating... letting him come to me). That's what I had been doing up until tonight when I unfortunately broke it and sent him a quick hello. That's not too bad though.... at least I didn't send anything pathetic like I was going to. Do you know that I actually filmed a video of myself playing my guitar and singing a song... FOR HIM?? And considered sending it??????? Thank flipping god I didn't send it. I can do this. I'm gonna look for a job...

 

p.s. I find the pirate video amusing in this thread...

 

very good, congratulations.

 

 

(but I suggest NC is not playing games but a way to give you the space to heal and keep focus on what is important; you. Plus it make it much easier to keep from doing something dumb like... A VIDEO??????????????:lmao::lmao: )

[kimflute26]

LOL.... I know, I know.... But hey I did NOT send it, not going to. In fact I'm gona delete it right now haha. I suck at the guitar anyway. Not *too* worried about the NC thing. I anticipate that we'll have days when he doesn't contact me at all then sometimes he'll pop in and say hey.... and it won't affect me much. I'm not trying to erase him... I'm just going to be ok with letting him do as he pleases while I get my life together.

[Cora]

Hey I'm sorry you are going through this. You seem to be doing better than I am though. Today has been very rough for me! I, like you, was only in a relationship with my guy for a few short months, but it's been the hardest ever to get over!! We just had the official talk a few days ago about it being over. Another thing I have in common with you is that it ended because of me....knowing it was my fault makes it a hell of a lot harder because of all the woulda coulda shoulda's! You don't know how many times I have thought if only I could go back in time things would be different. I swear I would do things differently!

 

We would talk every single night for hours on end and see each other 1-2 times a week. I'm so used to him calling or sending me a text just to say hello and ask how my day went. Those days are over. When we broke up a few days ago he said this wasn't goodbye forever and that he still wanted to remain in touch, but only as friends. I am heartbroken over this!! I keep waiting for a text from him...a hey how you doing?....anything. It is going on day five of no contact. Well, I can't call it no contact because I would talk to him if he contacted me. I know I would because right now I'm too weak. I'm not sure if he ever will really be in touch though. Perhaps it's a good thing though since I don't know what would be harder....never hearing from him again or talking to him knowing it's only as friends and it will never be the same as it once was. It's all I can do not to call, text or go by to see him. But I don't want to look like a desperate fool! I check my phone a million times a day.....I'm so afraid I might of missed a call/text from him. I need to just throw the damn phone out the window. I keep replaying everything over in my mind and how I would do things differently if given the chance or what I would say to him if he ever did contact me. It's pathetic really. I miss him so much and I don't think i've gone a day yet without crying. It's just been tough and it's only been day five of no contact with him. I'm hoping it gets easier. Today has just been difficult and the nights are worst!

[kimflute26]

Cora Cora CORA! I understand you completely. I'm actually thrilled you posted in my thread because you sound soooo much like me. If you want someone to talk to (especially during those times you realllyyyy want to contact your ex) please feel free to contact me. (And I mean that too! PM me, we'll chat here or over instant messenger or something!). Just like you, my relationship ended just recently too (exactly a week ago). Wow.. It sure doesnt seem that long already.

 

In other news....

 

WTF did I just do? I just replied to a random guys message who DOESNT HAVE A PICTURE on OKCupid just because I figured dating would help me move forward. But dang..... I know this guy and I wouldnt be good for each other..lol. And in case you all are wondering, my ex and I never did take down our online profiles for some reason. Really we just never checked them ever. Bleh. Blehblehbleh. Good news is I woke up this morning and I smiled, and thought, "Everything is gonna be ok"..

[GrayClouds]

 

In other news....

 

WTF did I just do? I just replied to a random guys message who DOESNT HAVE A PICTURE on OKCupid just because I figured dating would help me move forward. But dang..... I know this guy and I wouldnt be good for each other..lol. And in case you all are wondering, my ex and I never did take down our online profiles for some reason.

 

VS

 

ironically I talked to my own mother tonight and she knocked some sense into me... haha. My mom is a strong woman so she knows whats up, so to speak. She told me that I NEED to take this as an opportunity to become a strong woman and grow as a person, and one of the best ways I can do that is by getting involved with things that have everything to do with OTHER PEOPLE and not myself.. (like getting a job, volunteering, etc). I totally agree with that

 

Follow your mom advice, stay away for the "Dating" thing for awhile and grow. Let love find you while you find yourself, don't rush your crushes, you have plenty of time.

[Rearden Metal]

ASSS Kickery ITT!

 

You're going to go UP and DOWN. Being aware of it is a huge step to healing. Glad you had a good conversation with your Mom. Mom's are the best <3

[kimflute26]

GrayClouds... what is "VS"?? Is that like a code for something?

 

 

And omg.... so right about the dating thing. I just sent a bunch of messages to some guys just for the hell of it, but honestly I don't want anything to do with them... lol. In my mind my ex is still amazing, perfect.... and all other guys pretty much suck. I have a feeling that the "all other guys suck" thing is going to last a verrrryyyyy long time... I think I'm just gona delete my online profile before anyone replies.

 

****. Apparently I need to have my profile for 24 hours before I can delete it. These losers have 24 hours to say stuff to me... -_-

Edited March 28, 2010 by kimflute26

[spriggig]

GrayClouds... what is "VS"?? Is that like a code for something?

 

 

And omg.... so right about the dating thing. I just sent a bunch of messages to some guys just for the hell of it, but honestly I don't want anything to do with them... lol. In my mind my ex is still amazing, perfect.... and all other guys pretty much suck. I have a feeling that the "all other guys suck" thing is going to last a verrrryyyyy long time... I think I'm just gona delete my online profile before anyone replies.

 

****. Apparently I need to have my profile for 24 hours before I can delete it. These losers have 24 hours to say stuff to me... -_-

 

I've been following this thread. VS is short for versus. He is comparing one of your quotes to the other.

 

Glad mom helped you snap out of it, you found your footing on the NC path, it'll be easier to stay on it with practice. Nothing like mom's voice to really get you to listen.

 

When you said "not in that way" it reminded me early in my breakup from my wife, I talked about possibilities for our future together and she said more than once "maybe back when I cared [that would have been possible]"--absolutely shattered me.

 

Let the pain come when it needs to but continue NC and moving forward.

[GrayClouds]

I've been following this thread. VS is short for versus. He is comparing one of your quotes to the other.

 

And trying to illustrate the contradiction in the statements that your actions may not be constant with previous words.

 

Remember focus on what matters; you and your growth, and make your your actions reflect it.

[kimflute26]

Thank you Spriggig, GreyClouds and everyone else.... you guys are awesome! I agree I need to focus on what's important right now - my growth as a person. That being said: My phone's text message alert went off this morning and I immediately thought to myself, "That's my babyyyy!!!" then proceed to run to the phone, heart pounding and all. I swear I think I forgot he was my ex for a moment. Anyway, I'm determined to find a job or at least start volunteering ASAP.