northstar1 Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 Crap I don't know... Someone on another forum told me deleting him off facebook is like closing the door. I dont want to close the door!!! I'm scared that if i delete him he really WILL move on and wont contact me again. Do you think something like facebook really makes a difference anyway??... I mean.... could deleting the ex off it versus not deleting them actually impact a real chance at reconciliation??? This I am still debating in my own mind... No, the only difference it makes is that it is driving you mental to keep checking it. Deleting will do something, and that is help you move on faster. It won't make your ex come back. Stalking an ex on FB is like sitting in their driveway, watching them through the window, seeing what they are up to, yet still being out in the driveway. Link to post Share on other sites
djentleman Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 Understand: at this point, there was a discrepancy in your compatibility that resulted with a now defunct relationship. It surfaced, and it's time to deal with it. It's like a pimple, and if you're embarrassed and out to quickly fix it, prepare to be disappointed, because it doesn't happen that way! You can continue trying to extract what you can from it in any attempt to rid the bad, when in reality you already have, and you're doing nothing but allowing yourself to develop scars by continuing to pick, instead of taking the time to just let it heal. Close the door, lock it, board it up, and put the dresser in front. If he wants you, and if over time you still want him, then maybe... Otherwise, it's time for you to just be. You want what you don't need right now, no matter how irrational that seems. Trust me, I'm still there. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 Crap I don't know... Someone on another forum told me deleting him off facebook is like closing the door. I dont want to close the door!!! I'm scared that if i delete him he really WILL move on and wont contact me again. Do you think something like facebook really makes a difference anyway??... I mean.... could deleting the ex off it versus not deleting them actually impact a real chance at reconciliation??? This I am still debating in my own mind... If reconciliation is based on blocking or not blocking Facy-facebook then it has as much chance of lasting as a slice of bacon in a chubby dog's dish. So that should not be a factor in making your decision. It is about how you take care of yourself, the things you do that helps you focus on you, and keeping unhelpful habits hampering your healing. block Link to post Share on other sites
Rearden Metal Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 Understand: at this point, there was a discrepancy in your compatibility that resulted with a now defunct relationship. It surfaced, and it's time to deal with it. It's like a pimple, and if you're embarrassed and out to quickly fix it, prepare to be disappointed, because it doesn't happen that way! You can continue trying to extract what you can from it in any attempt to rid the bad, when in reality you already have, and you're doing nothing but allowing yourself to develop scars by continuing to pick, instead of taking the time to just let it heal. Close the door, lock it, board it up, and put the dresser in front. If he wants you, and if over time you still want him, then maybe... Otherwise, it's time for you to just be. You want what you don't need right now, no matter how irrational that seems. Trust me, I'm still there. Exactly right. Patton FTW. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kimflute26 Posted March 29, 2010 Author Share Posted March 29, 2010 I feel like ****. I wonder if he feels like ****. In any case, I'll soon be deciding whether to block him. As of now you all are right, im fb stalking like mad . Link to post Share on other sites
Rearden Metal Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 I feel like ****. I wonder if he feels like ****. In any case, I'll soon be deciding whether to block him. As of now you all are right, im fb stalking like mad . Block. Block BLOCKBLOCKBLOCKBLOCKBLOCK Link to post Share on other sites
djentleman Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 Kim, The answer is cover-up; use some cover-up! Everything everybody recommends here, as far as coping goes (family, friends, hobbies, and any form of being a productive self), is correct. It works. "Getting over it" is a process, and like anything else, it requires work, and there's absolutely no substitute for hard work. You're not necessarily trying to forget the person, but more or less rewiring your brain to function without that person. Simply put, as a realist, your options: feel better or feel worse. Which do you prefer? And, believe me, from time to time (even today), I feel a little nauseous, but it's gotta get worse before it gets better. That's how it always goes! And yes, RM: Patton ftw! Link to post Share on other sites
Author kimflute26 Posted March 29, 2010 Author Share Posted March 29, 2010 Alright ALRIGHT.... Something will be changing very soon. It has to. Because he posted some pictures of himself with his frat today, I saw his smiling face, and proceeded to cry like a BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Was NOT NOT NOT GOOD. In other news: My therapist says there is a difference between concern and anxiety. And I should work on turning unhealthy anxiety into normal concern. He also says that in order to deal with uncertainty, it may help to examine every possible outcome of whatever is uncertain... (such as, it is possible my ex will come back vs. it is possible that he will never come back) and deal with each of those possibilities on an emotional level. As of right now I'm avoiding that second possibility like the plague. More work to be done i guess Link to post Share on other sites
Author kimflute26 Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 (edited) Quick update: Alright so no one kill me, but I'm not gonna delete or block my ex from facebook. That option just isn't for me in this situation. However, I AM implementing day 1 of NOT looking at my ex's profile... starting tomorrow. I already did about 20 times today so tomorrow will be day one ... lol. Earlier he posted some pictures of himself with his frat (as I mentioned in my post above) then interestingly, he posted a status update at around 9pm that simply said "Man up". Of course I immediately assumed he must be having a hard time with this no contact thing that I started. Then again I suppose it could be about something else... but hey, I'm just gonna choose to think what I want . Anyway, I've about gotten through day 1 of no contact, and I feel proud of myself. I definitely experienced that "no contact hangover" this morning and doubted myself, but at this point I KNOW by sending that message I took a clear position of strength. And now I'm about to be strong once again and not look at his online profile anymore. The hardest thing about all this is diving into the unknown.... all the uncertainty. But I know everything I'm doing here is essential for my healing. Hope everyone else in this shack is doing well. Edited March 30, 2010 by kimflute26 Link to post Share on other sites
Rearden Metal Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Quick update: Alright so no one kill me, but I'm not gonna delete or block my ex from facebook. That option just isn't for me in this situation. However, I AM implementing day 1 of NOT looking at my ex's profile... starting tomorrow. I already did about 20 times today so tomorrow will be day one ... lol. Earlier he posted some pictures of himself with his frat (as I mentioned in my post above) then interestingly, he posted a status update at around 9pm that simply said "Man up". Of course I immediately assumed he must be having a hard time with this no contact thing that I started. Then again I suppose it could be about something else... but hey, I'm just gonna choose to think what I want . Anyway, I've about gotten through day 1 of no contact, and I feel proud of myself. I definitely experienced that "no contact hangover" this morning and doubted myself, but at this point I KNOW by sending that message I took a clear position of strength. And now I'm about to be strong once again and not look at his online profile anymore. The hardest thing about all this is diving into the unknown.... all the uncertainty. But I know everything I'm doing here is essential for my healing. Hope everyone else in this shack is doing well. I'm thoroughly unconvinced that you believe ANY of what you just wrote. But, hun, I just want you to feel better. And stay true to yourself. So go at your pace. Eventually, you'll see why so many people sound like parrots on here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kimflute26 Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 Noooooooooooo, I believe it all! I really really do. If I **** it up anyway I'll swallow these words and come clean, but that's not gonna happen . I have full confidence!!!!! *stay tuned for next episode....* Link to post Share on other sites
Rearden Metal Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Noooooooooooo, I believe it all! I really really do. If I **** it up anyway I'll swallow these words and come clean, but that's not gonna happen . I have full confidence!!!!! *stay tuned for next episode....* Oh...you're cute Kim! Have a great night! Link to post Share on other sites
Author kimflute26 Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 Alright I ****ed up. Still not gonna delete him though. *slinks away*... Link to post Share on other sites
Author kimflute26 Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 (edited) By the way... I've decided that my display name is too identifiable.... So I'm going to let this log become buried under other posts and will restart another log from where i've left off .. under a different name. Haven't decided on the name yet... I'll link to the other log later when I create it. Edited March 30, 2010 by kimflute26 Link to post Share on other sites
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