Can I get her back? (Part II)

[lost_in_chgo]

did she?

 

In my last conversation with my ex, she started to ask what my job was like, if I liked it, was I happy there.

She didn't get around to asking personal feelings, but it was a step in the right direction.

 

Most everyone is telling me to lie to her and tell her how I am dating the planet, but I've decided to tell her the truth and tell her i'm fine.

 

I did tell her when we last talked that she could email or IM me anytime and that I missed chatting with her. Which, my friends have said was perfect, or a terrible idea, or completely pathetic, depending on their own personal way of twisting what I say to mean what they want it to mean.

 

I'm keeping it honest and low key.

I did nothing to push her into anything, yet she completely disappeared again.

That was a month ago, and this weekend is her 30th b-day.

 

So what I got out of that is that she still is not ready, but that losing me completely from her life is not what she wants. She's actually still trying to get me to work at her workplace again. But for some reason, maintaining contact is too much for her.

 

When she gets to the point where she is asking me about my love life, I will take it as a huge positive sign.

[KitWalker]

When she asks about your love life Lost, how is that a positive sign? Does that mean she's hoping you say "yes there is someone" so that she doesnt feel so bad and move on? Or is she hoping that its "no theres nobody" so that she can maybe come back again? Or maybe its even "no theres nobody" and shes thinking "geez....he's still not over me"? These are the kind of thoughts that go through my head!

 

I spoke to the ex today, she rang me to ask me what time I was goin to her place as I had to pick up a couple of things i forgot the last time and I had a few of her things mixed up with mine when I picked up the last lot of stuff. We got chatting and she told me that she had recently purchased a white rabbit as she's been lonely at home and it was to keep her company? She said that she feels the loneliest on a Monday as thats when she drags the bins in from the kerb to her house like the single women do on tv shows?

 

Now.........is there any sort of reason she is telling me this? Am i supposed to be taking a hint??? Any thoughts or suggestions?

[lost_in_chgo]

Well yeah.

I hope so.

Why not tell her to give you a call if she feels lonely and wants to talk.

Just offer to be there for her, not anything more and she how she takes it from there.

Seems like a critical point here. Don't drive her away with pleas or demands.

ah, but you know all this already

 

Have you noticed there are alot of people here getting contact from the ex's at the same time?

Maybe it's a seasonal thing...

[KitWalker]

yes I have noticed mate.....dunno if its seasonal or we're all drinking the same water????

 

No, i dont plan on pleading or demanding, far from it. Im kinda glad and more relaxed in knowing she's on her own...sad that im not with her, but hey hopefully something will eventuate from this??

 

We were going to meet up yesterday as I had to pick up a letter from her from the insurance from last year! Anyway, i waited at her work like we had organised and we said hello (kissed and had a longgggggggg hug) and then started chatting! I reckon that we could've chatted for ages if time had allowed us, unfortunately we both had to be somewhere! We hugged for a long time, not the quick hello/goodbye hug, but the longgggggggg squeeze tight and hold on hug.....we did that a few times actually, about 4 times????

 

NOw I dont know if a hug is meant to mean anything? Or is it? getting confusing now??? I handed her the stuff I had to give her, but she had forgotten to bring the letter? I said not to worry and can get it another time. She was apologetic and said that we could zip back to her place right then and pick it up? I declined as I knew she had to get to her brothers bday and it would only make her late! I said another time, she offered to post it? I said whichever, Im not too fussed. I got an SMS from her this morning to say that she has the letter in her hand and that she would post or courier it or if I want, I can go and pick it up off her? I suggested maybe we could meet up and she could give it to me over a meal or something? She replied and said definately next week after she finishes her assignment which is due on Wednesday, anytime after that!

 

So now.......plans will be to see each other again next week, no mention about realtionships, getting back or anything of the sort. She was telling me she was applying for jobs here etc, which I assume means that she wont be going away now?

 

Am i looking into the hugs too much?

[lost_in_chgo]

Kit I wish I could get a face to face with mine.

Been almost a week since her birthday. No contact from me for that.

At valentines she waited almost two weeks and then emailed me.

 

I'm hoping she reaches out again, but it's been two months since our last converstaion and I think I'm waiting for a 90 day wonder to expire here.

 

The hugs are big in my book, but you have to judge for yourself.

I look at it as positive, but you should continue as you have been.

Let her progress things.

 

How's it been this last week?

[KitWalker]

Hey Lost,

 

Been kinda quiet.....when I had met her to swap stuff over, she had forgotten the letter that was part of the reason we had to meet! She felt bad and wanted me to go to her place to get it, but i said its ok, she can give it to me sometime this week. She offered to post it or courier it, i said dont worry, not to go through the trouble, said that she could meet up with me sometime and give it to me if she liked? Which she smiled and said that would be good. Said that her assignment is due on wed (2 days ago) and that she's free after that. I left the ball in her court and told her that she could call/sms and let me know when we can catch up!

 

Havent heard boo from her as yet........I had hoped she would have contacted me after she had handed in her assignment?

 

Hugs are huge in my book too. Especially the long lasting, squeezing type kind.....normally reserved for those 'special' to you? The fact that I had received multiple.....well, that surprised me and even pleased me! But I dont want to get my hopes up as from past experience.....

 

Lost, we're in the same boat mate, sometimes you dont hear anything, sometimes you do? I sent a plain card for V-day and I heard nothing in return at all?????? you did!

[lost_in_chgo]

Well, nothing for awhile.

 

I've come to a realization though.

When last we spoke, she was asking about whether I would come back to work there. And if I liked my job.

 

I've realized that she was looking for clearance to date someone at work and was holding off in case I was going to work there. I haven't called to verify this, but all of my sources there went silent at the same time.

 

So called friends that can't be trusted to provide even a small amount of information.

 

I hate everything.

[backspn]

I saw my ex 2 weeks ago for the first time since we split 6 months ago and we hugged that way too. Long lasting, about 30 seconds, and tight squeezing. The only thing I could make of it is that she was glad to see me. I'm not reading into it tho....she'll come around and we'll hang out again soon....then she'll be mine again, hopefully.

[PR]

Yes, listen to Reckless. Those letters should NEVER be sent. I've been there too.

[KitWalker]

Been a while since I've last posted on this website, although from time to time I do come back to have a look and see how everyone is. Seen a few names on here that i still remember, LOST, good to see that you're still around mate, hows things been? Any progress as yet?

 

In regards to my situation, I've not heard from my ex since the last "above" meet that I mentioned. It was in October 03 that she ended it, its now coming up to the 2nd year I've been without her.

 

Sure I have been going out and seeing other ladies, been doing the dates and even been with a particular lady for a period of time....but still not the same and still nobody whom i would want to end up with like I did with her. I've tried every thing possible to get her out of my head, but there's always some nagging little thought or something to jolt my memory to what we had....

 

Mmmmmmmmmm any of the 'old faces' still around with news on their front?

[mandrews1119]

Hey Kit; Lost:

 

Mandrews still here too!! I look in every now and then. I have tried to get past the point of reading ANYTHING INTO ANYTHING!! I don't need the drama, and I don't need the roller-coaster ride right now. Personally, I have had a couple of e-mails, but I don't know what they were for or about, so I let it just be. Cordial response, nothing more. I am at a different emotional place now, and I choose not to embarass myself or read into things. I guess I am still trying to make life work without too much hurt. good to see you guys are still here, I am too. Mandrews out.

[NatoPMT]

Hi Kit!!!

 

All I can add to what I said at christmas is that you behaved admirably after you and your ex split, you really got yourself together and I hope you recognise how far you came from when we first talked in 2003. You have grown so much - so what is it that’s holding you back from your future? Is it just that you haven’t met anyone that’s special enough, or that you are still thinking of her? Each relationship you have is different, and not having the infatuation-oh-my-god-I-have-to-see-her-now-before-I-pop which can cloud your judgement could make way for an ability to be able to see who is more likely to be right for you – THEN you can go all out with the streamers and fireworks – but after it comes when you know and trust someone its much more fun. Each relationship you have should add to you, not take away – if it takes your ability to trust or love, you need more time on your own – are you scared of getting hurt again? You should make peace with yourself, you messed up originally but you more than made up for those mess ups in how you dealt with things – you wont make the same mistakes again – trust yourself kit. Get to know the ladies before you get involved with them and then you will know that you actually are compatible.

 

BB x

[NatoPMT]

p.s. my news is still the same - had a lovely time in thailand and bf still absolutely wonderful. mosquito bites have lasted longer than my tan. baaaaah

[lost_in_chgo]

Well, Glad to hear everyone is still kicking.

 

 

I'm nowhere, but it doesn't bother me as much.

I've moved over to the dating forum with some new attempts.

Tried the online dating thing, lots of msgs from Russia

A few locals, but older women mainly. Not what I need right now.

Had a few replies to some emails I sent to ladies, but nothing has turned into a date.

 

I reached back into my past to a girl I knew about 10 yrs ago, who was too young for me at the time. I never did anything with her then, though I wanted to for sure and have sorta regretted not, and still think I did the right thing all at the same time. Well, she called back and we chatted a bit and she was supposed to call me back to set a time for dinner the following Tuesday, but never did. I called on Friday, but no reply. So again, it's her ballgame. It was an interesting conversation though. She jumped straight to telling me she was seeing someone and wasn't sure if they are breaking up or not. So she may be resolving that. Or not. I'd sure rather have her than the ex w/ her five kids, but then I've never really dated this one and haven't seen her in ten years. Just an occassion talk on the phone and a card. Her b-day is next month. Think I should try again with a b-day card?

 

 

As far as the ex goes, I started regular contact with her. At least three times a week. Then I cut her off a month or two ago. She's been emailing me every couple weeks now to ask questions. She said, "sounds like things have been going ok for you". I said, "Yes it's been a pretty good year, things are going really well."

 

I've been giving her one line responses to her questions. There's a possibility that her work may be calling me for some consulting. But I've been hearing that for awhile and there are some politics involved.

 

Damned if I know how I am going to handle that. Do I want to work with her?

And she got herself a guy from out of state. He relocated here and moved in with her and her kids.

 

Ain't life grand?

 

 

I've managed to keep about 40 lbs of the 60 I lost over the last year and a half so there is that.

Though with this latest rejection I put on a few. Then I hit the trails and worked it back off.

 

 

Lost

[KitWalker]

Hey Peoples!!!

 

Back again after another bit of time away from the forum. This time I've come back with news......good or bad depending on what side of the 'breakup' fence you're on?

 

A quick summary, at the end of October 03, my g/friend of 18mths broke it off with me as we had stopped communicating (Read Can I get her Back), anyway, i was crushed! She was the "one" for me and no amount of pleading, crying and begging would make her change her mind....you can read all about it in my threads.

 

I've done the no contact rule, the sending gifts, the emails...the short responses, the quick chats, everything.......fast forward to now.....May 05, and Im happy to say that I've met someone else and that im feeling great about this young lady!

 

In between the time from my break up and time til now, i have gone out on other dates, i've worked on improving myself both physically and mentally and I can happily say its all paid off as I am now together with a beautiful young lady that can understand me like we were made for each other!

 

The reason im on here is not to gloat, its not to rub salt in some of your wounds, but to tell you that there IS a possibility that you will meet someone else that you thought you could never find! Its taken me around 2years, but Im glad I didnt stop looking! Believe me when I say that i felt that women were the purge of this universe when i first broke up, but after calming down and being rational, Im happy to say that just cos one lady/man didnt work out for you, its not the case with everyone else!

 

In regards to my 'ex'.....i havent heard from her since Xmas 04 where she sent me a 'blanket' xmas card with no personal msg except for a "wish you a happy xmas and may 05 bring u as much joy and happiness as 04 did"......

 

I've not attemtped to contact her and I dotn know what she's doing.....all i do know, is that if she did come back to me now.... shoe would be on the other foot!!!

 

keep all your chins up! Theres definately someone out there for everyone!

[caretoomuch]

Hi Kit and others,

 

It has been at least a year since my last post and I thought I would just check up the old site. Since Kit has posted his news I felt obligated to also post an update.

 

Well after being broken up for 11 months (including an 8 month no contact period) my ex finally contacted me out of the blue in Sept 04. Just smsed and asked if she could come over. So she did and we caught up and the old pysical attraction was still there but a certain amount of trepidation also. We talked for about 3 hours and then I had plans to go out. We left each other agreeing to keep in contact. I was in heaven and prepared to re-ignite the old relationship.

 

However fate stepped in and that night I met a woman that I had known for the past 17 years through my navy days. She had been married to one of my best friends but they had been divorced for 4 years. She just came up and grabbed me and kissed me. And that was that ... it has been 8 months of bliss and we are very strong together now. With 17 years of friendship we had a great base for a lasting realtionship.

 

So the ex calls from time to time and we have gone a few dates when my new lady and i had a few hard times but i eventually realised that this new lady was so much better for me than the ex. Fate i believe saved me from just falling back into the ex and whilst the magic of a reconciliation was there I luckily was given a better option.

 

I suppose the moral of the story supports what Kit posted above .... that there is someone better out there and in time she / he will appear for all of you.

 

Good luck to you all

 

Caretoomuch

[sarah12]

Good for you guys!

 

It's always nice when people come back with their success stories. I know my story was somewhere in here as well.

 

Quick update: He went back to the ex about 5 months after, and they are now on/off all the time, but I still see him (b/c we have mutual friends) despite his gf's wishes (he lies to her). It's been 1.5 years since we last ended things, and I still have feelings for him that need to be resolved, as does he, but we haven't talked about it. I plan to come clean with the ex about all my feelings and thoughts since we've broken up, not in hopes to get together again, but just for closure for both of us. I know he would appreciate it (he's brought it up on a couple of occasions).

 

I can count on 2 fingers how many dates I've been on since we broke up (yes, 2 dates in 1.5 years), even though I have been offered countless times, they just don't seem to measure up. I'm not hopeless though, I know my time will come, but it's definitely draining sometimes.