Character Assasination

[bg101299]

So I know I've been very, very stupid. 16 years ago had a short relationship with a city guy from the neighborhood here. He hurt me and it did not end well. Then he went to prison for 15 years. I am not a city girl, am from a good family, have aspirations and am a good person. I'm 10 years sober and working hard at a 2nd 12-step cycle that's affording me much.

 

Right after my 4th step (lots of digging, I was raw and probably lonely) this man came home. We started a close friendship as we both have a relationship with God. He has many hopes too and seemed changed. The friendship turned into romance but fairly quickly I saw that he was going back to the neighborhood ways and didn't seem to have tools enough to see the truth or the right thing to do in situations.

 

I broke it off. He was very, very hurt. I felt guilty and went back. This happened 3 different times as I tried to get him to work some sort of program or get some support other than his sister who will justify him in anything. He wouldn't do it so I broke it off for good. Problem is, I knew I had hurt him and myself and couldn't let go it seems...sort of had a meltdown and tried to fix how I felt by texting and calling him. He had warned me before break up #4 that if I left him again he'd never speak to me. Finally, his tough sister called me yelling, swearing, and threatening. Mind you, we're all in our 40's.

 

I called him about 5 days later to apologize for my part, I was very sincere and laid out everything I did wrong in a very honest way. He has made no apology back to me. He doesn't see the point since there's nothing he wants now. But here's the thing: I can deal with him "pitying" me (my future will prove otherwise) but I can't deal with the fact that everytime I set foot out my front door, I get ignored and dirty looks from the people whom I spent the lat 15 years building relationships with. I have worked hard in my community and stayed sober and this is my home. I never breathed his name to anyone here, but because he involved his sister and probably other people, the entire community knows our business from his point of view.

 

Yes, there is stuff I'm uncovering now as to why I got involved with this person. No, I had no business hurting him at this time in his life. I feel horrific about it. But isn't character assasinating going a little far? What the hell was I thinking? How do I get past this?

Edited March 28, 2010 by bg101299