candymoon Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 Well I'm glad to hear your updates and clarifications, alan... the fights are normally about things that are so small I can't remember. Let's see - yesterday it was because I stayed late at work and when I got home she was in a mood about it. Last weekend I was out with a friend and texted her to let her know I was just going to stay over at his. Apparently, she was asleep when I texted and it woke her up. In general, most of the arguments seem to focus on something I have or have not done.... I believe there was also something about laundry after you came in from being out...? From the examples you gave each time an arguement began, it seems to be when you are away and touch base with her. Could it be she is simply lonely? Maybe even a little bit jealous that you have a life outside the home? I know what it's like to have no or a very limited social circle and maybe she gets anxious when she is alone for extended periods beyond what's expected with no one to interract with. It's good to hear that she has eased up a little since she has been pregnant. But believe me, once the weight of a baby care hits home with nothing else social going on it wont be too pretty. Been there, done that. Maybe something practical might help? Join a birthing class (you would have to go too) where she can be around and talk to other expectant mothers as this will become more important as her due date arrives and she begins feeling things in her body and mind that are brand new--even scary! This could open the door for her and both of you to meet other new parents and for her to make friends too. After the baby comes, I'd also suggest to her to try Moms' groups. I went to a couple of those to stay social when my kid was a newborn and it did wonders for my new-mommy insecurities and post-partum issues Anyway, I know some of that sounds really weird and might not make any sense... but I worry this could a quiet before the storm. Right now she is distracted with the new pregnancy as you both are, I'm sure, it's what happens as the reality really sets in that seems worrisome to me. Link to post Share on other sites
unsureLP Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Candymoon, based on my own experience, you are absolutely right. Maybe something practical might help? Join a birthing class (you would have to go too).. This could open the door for her and both of you to meet other new parents and for her to make friends too. After the baby comes, I'd also suggest to her to try Moms' groups. Good idea. I did the same thing, and it saved my sanity. The birthing class didn't help me much and I didn't make any friends there, but the mommy and me groups did! I started going before my daughter was born to get acquainted with everybody and became pretty good friends with some of the other women. In fact, I still hang out with some of the moms after almost two years. If she's not sure how to find those, she can always look online. Or join a mom/parenting social networking site (like Babycenter.com or Cafemom.com) and try to meet other pregnant women in your area through them. I don't know how open to this idea she might be, but maybe it's worth suggesting? It's good to hear that she has eased up a little since she has been pregnant. But believe me, once the weight of a baby care hits home with nothing else social going on it wont be too pretty. Been there, done that... Anyway, I know some of that sounds really weird and might not make any sense... but I worry this could a quiet before the storm. Right now she is distracted with the new pregnancy as you both are, I'm sure, it's what happens as the reality really sets in that seems worrisome to me. Yep. Things escalated to a horrible point after DD was born. Believe me if you guys are fighting now... Having a newborn around will MOST definitely NOT make things easier. Also been here, done that... Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 hi, well having read you most resent post it seems to scream.............you are having more fun than me!!!!!!!!!!! It suggest she is exteamly lonely and hasnt the will to make it change. I wish you could point her to this site to be honest. I understand you are in crisis but she is too. She is deeply unhappy and she needs help as much as you. she doesnt agree with counselling but in a "man in the pub" sence LS is help too. At least theadvice and support we get here show some of us need to get help. I feel for you both. and i wish i could help her too. nobby xx Link to post Share on other sites
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