I can't stop thinking of my college professor and feel I should let him know

[darlin]

I'm taking a Spanish class and this professor got me hooked.

He is only 6yrs older than me. I've never gone to his office for tutoring, if anything I do e-mail him. I always tried to avoid him just because I know he is married. He does try to get my attention in class with eye contact and body language when he come over my desk to check my work and I respond back. It's a long story but trust me I know he is very much attracted to me but can't say anything because not only is he married but is also my current professor but I get all his advances.

 

I feel the need to tell him but I planned telling him at the end of the semester once the finally grade is posted.

My question is--how do I tell him...I want it to be very short but yet sweet. I don't want to stay too long in his office, I will rather prefer meeting him outside the school to tell him. Not expecting anything to come out of it but I have to let him know how I really feel....

He is very nice, friendly with a great sense of humor..

 

[can I say" I really want you but it sucks that you are married" and I respect that but here is my number, call me someday maybe we can hang out..]

 

I'm over 30 so I want to hit the nail on the head and go straight to the point without being pushy..

 

please help!!!

[Disintegration]

I think you should just keep your "crush" to yourself. Why do you find it flattering that a married man is flirting with you? I find that to be highly disrespectful, and well tasteless. There are other men out there who are single that you could hang out with and take it beyond there. He is attached and you know it. Why would you put yourself out there like that, you are only inviting trouble.

 

Put yourself in his wifes shoes, have some class and ignore your professor without ever telling him how you feel. He doesn't seem like a great person if he is showing signs of interest to another woman while he is married.

[CarrieT]

He is a married man. And if he has flirted with you, than there is a good chance that he has flirted with other students which makes him a player. (This is coming from someone who had an affair with a teacher VERY early in my life and learned the hard way).

 

Stay away, do nothing, and ignore "the signs."

[always_searching]

Oh, do I ever understand your plight! :bunny:

 

If you do make any advances, make sure it is after the grade is posted, and only if you don't plan on taking any more classes with him.

 

However, note that faculty do talk, and some people go into the teaching profession just to hook-up with eager young bodies...*ahem* I mean, "minds."

 

So, some things to consider: how much longer do you have to graduate? If it's a long way off: I suggest waiting, unless you want to be branded "that student who sleeps with her professors." Secondly, he is married. Does he have kids? I understand your feelings can get in the way of the facts and of morality, but try to be rational: are you willing to potentially break-up a home? It's true that we can't help who we like, but we can help whether we act upon those feelings.

 

Anyway, good luck! If you decide to tell him, I'd go the phone number route that you suggested. In person is probably best--in case things go sour, or the feeling isn't mutual, he would have hard evidence against you if you emailed him. LOL, it's sick that even if he's flirted with you, etc. if you email him your sentiments and he keeps it, then he can use it against you.

 

Do let us know what you decide!

[sweetjasmine]

Don't do it. Not only is he MARRIED, you could very well put his job in jeopardy.

[darlin]

I think you should just keep your "crush" to yourself. Why do you find it flattering that a married man is flirting with you? I find that to be highly disrespectful, and well tasteless. There are other men out there who are single that you could hang out with and take it beyond there. He is attached and you know it. Why would you put yourself out there like that, you are only inviting trouble.

 

Put yourself in his wifes shoes, have some class and ignore your professor without ever telling him how you feel. He doesn't seem like a great person if he is showing signs of interest to another woman while he is married.

 

lol well tks for replying!!!

Yes he doesn't seem like a great person then because he does flirt a lot. He had taking off his shirt in class one day saying it was hot in the room leaving him with a see-through tee-shirt with his nipples showing and flexing his muscle; He had invited the class to two outtings, one was a dinner and the other was a concert to get an idea of how the Hispanic world is like. Because we have projects to do as part of the course, he said we can use our experiences has our personal project. Of course he said he will be going with his wife, saying he has to force her to go and hope to see everyone there.

I never attended any of it. I heard after the outing, some class member gossiping that his wife was one of his ex-student. not sure if its true or not, perhaps they had a chit-chat with his wife at the concert.

 

Anyway the only reason I won't bang him is because I'll still be in that School even if he isn't going to be my professor anymore.

He started the whole thing by trying to get my attention. And when I noticed, I new he was sick upstairs and began leaving the class 5-10mins before the class was over. He then switched to giving the text/quizes 5-10mins before the class is over when he knows I take a lot of time before I finish the test.

I e-mailed him saying it's unfair to give a test 5-10mins before class was over because the test normally takes minimum 30mins to finish. After class he always wants to continue teaching saying..class is over but if you want to stay longer I'll continue teaching...& so on....

[darlin]

He is a married man. And if he has flirted with you, than there is a good chance that he has flirted with other students which makes him a player. (This is coming from someone who had an affair with a teacher VERY early in my life and learned the hard way).

 

Stay away, do nothing, and ignore "the signs."

 

Thanks Carrie, that's what I've been thinking too. He probably have done this before and it makes me so made that..he has actually crawled under my skin..1st I use to be very upset that he was a lousy teacher...all he wants to teach abut his Hispanic culture, how he traveled to Spain, how he met a girl there lived with her blah blah..leaving the most important thing in the course like how to conjugate the verbs and learn to speak/understand the language and I did sent him a long e-mail about the way he teaches and he thanked me for letting him know and he changed the way he teaches thereafter...

Like you said I won't do anything...if it gets too much for me..I'll be missing a lot of his class. I've never missed his class and I'm always over-prepared in class and the only one that finishes all homework before coming to class and that impresses him. but I don't do that well in the oral part...i just tell him I don't understand anything he dictates...if he puts it in the paper I'll answer it.

Trust me he is a big flirt..

[darlin]

Don't do it. Not only is he MARRIED, you could very well put his job in jeopardy.

 

Sweetjasmine, thanks, I don't think this boy cares about his job with the way he goes about it...he said he's been teaching there for 12yrs but he is still a assistant professor. He is very hyper in class and hardly wants to go home after class is over..always wants to continue teaching once class is over...

I can go on and on but I'll not do anything...I 'll try and fight it off within me till the class if over.

[darlin]

Oh, do I ever understand your plight! :bunny:

 

If you do make any advances, make sure it is after the grade is posted, and only if you don't plan on taking any more classes with him.

 

However, note that faculty do talk, and some people go into the teaching profession just to hook-up with eager young bodies...*ahem* I mean, "minds."

 

So, some things to consider: how much longer do you have to graduate? If it's a long way off: I suggest waiting, unless you want to be branded "that student who sleeps with her professors." Secondly, he is married. Does he have kids? I understand your feelings can get in the way of the facts and of morality, but try to be rational: are you willing to potentially break-up a home? It's true that we can't help who we like, but we can help whether we act upon those feelings.

 

Anyway, good luck! If you decide to tell him, I'd go the phone number route that you suggested. In person is probably best--in case things go sour, or the feeling isn't mutual, he would have hard evidence against you if you emailed him. LOL, it's sick that even if he's flirted with you, etc. if you email him your sentiments and he keeps it, then he can use it against you.

 

Do let us know what you decide!

 

Alwayssearching thanks for replying..well he is married but no kids, some class members had since his wife @ some outings the class went with the professor as part of the course project and of course I never attended any of it.

I won't tell him at all but I know he will be seeing me around the campus. He won't be my professor any-more after this but I'll still be in the School. He has asked me once how many classes I'm taking and when? I have told him I'll be taking 2 more of the Spanish course but now I'll be taking it online, seems like he is the main instructor(assistant for that matter) for now. The other instructor only teaches one class section.

[sweetjasmine]

Sweetjasmine, thanks, I don't think this boy cares about his job with the way he goes about it...he said he's been teaching there for 12yrs but he is still a assistant professor. He is very hyper in class and hardly wants to go home after class is over..always wants to continue teaching once class is over...

I can go on and on but I'll not do anything...I 'll try and fight it off within me till the class if over.

 

Yeah, I'm just saying. Even if he weren't married, there could be trouble if you're still a student at the university, regardless of your age or his age. So just be careful.

[SadandConfusedWA]

I can relate to this as I have had years long crush on my married boss and former professor. He definetly flirted with me a LOT. But then I opened my eyes, and there were other women, multiple women that he acted the same way with. Chances are, if you find someone attractive, funny and charmistic then so will the others.

 

I got really sickened of my boss when this girl (I know this will sound very shallow, but the girl was just very unfortunate looking). Anyway, she started flirting heavily with him and e-mailing him all the time. I would be working with him and he would have his e-mail open and she would literally send him 10 e-mails in the space of 1 hour. He not only visibly led her on at work, but he also e-mailed her pictures of himself in his swimming trunks At one point, I was like OK - so he flirts with pretty girls or he flirts with smart girls - fair enough. But the reality is, he flirts with ANYONE with a pulse (and I am sure he does much more behind closed doors).

 

I just hope that you don't put more weight on his flirting than you should.

[always_searching]

I can relate to this as I have had years long crush on my married boss and former professor. He definetly flirted with me a LOT. But then I opened my eyes, and there were other women, multiple women that he acted the same way with. Chances are, if you find someone attractive, funny and charmistic then so will the others.

 

I got really sickened of my boss when this girl (I know this will sound very shallow, but the girl was just very unfortunate looking). Anyway, she started flirting heavily with him and e-mailing him all the time. I would be working with him and he would have his e-mail open and she would literally send him 10 e-mails in the space of 1 hour. He not only visibly led her on at work, but he also e-mailed her pictures of himself in his swimming trunks At one point, I was like OK - so he flirts with pretty girls or he flirts with smart girls - fair enough. But the reality is, he flirts with ANYONE with a pulse (and I am sure he does much more behind closed doors).

 

I just hope that you don't put more weight on his flirting than you should.

 

Oh my word! Was this girl one of his students?

 

...I wish my professors (those I find sexually attractive, anyway) would send me pictures of themselves wearing swimming trunks! :D

 

The sad truth is: most professors (most people, actually) really enjoy attention--they have HUGE egos and like the reinforcement. I don't mind giving it to them, but I also realize that other students do as well, and they (the professors) will act accordingly (i.e. flirt, be coy, send pictures, etc.) with all of us who stroke that big ego of theirs. LOL, looks don't really matter, and neither does intellect.

 

Honestly, I'm not sure pulse does either! If a list of their qualities/accomplishments were written down on a wall with a hole in it, they'd be content, I'm sure.

 

Haha, I kid-I kid...for the most part.

[amerikajin]

If the teacher acts on his impulses and hooks up with you, he won't just lose his job, he will lose his career. He would end up teaching classes at private language schools or doing private tutorials, but that's it. No academic institution would ever touch him. He would be done. But, I guess he would have to live with that, not you.

 

But if the wifey finds out and gets pissed, you might have to live with that.