Promiscuous Girl Knocks Me Back!

[sweetjasmine]

If someone is beneath your respect, why would you want to be intimate with them?

 

Because you see them as an object for you to use and discard, and you get pissed off when they remind you that they're a human being and won't let every a-hole use them.

[Art_Critic]

A man does not have to like or even have basic respect for a woman to sleep with them.

 

You some men.. or at the very least the OP

 

Don't lump me in that category...

I couldn't sleep with somebody that I didn't respect or like...

[torranceshipman]

Are you aware that the girl isn't actually a piece of meat who should put out for you just because you think you're entitled (for some odd reasons)? - and you think she deserves bad treatment for not putting out for you? You really think that is deserving of a rant?

 

Just an idea but hey, maybe she came to your house on a study trip...to study.

 

You shouldn't disrespect a girl like this - it is very, very uncool.

[tincanman99]

You handled it all wrong by becoming indignant. You need to forget this slut label and focus on the fact that she was there at the moment. Besides you dont know if any of it is 100% true.

 

Instead of being mad, when she said no, I am not like that. You should have said ok, I think thats great, sometimes people get involved too quick. That would have taken her off guard and she would have wondered whats going on. Now that you said that, you stick with it and let her come to you if she chooses. If not you made a new friend.

[MalachiX]

Good for her. No one owes you sex and the idea that you're entitled to it because a girl has been promiscuous is just pathetic. It's sounds like you're pretty un-experienced yourself but remember that isn't the same thing as being a "nice-guy." If it makes you feel better, I'm sure you'll eventually find a lot of sluts to make you happy (though, in my experience, they aren't gonna be very attractive).

[dazzle22]

If she had let you, you would have had sex with what you call a slut at the drop of a hat. What, pray tell, does that make you??

[bayouboi]

If she had let you, you would have had sex with what you call a slut at the drop of a hat. What, pray tell, does that make you??

 

a slut sleeper wither?

[sweetjasmine]

If she had let you, you would have had sex with what you call a slut at the drop of a hat. What, pray tell, does that make you??

 

A stud, obviously.

 

Or maybe that's just thinking way too far ahead.

[troggleputty]

This is unbelievable! This chick --a well-known "loose" girl from college-- comes over my house to "study". We're sitting next to each other on the couch (studying) and she starts rubbing my leg. I in turn reciprocate; I rub her back and and try to feel under her top... But then she stops me, by saying, "I don't do this sort of thing ... I think we're just getting a bit carried away. Let's just focus here, sorry." What the hell? I was speechless. I abruptly wrapped up the study session shortly thereafter -- I was pissed off. As I shoo her out the door, she asks, "Are we still okay? We're friends, right?" I just reply with a monotone "yeah, 'course" and then close the door on her.

 

What's up with this? A girl who's slept with about half a dozen guys from school within the past 2 months doesn't want to sleep with me! She feels up my leg than stops from going "all the way". I hate these teases! She can jump off a cliff for all I care. Sorry, the rant's over.

 

 

OK Marek I read through the entire thread, you (and the entire male gender) has taken quite a bit of bashing.

 

However now let me offer you some productive advice that may be helpful should this scenario recur at some point in the future.

 

The only thing I think you did wrong, was to give up too easily. She definitely wanted to get jiggy with you but, as you may know, with a lot of girls sex sort of has to be somehow inadvertent, or accidental, or "he made me do it" etc etc etc.

 

Definitely you should not have gotten resentful though with her initial rejection, you should have parried, countered, etc., like a fencing match.

 

I will assume the girl is "loose" (I hope you mean in the moral sense rather than the physical sense although the two would seem to be closely correlated!) I have no reason to believe you're lying about that.

 

The rubbing of your leg by her was definitely putting the move on you, rubbing her back in return was OK, but reaching under the shirt was a bit too spritely on your part.

 

You see, my friend, you can't get to second base (reach under her shirt) without getting to first base, first. And you didn't do that. Why do you think it's called "first base"?

 

Before reaching under the shirt, you should definitely have at least gotten to the point where you had been making out/kissing her for quite a while to get things warmed up.

 

So, I hope you take this as constructive criticism, but your make-out moves are somewhat clumsy it would seem.

 

You can't just go straight from leg touching/back rubbing, to "ripping shirt off." You know all of us men dearly wish we could do away with foreplay entirely but dang it they haven't invented a pill for that yet.

 

There are the very studly among us who apparently have it within their power to pull off the kind of stunt you were aiming at, but the majority/run of the mill has to tread more carefully.

 

I'm speculating that when you went straight from the back rub to trying to get under her shirt, without considerable intervening smooching and hugging etc. it probably struck this girl as "off." (Would it be fair to say that you are not extremely experienced with women?)

 

You need to be a little more deliberate in your approach and not too over-eager. You have to give the girl time to get warmed up and always remember if you do anything that seems "off" then the girl might just get out of the mood really quickly.

 

She knows she's loose; you know she's loose; she knows you know she's loose; you know she knows you know she knows she's loose; BUT--and it's a big but critical BUT--you both are PRETENDING that she's NOT LOOSE.

 

Remember loose girls have pride too. (Unless they are very drunk.)

 

 

So it has to be "oops how did my hand get back here rubbing your shoulders? I'm sorry I must have dropped a pencil." "Wow all this studying is making me tense. I will give you a little back rub if you will give me one." "Gee I could use a break. I think I'll make myself a gin and tonic. Would you like one, too?"

 

You still maybe could have "saved" the situation had you handled it with a little savoir faire. When you thuggishly stuck your hand under her blouse--trying to "steal second base" when you hadn't gotten to first yet--and she reacted the way she did, you should have made a joke out of it like "Oh come on, you know I wouldn't really do anything like that. I'm just kidding around with you, I wanted to tickle you!" With good humor. An obvious lie of course but anything to "save face." Then go back to studying and gently teasing her etc. then work things back to where you want them.

 

Oh by the way everyone saying that she wasn't ripe for the plucking I have to say "LOL" to that. She was rubbing his leg for Pete's Sake! Girls only rub a guy's leg when they want him to pop a boner.

 

He just needs more experience is all.

[cooldudeinberlin]

Dude, this is the way you handle rejection? Because of rumors about this girls "loose morals" you assume you have a chance? Nope sorry... even if she was very liberal and open minded, she still has the right to choose... and you just didnt do it for her. That is easily transparent. Then again, you reacted like a desperate, horny little boy, rather than a smooth, cool man.

 

This dude above doesnt know what he is talking about... you handled it poorly... like a whiny boy... the guy who remains calm, cool, collected (i.e. patient) and can crack a smile about the entire affair is the one that girls come after him, he never even has to make a move... only a decision: yes or no. Some guys choose... many guys get chosen, with a bit of luck.

 

Being pissed off because you get rejected is weak... its not what a confident, strong man does. And then throwing her out is nothing more than a hissy fit. Sorry, but women do not find this attractive and probably only confirmed you are just not the right guy she should share that with... wouldnt surprise me she called up one of her bf's later and had some good, hot bad boy sex.

[troggleputty]

Unfortunately, there's not much I can do to help, since nobody knows quite why she did what she did. Likely you didn't put out the "let's screw" vibes and so she thought you were a "friend" and then you did a 180.

 

Well no one was there. But based on OP's description of the moves he was making, he "leapfrogged" from some consensual, outside-of-the-clothes touching, to trying to get under her shirt.

 

My contention is that she was definitely very interested initially, or else 1) why even have the "study date" in the first place (LOL); 2) why start rubbing his leg? 3) she didn't reject his initial back rub/shoulder rub.

 

He got a little bit impatient, he didn't "tease" her/warm her up the right way, he was just a little bit too aggressive.

 

To really do some post-mortem analysis on this whole situation, I would like to know the OP's reasoning or thinking as to why he didn't try kissing her first before trying to go underneath her shirt.

 

I think that's what threw things off.

 

Look at it from the woman's perspective. Assume that yes, she would like to have some sort of physical interaction with this guy. That doesn't necessarily mean full blown intercourse on the "first date" however.

 

So, she starts getting cozy. What's she expecting him to do? If he can't figure that out and try to do it, it might create cognitive dissonance and sour things, which is what I think happened.

 

I would think that most girls who are interested in a guy, on a first date situation, would have an expectation that he would try to kiss her before trying to go under her shirt. Now maybe OP did try to kiss her, but he doesn't say he did, so I won't assume he did.

 

OP's attitude was obviously also all wrong. Not the "I would like to get laid if possible" attitude; but the attitude of "Well she didn't let me rip her shirt off on the first try; therefore all hope is lost!" OP, even "loose" women are going to display some resistance, it was unreasonable for you in that situation to expect her to display zero resistance.

 

I don't think all hope was lost until he got irritated and basically kicked her out. That was a mistake. (Although who knows, maybe not.) But obviously it was a mistake if he still wanted something to happen that evening.

 

OP, you will be in a lot of dating situations in the future. You need to be aware that the mating dance is exactly that, a "dance." Usually there's back and forth and back and forth and all kinds of little "games" being played. Verbally, physically, emotionally, sexually, etc.

 

You need to develop a few more weapons in your "make out" arsenal and this only comes with a lot more experience.

 

Next time you are in a situation and make the wrong move--because let's face it we're not mind readers, you just have to give it your best shot--don't get bent out of shape, roll with it, back off, save face, and buy yourself time while you plan an alternative strategy.

 

As Napoleon or Sun Tzu or someone who died a long time ago said, or maybe it was General Sherman, "The best laid plans are worthless once the battle begins."

 

You have to learn to "flow" with the situation and "improvise."

 

I.e. get "smooth."

 

Who knows? Maybe this particular girl always responds to a guy who is putting the moves on her with initial resistance...for a while. Because she doesn't want to feel like a girl who will just "give it up" so easily.

 

MANY MANY MANY women have similar attitudes. They like sex just as much as you do, but they don't want guys they don't really know too well to make that assumption.

 

So, bottom line, just "next" this one and don't worry about it.

 

If you see her again, be really cool with her, pretend like nothing happened, be pleasant, you should even say something like "Hey I had a great time studying with you the other night, let's do it again!"

 

You have NO IDEA what her reaction will be. She could have been intrigued by the fact that you kicked her out. You have absolutely nothing to lose by being cordial/friendly to her in the future, and leaving that door open.

 

Resentment just because you lost one little skirmish in the battle of the sexes is not a winning strategy.

[always_searching]

OP I encourage you to alert the mods to any post in this thread that is unhelpful and insulting. For some reason LS.org, a site for interpersonal relationships, tends to attract people who have absolutely no interpersonal skills and come here merely to insult. Perhaps it shouldn't be shocking.

 

If a person puts you down, you can be assured their "advice" sucks.

 

You have only been here one month--maybe you should stick around awhile before you start suggesting how people ought to respond to posts as well as determining what posts are actually helpful to the O.P. or not.

 

I've read this entire thread and responded--nowhere did I see someone say anything that was merely insulting. He wants advice--this site is about asking for and receiving advice. Sometimes the advice isn't what we want to hear. Those of us who criticized the O.P.'s actions are, indeed, giving him advice: if he wants a girl to have sex with him, maybe he should reevaluate how he is treating these women. Clearly, if you view women as sluts and treat them as such: you aren't going to get very far with most women. The ones that you are going to get are those who have been so objectified and abused that they expect to be treated in such a demeaning manner--I doubt anyone of sound character wants to take advantage of women like that.

 

So, maybe if the O.P. altered his apparent misogynistic views on women, he would have better luck "getting laid".

[Phateless]

This is unbelievable! This chick --a well-known "loose" girl from college-- comes over my house to "study". We're sitting next to each other on the couch (studying) and she starts rubbing my leg. I in turn reciprocate; I rub her back and and try to feel under her top... But then she stops me, by saying, "I don't do this sort of thing ... I think we're just getting a bit carried away. Let's just focus here, sorry." What the hell? I was speechless. I abruptly wrapped up the study session shortly thereafter -- I was pissed off. As I shoo her out the door, she asks, "Are we still okay? We're friends, right?" I just reply with a monotone "yeah, 'course" and then close the door on her.

 

What's up with this? A girl who's slept with about half a dozen guys from school within the past 2 months doesn't want to sleep with me! She feels up my leg than stops from going "all the way". I hate these teases! She can jump off a cliff for all I care. Sorry, the rant's over.

 

You went too far too fast bro. You should have played the teasing more until she was ready to go further.

[marsle85]

OK Marek I read through the entire thread, you (and the entire male gender) has taken quite a bit of bashing.

 

However now let me offer you some productive advice that may be helpful should this scenario recur at some point in the future.

 

The only thing I think you did wrong, was to give up too easily. She definitely wanted to get jiggy with you but, as you may know, with a lot of girls sex sort of has to be somehow inadvertent, or accidental, or "he made me do it" etc etc etc.

 

Definitely you should not have gotten resentful though with her initial rejection, you should have parried, countered, etc., like a fencing match.

 

I will assume the girl is "loose" (I hope you mean in the moral sense rather than the physical sense although the two would seem to be closely correlated!) I have no reason to believe you're lying about that.

 

The rubbing of your leg by her was definitely putting the move on you, rubbing her back in return was OK, but reaching under the shirt was a bit too spritely on your part.

 

You see, my friend, you can't get to second base (reach under her shirt) without getting to first base, first. And you didn't do that. Why do you think it's called "first base"?

 

Before reaching under the shirt, you should definitely have at least gotten to the point where you had been making out/kissing her for quite a while to get things warmed up.

 

So, I hope you take this as constructive criticism, but your make-out moves are somewhat clumsy it would seem.

 

You can't just go straight from leg touching/back rubbing, to "ripping shirt off." You know all of us men dearly wish we could do away with foreplay entirely but dang it they haven't invented a pill for that yet.

 

There are the very studly among us who apparently have it within their power to pull off the kind of stunt you were aiming at, but the majority/run of the mill has to tread more carefully.

 

I'm speculating that when you went straight from the back rub to trying to get under her shirt, without considerable intervening smooching and hugging etc. it probably struck this girl as "off." (Would it be fair to say that you are not extremely experienced with women?)

 

You need to be a little more deliberate in your approach and not too over-eager. You have to give the girl time to get warmed up and always remember if you do anything that seems "off" then the girl might just get out of the mood really quickly.

 

She knows she's loose; you know she's loose; she knows you know she's loose; you know she knows you know she knows she's loose; BUT--and it's a big but critical BUT--you both are PRETENDING that she's NOT LOOSE.

 

Remember loose girls have pride too. (Unless they are very drunk.)

 

 

So it has to be "oops how did my hand get back here rubbing your shoulders? I'm sorry I must have dropped a pencil." "Wow all this studying is making me tense. I will give you a little back rub if you will give me one." "Gee I could use a break. I think I'll make myself a gin and tonic. Would you like one, too?"

 

You still maybe could have "saved" the situation had you handled it with a little savoir faire. When you thuggishly stuck your hand under her blouse--trying to "steal second base" when you hadn't gotten to first yet--and she reacted the way she did, you should have made a joke out of it like "Oh come on, you know I wouldn't really do anything like that. I'm just kidding around with you, I wanted to tickle you!" With good humor. An obvious lie of course but anything to "save face." Then go back to studying and gently teasing her etc. then work things back to where you want them.

 

Oh by the way everyone saying that she wasn't ripe for the plucking I have to say "LOL" to that. She was rubbing his leg for Pete's Sake! Girls only rub a guy's leg when they want him to pop a boner.

 

He just needs more experience is all.

 

 

I'm sad to say I agree with everything said above.

[terra]

I'm sad to say I agree with everything said above.

make that two sad to say

[amymarieca]

Excuse me, but just because she has slept with other people does not make you entitled to a ride. I am thinking maybe you blew this whole leg rubbing thing out of proportion. Just because a girl touches you does not mean "sex" automatically. Some guys seriously want something for nothing.

[Twenty-ten]

Dude, this is the way you handle rejection? Because of rumors about this girls "loose morals" you assume you have a chance? Nope sorry... even if she was very liberal and open minded, she still has the right to choose... and you just didnt do it for her. That is easily transparent. Then again, you reacted like a desperate, horny little boy, rather than a smooth, cool man.

 

This dude above doesnt know what he is talking about... you handled it poorly... like a whiny boy... the guy who remains calm, cool, collected (i.e. patient) and can crack a smile about the entire affair is the one that girls come after him, he never even has to make a move... only a decision: yes or no. Some guys choose... many guys get chosen, with a bit of luck.

 

Being pissed off because you get rejected is weak... its not what a confident, strong man does. And then throwing her out is nothing more than a hissy fit. Sorry, but women do not find this attractive and probably only confirmed you are just not the right guy she should share that with... wouldnt surprise me she called up one of her bf's later and had some good, hot bad boy sex.

 

 

Wow hot and smart! We need more men like you in North America.

Men listen to the above, it comes from a guy who knows what he is talking about.

 

Marek, this sense of entitlement of yours, which is based on an assumption guised as "intuition", is really your issue not hers. I can sense the desperation from reading your words, and I think this girl sensed it too. That would be enough to cool off a boiling pot of water. If she was good to go something happened along the way to make her feel like you came on too strong, and then to end it as you did...chill!

 

As frustrating as it was to be rejected sexually, i do understand your frustration not faulting you for that but always play it cool this will totally peak her interest. If you play it as if you could to take it or leave it it will make her wonder about you and your level of confidence and indifference, instant panty remover. Not that faggity reaction you had.

 

Sorry but I had to say it.

[Zik]

ever heard of a TEASE?

[Johnny M]

Excuse me, but just because she has slept with other people does not make you entitled to a ride. I am thinking maybe you blew this whole leg rubbing thing out of proportion. Just because a girl touches you does not mean "sex" automatically. Some guys seriously want something for nothing.

Right. Girls just randomly walk up to dudes and start rubbing their legs. Happens all the time

 

While you are right that he is not entitled to a ride, you can understand why the OP is upset. What happened to him is the equivalent of begging a bunch of Jehova's Witnesses to come over to your house, give you their pamphlets, and waste your entire afternoon telling you everything there is to know about the Watchtower - only to be told that they "don't do that kind of thing".

[Twenty-ten]

ever heard of a TEASE?

 

 

Ok and let's say she was a tease, no one owes anyone anything.

 

Example: a woman can accept a dinner date with a guy who wants to pay for her night out doesn't mean she has to put out at the end of the night. Just because in his mind her accepting his generosity, and enjoying some flirting with him throughout the night means to him she will put out, it doesn't mean she has to, or even will, or even WANTS to.

[Twenty-ten]

All that is correct, and a guy can be annoyed with that behavior and not want to indulge it. Freedom is a wonderful thing.

 

 

Of course, no one said he should go back for more rejection when encountering a tease for sport.

 

But in this particular case it seems the OP went from 1st gear to 5th and got nowhere due to missed "steps" and being overly eager, ever drive standard? Try that you won't get far.

[blind_otter]

Right. Girls just randomly walk up to dudes and start rubbing their legs. Happens all the time

 

While you are right that he is not entitled to a ride, you can understand why the OP is upset. What happened to him is the equivalent of begging a bunch of Jehova's Witnesses to come over to your house, give you their pamphlets, and waste your entire afternoon telling you everything there is to know about the Watchtower - only to be told that they "don't do that kind of thing".

 

I had a gentleman friend over to my house last week who had much more finesse in this regard. I am skittish right now, gun shy shall we say - I am actively looking for all the most wretched qualities in men and under a self imposed vow of celibacy for the next few months out of sheer disgust with the entire male gender.

 

I suppose he is more experienced and thus better able to pace himself. I have the impression that he is bound and determined to be the first in line for my buffet when I reopen for business, so he's doing all these little things to butter my biscuit and lubricate the way, so to speak.

 

Personally this is a more enjoyable process, I think, than moving from leg rubbing to making the beast with two backs in the space of an hour.

 

As a woman, I appreciate the effort, not just the sheer raw sexual chemistry that can occur with any random individual with the right biology.

 

In the immortal words of Whodini :

Besides making love, we had nothing in common

It couldn't last long because it started out strong

But I guess we went about the whole thing wrong

Cause out of nowhere it just came to an end

Because we became lovers before we were friends

[tincanman99]

I had a gentleman friend over to my house last week who had much more finesse in this regard. I am skittish right now, gun shy shall we say - I am actively looking for all the most wretched qualities in men and under a self imposed vow of celibacy for the next few months out of sheer disgust with the entire male gender.

 

I suppose he is more experienced and thus better able to pace himself. I have the impression that he is bound and determined to be the first in line for my buffet when I reopen for business, so he's doing all these little things to butter my biscuit and lubricate the way, so to speak.

 

Personally this is a more enjoyable process, I think, than moving from leg rubbing to making the beast with two backs in the space of an hour.

 

As a woman, I appreciate the effort, not just the sheer raw sexual chemistry that can occur with any random individual with the right biology.

 

In the immortal words of Whodini :

 

What is he doing to butter your biscuit? I would like to know what he is doing. I am incredibly patient myself and it makes the women crazy sometimes because I can wait forever. 18 years of catholic school teaches discipline if nothing else .

[SilkRose]

Hopefully she reads this thread and finds out exactly what you think of her.