Getting married - A question about finances..

[Maxxx]

So after being on my own (single) all my adult life (40 now) I am settling down no more single life for me. I am so happy to get this this point (it is my first marriage her second)

 

My question is this

 

How do most of you that are married handle the "family" finances?

 

I am of the mind set that I would like to keep things separate ie. we both should have our own checking accounts and maybe a joint account for the household bills. (We both have good jobs) I have been on my own for so long that I would feel more comfortable doing this (at least at first)

 

My GF and I have talked about it and she's not really on board with the idea of keeping things separate... And really I am kind of shocked that she's not because she comes from a marriage were she had no control over finances including her own money she was putting in.

 

Either way it's not a make or break thing for me I lean more one way then the other but either way will be fine with me.

 

Any ideas or thoughts?

[Lauriebell82]

I am not married yet, but engaged. We are getting married in September.

 

My fiance and I opened a joint bank account after we got engaged. We live together and it is SO MUCH EASIER to pay the bills. The only thing is that we can see what each other spends (like I spent $30 on shoes and he saw it) but we promised not to give each other a hard time about spending money on things.

 

I think the important thing to note is that a joint bank account only works if the two of you have similar spending styles and do not mind having very little privacy as far as spending goes. We consult with each frequently, we sit down and go over the finances and bills once a week. I check our bank account and his credit card bill frequently to see where we are at. We consult each other if we make a larger purchase. We decide how much money goes in our savings account.

 

It has worked so far. We opened it in August and have not had any problems since. Our money both gets put into the checking account and we do not differentiate between "his money/my money." It's OURS. This is also important to keep in mind.

 

I would sit down with your fiance and discuss the pros and cons of this. Discuss why or why not this may be a good idea and go from there. Communciation is everything!

[Enema]

I think your original plan is the way to go.

 

Keep your money separate and have another joint account that you both contribute X$ a month to for bills / entertainment.

 

The #1 argument in most marriages is about finances. I'm sure your wife can testify to that based on her first (failed) experience with joint finances.

 

I think having one joint account for all of your monies is an antiquated notion that really only makes sense if one person isn't working.

[Maxxx]

Thank you for the replies we will see how things work out not sure what we are going to do yet...

[carhill]

Since your perception of your wife's perspective wrt finances in her prior M isn't matching up with her stated perspective, something about this dynamic would cause me to look a bit deeper.

 

Are you living together already? If you are, you have some idea of the reality. If not, given your age and first marriage (I married at 41), I'd suggest some PMC to clarify and unify your perspectives on this very important subject.

 

As an example, when we got married, my stbx wanted to keep her maiden name and separate accounts. I was happy with that, even though my parents always had joint accounts. She had her business; it was her money. Later, far later, towards the end, she complained that we were never really married because we didn't combine our finances, even though we both paid for joint expenses from our separate accounts. Perfect example of situational rationalization.

 

Get the PMC. Love is good. Reality is what it is. If either of you has a net worth substantially beyond the other, or children, think about and talk about a pre-nup. I didn't do that and it cost me big time. I'd love to blow sunshine up your azz, but that's reality. Eyes open going in; hope you have a wonderful, loving, life-long marriage.

[Lauriebell82]

As an example, when we got married, my stbx wanted to keep her maiden name and separate accounts. I was happy with that, even though my parents always had joint accounts. She had her business; it was her money. Later, far later, towards the end, she complained that we were never really married because we didn't combine our finances, even though we both paid for joint expenses from our separate accounts. Perfect example of situational rationalization.

 

I agree with this..you both have to be on the same page about finances (and stay that way!) in order to make it work.

 

I would ask her why she wants a joint account when she had such a bad experience in her 1st marriage. Maybe she just trusts you more or has more faith in you? Thats a good thing!!!

[Maxxx]

I agree with this..you both have to be on the same page about finances (and stay that way!) in order to make it work.

 

I would ask her why she wants a joint account when she had such a bad experience in her 1st marriage. Maybe she just trusts you more or has more faith in you? Thats a good thing!!!

 

Well that is the confounding thing she does trust me because she has told me (even with a joint accounts) that she will once again relinquish control of said finances... Once we are together so really it is a win win for me either way.

 

I just thought she would like to keep things apart after what she went through we are both established I am not wealthy by any means. But a little better off then she is..

[BUENG1]

Well that is the confounding thing she does trust me because she has told me (even with a joint accounts) that she will once again relinquish control of said finances... Once we are together so really it is a win win for me either way.

 

I just thought she would like to keep things apart after what she went through we are both established I am not wealthy by any means. But a little better off then she is..

 

How are her spending habits?