Dreamingoftiger's coping log

[GrayClouds]

Omega's can be very helpful with moods, and as you said make sure you put the effort into eating good food and doing it regularly.

 

Hang in there.

[dreamingoftigers]

This is very crappily hard and is it so sad feeling that I am on the slippery slope to a divorce. I still love my H. It is very hard to admit all of this. I have a very hard time admitting to myself that I may have failed myself and my daughter at making a family.

[GrayClouds]

This is very crappily hard and is it so sad feeling that I am on the slippery slope to a divorce. I still love my H. It is very hard to admit all of this. I have a very hard time admitting to myself that I may have failed myself and my daughter at making a family.

 

It takes tow to make a realtionship, it also takes two to make it break. What ever mistake you made were not done in a vacuum, do not beat yourself up. It wasted energy, take that energy to give that daughter and yourself the best life here forward. If your husband has the courage and strength to be apart of it great, if not then you know you have it inside you to do it for her, and you.

[dazzle22]

Wrong one, but that's a good thread too.

 

Here's my import: (Not in response to YGG and BEJ, just from another thread)

 

Ladies,

 

the peculair behaviour and perfectionism is DIRECTLY linked to the porn.

 

The porn floods these guys heads with dopamine for a high (which inhibits oxytocin, just in case you are wondering is the love and bonding hormone) when they are not in their high state they get INCREDIBLY TESTY AND ANNOYING.

 

Focus on every stupid imperfection they can find. If the porn goes and they start to smarten up, they actually lose some of the dopamine (they get depressed for a bit without the high) then they get the oxytocin back and start actually liking their SO again. IF YOU CAN GET THEM OFF OF THE PORN. GOOD F ING LUCK!

 

My H has been off of the porn for 3 weeks and this time I actually believe him because the depression is quite pronounced and a lot of the perfectionistic behaviours are starting to go. Furthermore, seems to be trying to bond with me (I am REALLY sick of his S though).

 

The funny part of all of this is that he started a job a month ago. He works for a porn addict. (Surprise, surprise) He can't take it My H calls me and tells he how tempermental the guy is and perfectionistic, he won't explain things and then expects everything great, or he gets irritable. :lmao:

 

I kind of said, "see, it's real fun eh? Try living with it."

 

 

This take on the brain hormones (increased dopamine, and thus decreased oxytocin) is VERY interesting to me. Going to ponder that. Really makes sense and has tremendous implications.

 

I don't think you should be so hard on yourself about creating a family. We all seem to have that "Normal Rockwell family" seared into our brains, that makes us all feel inadequate, but I have never seen a single family that is not 'messy'....

[dreamingoftigers]

Well the really strange part of all of this is before we were married we had so many discussions and plans on what a family was to both of us and what values we held. they were very compatible, but he must have been just totally lying. But why? Why bother getting married if you just want to screw anything that moves anyways?

[dreamingoftigers]

well the SA stuff has calmed down for now. We just realized today that we are super-broke and so I have to go back to work part-time as well as run the business. It has been nice having this time off in a way. I am looking forward to my daughter's first birthday on the 22nd.

[dazzle22]

Your posts greatly interest me. I have a question, an honest one, not in any way judgmental. I don't understand how you say you have SA also, but don't understand your husband then. Doesn't sound to me like you have SA then? Plus, you don't indicate extreme promiscuity premarriage like your husband did.

[You Go Girl]

Your posts greatly interest me. I have a question, an honest one, not in any way judgmental. I don't understand how you say you have SA also, but don't understand your husband then. Doesn't sound to me like you have SA then? Plus, you don't indicate extreme promiscuity premarriage like your husband did.

 

Very good point--and if I may chime in here--

I mentioned on another thread dreaming, that you may be what they call 'love' dependent. The partner that is love dependent, or love addict (silly I know but bear with me) is so attached to the addict emotionally, that they can't see.........can't see just about anything else but react to the addict. yes, it's co-dependency, but to the EXTREME.

Read this from love addicts--http://www.loveaddicts.org

Take their questionaire.

Simple questions like: "once you have bonded with someone you can't let go" , (and there are so many of them) are so revealing as to the personality types that are considered "love addicts".

It may sound like a silly title--"love addict" but if you visit the site it will make a lot of sense.

Edited April 30, 2010 by You Go Girl

[You Go Girl]

I have some of these personality traits, and I suspect you do also dreaming, which is why we ended up with the men we did..........

[dreamingoftigers]

Your posts greatly interest me. I have a question, an honest one, not in any way judgmental. I don't understand how you say you have SA also, but don't understand your husband then. Doesn't sound to me like you have SA then? Plus, you don't indicate extreme promiscuity premarriage like your husband did.

 

LOL> I am always saying things to my H like "I don't understand how you could do this to us etc. etc." But then I only quit my pornography use a year ago and have told myself things like "It's not a big deal because I have energy left over for him." Exactly the same kind of crap he has been telling me. I actually understand the ridiculousness of my statements etc.

 

I had posted up in another thread some things about my addiction. The one thing in life I never wanted to be was a cheater, I thought it was a fate worse than death. I grew up with a mother that was petrified of it (turns out she had good reason) and all of the media everytime someone cheated was pretty blatant. I was horrified when in my teens I discovered how much cheating (multiple partners) could be after back-to-back encounters. What that did was actually made me avoid sex completely for four years. I would self-stimulate easily a dozen or so times a day and I went through phases of pornography. This is my SA right here.

 

I still have all of the drivers to cheat and have come close to succumbing many times. I have played around on the internet a lot. I have not actually cyber-chatted with anyone since being married though. The conflict comes from knowing that my H does not have the same sexual drivers for me (I could easily sleep with him 3 times a day everyday, like we used to). As well, since being neglected I am often fighting back urges to go back to pornography use, any kind of random encounter and self-stimulation, which gets "out of hand" so to say.

 

I know that after 90 days of limited contact sexually with yourself or others that the excess dopamine caused by the addiction cycles out. As for pre-marriage, I didn't have IC with many men, true but I gave out Bjs like candy and I am not even sure how many of them, I was terrified of getting pregnant by some moron. Fear has held me in check a lot.

[dreamingoftigers]

LOL> I am always saying things to my H like "I don't understand how you could do this to us etc. etc." But then I only quit my pornography use a year ago and have told myself things like "It's not a big deal because I have energy left over for him." Exactly the same kind of crap he has been telling me. I actually understand the ridiculousness of my statements etc.

 

I had posted up in another thread some things about my addiction. The one thing in life I never wanted to be was a cheater, I thought it was a fate worse than death. I grew up with a mother that was petrified of it (turns out she had good reason) and all of the media everytime someone cheated was pretty blatant. I was horrified when in my teens I discovered how much cheating (multiple partners) could be after back-to-back encounters. What that did was actually made me avoid sex completely for four years. I would self-stimulate easily a dozen or so times a day and I went through phases of pornography. This is my SA right here.

 

I still have all of the drivers to cheat and have come close to succumbing many times. I have played around on the internet a lot. I have not actually cyber-chatted with anyone since being married though. The conflict comes from knowing that my H does not have the same sexual drivers for me (I could easily sleep with him 3 times a day everyday, like we used to). As well, since being neglected I am often fighting back urges to go back to pornography use, any kind of random encounter and self-stimulation, which gets "out of hand" so to say.

 

I know that after 90 days of limited contact sexually with yourself or others that the excess dopamine caused by the addiction cycles out. As for pre-marriage, I didn't have IC with many men, true but I gave out Bjs like candy and I am not even sure how many of them, I was terrified of getting pregnant by some moron. Fear has held me in check a lot.

 

My goodness, the above made me sound really nuts. YGG, I checked out the loveaddicts.org website and yes, I have many of the traits *sigh* as if I need another 12-step group! Next off to Clutterers Anonymous (just kidding, but they do exist).

[dreamingoftigers]

Just a total lazy day, working on sorting things for a garage sale, hopefully that will generate a few dollars. Little girl is sick .

 

I am going to start applying for jobs, it looks like I will have to go back to work full-time to make up for our family's income shortfall.

[You Go Girl]

Here's the thing--"love addiction" isn't really an addiction to love--it's being unable to break the ties, detach, from an unhealthy addiction to a relationship.

I suppose if we are human we could be considered addicted to love...or we're cold as hell.

You're not a sex addict I don't believe--you show zero signs of that--

you were very busy sexually with him--but because that's what HE wanted.

Shoot me if I'm wrong--but you're addicted to the sex because you emulate his behaviors--wanting to be so connected to him--you take on his personality traits.

You are addicted to the man, and to the unhealthy relationship he brings to your marriage.

I'm so glad you are discovering how to detach. It is essential with a person who selfishly refuses to change their behaviors.

I know your pain--my H or will be ex --is an alcoholic, a porn addict, a liar, and probably--although I've never hired a P.I.--unfaithful.

The betrayal that is the worst is that he is the most romantic man I have ever known. Too good to be true type of thing. WAY OVER THE TOP compared to your average man's actions to create romantic feelings in their woman.

I feel because of this--nothing less than DUPED.

His sexual past speaks volumes though--insatiable...actions speak louder than words once again.

Because of how romantic he was when dating me for several years, I fell so very hard for him, and formed an unhealthy bond to him--far too attached--unable to detach whatsoever--and fumed in fury for 5 years.

So to put it all in perspective--instead of thinking you have yet another addiction--how about simply that you can't detach and make wise decisions for yourself because you are too attached to an unhealthy relationship?

So why are YOU so attached to an unhealthy relationship?

Why was I?

The truth can be quite painful, as to why I bonded so strongly--or perhaps why I couldn't unbond is more important--neediness--avoidance of unfinished business within myself--

The truth will set you free type of thing.

[dreamingoftigers]

Here's the thing--"love addiction" isn't really an addiction to love--it's being unable to break the ties, detach, from an unhealthy addiction to a relationship.

I suppose if we are human we could be considered addicted to love...or we're cold as hell.

You're not a sex addict I don't believe--you show zero signs of that--

you were very busy sexually with him--but because that's what HE wanted.

Shoot me if I'm wrong--but you're addicted to the sex because you emulate his behaviors--wanting to be so connected to him--you take on his personality traits.

You are addicted to the man, and to the unhealthy relationship he brings to your marriage.

I'm so glad you are discovering how to detach. It is essential with a person who selfishly refuses to change their behaviors.

I know your pain--my H or will be ex --is an alcoholic, a porn addict, a liar, and probably--although I've never hired a P.I.--unfaithful.

The betrayal that is the worst is that he is the most romantic man I have ever known. Too good to be true type of thing. WAY OVER THE TOP compared to your average man's actions to create romantic feelings in their woman.

I feel because of this--nothing less than DUPED.

His sexual past speaks volumes though--insatiable...actions speak louder than words once again.

Because of how romantic he was when dating me for several years, I fell so very hard for him, and formed an unhealthy bond to him--far too attached--unable to detach whatsoever--and fumed in fury for 5 years.

So to put it all in perspective--instead of thinking you have yet another addiction--how about simply that you can't detach and make wise decisions for yourself because you are too attached to an unhealthy relationship?

So why are YOU so attached to an unhealthy relationship?

Why was I?

The truth can be quite painful, as to why I bonded so strongly--or perhaps why I couldn't unbond is more important--neediness--avoidance of unfinished business within myself--

The truth will set you free type of thing.

 

I appreciate what you are saying but I must respectfully disagree with your stance on my addiction.

 

1) I have engaged in compulsive sexual activity since I was very young and suspect sexual abuse is in my past, this has come up in EMDR.

 

2) I had participated in sexually risky behaviour in my youth. I almost lost my virginity at 15 to a 35 year old man I met on the internet the week before. At the last minute I chickened out and cancelled.

 

3)I got super-attached into this relationship because I met a man who could keep up with my own sex drive. My last relationship before my husband crumbled partially because of the sexual pressure I put on my bf. I thought I was absolutely entitled to have him meet my needs. After many sexually disappointing relationships where my libido drown out any bfs libido, I was very frustrated and disappointed. My relationship with my husband was built on sex with me being the frequent initiator. Granted he was fascinated by this.

 

4) Throughout my marriage I had my own porn addiction that I thought I had kept hidden from my husband. We had discussed our standards for marriage and I repeatedly broke them to look at porn, sometimes I would stay in a hotel room to look at porn while he was working so that he wouldn't come and find out what I was up to. I had no idea that he had his own problems back then. I actually thought he had health issues that were preventing us from having as much sex as we used to, and that is the excuse I would give myself to look at porn.

 

5) I would confess my errors to my husband and be very ashamed and he would tell me it was okay, but I had a problem with it and still couldn't stop even though in my view it was adultery.

 

6) I told my husband many times that I had stopped, even said things like "months ago" even though it wasn't true. I have been porn free since March 19, 2009. I stopped looking at porn the day I found out he looked at it and it really hurt. I had felt so rejected and I really thought I didn't really have a problem until I looked at my history on the computer for the week my husband had been away. I was shocked, I was spending all day looking at porn for days! I thought, oh my god I have a problem. I have gone on craigslist off and on for the last year. I altered my husband's sexsearch account and locked him out to advertise for my own interests. This behaviour ceased this March, even though I have been in recovery I still sometimes check a private email, which tells me this needs to stop too.

 

7) My therapist has told me that I use sex compulsively to avoid other feelings. She recommended that both my husband and I not have any sex (or self-stimulation) for 90 days. Since that time I broke down quite a few times and engaged in compulsive behaviour without any assistance from my husband and without his knowledge. My internet activities (such as placing ads to meet people and corresponding with them) in March started becoming problematic again and to avoid becoming a person I have tried to walk away from, I started recovery.

 

8) Whenever I feel any form of stress I usually feel very much in need of sleeping with someone, ANYONE would do. I kid you not. I spend more then 50% of my day thinking about sex and dealing with triggers. I have often had to take a step back and think "What am I avoiding?" Right now it is cooking, and cleaning my living room, my financial issues and having to find a job.

 

9) The real reason I wasn't more promiscuous is because I was CHICKEN! I was raised catholic and my dad would call women who wore red lipstick whores. It was pretty suffocating.

 

I don't really have to prove that I have a problem with SA. This is my story and part of who I am. If in any way my story helps someone out there who is even half as screwed up, then I am glad. I have read Out of the Shadows and completely relate to so much of that. I started my own sexual recovery work reading Facing the Shadow and attending both SA and S-Anon meetings as well as reading more about co-dependency.

[dreamingoftigers]

I went for a pre-screen for DBT therapy today, it turns out that I am a fit for the program. I have borderline traits but not full-blown BPD. I can relate to some of the symtoms and I have to learn how to correct my behaviour (nothing violent or self-harming) when it comes to motivation and getting things done. My life feels pretty black-and-white sometimes and I get stuck in ruts easily. Routines and organization are like foreign languages to me.

[candymoon]

Welcome back Dot... well not really. Hate that you're here for these reasons, really...

 

The thing with the kids really makes it hard. Just as your daughter gets so happy to be with both of you, mine does too. She really does perk up, interact, and seems to do well this way for now... it's the later that's worrisom. those teen years, when she starts to get a grip and think, 'wtf is wrong with my parents?'

 

I once told my husband: I would rather divorce you now, then have to answer the question our daughter will surely ask in 20 years: Mom, why did you let an active addict raise me? I also once asked him: Do you want her to marry a man like you in 25 years?

 

I keep my eye on that for every slip he makes. For every time he says "I'm OK" and I hear the lies in his voice. Or worse, for ever time I hear the truth in his voice, but see in his eyes he is still lying to himself. For everytime I think, I don't want to have to explain my weakness and co-dependence when she demands and deserves an answer because she cant figure out why she is such a fcked up & dysfunctional adult. I can't do it. Both you and I and our daughters deserve so much more. At this age they don't know, but we have to be strong for them.

 

Stay strong, (((((((Dot)))))))).

[dreamingoftigers]

I am pretty glad because my H is actually going to recovery now, we also have the computer passworded and I change it every second or third day just in case. I am doing my recovery too. That doesn't mean we are out of the woods or anything but right now I can at least catch my breath while the environment is not so toxic.

 

It was hard taking so many hits at once. At least now I can get myself together in a cool collected way so that if/when another storm hits I have more resources available to me. I will also ask him to leave because Lah and I deserve to be in a better environment then that.

 

I will also be asking for a polygraph after his three month "drying out." That is becoming a new standard for SA treatment.

 

To people who say that cheaters pull the SA excuse, it won't be fun for very long as a part of the standard SA treatment involves a polygraph that includes the question: "Have you revealed the full extent of your sexual activities to your spouse?" and "Are there any other secrets you are keeping from your spouse?" Ouch. I wouldn't expect an average Joe to pass these but apparently these guys need it. I will also be taking a polygraph but I am not so concerned, although I have a couple things I will need to air out before then, I don't think anything will come as much of a shock.

[You Go Girl]

This is very interesting to me, to read a woman's compulsive behavior in this as my roommate H has a porn addiction, compulsive lying problem, and an alcoholic.

I guess my question is this. When is it a compulsive addiction, and when is it about boundaries?

Obviously if it is an addiction, then it carries shame with it.

The problem though, is that some--say Tiger Woods for example--it may not be a compulsion but rather a boundary issue--that he could simply be a chauvanist who believes that men should be able to get away with infidelity while their wife is good at home.

The problem in distinguishing between the two is that a compulsive person will lie, but so will a person who disrespects boundaries, and they will both lie to themselves as well as SO's.

The person who has the behavior needs to examine it and discover just where their boundary lines are, opposed to where their compulsion is. Sometimes these two may even overlap, making it difficult to see the whole truth.

[dreamingoftigers]

This is very interesting to me, to read a woman's compulsive behavior in this as my roommate H has a porn addiction, compulsive lying problem, and an alcoholic.

I guess my question is this. When is it a compulsive addiction, and when is it about boundaries?

Obviously if it is an addiction, then it carries shame with it.

The problem though, is that some--say Tiger Woods for example--it may not be a compulsion but rather a boundary issue--that he could simply be a chauvanist who believes that men should be able to get away with infidelity while their wife is good at home.

The problem in distinguishing between the two is that a compulsive person will lie, but so will a person who disrespects boundaries, and they will both lie to themselves as well as SO's.

The person who has the behavior needs to examine it and discover just where their boundary lines are, opposed to where their compulsion is. Sometimes these two may even overlap, making it difficult to see the whole truth.

 

At the time I did not want to be the kind of person that participated in those activities believing them to be a form of infidelity. I would periodically confess to my husband about those activities but had considerable trouble stopping. The birth of my daughter solidified a lot of the behaviours stopping. Simply because my parts hurt too much to do any self-service for a couple of months and then I had simply grown past the desire for most of that stuff.

[dreamingoftigers]

Had an awesome Mother's Day! Got a card with a recording of my daughter's laughter

 

Went for a nice stroll around one of the local market areas along the river.

 

It seems like we are finally starting some of our healing journey and making some headway. My husband seems to be remorseful and realizing more things about what has happened in the last year. I am hesitant to just believe him but it seems like he is tuning in and being much more affectionate and well, "normal" then he has been for quite some time.

 

My recovery is going okay too but I have noticed since we haven't been having sex that my food intake is larger and contains crappier food. I know that I need to go back on my old food plan.

 

I also know that I need to go back to work full-time. I have been really hesitant about this as well, working full-time and running the business I think will exhaust me, plus taking care of my one-year old. There must be another solution....

[candymoon]

Glad things seems to be quieting down for you and the H and that your Mother's Day went well.

 

It's very important and excellent that you are working on yourself during this time. Part of that is, as you noticed, making sure you don't trade one addiction for another. I do have my own issues with addiction as well, but not to the level of some: I can be a workaholic, food-a-holic, nicotine-a-holic, was working on becoming an alcoholic as well when I was having my nervous breakdown. It's hard to keep them in check and I have some success. It's up and down, though. I guess this especially goes for you H as well.

 

Sometimes, though, a chocolate as a replacement for sex doesn't seem so bad! lol. Everything in moderation, I guess.

 

You also have a lot of other stresses coming your way (as if you need those too!). Is it possible to get a sitter or Mother's Helper for your daughter? Can you hire someone on a per-job, as needed basis and still make some profit? I remember having to go back to work full time when my daughter was 2 and I was not a happy camper.

 

Keep on truckin, DoT. You're doing a fantastic job.

[dreamingoftigers]

Glad things seems to be quieting down for you and the H and that your Mother's Day went well.

 

It's very important and excellent that you are working on yourself during this time. Part of that is, as you noticed, making sure you don't trade one addiction for another. I do have my own issues with addiction as well, but not to the level of some: I can be a workaholic, food-a-holic, nicotine-a-holic, was working on becoming an alcoholic as well when I was having my nervous breakdown. It's hard to keep them in check and I have some success. It's up and down, though. I guess this especially goes for you H as well.

 

Sometimes, though, a chocolate as a replacement for sex doesn't seem so bad! lol. Everything in moderation, I guess.

 

You also have a lot of other stresses coming your way (as if you need those too!). Is it possible to get a sitter or Mother's Helper for your daughter? Can you hire someone on a per-job, as needed basis and still make some profit? I remember having to go back to work full time when my daughter was 2 and I was not a happy camper.

 

Keep on truckin, DoT. You're doing a fantastic job.

 

My daughter is in dayhome and has been since she was 4 months old. She loves it there and the little kids love to play with her too. I will have to be running the business and working what looks to be full-time. I have already applied to a couple of places today and it isn't really hopeful so far. Here's hoping!

[dreamingoftigers]

YAY I finally got the paperwork in the living room organized!

 

I had forgotten that I was trying to tuen this log into a self-improvement log with goals so I would like to get back to that.

 

I have a kind of little but annoying decision to make. My H and I are both fat. We have decided that we want to stop being fat but right now we are pretty broke and have a bunch of unhealthy food around the house (canned goods, pasta etc.). I know, I know pasta can be healthy but carbs really steamroll any effort I make. My H says he is willing to eat up the rest of the crappy food and I can start on my food plan (mostly fresh foods). I am not sure that that is fair and I think it will just encourage me to fall off of the wagon a bunch of times if he is eating home-made mac & cheese in front of me.

 

On the other hand, if I eat up the crappy food with him, then I just put off the inevitable and have more weight to take off but it would be cheaper to live off of it for the next week or two. I also worry that eating away at it may encourage us to buy more. (i.e. can't have pasta without sauce and parmesan, and then you have leftover sauce and parmesan so you go and get more pasta etc.)

 

The third option is to banish the unhealthy food from the house but we really don't have very much money to buy a full round of fresh foods, but we would be healthier.

 

Any opinions? I already gave away a flat of canned soup that I knew he doesn't like but I would eat.

 

I really want to get back on track with the goals.

[candymoon]

Yay on getting that paperwork organized. I have yet to do mine

 

As far as the weight issue, I’m sure you’ll get a bunch of opinions, many conflicting as health, weight loss, and diet works different for each individual

 

So far, I’ve lost 45lbs. I have another 30ish to go. I went from an 18/20 to a 10/12 in the past 1.5 to 2 years. I’ll tell you what I did

 

Most important thing I did: Added breakfast without fail. Everyday. Adding breakfast I lost 20lbs alone without any other changes to diet or routine. It doesn’t seem to matter what I ate as long as I ate. Period. Before, I was getting up at 6a or 7a and not eat my first meal until noon or 1p. I was starving myself fat, I think… my body was panicked and storing everything! So most breakfasts I have yogurt with fruit toast (and yes, a tiny pat of butter (not even half a teaspoon really), cold or hot cereal. Sometimes I’ll toss the older fruit into a blender with the yogurt and even some veggies (raw spinach, steamed carrot) and make a smoothie (my daughter LOVES these—even with the veg as you cant taste it with enough orange or pineapple juice). I also eat a post breakfast snack (usually nuts or leftover fruits) and a sensible lunch of soup, salad, etc a snack after that and a typical dinner. Oddly, I eat A LOT now and the weight stays off! Woohoo. Twice a week I still do the traditional breakfasts of bacon or sausage and eggs, but try to add fruit too. It doesn’t seem to matter as long as I eat SOMETHING.

 

Keep the junk food. Don’t waste money. I kept the junk food and we used it for emergencies when we couldn’t get to the grocery store that week. However, I tried to spiff it up and add some nutritional value. For example, mac n cheese became a casserole with ground chicken (to balance the carbs), onion, garlic, tomato, peas, green beans, bell peppers or whatever I had to toss in. My reasoning was/is as long as there is SOME nutrition to it, at least it’s not all wasted calories. It took several months to go through it all. Now, we hardly have any canned or packaged food in the house… we have very little for convenience. I also use extra virgin olive oil for everything (have been for longer than this weight loss thing)… I keep the Canola around for those deep fry PMS fits, tho.

 

[About 15 lbs ago, I had peaked and had to get exercise to do the rest. I’ve lost 10 lbs, but have shrunk in inches (probably due to gaining more muscle mass). When I started the gym in Nov ’09, I was a solid sze14, now the sze10 but only lost another 15 lbs… anyway, This is the smallest I’ve been since puberty. Certainly, money is a factor so the gym is out, but you know the rest… walking, jogging… even YouTube video workouts ffs—they’re free! I have a few bookmarked because they show how to maximize gym workouts and they are obviously working.

 

I don’t beat myself up for screwing up either… it’s a slow steady change in lifestyle that I mostly started for my daughter. I mean, some days are just chocolate and ice cream days… Hell I haven’t been able to get to the gym in a cpl of week! But life is that way right now

 

Maybe one day I’ll be able to make the mysterious single digit in dress size. That would be something. I swear I cried when the 12 was too big and I had to get a 10.

You can do it DoT!

Edited May 12, 2010 by candymoon
Edited to remove some weird code!

[dreamingoftigers]

Thank you for your advice, I know that breakfast is CRUCIAL.

 

I also actually have a gym membership that was prepaid when we had some more money, I think it has 3 months left on it, summer's coming soon anyways so we will be out more.

 

The junk food is awful! My husband made a "casserole" out of leftovers. I think it might be me gas for three days.

 

But yes we are on the cheap for now.