Author Ashkayi Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 This is why parents tell their daughters to do well in school and get a good career... so that they're not beholden to asshats like the OP's fiance. What the OP describes of her relationship is not love, it's a lack of options and imagination at anything else. Ive always been independent, this man was the first man ive actually fallen in love with which made the abuse so much harder to understand. Ive been married before, and never to anyone who was like this. Im almost 30 years old, i am going back to school and i have a fulltime job and i raise two children. I have never had to depend on anyone, and to be frank, he had nothing that i needed, i just loved him. So no, it wasnt love, and it still isnt love, from him anyway. For someone who cant get over his ex wife, and to not be able to get over the life he had with her because he loved her so much and he cant give that love to me, that was the problem. And the abusive behavior and lack of respect and all the negative above that you can think of. I just hope that what other female he becomes involved with , he gets help quick, before the next female, puts him in jail. Link to post Share on other sites
thom3 Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 (edited) Ive always been independent, this man was the first man ive actually fallen in love with which made the abuse so much harder to understand. Ive been married before, and never to anyone who was like this. Im almost 30 years old, i am going back to school and i have a fulltime job and i raise two children. I have never had to depend on anyone, and to be frank, he had nothing that i needed, i just loved him. So no, it wasnt love, and it still isnt love, from him anyway. For someone who cant get over his ex wife, and to not be able to get over the life he had with her because he loved her so much and he cant give that love to me, that was the problem. And the abusive behavior and lack of respect and all the negative above that you can think of. I just hope that what other female he becomes involved with , he gets help quick, before the next female, puts him in jail. This is what you said earlier: "my situation is far more complicated than just stopping the wedding and getting out. We have so much debt together already, we have bought a house a few years ago.." From everything you've written, you cannot marry this man. That it's taken you until 5 days before your wedding day to figure this out suggests you're not as independent as you say. Think of also what you will put your children through if you marry this man given the drama you two have over the most trivial things. Edited March 31, 2010 by thom3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ashkayi Posted April 1, 2010 Author Share Posted April 1, 2010 Which is why I can't. My children shouldnt have to go through anything either. He doesnt act this way around them, while they are not completely oblivious to the fact that im miserable, they shouldnt have to go through it. Its like me calling him on his lunch break telling him i called him several times while he uses the "hang up" button on me, and then me explaining to him that i called and him yelling at me to telling me he messaged me and called me and its not his fault he didnt get it, and hes not going to sit there and listen to me drilling him, when all i asked was, why didnt you call me? Yeah, i know i shouldnt have endured it as long as i have, im miserable and i feel almost worthless because of how he has made me feel, but i cannot blame anyone but myself, i chose to stay as long as i did. Thank you all for you help, and i dont mind the tough words, thats what i needed that i wasnt getting from anyone close to me... Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 So, are you really going to go though with this ? Cancel the wedding and leave him ? It sounds lke a horribly difficult thing to do, while clearly the best decision. Don't get me wrong : RUN !!! ...But i've only seen this happen in movies..... ! Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 I want to marry him, we already have everything paid for and everything It would be tough to cancel the wedding but it will be so much worse entering this marriage. Do what's good for you, you don't want to be this guy's wife Look, here's what you need to do. Pack a suitcase with your valuables, important documents (bank statements, passport, etc.) and some clothes. Call your mother and tell her you that you are canceling the wedding and coming home. Tell her you need her help. Tell mom what an ass this guy is and you finally understand why everyone has been telling you he's no good for you. Ask her to help you cancel the wedding. Do NOT marry this man. Everything else can be sorted out, one way or another. But do not legally tie yourself to this loser. Yes! I agree 100%. Please please take this advice, it will save you from so much pain and trouble down the line. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovecake Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 Today he was less than understanding telling me that i didnt tell him that, *thats what he does, he plays it down as though it was my mistake everytime*.. This is called gaslighting and is a form of psychological and emotional abuse. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting Link to post Share on other sites
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