Spin-off: "The unwritten OW Rule"

[OWoman]

After months of reading this and the Infidelity Forum it's become apparent to me that the unwritten rule for OW is:

 

"Never tell the wife while the affair is ongoing."

 

To me, telling the W while the A is ongoing would be like phoning up an xGF of a SG to tell her you were now shagging her xBF.

 

Both amount to the current love interest gloating over the former love interest. Both, IMO, are tacky. If you feel the need to publicise your R in that way, you're not in the R for its own sake, but for the public response to it (good or bad).

 

There is a HUGE difference, IMO, between being open and transparent, on one hand (ie, not hiding) and publicising on the other (ie, deliberately seeking to inform others). I've never seen the need to hide my Rs - but nor have I ever seen the need to draw attention to them.

[Got it]

Yeah I don't understand WHY the OW would rush to tell? No one knows with 100% certainty that the MM would leave once dday hits, many OW are quite happy in the arrangement so would like status quo to continue and that is just opening a whole lot of angst and drama for what?

 

If causing a dday is all the OW has going for her, well then, that isn't saying much.

 

Plus if a MP is leaving, or planning on leaving, it is ideal for no one to know about the OP. Then then can come into the "picture" during the separation, and life rolls forward as such. No additional angst or drama.

[jennie-jennie]

This option has always been available to you. What did MM say the consequences will be if you choose to exercise that option?

 

Since I would not consider it an option without his approval, while it is not an option to me to snitch, it has not been an option available to me prior to his approval of it yesterday.

 

My MM said there will be no consequences, if you are implying that he in any way would reprimand me.

 

He said, which I agree with, that the result will either be:

- he stays in the marriage and ends our relationship

- he ends the marriage and continues our relationship

- he continues both which will of course make it much harder for us to meet now that the BS knows of our relationship.

 

- He could of course end both relationships, but we did not discuss that.

[jennie-jennie]

Just by the term "snitching", I knew that you at least knew the "golden rule", to never tell as one could loose their life behind it...ya me too, been there done that...it is engrained in me. My family lives by a no snitching rule...one member is doing 15yrs as "punishment" for not giving up another...that is how serious it is...loyalty is everything. They are in their 20's so they are going through what we did!!!!

 

I knew you would understand, Pure.

[OWoman]

I think this demonstrates exactly what I said. She is being condemned ostensibly for her motives (which are as you say to expose an affair, not necessarily her own affair). I said I thought even if that person were saying it was for "true love" she would still be condemned. This is my belief and I made it clear it was. My belief is based on other similar situations that have arisen when other OW have wondered on L/S whether or not to tell, and have been discouraged for similar reasons.

 

I have always argued against telling - for reasons I've stated often enough elsewhere - but I think in this case condemnation was pretty universal from ALL sides, for ALL reasons. There is no moral high ground here that the OP could possibly pretend - she's not seeking to do anyone any kind of favour, she's merely in it to wreak as much havoc as she possibly can, to make others as miserable as she feels. Misery loves company.

 

Not all OWs always argue against telling. Some see telling as a way of "pushing the MM off the fence" and forcing a decision. Trouble is, when a decision is forced - which implies the MM is not yet ready to make that decision of himself - the decision made is usually to take the easy route, ie to opt for the status quo... unless that option is denied (by the BW kicking him out, say) in which case the MM either does what we've seen at least one fWS here do (end things with the OW, and spend three years crying in their cornflakes for the xW) or lands up reluctantly with the OW, never fully committed, never really sure (and, quite possibly, flip-flopping). The OW is denied the security of knowing she was chosen, and has to live with the lurking possibility that he may question his "decision" later and either return to the xW (if that becomes an option) or find someone else. So, while telling may serve their interests in the short term, it's unlikely to offer them what they'd really like - the MM to choose them freely of his own accord, without the issue being forced on them.

[awkward]

My MM said there will be no consequences, if you are implying that he in any way would reprimand me.

 

He said, which I agree with, that the result will either be:

- he stays in the marriage and ends our relationship

- he ends the marriage and continues our relationship

- he continues both which will of course make it much harder for us to meet now that the BS knows of our relationship.

 

- He could of course end both relationships, but we did not discuss that.

 

I was not implying that he would reprimand you. The word results, like you chose, was a better word. I was just wondering if you had discussed what would happen to your relationship if you did exercise the option he gave to you yesterday.

 

So the results are he doesn't know what would happen to your relationship. Have you discussed what the results of an unintentional d-day would be? Are they the same results?

[jennie-jennie]

I was not implying that he would reprimand you. The word results, like you chose, was a better word. I was just wondering if you had discussed what would happen to your relationship if you did exercise the option he gave to you yesterday.

 

So the results are he doesn't know what would happen to your relationship. Have you discussed what the results of an unintentional d-day would be? Are they the same results?

 

The results of an unintentional Dday would be the same of course: unknown.

 

My MM is actively struggling with which decision to make. He claims he does not want to stay in the situation as it is forever. Since he has not been able to make a choice yet, he does not know what impact a Dday, whether unintentional or not, would have on his decisionmaking.

 

He really does not want to bury the extramarital relationship deeper. But from what I have seen during these four years he has not been able to end our relationship and not the marriage either. So I don't know what would happen on a Dday. I guess that is why I am prepared to stay hidden. He needs to be the one who breaks the secrecy. He needs to be the one who reaches a decision. Just look at MBEG. A Dday did not help her in choosing. Why would it help my MM?

 

From today on my MM is an Unapologetic Married Man. He needs this time to resolve something within himself.

Edited April 2, 2010 by jennie-jennie

[White Flower]

The results of an unintentional Dday would be the same of course: unknown.

 

My MM is actively struggling with which decision to make. He claims he does not want to stay in the situation as it is forever. Since he has not been able to make a choice yet, he does not know what impact a Dday, whether unintentional or not, would have on his decisionmaking.

 

He really does not want to bury the extramarital relationship deeper. But from what I have seen during these four years he has not been able to end our relationship and not the marriage either. So I don't know what would happen on a Dday. I guess that is why I am prepared to stay hidden. He needs to be the one who breaks the secrecy. He needs to be the one who reaches a decision. Just look at MBEG. A Dday did not help her in choosing. Why would it help my MM?

 

From today on my MM is an Unapologetic Married Man. He needs this time to resolve something within himself.

I agree, the decision is his as it was his decision to cheat. He can answer for himself.

 

The more you talk about it the clearer his mind will be about it. We thought we had discussed everything and put a plan in motion but it wasn't rock solid. I was unsure about it but he was ok with it. Well, on D-day when he hedged, my theory was proven. Jennie-jennie, keep talking to him about it. The more he talks and thinks it through the more prepared he will be on a D-day (should it happen) and hopefully he will have informed decisions as to which direction he will take. Avoiding the issue just to keep the peace can lead to the worst feeling of betrayal, unintended or not, because of possible (more like probable) hedging.

[Fight4Me]

This is my first post on LS. As soon as I figure out where to properly introduce myself, I will, but I hope it's okay to join in the discussion and offer up another BW perspective in the meantime.

 

As I've read through many different threads here and in the infidelity forum, I find that I identify a lot with Spark. While I wasn't thrilled to be told by my husband of 18 years that he wanted a divorce, and that, indeed, he was involved in an EMR for the past 6 weeks; I felt no animosity toward the OW. With that said, it would have been far more damaging and hurtful to hear it from her; and I would have seen it as a purely self-serving, desperate act. (The only exception to that would be if she had ended the A, and was motivated to express remorse... a tough sell.) As it turns out, she didn't want him to come to me with the truth because she knew... deep down... that it wasn't going to go in her favor. Once he realized I wasn't jumping at the chance to be rid of him, he wanted to reconcile with me, and go completely NC with her... literally within two hours.

 

Several months later, due to a vile email I received from someone posing as OW (it's a long story, and I don't want to t/j this thread any more than I already have), my FWH fired off a firm letter declaring his love for me and our family, while expressing extreme remorse for his involvement with her. While that letter was wonderful for me, I couldn't help but feel empathy for her. So, I was gentle and she seemed eager to open up to me. After several email exchanges, she said that she felt like she could finally move on, that his love for me was painfully obvious, removing the hope that she had been foolishly holding onto. She hoped that she could be friends with him someday, but FWH had already told her that was impossible and I agreed. At that point, I went NC with her, satisfied that we both received closure from one another.

 

I'm grateful that she was willing to face me on some level and I like to think she is too. After all, we had at least one thing in common. We both loved the same man. I hope she finally finds someone who will return that love and go on to live a full and contented life.

 

 

I only had empathy for her when he about faced and started to pursue me and the restoration of the marriage after DDay. I thought that woman, after all this time invested, must be heartbroken.

 

I found it absolutely amazing, given the circumstances of being thrown under the bus by a mid-life crisising, somewhat depressed man that you have been led to believe you would have a future with, that there was not one single question for me!

 

Obviously, we were both lied to for a very long time, and then both hurt....

 

Whether he and I reconciled or not, whether he wound up with her or not, I am a genuinely kind person who forgives to heal myself and move forward and I always take the high road.

 

My naivete is believing others would be like me. Many are not.

 

[White Flower]

This is my first post on LS. As soon as I figure out where to properly introduce myself, I will, but I hope it's okay to join in the discussion and offer up another BW perspective in the meantime.

 

As I've read through many different threads here and in the infidelity forum, I find that I identify a lot with Spark. While I wasn't thrilled to be told by my husband of 18 years that he wanted a divorce, and that, indeed, he was involved in an EMR for the past 6 weeks; I felt no animosity toward the OW. With that said, it would have been far more damaging and hurtful to hear it from her; and I would have seen it as a purely self-serving, desperate act. (The only exception to that would be if she had ended the A, and was motivated to express remorse... a tough sell.) As it turns out, she didn't want him to come to me with the truth because she knew... deep down... that it wasn't going to go in her favor. Once he realized I wasn't jumping at the chance to be rid of him, he wanted to reconcile with me, and go completely NC with her... literally within two hours.

 

Several months later, due to a vile email I received from someone posing as OW (it's a long story, and I don't want to t/j this thread any more than I already have), my FWH fired off a firm letter declaring his love for me and our family, while expressing extreme remorse for his involvement with her. While that letter was wonderful for me, I couldn't help but feel empathy for her. So, I was gentle and she seemed eager to open up to me. After several email exchanges, she said that she felt like she could finally move on, that his love for me was painfully obvious, removing the hope that she had been foolishly holding onto. She hoped that she could be friends with him someday, but FWH had already told her that was impossible and I agreed. At that point, I went NC with her, satisfied that we both received closure from one another.

 

I'm grateful that she was willing to face me on some level and I like to think she is too. After all, we had at least one thing in common. We both loved the same man. I hope she finally finds someone who will return that love and go on to live a full and contented life.

Welcome Fight4Me, what a great post. And if you expound nobody will accuse you of t/j because it is well within the realms of this subject. Post away!

 

I agree, I think it is the H's job to break HIS infidelity to HIS W. If the BW wants to speak to the OW she can reach out to her. I think you handled the situation very well considering the difficult time you were going through.

 

Don't know if anyone else is curious, but I would like to hear the story about someone posing as fWH's OW. That scares me actually. Can you share the story?

[pureinheart]

Welcome Fight4Me, what a great post. And if you expound nobody will accuse you of t/j because it is well within the realms of this subject. Post away!

 

I agree, I think it is the H's job to break HIS infidelity to HIS W. If the BW wants to speak to the OW she can reach out to her. I think you handled the situation very well considering the difficult time you were going through.

 

Don't know if anyone else is curious, but I would like to hear the story about someone posing as fWH's OW. That scares me actually. Can you share the story?

 

I would...that is like, ewwwww

[pureinheart]

This is my first post on LS. As soon as I figure out where to properly introduce myself, I will, but I hope it's okay to join in the discussion and offer up another BW perspective in the meantime.

 

As I've read through many different threads here and in the infidelity forum, I find that I identify a lot with Spark. While I wasn't thrilled to be told by my husband of 18 years that he wanted a divorce, and that, indeed, he was involved in an EMR for the past 6 weeks; I felt no animosity toward the OW. With that said, it would have been far more damaging and hurtful to hear it from her; and I would have seen it as a purely self-serving, desperate act. (The only exception to that would be if she had ended the A, and was motivated to express remorse... a tough sell.) As it turns out, she didn't want him to come to me with the truth because she knew... deep down... that it wasn't going to go in her favor. Once he realized I wasn't jumping at the chance to be rid of him, he wanted to reconcile with me, and go completely NC with her... literally within two hours.

 

Several months later, due to a vile email I received from someone posing as OW (it's a long story, and I don't want to t/j this thread any more than I already have), my FWH fired off a firm letter declaring his love for me and our family, while expressing extreme remorse for his involvement with her. While that letter was wonderful for me, I couldn't help but feel empathy for her. So, I was gentle and she seemed eager to open up to me. After several email exchanges, she said that she felt like she could finally move on, that his love for me was painfully obvious, removing the hope that she had been foolishly holding onto. She hoped that she could be friends with him someday, but FWH had already told her that was impossible and I agreed. At that point, I went NC with her, satisfied that we both received closure from one another.

 

I'm grateful that she was willing to face me on some level and I like to think she is too. After all, we had at least one thing in common. We both loved the same man. I hope she finally finds someone who will return that love and go on to live a full and contented life.

 

Hi F4M,

 

Welcome also...I am way bad about tjing, and appreciate the patience of the OP'ers that cut me much slack as I have worked out many issues by hiding in various threads, rather that starting new ones of which serves no purpose for anyone.

 

Anyway, every situation is different, and I possibly was dealing with some extremely unstable people, although I stand very strong that there is too much emotion going on that can lead to very dangerous circumstances, and would never advise communication between OW/OM and BS.

 

This also brought to mind several instances where friends of mine involved in EMA (BS's and OW/OM) had extremely violent D-Days...wow, I had forgotten about those.

 

FTR, I'm all of the above, BS,WS, and OW. As a BS, I never had any desire to speak with the OW as it was my M and my problem.

 

Hey...I've never been an OM...lol...this is a good thing! A bit of tj'ing humor?

[Spark1111]

This is my first post on LS. As soon as I figure out where to properly introduce myself, I will, but I hope it's okay to join in the discussion and offer up another BW perspective in the meantime.

 

As I've read through many different threads here and in the infidelity forum, I find that I identify a lot with Spark. While I wasn't thrilled to be told by my husband of 18 years that he wanted a divorce, and that, indeed, he was involved in an EMR for the past 6 weeks; I felt no animosity toward the OW. With that said, it would have been far more damaging and hurtful to hear it from her; and I would have seen it as a purely self-serving, desperate act. (The only exception to that would be if she had ended the A, and was motivated to express remorse... a tough sell.)

I, too left her alone following DDay. If he chose her, I did not want an acrimonious beginning to a relationship that would adversely effect my children's relationship with their father.

 

As it turns out, she didn't want him to come to me with the truth because she knew... deep down... that it wasn't going to go in her favor. My husband's OW also told him, "you obviously love her. Go make it right with her." Unfortunately, I do not believe she meant it.

 

So, I was gentle and she seemed eager to open up to me.

 

Here our stories diverge. She did not return my phone calls six months later when I extended kindly an olive branch.

 

After several email exchanges, she said that she felt like she could finally move on, that his love for me was painfully obvious, removing the hope that she had been foolishly holding onto. She hoped that she could be friends with him someday, but FWH had already told her that was impossible and I agreed. At that point, I went NC with her, satisfied that we both received closure from one another.

 

I'm grateful that she was willing to face me on some level and I like to think she is too. After all, we had at least one thing in common. We both loved the same man. I hope she finally finds someone who will return that love and go on to live a full and contented life.

 

This was my thinking and purpose for contacting her. Howver, our end results differ greatly. Happy it worked out for you.

 

Welcome to LS!

[Fight4Me]

Thanks for the warm welcome. My main message on this thread is that I don't think the OW should tell the BW unless it is a special circumstance. If it's just a generic OW and/or BS, stay away. You're also FAR more likely to get thrown under a bus by the WS, I would imagine.

 

 

Don't know if anyone else is curious, but I would like to hear the story about someone posing as fWH's OW. That scares me actually. Can you share the story?

 

Basically, I got an email out of nowhere (NC had been firmly established, and FWH and I were doing great) what seemed to be from her. I don't want to give too much TMI, but the beginning of the email address was exactly the same as her regular one, but the carrier was slightly off. You don't tend to notice subtleties like that when there's a sudden rush of emotion smacking you around. Anyway, the email itself said something like "You shouldn't make him stay in such an unhappy situation for your own selfish reasons. Cut him loose and let him be happy for once." At the exact same time I was reading the email, I got a call from my FWH from work who said he had just received an email from "her," but hadn't opened it, and asked if I wanted to read it before he deleted it. I then said, go ahead and delete it because I'm pretty sure I already know what it said and told him about the email I had received. I forwarded it to him so he could see, and he asked if it was okay if he responded to it. I was hesitant, but agreed. (this was the one I referred to in my first post) Then I fired off an over the top emotional response myself.

 

We both sent our replies to that address, as well as the one she used during the affair. Since my FWH had blocked her original addy, we assumed she had created this one to get around it. But we wanted to make sure our final answers got through to her this time.

 

The next morning, I got a panicked response from her exclaiming that she was not the person who sent the emails, and begged me to compare the difference in email addresses, as well as writing style. She included several phone numbers where I could reach her so we could talk it over. I really didn't want to talk to her on the phone, but I told her right away that I believed her. My gut had been telling me something was "off" about the whole thing, and she helped confirm it for me. So, now we were both creeped out because it had to be from someone who had our information, knew about the A, and was pretty damn heartless. We both agreed to work together to get down to the bottom of this. She already had a couple of people in mind on her end, so I tracked the IP from the email, and it originated in her city of work. Unfortunately, she hadn't been very discreet about the EMR on her end because everyone there seemed supportive, and also because they are across the country from us.

 

As for us, he gave me the option of telling everyone and their dogs, but I decided that it was best that our children not know. Only his parents, sister, and our pastor know.

 

Anyway, once we narrowed down the source of the emails from someone at her work, I decided it was her problem. I reported the email and it got shut down. In a way, I'm grateful to the person who sent it in the first place because I got to see truly how little my FWH cared for his fOW and how much he truly loved me, and I no longer have concern that she's holding out hope that he'll return to her. I know that sounds cold, but as one woman to another, I know how we can try to pick out little morsels of hope from a man's parting words. I wanted her to be able to move on, not only for our sakes, but for hers as well. It also gave her the chance to sincerely apologize for her part in my pain, which was nice to hear, but I had already forgiven her a while back. Forgiveness benefits the one doing the forgiving.

 

So there's the whole ugly saga. I don't think you guys need to worry too much, but I would be really careful who you confide in. I think this person thought they were doing her a favor, but it ultimately ended up having the opposite effect.

[pureinheart]

Hey F4M,

 

Forgot to communicate I'm "former" everything now...anyway, creeped out is what I was thinking before you said it. Thank you for sharing that. That is weird, so no actual conclusion as far as identity, so you and your hubby had to draw most of your own...wow, thank God it is on the other side of the country.

 

I am really glad to hear all is well with you now, and that you and your H have found support...you don't sound by your posts that there is a spirit of condemnation behind either of you as this will break a M into a million little pieces.

 

When I was a BS I had too many unknown issues to forgive and subconsciously shut down and "looked" for another mate, as in my mind this one was no longer acceptable. I know this sounds cold, although there are many reasons for my "shut down".

 

I realise now, the major thing is to really let it go...not lip service, buy heart service...I can do this now....hey I'm really happy for you guys!

[White Flower]

Thanks for the warm welcome. My main message on this thread is that I don't think the OW should tell the BW unless it is a special circumstance. If it's just a generic OW and/or BS, stay away. You're also FAR more likely to get thrown under a bus by the WS, I would imagine.

 

 

 

Basically, I got an email out of nowhere (NC had been firmly established, and FWH and I were doing great) what seemed to be from her. I don't want to give too much TMI, but the beginning of the email address was exactly the same as her regular one, but the carrier was slightly off. You don't tend to notice subtleties like that when there's a sudden rush of emotion smacking you around. Anyway, the email itself said something like "You shouldn't make him stay in such an unhappy situation for your own selfish reasons. Cut him loose and let him be happy for once." At the exact same time I was reading the email, I got a call from my FWH from work who said he had just received an email from "her," but hadn't opened it, and asked if I wanted to read it before he deleted it. I then said, go ahead and delete it because I'm pretty sure I already know what it said and told him about the email I had received. I forwarded it to him so he could see, and he asked if it was okay if he responded to it. I was hesitant, but agreed. (this was the one I referred to in my first post) Then I fired off an over the top emotional response myself.

 

We both sent our replies to that address, as well as the one she used during the affair. Since my FWH had blocked her original addy, we assumed she had created this one to get around it. But we wanted to make sure our final answers got through to her this time.

 

The next morning, I got a panicked response from her exclaiming that she was not the person who sent the emails, and begged me to compare the difference in email addresses, as well as writing style. She included several phone numbers where I could reach her so we could talk it over. I really didn't want to talk to her on the phone, but I told her right away that I believed her. My gut had been telling me something was "off" about the whole thing, and she helped confirm it for me. So, now we were both creeped out because it had to be from someone who had our information, knew about the A, and was pretty damn heartless. We both agreed to work together to get down to the bottom of this. She already had a couple of people in mind on her end, so I tracked the IP from the email, and it originated in her city of work. Unfortunately, she hadn't been very discreet about the EMR on her end because everyone there seemed supportive, and also because they are across the country from us.

 

As for us, he gave me the option of telling everyone and their dogs, but I decided that it was best that our children not know. Only his parents, sister, and our pastor know.

 

Anyway, once we narrowed down the source of the emails from someone at her work, I decided it was her problem. I reported the email and it got shut down. In a way, I'm grateful to the person who sent it in the first place because I got to see truly how little my FWH cared for his fOW and how much he truly loved me, and I no longer have concern that she's holding out hope that he'll return to her. I know that sounds cold, but as one woman to another, I know how we can try to pick out little morsels of hope from a man's parting words. I wanted her to be able to move on, not only for our sakes, but for hers as well. It also gave her the chance to sincerely apologize for her part in my pain, which was nice to hear, but I had already forgiven her a while back. Forgiveness benefits the one doing the forgiving.

 

So there's the whole ugly saga. I don't think you guys need to worry too much, but I would be really careful who you confide in. I think this person thought they were doing her a favor, but it ultimately ended up having the opposite effect.

Well, thank you for sharing it as it is very interesting and gives us cause to be more careful. You are a very insightful woman, very caring, and very forgiving.

 

Is it me or is there a trend among BW with these qualities who get their H back? With these qualities it is easy to understand.

 

Now who would send such a strange email? Who would it benefit? Do you all think it was a friend of the fOW's who was standing up for her unsolicited?

[Fight4Me]

Hey F4M,

 

Forgot to communicate I'm "former" everything now...anyway, creeped out is what I was thinking before you said it. Thank you for sharing that. That is weird, so no actual conclusion as far as identity, so you and your hubby had to draw most of your own...wow, thank God it is on the other side of the country.

 

No firm conclusion, but knowing it wasn't anyone we knew personally, we were able to comfortably hand it off to OW to worry about and deal with. She had also taken some action to let those who knew about the A that interfering with us was unacceptable. It's not like I had any reason to trust her word, but my gut was pretty solid on her being absolutely mortified by this. I also didn't want her to get too comfortable with having contact with me (fWH stayed out of it altogether other than that one email to her), because we both agreed that solid NC was imperative for the continued healing of our marriage.

 

I am really glad to hear all is well with you now, and that you and your H have found support...you don't sound by your posts that there is a spirit of condemnation behind either of you as this will break a M into a million little pieces.

 

When I was a BS I had too many unknown issues to forgive and subconsciously shut down and "looked" for another mate, as in my mind this one was no longer acceptable. I know this sounds cold, although there are many reasons for my "shut down".

 

I realise now, the major thing is to really let it go...not lip service, buy heart service...I can do this now....hey I'm really happy for you guys!

This was, by far, the worst thing our marriage has had to endure, but we have always been very good together. We can be very different, but those differences are what makes us such a great couple, and makes life more interesting. We have both made each other better people, so the thought of giving that up was like (pardon the cliche') giving up my right arm. My fWH is also the type of person who can't stand dishonesty on any kind of level, which is why he had become so tortured during those weeks he was "with" her, and why he couldn't continue with the deception. He has pulled himself together and worked to prove his love and commitment to me, to the point where he is a better husband today than he was before... not because of the A itself, but because he hates the person he was then, and never wants to go back there. He had always prided himself as someone who would never do such a thing, and personally, I believe that was his downfall. How can you avoid potholes if you believe your car is incapable of hitting them and don't turn on your headlights? His actions have humbled and sobered him, and have made him a more gracious person overall. We both figure if our marriage can survive this, it can survive just about anything, but neither one of us will let our guard down or take the other for granted.

 

Sorry for all the sappiness. I honestly just wanted to explain why I'm still here in spite of what happened. Every marriage and relationship is different, though, and a lot of factors go into the decision of whether or not it's worth it to keep fighting.

 

So much for my efforts not to t/j. LOL