where are we?

[insightful though my actions may prove otherwise]

In the beginning I made it completely difficult for my boyfriend. To begin with I didn't trust guys and he was my real first. I also hated the notion of being weak and dependent along with the possibility of getting hurt. Little by little he pushed his way into my heart, being extremely patient and persistant. Many times, I threatened to end verything when I felt endangered or was confronted with something I did not tolerate. He and I are two opposite ends of the magnetic pole and I don't agree with some of the things he believes or does. Especially things that are of moralistic value. Eventually I fell for him and I gave hime everything and practically hated dim for it at times. We have been through a lot. He's been by my side...life hasn't been easy and I have come close to crossig over to insanity or what have you. One summer, we had more fights then possible and I decided that I couldn't take anymore and that I needed a break. When I returned to school I anounced that I wanted one. He didn't want to at first, but then he agreed. Then I met another guy about a month afterwards and I started dating him, nothing serious for he knew how I felt about my boyfriend(on break). When he found out I was dating a guy, he completely flipped on me, showed up to my school, and tried to change my mind. When he could not he cursed and sweared at me. I had to ask him to leave. Afterwards it was a year of hell, he was spiteful to me through his actions, though perfectly legid in consideration to our standings, and with his words. He started using intimate information and throwing it back at me, and turned toward drugs. On a few occassions, I tried to talk with him, but he would share little time with me and at times blew up. At some events that I was engaged with at school he showed up with the rest of our friends. by that summer I realized that I had to avoid him like the pague, hard thing to do when he was in my immediate circle of friends. Not to mention, my friends at home were given the impression that I dumped him for the other guy, wo I went out with for 2 months. Anyway, he ended up going away and that was that. The week right before school started I saw him and told him that I wanted to speak with him, no avail, but he showed up the day that I was leaving and still nothing from him. I went t school and I refused to think about him, mind you those 2 1/2 months were murder just like the summer. Eventually, I had yet another event and he showed up. I still kept my distance, but at night he walked into my room wanting to talk. It was a little shaky after that and perhaps 3 months later we officially got back together. Fact is I love him even though he hurt me and he did, but I hurt him too. He has a gentle spirit, but some of his actions are careless and inconsiderate. Not keeping plans, not wanting to talk, not wanting to deal with arguments (I'll ask a ? and he blows up). HE says that I am negative and I like being unhappy....with this I can no longer confide in him as to what is bothering me and what I am worried about. Also, there is little time for me, but this is due to our schedules. Geez, it looks like I have gone wrong in all the important places and I shouldn't be here right now. I cannot fully explain who he is. He is a 50/50. I would not have bothered anymore, but he is extremely important to me and I love him and I feel bad for any pain that I put him through. At the same time I don't deserve to be treated the way I was whether he meant to or not, or whether he understands what he is doing. I am trying to bring it to his attention, but now I am starting to feel like I'm nagging.

[Randy]

Forgiveness is a very important component of any successful relationship. I think his reaction to your disloyalty was extremely inappropriate and his inability to forgive indicates he will not make a quality mate for you.

 

You will make many mistakes throughout your life, just like we all do. Is this a man who you want by your side when you make those mistakes? Love will not keep this together.

[daintystar]

Forgiveness is a very important component of any successful relationship. I think his reaction to your disloyalty was extremely inappropriate and his inability to forgive indicates he will not make a quality mate for you. You will make many mistakes throughout your life, just like we all do. Is this a man who you want by your side when you make those mistakes? Love will not keep this together.

This sounds like quite the mess. Now is the time to think, is this a relationship based on friendship, companionship, honesty and understanding? Is it really? A relationship cannot pull through on a feeling of loyalty alone. It is wonderful that you love him, but love alone is not enough, especially considering the stuff that has happened. Someone once said, that a true relationship is when the two of you can sit on a porch swing and just swing for hours, without saying a word and you can both walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had. It may sound funny, but really this is true. Can you find that time of connection between the two of you? If not, now is definately the time to act.