am i crazy

[528sosba]

My wife and have had problems in the past like everyone else(arguements) .but here lately she has been acting very weird (month or so).She started taking xanax 3 months ago.Then her doctor pulled her off of it this month. The DR said she was addicted to it.(not My words) and then put her on a drug called prestiq for depression she was having a rough time coming off the meds i assume.but she is acting weird working late shifts not telling me where she was going,on the phone in the middle of the night all night very uncharataristic of her.she told me yesterday she wants a divorce and theres nothing i can do to change her mind.I wrote a list of things i could do to make the marriage better,she said that she didnt need to change anything about herself so she wouldnt do the list.she goes places and doesnt tell me where she is going. i caught her on the phone again tonight and she wouldnt tell me who she was talking too.shes in the other room now chatting on the computer too someone and says it is her friend but wont say who.its 3 am in the morning here not like her at all.i have 2 small children 3 and 6. is this really happening or (AM I CRAZY)

[Meatballsmom]

Sorry to say, but I think you already know the answer. She is cheating on you. And I suspect it has already gone past the EA

 

Divorce

 

Just friends

 

Next it will be, "I need some space"

[LisaUk]

Hi

 

I'm sorry to say that I think it sounds like she is cheating as well. Next will be the "I love you but I'm not in love you" speech.

 

So, you don't wnat the divorce and you want her to stop the affair. The first thing you need to do is the exact oppsoite of what you think you should do. That is, don't plead, beg, cry, say you will change, accuse her of the cheating etc. You need to read up on the 180 (google Divorce busters website), implement it immediately, you are still in the same house so there is a chance, it will be hard but it is the only glimer of hope.

 

Next you need to start digging, without her knowing, you need to check cell phone records, the browser history on the computer, install a key logger if she is deleting the history, check her e-mails if you can, hint - look in the sent folder! I know you probaly feel bad spying on her, but you need to find out what you are dealing with here.

 

Prepare yourself for a long ride, look at the other threads on here and see how this plays out, fore warned is fore armed.

 

Other than that, keep posting, most of us on here know the devastation of divorce and seperation, personally I know the pain of abandonment (my ex didn't even tell me why he left until after he left!), we are here to listen and support you any we can.

[mark982]

whatever you do DON'T leave the house (her askings coming), but do keep your eyes wide open and protect yourself.

[528sosba]

so continued from yesterday.when she went to the bathroom i snuck in and opened the bedroom window.i went outside suspicision confirmed i heard her say i miss u right now wish i could be with you,you are so charming,then yes ill go to sleep if u sing me a song.couldnt believe got it all on tape.go me.i didnt say anything.today she was gone for 8 hours never answered her phone .came home her hair was cut real short and eyebrows were plucked.shes never done that!

Me and wife are both 30 still young.She got an iphone and a computer bout 2 weeks apart and facebook here she came i guess u get where im going thats all she does.if i cut off the wireless source to her computer she just gets on her phone and can do the same thing.Anyway with a lil following of her i did today i know who it is his name is brent he is 22yrs old......she said when our lease is up in june she is leaving and that she has a place for her and the kids to go.WELL that was fast right.I hope its not where i think shes going with him .sad,upset frustrated,and more worried about my kids than anything..thanks for the help

[LisaUk]

so continued from yesterday.when she went to the bathroom i snuck in and opened the bedroom window.i went outside suspicision confirmed i heard her say i miss u right now wish i could be with you,you are so charming,then yes ill go to sleep if u sing me a song.couldnt believe got it all on tape.go me.i didnt say anything.today she was gone for 8 hours never answered her phone .came home her hair was cut real short and eyebrows were plucked.shes never done that!

Me and wife are both 30 still young.She got an iphone and a computer bout 2 weeks apart and facebook here she came i guess u get where im going thats all she does.if i cut off the wireless source to her computer she just gets on her phone and can do the same thing.Anyway with a lil following of her i did today i know who it is his name is brent he is 22yrs old......she said when our lease is up in june she is leaving and that she has a place for her and the kids to go.WELL that was fast right.I hope its not where i think shes going with him .sad,upset frustrated,and more worried about my kids than anything..thanks for the help

 

I'm so sorry to hear that you were right. You might wnat to google marriage builders website, plan A and Plan B. There have been a number of LSers on here that have sucessfully used their plan for dealing and reconciling with a spouse who is having an affair, if that is what you want? The main piece of advice I have seen on here is to expose the affair with the evidence you have to her family and friends. However, I would hold your fire until you have read up on the advice on the site and make considered decisions about what you are going to do.

 

Keep posting, we're here.

[spriggig]

First they're "just friends, and you shouldn't be jealous."

Couple of weeks go by.

Then it's "I don't know if I love him".

Two more weeks.

Then you find out more of the truth and realize she lied both times.

Rinse and repeat for about two months.

 

EACH TIME IT'S AGONY!

 

Do yourself a favor--dig and find out as much as you can now, in one go, all the dirty details. It will save you a lot of time and heartache.

[2sunny]

kick her out now. keep the kids with you.

 

show her what she asked for - and make it on YOUR terms - not in June...

[mark982]

next time you're in the same room together, just push play on the recorder. the look on her face will be priceless.

[dazzle22]

kick her out now. keep the kids with you.

 

show her what she asked for - and make it on YOUR terms - not in June...

 

 

Oh yeah! Brutal, swift, sure! Like the headsman's axe! Expose her to her family.

[Gunny376]

next time you're in the same room together, just push play on the recorder. the look on her face will be priceless.

 

 

I haven't any problem with that? But don't expect the reaction you may think your going to get?

 

More than likely what your going to get is ~ "You SOB!" along with anger.

 

Were it me? I find someone to watch the children, change the locks on the door while she was out, pack her bags, and when she came home? (Or at least try to get in?) I have her bags sitting by the front door, with a copy of the recording and a note on the recorder that says "Play me"

 

After she heard what you've recorded? I would simply add to the recording, "I've an attorney, and I'm filing for divorce! I'm sure Brent will be more than happy to let you stay with him.

 

The way divorce for me works best is being "the firstest with the mostest"

 

That is to say get an attorney, have him/her draw up the preliminary stuff, (temporary full custody,) child support, the house, the cars, everything, (set your sights for high orbit, you can always settle for a lower one later.

 

Then have her served the day before the hearing, or at the minimum allowable number of days prior to the initial ruling.

 

You don't want a shark of a lawyer, you want a "razor" of one. Preferably a woman in your case.

 

Of course your going to have to let her back in the apartment/house. Probably that same night, when she comes back with the police. But initially she'll be in shock and awe, and will probally go to the only place she has to go that time at night? His place.

 

Then his @zz will be in shock in a awe, as there are very few 22 year old who are prepared to take on a 30 year old woman with a ready made family consisting of 3 and 6 year old. He won't be prepared mentally, emotionally, physically nor financially. And, I'd be willing he tells her so.

 

Its easy being a Romeo and a hero on some other man's dime and whiskey ~ especially when you don't have to foot the bill nor shoulder the responsibility.

 

When she comes home? And she will ~ you lay it out for her. This is the way it is? And this is the way its going to be. You walk out that door? There's no coming back, and that's when I get on the phone and call everyone we know and let them know what's going on. You've got to earn your way back into this marriage ~ you've got to work you way back to me?

 

One of two things are going to happen? She's going get "real about getting real" quick, fast and in a hurry like? Or she's going to walk? If she walks? That means your better off without her.

 

If she walks? She's left you and marriage mentally, emotionally, physically and pyschologically a long long time ago.

 

Its called intervention and tough love.

 

From the sound of it your trying to use common sense reasoning and logic, and that doesn't work with some who has an addictive personality, (addictied to prescription drugs, falling in love, being in love, being pursued)

 

And your going to have to put your children before you want.

 

There's more that I could add, but this has already gotten long.

[nobmagnet]

Yep gunny is right.

 

I confronted mine with the e.mails between him and her. I told him to pack his bags.............he got the worlds smallest suitcase:mad: so i got the worlds biggest and threw it at him and filled it. I told him to go. He went.

 

He didnt come back. Now as horrible and upstting it is.....it was the best for myself and the kids.

 

If emotionally she has left then you deserve more. Fight for your children as she isnt being a mother doing this. Get advise as soon as you can. get the upper hand and make a plan.

 

Keep posting honey

 

Nobby xx

[528sosba]

Thanks everyone for the advice,So i downloaded a key logger let her use my computer which i never do.i got her passwords to everything need little gagdet that keylogger.Wow was i surprised over 200 explicit emails sexual graphic details of what they do to each other. i just started puking right here by my desk.but i can honestly say i feel better dont know why maybe knowing now that i will never ever get back with a cheating lying *****.i dl the files burnt them to a cd and put them in the safety deposit box with the video,erased all trace of it on my computer so she will never know i was in her stuff.she also stated in her email conversation that when the divorce was over they were going to move to sioux falls and shed take the kids with her,we live in mo.Lady no chance in hell thats gonna happen!!What do i do with all the info i gathered?

wait for the divorce hearing and bring out then or what? clueless to what happens next! But one thing is for sure she should never have tried to keep something from an ex special ops soldier like myself

[nobmagnet]

:mad::mad::mad:

 

I completely understand your puking. I did too.

 

Now the nxt bit is to get solid advice from a lawyer. Show him everything you have. You need to act fast and i mean fast. Use the adrenaline in your body thats excessive and use it in a positive way to cover your back and your kids.

 

I am not going to dwell on the hidious behaviour but i feel for you. Get an emergency appointment today. Even if it is saying you are taking the kids out for the day. Keep calm and try not to let on you know until you have advice.

 

Good luck i hope you can get help today.

 

Nobby:love:

[528sosba]

u guys were all right my family attorney who my parents have used for years specializes in divorce but commonly practices with business law.He told me to go the police station and file a restraining order so now she cant come around and change the locks and to file an emergency petition for full custody.cops just left restraining order is in place now to the courthouse at nine.i would love to take all the emails print them out and put them in the bathrooms at her work.she is a general manager at a well known company.or post them all to facebook,after i show them to her first

[nobmagnet]

Oh well done.

 

Where is she now?? does she have a clue as to what is happening?

 

You make sure you eat. You might not feel like it much but its very very important. Have you a relitive or a freind that can be with you when she realises? It would be good to have a witness and make sure the children are not there to witness it.

 

Protect them at all costs. they shouldnt be subjected to this mess.

 

Nobby xx

[mark982]

this is going to get interesting, real fast.

[528sosba]

she has no clue i am the perfect husband just like i was told by all of you.doing the dishes the works.sweeping mopping asking her if she needs anything ill do whatever acting just like i was before when i wanted to stay married to her i should have been an actor.ok maybe not kids are going to a babysitters tonite noone she knows.the police dept will be back here at 2 and wait for her.i told them i was scared of her and dont know what she might do (about the restraining order and all)and didnt wann a be here by myself with her when she found out so they will serve her tonight when she gets home,cant wait.one of the emails said im coming to sioux fall,nd after this divorce is over we will have a nice family if im still welcome.

gl with that hun it will be u and him!!!!and thats it LOL:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

Edited April 2, 2010 by 528sosba
mispelled word

[nobmagnet]

:eek::eek:

 

Goodness me. Its all happening very quickly. Thats a good thing however, I really want to advice you to have company tonight because you actually dont have a clue what she will do. You are going to turn her world upside down in a split second and her responce could be very scary.

 

The days and weeks that follow this are going to be very tough indeed. At the moment you have used your andger and arrenaline effectively but trust me its a rollercoaster you are on and the more support you have the better. DONT go it alone.

 

2pm your time? how long is that away? Goodness me i am really feeling for you.

 

Best of luck and im sorry your having to do this.

 

Nobby xx

[mark982]

528, i'm in awe. talk about a preemptive strike. you tha man.

[Gunny376]

Be decisive, persistent, and consistent in all that you do. Its she that's got to work and earn her way back now!

[528sosba]

6 hours and counting

[nobmagnet]

Oh my goodness

 

my thoughts are with you.

 

hope you are ok just now.

 

Nobby:love:

[Gunny376]

It's Definitely going to be a "shock and awe" moment.

 

Most people haven't seen nor meet someone truly in "shock and awe"?

 

I remember the Iraqi soldiers surrendering after they had a go with the B-52's carpet bombing? All they wanted to talk about was those big @zz bombs they dropped?

 

Gave me a whole new appreciation to the song, "You Dropped A Bomb On Me!"

[nobmagnet]

Glad ur an ex soldier mate.

 

Your gonna have to draw on that and everything you were taught. dont forget you need to be whiter than white (im am sure you already know that) Tape her reaction if you can. Not video that would be sick:eek: Just to have a record if she treatens you. it probably wont be admissable in court but its worth having as back up.

 

dont U-tube it wont look good in divorce courts:eek::eek:

 

Nobby xxxx

 

Dropping a bomb............ill bloody say!!