Rearden Metal Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Guys, I just realized how little I've healed... It's 20 days NC today. Last night, I had a wonderful date with a sweet girl. We had a great time and set a second date for this weekend. A few times, I caught myself thinking about my ex, or comparing my date to my ex. But I had a very nice time regardless... Confession: When I got home, I checked my Ex's Twitter. Haven't been able to Quitter the Twitter. I HATE my weakness. Updates to her Twitter included one "Why can't relationships be easy?", and "Uhhhh why am I in such a bad mood. I wish I was on a beach drinking pina coladas" I just woke up to an email from the ex. "You guys ok down there? I know the flooding has been bad." Classic crumbs. I know the rules. NC. Don't respond. Ignore. Move on. I miss her! I want to talk to her so bad. And I know she's a mean, self centered bitch and this message serves HER needs. Guys, please help me NOT talk to her!!! Link to post Share on other sites
djentleman Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 When I read her question of "concern," for whatever reason, I immediately thought of one of the final scenes in "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" when the levy broke. I say this, because last week, from out of nowhere, my ex emailed me at work — she hardly ever emailed me — asking how I was/how my day was going. I DID but didn't want to respond. Instead, I figured I'd work some image association and respond without giving a legitimate, typed response. What did I do? I sent a picture of Squidworth from Spongebob with the mark of Dr. Manhattan superimposed on his forehead. No pun intended, but she "got the picture." I'm not urging any sort of grab-ass, baby game, but I've found for me, if I have a sense of humor about it and respond (yet not quite), I feel better; I feel like I have the upper-hand. And, this is where I'd say... I'd probably do my best to search for that final scene, via YouTube, and simply respond with the URL, to where it is hosted. I'll openly admit to being lame. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 I'd probably do my best to search for that final scene, via YouTube, and simply respond with the URL, to where it is hosted. I'll openly admit to being lame. No, no, no... No, Reardon! No Contact! No Response! Be grateful that you actually had a nice date with a nice girl -- AND the prospects of more! A lot of us, like Sprig, who are going through the break-up, haven't even begun to move forward in establishing new relationships or the possibility of such! Just get through today and tomorrow will be easier. And then the day after and the day after and the day after... Be strong. Link to post Share on other sites
paperchase Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Guys, I just realized how little I've healed... It's 20 days NC today. Last night, I had a wonderful date with a sweet girl. We had a great time and set a second date for this weekend. A few times, I caught myself thinking about my ex, or comparing my date to my ex. But I had a very nice time regardless... Confession: When I got home, I checked my Ex's Twitter. Haven't been able to Quitter the Twitter. I HATE my weakness. Updates to her Twitter included one "Why can't relationships be easy?", and "Uhhhh why am I in such a bad mood. I wish I was on a beach drinking pina coladas" I just woke up to an email from the ex. "You guys ok down there? I know the flooding has been bad." Classic crumbs. I know the rules. NC. Don't respond. Ignore. Move on. I miss her! I want to talk to her so bad. And I know she's a mean, self centered bitch and this message serves HER needs. Guys, please help me NOT talk to her!!! If she really wanted to be with you, 20 days of NC would at least yield bread crumbs big enough to snack on. That email does not qualify. That's the type of correspondence you might get on day 3 or 4 when they are just beginning to figure out that you don't plan on contacting them. So please don't let that silly correspondence give you any false hope; although I can understand how it can cause a bunch of emotions to rush in. I follow my ex on twitter and I don't want to unfollow because it's not the right message yet. I try not to check but I do. And she doesn't say much, but she does tweet to a fair number of people and all I can do is think about how she never tweeted directly to me towards the end. And then I think about how she's not calling me but she has time to tweet. And then I think about how she's always so busy at work, but she tweets during the day. Then I realize what it means to not be a priority. I'm so glad I don't do facebook. Anyway, back to you, that email is just seeking validation. She wants you to break the silence and isn't even willing to put forth a serious effort to reach you. I can promise you that if you do contact her after that you will be back at square one. I've been there. It was not until the 3rd time that I was able to stick to NC and honestly it didn't even last 20 days but by day 15ish I was getting very desperate calls multiple times a day in the wee hours of the morning begging to talk. Before that, though, I broke the silence after day 5 I think. She sent a few texts asking if I was ignoring her; then sent one feigning concern for me over something small like the email you received. Then I finally called her a day or so later and tried to act cavalier. She turned the tables so fast and smooth. She was like oh, hey, I didn't call for anything just saying hi. Okay well take care. It went something like that. I was hoping for more obviously and boy did I feel terrible after that. She got exactly what she wanted: to have her ego stroked by knowing I was still pining for her, that she still had a big enough stronghold to compel me to contact her despite the fact that she left me for another man. I got nothing I wanted. i got rejected again and she reconfirmed her lack of genuine interest in me. I say all this to show you exactly how it will happen if you contact her and exactly how you will feel the moment after. Resetting the clock after 5 days is tough; resetting it after 20 will really really suck. Don't do it, man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 I just genuinely miss her. And at the same time, hate the prospect of fighting with her anymore/ever again. I have a super hard time believing she cares at all about whether I'm flooded or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 If she really wanted to be with you, 20 days of NC would at least yield bread crumbs big enough to snack on. That email does not qualify. That's the type of correspondence you might get on day 3 or 4 when they are just beginning to figure out that you don't plan on contacting them. So please don't let that silly correspondence give you any false hope; although I can understand how it can cause a bunch of emotions to rush in. I follow my ex on twitter and I don't want to unfollow because it's not the right message yet. I try not to check but I do. And she doesn't say much, but she does tweet to a fair number of people and all I can do is think about how she never tweeted directly to me towards the end. And then I think about how she's not calling me but she has time to tweet. And then I think about how she's always so busy at work, but she tweets during the day. Then I realize what it means to not be a priority. I'm so glad I don't do facebook. Anyway, back to you, that email is just seeking validation. She wants you to break the silence and isn't even willing to put forth a serious effort to reach you. I can promise you that if you do contact her after that you will be back at square one. I've been there. It was not until the 3rd time that I was able to stick to NC and honestly it didn't even last 20 days but by day 15ish I was getting very desperate calls multiple times a day in the wee hours of the morning begging to talk. Before that, though, I broke the silence after day 5 I think. She sent a few texts asking if I was ignoring her; then sent one feigning concern for me over something small like the email you received. Then I finally called her a day or so later and tried to act cavalier. She turned the tables so fast and smooth. She was like oh, hey, I didn't call for anything just saying hi. Okay well take care. It went something like that. I was hoping for more obviously and boy did I feel terrible after that. She got exactly what she wanted: to have her ego stroked by knowing I was still pining for her, that she still had a big enough stronghold to compel me to contact her despite the fact that she left me for another man. I got nothing I wanted. i got rejected again and she reconfirmed her lack of genuine interest in me. I say all this to show you exactly how it will happen if you contact her and exactly how you will feel the moment after. Resetting the clock after 5 days is tough; resetting it after 20 will really really suck. Don't do it, man. I believe every word of this. And I want to fight you anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
paperchase Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 I believe every word of this. And I want to fight you anyway. This is what I used to do. Whenever I received a communication I would ask myself the following: 1. Is she contacting me for selfish or selfless reasons? (If she said things like, are you ignoring, please let me know something, I just saw x and thought of you, etc. then I knew it was selfish. I knew she just wanted me to break the silence to validate her or stroke her ego. If she is contacting you for selfish reasons, then do not go to #2, do not pass go. Ignore the communication and remind yourself how she is still just toying with your emotions. 2. Assuming she is contacting you selflessly, I would ask myself: what do I hope to gain from breaking the silence? (You have to be honest here but just be real. You want her to express remorse for her decision and a desire to reconcile. This is very unlikely given the email. The email doesn't even require a conversation. Just a short reply. She doesn't want to really talk; she just wants to compel a response so she can run off with the reassurance that you are still pining.) 3. Can you handle it if you don't get what you want? (If the answer is no, then there is no way you should break NC. Right now, bro, the answer is no.) Link to post Share on other sites
DontWorryBHappy Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Hey RM. Didn't you say she's in a new relationship with some dude? Particularly that part about "Why cant relationships be easy?" tells me that she's probably having issues in her current relationship... and who is the FIRST PERSON she goes to when her relationship is crapping out? YOU!!!!!!! Because you are what she knows and remembers. And ya, she's just trying to get you to respond..... She's probably having a rough time at the moment and wants a bit of comfort from you. You are not her emotional support. p.s. Kim's Coping Log is now "My Healing Log" under this new name. I wanted to make myself a bit more unidentifiable... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 Hey RM. Didn't you say she's in a new relationship with some dude? Particularly that part about "Why cant relationships be easy?" tells me that she's probably having issues in her current relationship... and who is the FIRST PERSON she goes to when her relationship is crapping out? YOU!!!!!!! Because you are what she knows and remembers. And ya, she's just trying to get you to respond..... She's probably having a rough time at the moment and wants a bit of comfort from you. You are not her emotional support. p.s. Kim's Coping Log is now "My Healing Log" under this new name. I wanted to make myself a bit more unidentifiable... Yes, she's in a new relationship. Yes, she's definitely having at least small issues. The Grass is not so Green, it Seems. I agree, I am not her emotional support. Those days are over. I deleted the email without a response. I will not respond to crumbs. You guys came through for me in a big way... I was pretty close to sending a picture of lush, green southern England and "Guess it's not", as a reply. But I didn't, and I'm moving on with my day. She'll have to really put work in for me to respond. I want to see a miracle, or have silence, basically. In the meantime, I'm flirting with this new girl. I think I'll take her to Newport RI this weekend to check out the mansions and have dinner. A lot of my work is in those houses so I can kinda explain to her what I do while sightseeing. DWBH, thanks for telling me. I'm glad people all have their own logs on here. I can't keep up with all of them but I will certainly drop in on yours as much as possible~! Link to post Share on other sites
cdt76 Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Hey RM. Didn't you say she's in a new relationship with some dude? Particularly that part about "Why cant relationships be easy?" tells me that she's probably having issues in her current relationship... and who is the FIRST PERSON she goes to when her relationship is crapping out? YOU!!!!!!! Because you are what she knows and remembers. And ya, she's just trying to get you to respond..... She's probably having a rough time at the moment and wants a bit of comfort from you. You are not her emotional support. p.s. Kim's Coping Log is now "My Healing Log" under this new name. I wanted to make myself a bit more unidentifiable... I totally agree. Let her selfish unworthy A$$ suffer. She lost you because she thought she found someone better in a dude that now turns out to be less then what she had hoped for. Do not be her crutch. She is USING you for her own ego support. I know you love her. I know it hurts like hell that someone could do this to you. But just know you are not second best. You are not her back up guy. She is the type of person that can't stand to be alone and when she is with someone, they are never good enough for whatever illogical reason she manifests in her mind. Be strong. We are here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
monkeymaid Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 really? REALLY METAL!?!?!?! you are thinking about doing what??? ....u know something, i can track an ip address as well as the next guy, and have no problem hunting you down and beating your arse!! tell me RM, should i call my ex-girl?? should i jst ask her how shes doing? or tell her that i miss her?? or maybe i should go to her house and bring roses!! that will definately make it all work out!. like i said 2 days ago, let that bitch die! she cares NOTHING about you! you see it, you know it ...hell, you FEEL it, yet you still want to talk to her?? FOR SHAME!!!! go to the gym NOW!!! RIGHT EFFING NOW!!!!! MOVE YOUR PANSY ASS AND PICK UP SOMETHING HEAVY!!!!!!!!!!!! GO she wants attention, she is a manipulative bitch who is, wait for it, wait for it, ....USING!!!! you. and you are going to feed that? trust me, you dont need this immaturity, and if i were you, i wouldnt stand to be around it! block her ****ing twitter, block her emails, her phone number, stab that ****ing hope monster in the eye! ..HIP HIP HOORAY FOR METAL!!!!!! **** that bitch whos toying with him! your better than this thread, your better than her. RM let her die bro. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 I love you monkey. Please grow a vagina and come to Boston. Link to post Share on other sites
jlr Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Yes, she's in a new relationship. Yes, she's definitely having at least small issues. The Grass is not so Green, it Seems. I agree, I am not her emotional support. Those days are over. DON"T DO IT. I've been there, and I HAVE done it. And it hurts like hell. She is having a hard time, and wants to fall to you for support. Once she gets that support and feels good again, she'll throw you out with the trash. Security blanket. That's what you are. Be strong buddy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 Yes, she's in a new relationship. Yes, she's definitely having at least small issues. The Grass is not so Green, it Seems. I agree, I am not her emotional support. Those days are over. DON"T DO IT. I've been there, and I HAVE done it. And it hurts like hell. She is having a hard time, and wants to fall to you for support. Once she gets that support and feels good again, she'll throw you out with the trash. Security blanket. That's what you are. Be strong buddy. Yeah, fu*k that. Not interested. Thanks man. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 (edited) I hate to rain on your already soggy parade RM but I think this is a bit of a wake of call, and rather then seeing it a pain you should see it as a gift. Yes I know and go ahead give me a big "F#ck you GC" but then hear me out. It was only been a few months (only 20 frecking day of NC!), your doing pretty good, but in your words your not over your EX. Nothing surprising or wrong about that. Ok here comes thunderstorm, why are you dating? You are bouncing around in rebound land that generally leads to a temporary distraction follow by a greater fall. Not to mention, I guess I am but can not help myself, setting up someone else for a possiblly whole lot of hurt. It is really not fair for you to lead someone one, be it subconsciously, thinking your available when your not nor to use them to help you heal. You are a better man than that. While your intent may be good, it still not the right thing to do. Regroup, slow down, keep it about you and allow yourself to heal. That way you will be ready for someone to be in your life you will not be setting yourself or her up for failure. This is life telling you yes it hard but you are doing good, though it does not work to force it. Edited March 31, 2010 by GrayClouds Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 I need to reflect on your post before I really reply GC. I respect you more than most people on here so I'm taking your words very seriously. But, the short answer is because I know my ex is no good for me. She's a vampire and she sucks the life out of me. I need to move on. I guess I'm dating so that I can meet someone with qualities that amplify the negatives of my ex, so I can de-throne her for good. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 (edited) But, the short answer is because I know my ex is no good for me. She's a vampire and she sucks the life out of me. I need to move on. I guess I'm dating so that I can meet someone with qualities that amplify the negatives of my ex, so I can de-throne her for good. Your pain, completely understandable and legitimate, is your pain. It is a internal condition that will not be cured by externally. After a break up there is a hole in our lives and naturally we look outside ourselves to fill it up, but that hole is inside of us. You say you know your ex is no good for you. So instead trying to replace her it is time for the hard work. It time to understand what was it about you that was drawn to this person that was no good for you. Even the negative qualities of the EX feed into some need of yours. Now is the time to figure out what that need was, why it was so strong, and find healthier ways to get those needs meet. This is the second part, and can be argued the important part of NC. NC give you the space to do this work but without the work often leads to people repeating the same mistakes with a different face. For when you do reach this growth in yourself, you will naturally attract individuals who fulfill those needs and other ones in a much more healthy manner. Edited March 31, 2010 by GrayClouds Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 Can you stop being so incredibly right about everything for one second so I can have a good time!?!? Seriously though... I know you're right. And I'm working hard on myself. At least, harder than I ever have. I'm WAY stronger then I've been in years. I'll get there. But I kinda need to have some intimacy, too. I want to fool around a bit and have some fun as well. I'm not looking to partner up, just find good company. Is it really that bad? Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Can you stop being so incredibly right about everything for one second so I can have a good time!?!? Seriously though... I know you're right. And I'm working hard on myself. At least, harder than I ever have. I'm WAY stronger then I've been in years. I'll get there. But I kinda need to have some intimacy, too. I want to fool around a bit and have some fun as well. I'm not looking to partner up, just find good company. Is it really that bad? Not bad as long as your 101% honest with the receiver, though I found few willing to catch the ball if they know they are not going to be on the team for long. Most quality mates will be looking for the starting position but you will end up with another second stringer and put up with them just because it was better then playing with your self (so to speak). And in hind sight, maybe that is kind of like the last one... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 OK OK you got a truth stick you like to smack people with. What's your story???? Where is the GC story? Link me up!!! Link to post Share on other sites
bananaboat11 Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Do not give in. Be strong! Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 (edited) OK OK you got a truth stick you like to smack people with. What's your story???? Where is the GC story? Link me up!!! My break is different. My story is so much more complicated then other people's story. Our love was unique. Our love was special. We really really loved each other. She was my best friend and I was her's. We did everything to together. We were absolutely perfect for each other. We would have long thoughtful talks, long walks on the beach, hand in hand, we understood each other like no one other. We made plans about the future for a long and joyful life we would share together. Simply our love was meant to be as were we. Then it went to hell in a hand basket. :lmao: :laugh::p :laugh::laugh::lmao: :lmao: :lmao: Yeah well wait a minute, friend, stop before you begin We've heard this one before So you're on a downward slide, but you've seen the other side You can't ask for more Yeah well stop a minute there, why should anyone else care? They've all got holes to plug She's a shovel in your hands, she's a pail of sand Someone you once dug . Edited March 31, 2010 by GrayClouds Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 My break is different. My story is so much more complicated then other people's story. Our love was unique. Our love was special. We really really loved each other. She was my best friend and I was her's. We did everything to together. We were absolutely perfect for each other. We would have long thoughtful talks, long walks on the beach, hand in hand, we understood each other like no one other. We made plans about the future for a long and joyful life we would share together. Simply our love was meant to be as were we. Then it went to hell in a hand basket. :lmao: :laugh::p :laugh::laugh::lmao: :lmao: :lmao: Yeah well wait a minute, friend, stop before you begin We've heard this one before So you're on a downward slide, but you've seen the other side You can't ask for more Yeah well stop a minute there, why should anyone else care? They've all got holes to plug She's a shovel in your hands, she's a pail of sand Someone you once dug . Privacy is your right... but I'd still like to hear your story! Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Privacy is your right... but I'd still like to hear your story! Boy meet girl, boy gets girl, girl cheats, boy hurts, boy sticks around LS for while and help a few and annoys even more. This thread not really a story, though it does illistrate I arrived at hotel heartbreak like everyone else; http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=201198 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rearden Metal Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 Hes human!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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