AgeOfUninnocence Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 I just thought it'd be interesting to get a general survey of how long everyone's been NC and support each other! I finally reached the 30 day mark, which I'm proud of, but I'm also a little sad. 99% of the time I am sure that I don't want to contact my ex, it's just I'm frustrated that he hasn't wanted to contact me either! It just stinks that after a 9 month relationship with the general conscensus from friends and outsiders that I was "too good for him, and no one understood why I was dating him" that he doesn't feel the need to at least try to contact the best thing that happened to him. So, questions for you all! 1)How long has your longest period of NC been? 2)Has your ex attempted to contact you while in NC, and if so, how far along were you when this happened? Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovecake Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 I have no idea. More than 6 month but less than a year. I don't think it's a good idea to keep track of the time you haven't spoken to your ex. If you're tracking the time it means you’re doing a countdown to breaking NC. That defeats the entire purpose of NC which is that the relationship is over, you move on. If you're counting the days that means you're dwelling in the past and not moving onto the future. Link to post Share on other sites
2yearsNC Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 tomorrow make 2 years nc. hopefully i'll stop counting soon enough getting easier as the feelings faded out and life started to be rebuilt a new with no reminders. i almost don't care anymore Link to post Share on other sites
unsaved Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 AOI, I think we're at very similar spots! I'm at 30 days NC today too! And it's funny, I feel the same way as you do. I am sad too that my ex hasn't gotten any urge or interest in contacting me to see how I'm doing. He was a genuinely nice guy and really loved and cared for me during the relationship. So I thought maybe even a "hope youre ok" text or something would happen. Guess not. I guess I should be thanking my lucky stars he hasn't, b/c that would probably hurt me even more than if he doesn't contact. But still, I just figured he might say or do SOMETHING. Oh well. I'm doing a lot better and his memory is slowly fading from my brain. I can't wait for the the time when I don't even care how many days of NC i've been! :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author AgeOfUninnocence Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 I have no idea. More than 6 month but less than a year. I don't think it's a good idea to keep track of the time you haven't spoken to your ex. If you're tracking the time it means you’re doing a countdown to breaking NC. That defeats the entire purpose of NC which is that the relationship is over, you move on. If you're counting the days that means you're dwelling in the past and not moving onto the future. I do agree with this, but somewhat still being in the early stages of the breakup, counting days somehow encourages me to stay strong, because the high number "inspires" me. Something like that. Also, I started NC on the first of the month, so if I wondered how many days it had been, all I had to do was look at the date. Link to post Share on other sites
bluz73 Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Its been exactly 5 months on halloween night I last saw him and his cowardly cold demeanor towards me..FYI he left a perfectly good woman for a teen girl which i cant phathom other than his maturity level and hers are better suited for him than a woman with brains and a freaking JOB and a LIFE! Last final words mid Dec were Take Care Merry xmas...I wish the best for you and I will be happy for you when you meet a guy and only if he is good to you cause you deserve it" (WTF..dictating who i should be with?) then an email late Feb warning me not to ever speak to his new GF(which contacted me several times ugh!) and signed off the letter with Sincerely????? (dont freakin be sincere to me you pathetic piece of crap) Anyway its been long enough I am finally caring less and less about him and her only time before the bomb goes off and it explodes. He actually told me 'if i hadnt met someone else I would have never walked away from you like this" "we could have been so happy together" This guy is obviously self centered and I deserve better! No wonder I was devastated and losing my mind Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovecake Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 I guess I should be thanking my lucky stars he hasn't, b/c that would probably hurt me even more than if he doesn't contact. But still, I just figured he might say or do SOMETHING. Oh well. I'm doing a lot better and his memory is slowly fading from my brain. I can't wait for the the time when I don't even care how many days of NC i've been! :-) You are right it would hurt more. Whenever I would get to a place where I could breathe again and actually sleep without nightmares I would get a message from him and I would fall into a depression all over again. It’s like he instinctively knew that I was starting to feel better. I never initiated the contact, he dumped me and then he tried to clear up his guilty conscience by trying to be my friend. That’s all it was though, he could never tell me he loved me or cared about me or that he made a mistake, which is what I wanted to hear. It was all just selfish, because he still wanted me in his life but only as it pertained to his needs and happiness. It felt even worse than being dumped because it just reiterated that he didn’t love me enough to be my boyfriend. I wished just as you do that he would contact me, but whenever he did he never said anything I really wanted to hear and it would really really hurt. I didn’t want to be friends I wanted my old life back but that was one thing he was not willing to provide. Be glad that they are not contacting you and know that it does not mean that they don’t think or care about you. They just know that breaking NC is not a good idea. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Broke up in late July 09...NC since mid Sept 09...so about 6 and a half months of NC for me... Link to post Share on other sites
Rearden Metal Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 I'm 20 days now... and before that, I had 17 days before a text war occurred. This AM I received an email from Ex. I haven't responded and I wish she'd stop poking me. Link to post Share on other sites
unsaved Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 ILC, you are right. I know I really don't want him to message me. It would kill me. I'm pretty sure my ex knows it would kill me too and is probably why he hasn't done it. It shows that he respects me, at least. Or, he is probably just scared to talk to me too. Our last couple of conversations involved me asking him uncomfortable questions that he didn't want to answer. I know he doesn't want to face me or that again. Makes me sad. I do sit and wonder if he ever thinks about me or cares how I'm doing. I'll never know it though and eventually won't care. He is slowly becoming a stranger to me. *sigh* Oh well. NC for life, baby! "How's it gonna be when you don't know me anymore How's it gonna be" Link to post Share on other sites
monkeymaid Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 31 days today. ...i hope she tries soon!!! but its not gonna happen ..oh well, off to the gym ... im falling in love with myself right now, so i dont have time to worry all that much about her. ...or do i?? Link to post Share on other sites
Rearden Metal Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 ILC, you are right. I know I really don't want him to message me. It would kill me. I'm pretty sure my ex knows it would kill me too and is probably why he hasn't done it. It shows that he respects me, at least. Or, he is probably just scared to talk to me too. Our last couple of conversations involved me asking him uncomfortable questions that he didn't want to answer. I know he doesn't want to face me or that again. Makes me sad. I do sit and wonder if he ever thinks about me or cares how I'm doing. I'll never know it though and eventually won't care. He is slowly becoming a stranger to me. *sigh* Oh well. NC for life, baby! "How's it gonna be when you don't know me anymore How's it gonna be" Trust me girl, you don't want the kind of contact I'm getting. Keep on keepin' on. Link to post Share on other sites
teanoranges Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 4.5 months NC... stopped counting, but I can't exactly forget the exact day cause the date sticks out.... and then its easy to count on my fingers the months. lol... but it sure feels a lot longer... I keep thinking its been 6 months... but oh well, I'm pretty sure this is forever. no contact from him and honestly don't expect it. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayTree Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 Three months...and even my birthday passed without anything...and I wait everyday for him to contact me. Link to post Share on other sites
Tamia78 Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 Just over a month for me, and I'm like most of you, I wish he would contact me (so I can continue to ignore his stupid butt), but mostly likely he's "occupied" with someone else, and he'll probably contact me when he's alone again, or the relationship isn't quite going the way he wanted it to. I swear he has a 6th sense for when I'm finally able to like someone else..........because that's when I get a text or email from him. But......if he doesn't contact me, I'm quite fine with that. Eventually, he'll get out of my head. I can't wait. --T Link to post Share on other sites
just1guy Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 Been NC since the Christmas. The ex has not attempted to contact and she won't, but I don't care. Ever since I heard of her jumping into a new relationship a couple of weeks after we broke up, I've been angry and have gone thru all the emotions that one goes thru during a breakup / NC. If she contacts me, I don't want those angry feelings to come back because I don't want to be responsible for doing something that I will regret. Link to post Share on other sites
bananaboat11 Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 I think it's almost 6 months now... lost count after month four. I don't even remember what day last november she dumped me. heh and no. she hasn't, nor will she. Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 August 19, 2009. Can't forget the date. So over 7 months. She has never tried to get in touch with me. 5 year relationship. Obviously a coward...yes, I'm bitter. I sent one "business" email at 3 months. Link to post Share on other sites
affairshipper Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 He broke a self-imposed NC last month after having been AWOL for two months, calling me wanting to spend time with me, but he isn't going to get a response from me. So, it has been three months and counting of NC for me. Link to post Share on other sites
andy2009 Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 NC about 7 months, but I did get some blank calls. Not sure it was her. Yes!! her action was coward but it is good for me !! Link to post Share on other sites
MrsPeaSoup Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 pff, you're holding on real long there guys. I'm just in my 2nd week of NC, though I just send an e-mail saying that I agreed to the break-up (which I don't, but people keep saying it's the right thing to do). What do you guys mean with that it was a cowardly act from the ex not to contact you? Are you the dumpers or the ones who were dumped? Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovecake Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 pff, you're holding on real long there guys. I'm just in my 2nd week of NC, though I just send an e-mail saying that I agreed to the break-up (which I don't, but people keep saying it's the right thing to do). What do you guys mean with that it was a cowardly act from the ex not to contact you? Are you the dumpers or the ones who were dumped? Why would sending an email stating you agree to the breakup be the right thing to do? Did your ex give you a choice? If you said you didn't agree would you two still be together? Link to post Share on other sites
angieg101 Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 2 years March 10th. NC was probably the best thing I could have done--granted by the time I declared my NC he had already sort of done so on his own. The point is, at the time I thought I would never heal. It took a long time (we were together for 3 years, best friends for 3yrs prior to dating) but I believe I've come out on top. He is in another relationship (he got together with his current gf only 3 months after our break up) and while I was bitter for a long time I now feel indifferent--and almost happy for him. I am currently going thru a situation where I was in a relationship that ended a year and a half ago but we still kept in touch during this time...now he finally has a "serious" girlfriend and I am crushed. I wish I had done NC at the end of this relationship. If I had, I wouldn't be feeling so ****ty right now.... so my verdict: NC is the way to go!!! Link to post Share on other sites
learned2 love 2late Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 3-4 weeks maybe, its well over now, mite see her for my last exam at university but that will only be becoz she has the same exam as me. i can imagine myself watching her leaving the exam hall before me and that will probly be the last time i ever see my first love. i hope i dnt cry............ i hope she sits behind and not sumwhere in front of me dam i loved that girl more then i knew it mornings and maybe 5-6 times a day i think about her..........i wonder if she thinks of me........ hope so.........but il be ok i can feel it, this summer will be good TRY to stay positive people you WILL love agen Link to post Share on other sites
Author AgeOfUninnocence Posted April 1, 2010 Author Share Posted April 1, 2010 Wow. I'm super inspired by those of you who have gone 4 months to 2 years with NC. I think I've read too many stories of people whose ex's break NC after 2 months or so, and I'm almost expecting the same thing to happen. I guess I just have too many unanswered questions. I just don't understand how after being so nice and giving and devoted, and having the guy tell me he's afraid of me leaving him and wants to be with me forever, that all of the sudden he changes and dumps me. In fact that's it. It's the fact that HE dumped ME. I guess I'm just angry and ex-bashing now, but he was a totally different and less confident person when I met him. Now it's like I changed him, gave him loads of confidence in himself, and he went off running... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts