. Should I emigrate?

[Ceiwyn]

I'm a 25 year old european (does it matter the country?) girl who graduated last year from university. Before I go on I must say that I've always lived in my parents house, with my parents, and (being the youngest daughter) I was always very sheltered by everyone. I still am. I know I'm not independent. I don't feel 25 either, I feel like I'm still 18. I'm not one of those people who pack a rugsack and travel around the country without plans, I'm absolutely terrified of being adventurous. I'm terrified of being an adult and take responsability for my life too. (Gosh I can even imagine you shaking your heads).

 

Since I graduated my parents have been pressuring me to get a job. However this has been very difficult for me because:

 

- I graduated in something that has nothing to do with me. God knows how I tried to do the work I graduated for, but I simply can't While at university I tried to convince myself that I would eventually learn to like the job, but I ended up graduated and... disabled, i guess thats the word.

Why did I choose such course? Because it meant I could still live at my parents house while studying.

- I couldnt find a job. Well, there are jobs for the work I graduated for, but when I scratched those, I was left with nothing. Notice I live in a very small town, so jobs dont come that easily, meaning I would need to move to a different city to work. I couldnt find a job that paid enough to rent a room/food/gas/laundry/water/etc.

Also (and this is a minor issue but it's still there), people around me (like my parents, family, friends) always had trouble understanding my reluctance in accepting a job opportunity on my field (which pay enough for all of the above) so accepting a "minor" job is frowned upon. I frequently hear the opinion that I'm simply lazy and dont want to work. I'm dont feel welcome at home anymore, my parents make me feel guilty about being unemployed. My brothers are well in life so i understand that my situation is new to them.

 

Sometimes I dont know. If only I could enjoy (or even tolerate, I could go with that!) my kind of job all my problems would go away, but I cant. Maybe it's because it's a job that demands a lot of responsability and self esteem and practical skills (which I lack), maybe this is me being childish and trying to avoid problems, I dont know. Do I sound like a spoilt girl to you?

 

With all these uncertainties in my life for almost a year now I have gone through some depressive states. I dont really have a purpose in my life, i dont do anything in my life that I enjoy. I'm not madly in love with life either. I dont have kids that I need to feed. I think I just forgot what's so great about life. It will come to me eventually i hope.

 

So I reached the state where I need to make a decision. Even though I havent talked about it earlier in this post, emigrating has been on my mind since I was in university, and it was a plan that was well accepted by everyone around me. The idea attracts me too and I've been thinking about it for the last years and months. Last year I contacted a company in England that could employ me (the kind of job is a bit parallel to the kind of job I graduated for, but i can actually tolerate it) and they contacted me in january suggesting me to emigrate and go work for them. The conditions were nice, offering car, guidance and a place to stay and all, but, of course, I chickened out.

They contacted me again today, because they are starting a new recruitment. And I want to accept their offer. I really do, even though it's not my dream job. But I'm on a place where I must decide whether I go back to college and study some other subject from scratch (which is very difficult, my parents wont pay for my studies again; besides i 'm not sure I have the strengh to start university all over again, i'm 25 damnit, I should be fully living my life now, yet I'm stuck, unhappy and living in my parents house!), or I take the chance and try this job abroad.

 

But Im so scared. I know you're all tired of reading it, but i really really am scared. I've never been in such situation before. I'm talking about going ALONE to a different country (even though I can speak the language well), working somewhere I dont know anything about, meeting people I never saw in my life, doing a job I'm not crazy about...

But I can feel a tiny bit inside of me that is excited about it. I want to go, I want to be bold, this kind of experience would do so good to me. I need to be independent, I need to grow up. And i feel that I'm missing my youth here.

 

Opinions will be very welcome! Thanks!

*sits on sofa and waits impatiently for replies*

 

(mmm now that i've read what I've written carefully... I think what I'm truly asking is for you to give me a pep talk about emigration). Sounds like that at least.

Edited March 31, 2010 by Ceiwyn
grammar

[skydiveaddict]

You only get one shot at this life. Take every risk you can. If you dont emigrate, you will forever wonder "what if". You can always go back home if you dont like it.

[Crusoe]

Time to fly little bird. Ruffle those feathers, spread those wings and fly....

[TaraMaiden]

England is a nice country. very multi-national.

Many different communities....

Where I live, for example, there is a huge Italian community. But they integrate successfully with everyone, even though they keep their identities...and it's home form home for them, because it's just a short hop to go back to Italy occasionally.

Heck, I do it a lot!

 

If you're only travelling within Europe, it's not so much of a move, more a shift sideways.

Now - if you were going to Outer Mongolia, I would understand....

But really.

A move abroad to a country that has telephones, a good postal service and a fairly efficient transport system isn't so huge....

[Ceiwyn]

Thank you sooo much for your replies

I woke up feeling stressed out over all this decision making situation and reading what you had to say relieved me a lot. Yes England is not on the other side of the world. I went on holidays to London last year and I enjoyed the time I was there.

Yes I will always wonder "what if" if I dont do it.

And there are planes if I dont like what I get, right?

*sigh*

It's just that... I'm going alone. Me! I dont even know how to fill the gas tank on my own. I dont know if I have enough self confidence to survive there.

[skydiveaddict]

You will do just fine

[TaraMaiden]

Thank you sooo much for your replies

I woke up feeling stressed out over all this decision making situation and reading what you had to say relieved me a lot. Yes England is not on the other side of the world. I went on holidays to London last year and I enjoyed the time I was there.

Yes I will always wonder "what if" if I dont do it.

And there are planes if I dont like what I get, right?

*sigh*

It's just that... I'm going alone. Me! I dont even know how to fill the gas tank on my own. I dont know if I have enough self confidence to survive there.

 

Sometimes you have to take a leap.

Nobody ever jumped a chasm in two small steps.....

if you can't do something - ask someone to show you.

be confident: Say openly:

"Look, I wonder if you could help me. It's not my fault, but up to now I have led quite a sheltered life, and now I am trying to be more independent, but believe it or not, I have never *done this* before. Could you please show me what you think is the best way of doing it?

I'm sorry if I come over as silly, but I would appreciate your help."

 

you'd be amazed at how people react when you approach them so openly. If someone came up to me with a comment like that, I would think "Well, good on you for being so honest, and trying! I'd be glad to help!"

 

it shows a willingness on your part, and a respectful attitude.

There's a way round everything.

[SecretSquirrel]

Sounds like an adventure! Do it! Do it! Do it!

[Ceiwyn]

Thank you all for your encouragement.

@SecretSquirrel: that made me laugh

@TaraMaiden: I'll definitely use that approach, I dont think I could get away with faking and pretending to be an expert anyway.

@skydiveaddict: the thing is, I dont know if i'll do fine, i've never been in such situation before, i dont know what i can do.

 

I think I'm also scared because this is something I cant really plan. God knows where I'll be living, with who I'll be living, the people i'll have to interact with. I dont know the bus lines, where I can find laundries, I never tried to drive on the other lane of a road (why did the English have to drive like that? why???). What if people dont like me? What if i dont fit? What if I cant make any friends? Who will I ask for help?

 

 

I know I can be annoying with all my insecurities, sorry if I come across somewhat childish. I usually hide all this deep inside but this is the internet, so what the hell. This is the best I can do.

Edited April 1, 2010 by Ceiwyn
adding something

[Crusoe]

What if, with your final breath, you looked back on your life and whispered "if only..."?

[Ceiwyn]

Hey guys. Just letting you all know I have an interview for the job! One step at a time right? I still dont know what I'm getting into and if i have the guts to keep it going... Sometimes I feel extremely anxious and sometimes extremely scared, but maybe i'm adapting to the idea of leaving everything behind. Now I just hope the interview goes well. Wish me luck!

[Crusoe]

Good luck and knock 'em bandy.

[Ceiwyn]

Thanks Crusoe! Interview went okayish I think. I should have prepared myself a little better but I did my best. They'll let me know if they want me in a couple of days, they did say they have a lot of people running for the job but I dont know if thats true or if it's just the usual "we're so awesome everyone wants to work here and you should be thankful we found time to even talk to you" stuff :/

[Crusoe]

Well done, let us know how things go.