Lines you've been fed and devoured... (or spit up when he/she wasn't looking)

[jennie-jennie]

FA' date=' why so serious? No good lines from the olden days? Come on, dish hon![/quote']

 

I'm sorry. I have never caught my MM with a lie. And I have been suspicious at times, so it is not about being naive either. I am the exSO of a compulsive gambler, alcoholic and serial cheater, so I have been around lies, that's for sure.

 

To me these kind of threads are distasteful, making fun of the man you once loved.

[Fallen Angel]

FA' date=' why so serious? No good lines from the olden days? Come on, dish hon![/quote']

 

Olden days? My relationship is still in it's infancy. We have been in a relationship for not quite four years yet. (first 1 and a half EA, just celebrated two years since we first added a physical element.) We have many wonderful years ahead of us before I can think of it in terms of the "olden days.";)

 

But, I do not consider that he has ever used "lines" on me. When he lied to me during the start of our relationship it was by ommission. He just never discussed the fact that he was still married. I think that has more to do with the fact that they lived/live very seperate lives, than anything. And once he was falling for me, and knew I was falling for him, he was afraid to tell me for fear of losing our friendship. Our friendship was very dear to him, and by the time he realized it, and realized that by not telling me his maritial status he was lying.. (Yeah, lies of ommission are just as bad as outright lies.) he knew my stance about liars. I can stand a lot of things, lying is not one of them. *shrug*

 

But I do not equate him telling me that he loves me to him lying to me. I know that without a doubt he does love me.

 

I do not equate comments he makes about what keeps him in his marriage to him giving me "lines." I know his character, I know his belief system, I know his family history, I know his sense of honour and obligation. It is because i know him so intimately that I do not think it is a line. I know what he feels and why he feels the way he feels. He is honest with me. he doesn't make promises, unless he knows he can keep them. If he were promising me things and not following through, then I would be able to say he was feeding me lines. Since he honestly looks at me and says "I do not know what will happen, or when." then I can not accuse him of throwing out lines wondering if I will take the bait.

 

It makes me sad to think that so many of you look back on your relationships with such animosity as to turn what may have been honest feelings at the time, for example the "I love you" comments, and turn them into lies/lines told you by someone you love/loved.

 

I know those words come far too easy to some people, and often you need to take things said to you with a grain of salt, however I am sure that for some of you, when the person who you loved, told you that they loved you too, they probably meant every word of it. Just because the relationship has ended doesn't mean they didn't love you, want you, even need you. And I am willing to bet that had the relationship had a different outcome that you wouldn't feel they were "feeding you lines".

 

I guess I take it seriously because behind the "humour" I see people hurting. I see people who because of this thread will question if they were ever really loved. And my heart hurts for those people.

 

When a woman here sees that "every MM uses the same 'I love you' line" they start to doubt the validity of the love they once had. But the truth of the matter is that the "lines" are often so similar because there are very few words in the English (and I would venture to guess any other) language to convey what someone feels and experiences as "love".

 

When My Sweetheart says that he loves me, he says it with his mouth, and his eyes, and his heart. It is not a line, and I find it very serious, nothing to joke about. *shrug*

Edited April 1, 2010 by Fallen Angel

[Tashcw]

Well, I will always, always love my xBF / xMM, but reading things like this does make me smile and it does amuse me as it shows how similar humans are. Not least it shows that I'm not the only one in this boat - I'm sure we could equally have a thread for lies that OW/OM have told their friends as to why they can't go to that dinner, or a thread for BS about the lines they were fed by their WS, or that they fed their friends they didn't want to tell about the affair etc etc. The list goes on!

 

BUT, while we're here, I also had:

 

- "If only I'd met you 10 years ago"

- "It's never about you vs her. If it was it would be an easy choice" (always comes down to the kids!)

- "I don't want my kids to grow up in a broken home" (then why have an affair in the first place?! Is a home where 2 parents don't get on an improvement?!)

- "I don't want to be the bad guy" (despite the fact he'd now left his wife for me, telling her he wasn't able to babysit that night as he was attending a close family funeral with me wasn't an option!)

- "We're together because we make a great parenting team, not because we love each other" (about his wife)

- "I can't believe how lucky I am"

- "As if I'd ever leave you!"

 

I'm sure there's more!

[jennie-jennie]

Well, I will always, always love my xBF / xMM, but reading things like this does make me smile and it does amuse me as it shows how similar humans are. Not least it shows that I'm not the only one in this boat - I'm sure we could equally have a thread for lies that OW/OM have told their friends as to why they can't go to that dinner, or a thread for BS about the lines they were fed by their WS, or that they fed their friends they didn't want to tell about the affair etc etc. The list goes on!

 

I would have to pass on that thread too. I don't hide my relationship to MM to any of my friends or relatives.

[DramaQueen]

Let's see...

 

1. if only we met 20 years ago, i would have been so contented and happy all my life

2. i am on holiday (with the family) solely for the kids' sake.

3. i cant leave her because she has done no wrong to me.

4. i dont love her the way i do you. my feelings for her is so different, i see her only as the mother of my kids.

5. if you two were single and standing in front of me, i would choose you without a doubt

6. you and i are really magic together

7. can never get enough of you, dont feel the same about her

 

 

thousands more...but i cant go on because i feel like vomitting now!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Just a stone's throw]

JJ and FA, thanks for your POV; always open to others. The intent of this thread was to lighten the mood which I am finding at times gets a little "heavy" and "sullen" and can lose some of it's interest and benefit to those of us who may be here because we are hurting and looking for strength from others who are sharing similar painful experiences. Just note how many posters said in the last couple days that they have felt the need to take a break from LS because they didn't think it was doing them any good or those of us who broke NC after a long period because we were feeling particularly vulnerable.

 

Laughter can help to heal and it's not meant to necessarily degrade others we were in R with. It is meant to show a likeness between our situations and the situations we have found ourselves in; to help us to relate to one another. But also to try and help bring disparate people together in this community and add a little fun to the day.

 

You always have the choice to not read the thread. I have chosen to skip some that I felt didn't make sense or apply to my situation or just didn't interest me. Certainly not intended to be distasteful to those who have had success in their relationships. My apologies if that is how it was perceived.

[hopeless4u]

I have one 'when I'm with her(w) I'm thinking of you but when I'm with you I think of you'.....

[alg24]

My favorites were:

 

-You changed me.

 

-I understand you but you need to understand me too.

 

-You need to change.

 

-I have never lied to you.

[Joobi]

Well I've been hanging about here for a while but never posted. However, this thread just pretty much summed up much of the conclusions I've been coming to about this guy!

 

Here are some of mine:

 

"If I'd met you 10 years ago we'd be together" (10 years is a popular timeframe, isn't it!)

"I choose you"

"My wife only wants to have me around for the kids"

"I have a plan and I'll find a way to make this work"

"I love you more"

"You are my soulmate"

"I've never felt like this before"

"I promise X,Y and Z"... all undelivered

"I am torn"

 

In the 'interim period'- his wife came back but we were still in close contact

"I want to solve this Gordian knot (I googled this), but cutting is no solution either" (he then cut it anyway...)

"you can call me anytime and I will help" (nope!)

"I will be there for you when you go through your divorce" (nope!)

 

After break up

"I never lied to you"- I then pointed out several lies...

I said, I wish I'd never met you and he said "Me too" he then 5 minutes later said "I'm glad I met you"

"You make me feel 'twisted'"

"Most people never find this kind of connection" (as if it should be a good thing to find it and lose it)

 

One of my favourites (after breakup):

"I love you but I can't do anything about it" and then "I'd like us to be friends but I can't contact you". LOL!

 

Oh I'm sure there are many more...

 

That was really cathartic, thanks for the thread!

I really should post the whole story sometime- hopefully it will help.

[StoptheDrama]

LOL, maybe that is what she is making fun of?

 

WhiteFlower - You are dead on; that is what I was making fun of. The former was spoken toward the beginning of the A and the latter came not long before I ended it for good. By that point I had tried to end it so many times and was just done with him and the whole thing but it was the icing on the cake as to what I was dealing with.

 

Thought of another goodie - "There is and has been no one else; I'm kinda loyal that way." :rolleyes::lmao::lmao::lmao: Need I say more about what kind of a sh*t he is?? That one was provoked...

[StoptheDrama]

"We haven't had sex in 2 years" was a line?! Well, I'm not surprised I fell for it. A good looking man can tell me anything and I'll believe it. *still feels like an idiot*

 

"It's not my wife, it's my kids" too?! *going to pull covers over head and not come out for a long time*

 

Don't feel like an idiot, many of us have been there; that's how we ended up here. :) If your situation is/was anything like mine, you've been dealing with a trained predator. My xMM took full advantage of my loneliness and vulnerability. Don't misunderstand me, I take responsibility for my part in the A as I allowed myself to become involved with him; however, he used the 'friendship' I had thought we had developed against me. By confiding in him and talking to him like a friend, I essentially told him everything I wanted/needed to hear and boy did he use it. In hindsight, I don't see how I could have been the first although it is always possible that I was even more foolish than I care to admit.

 

Sorry for threadjacking....

[Joobi]

Oh I just thought of another which was pretty good:

 

I said to him "Sometimes it looks like you just want to have your cake and eat it"

He said "I will eat all the cakes I can"

 

Wow I wish I had found this site by then and knew what was meant by 'cake eater'...

[ladydesigner]

My XOM told me "I love you like a fat kid loves cake." and a cake eater he was:D

[Physical Graffiti]

That makes me feel better, but somehow, I feel like I should have known.

[ladydesigner]

To me these kind of threads are distasteful, making fun of the man you once loved.

 

Yeah but they are a helpful release to those of us who were thrown out like tomorrow's trash. Why would I still want to feel love for a man like that? I feel better when I bash him...the sorry sack of s**t

[StoptheDrama]

That makes me feel better, but somehow, I feel like I should have known.

 

Try not to kick yourself when you're down. It just makes it worse and you have enough to deal with. I know that all too well... We all make mistakes - to err is to be human. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and learn from your mistakes - it's the best thing you can do.

 

Now, back to the fun.... "It was karma that brought us together"...that one makes me nauseous...

Edited April 1, 2010 by StoptheDrama
too much coffee

[StoptheDrama]

Yeah but they are a helpful release to those of us who were thrown out like tomorrow's trash. Why would I still want to feel love for a man like that? I feel better when I bash him...the sorry sack of s**t

 

It's also a great release for those of us who ended it and are dealing with the immature a**'s petty revenge..... :mad::mad:

[White Flower]

Oh, forgot this one:

 

I'm hurting every bit as much as you are in all of this.

 

Pshhhhh! Oh, is THAT why you laugh and dance and look happy in every picture?

 

Oh honey, I only do those things because YOU make me happy. I imagine myself doing those things for you.

 

Uhhh, then why does everybody else get to laugh?

[ladydesigner]

It's also a great release for those of us who ended it and are dealing with the immature a**'s petty revenge..... :mad::mad:

 

Yeah no revenge here. I feel the best revenge is to live life to it's fullest... and I do:D No looking back now.

 

Sorry you have to deal with petty revenge. That is not cool at all.

[jennie-jennie]

JJ and FA, thanks for your POV; always open to others. The intent of this thread was to lighten the mood which I am finding at times gets a little "heavy" and "sullen" and can lose some of it's interest and benefit to those of us who may be here because we are hurting and looking for strength from others who are sharing similar painful experiences. Just note how many posters said in the last couple days that they have felt the need to take a break from LS because they didn't think it was doing them any good or those of us who broke NC after a long period because we were feeling particularly vulnerable.

 

Laughter can help to heal and it's not meant to necessarily degrade others we were in R with. It is meant to show a likeness between our situations and the situations we have found ourselves in; to help us to relate to one another. But also to try and help bring disparate people together in this community and add a little fun to the day.

 

You always have the choice to not read the thread. I have chosen to skip some that I felt didn't make sense or apply to my situation or just didn't interest me. Certainly not intended to be distasteful to those who have had success in their relationships. My apologies if that is how it was perceived.

 

Yeah, there is nothing like strengthening the group like picking somebody outside it to bully: in this case the WS actively in an affair.

 

I usually do not read or post on this kind of threads. It was your comment to FA about "why so serious" that led me to respond.

 

I understand your intent with posting the thread was good, I just felt an urge to state my point of view on this subject.

Edited April 1, 2010 by jennie-jennie

[anne1707]

Yeah, there is nothing like strengthening the group like picking somebody outside it to bully: in this case the WS actively in an affair.

 

But this kind of thing happens all the time on LS - like your "Reformed OW" thread

 

As it is, I was a WS and I posted on here the kind of things I said - just as many many WS have said. I think it is pretty safe to say that at some stage most (all?) the OW/OM on this thread believed all this. It's just how long it takes for them to realise enough is enough and they are just being told a story to keep the affair going.

[Just a stone's throw]

Thank you for doing so, no worries.

[jennie-jennie]

But this kind of thing happens all the time on LS - like your "Reformed OW" thread

 

As it is, I was a WS and I posted on here the kind of things I said - just as many many WS have said. I think it is pretty safe to say that at some stage most (all?) the OW/OM on this thread believed all this. It's just how long it takes for them to realise enough is enough and they are just being told a story to keep the affair going.

 

No, the Reformed OW thread had a genuine question stated in it: "If you are one of these women who has changed her mind, I would be interested to hear why." It was not meant to bully rOW.

 

I do understand that there are MM/MW who are cake eaters and who lie during the affair. I do not believe that this is the case for all the LS posters in this thread. It is a bad way of getting over being hurt by an affair ending to paint the lost partner in bad colors.

 

I look back at my past relationships and I see their strengths and weaknesses. Never would I participate in this kind of thread about "lines my exSOs fed me". I loved them for whom they are, however imperfect. They said things that kept me hanging on. They were not feeding me lines, this was where they were at, and I chose to stay. The pros were greater than the cons. Until one day the cons were greater than the pros, and then I left.

[jennie-jennie]

Thank you for doing so' date=' no worries.[/quote']

 

Good, I am glad we are fine.

[anne1707]

But the point here is that many realise that they were being fed a bag of s*** from day one just to suit the WS. That is not your typical relationship where maybe it goes wrong like this just at the end. If someone is lying to you just to keep you in the relationship then I think that justifies feelings being expressed in this thread.

 

By the way - that Reformed OW thread did have a bullying tone about it from some posters