Lines you've been fed and devoured... (or spit up when he/she wasn't looking)

[Spark1111]

What decent loving man would lie and deceive the mother of his children?

 

The woman who is sacrificing, planning and caring for their children?

 

Fall out of love? Try to fix it. If it can't be fixed, develop your exit plan. Stay as amicable as possible. Give the kids time to adjust. Be respectful of each other.

 

THEN find another.

[Joobi]

I also heard the "I can love two people".

 

 

Also, when in the midst of the affair, most men begin to resent the kids along with the wife because they PREVENT the MM or MW from being with the AP. I lived it. I know.

 

It's really sad, but I think that's true. One of the worst things he ever said (in my opinion) was "I hate them" about his kids.

And while I am sure that this cannot be true, the saddest thing of all is I think the reason is because he felt they stopped him from doing what he wanted job and personal life-wise. How selfish...

[Just a stone's throw]

Joobi, welcome to LS, thanks for posting here! Love your responses from yesterday but didn't get to say so then.

[White Flower]

Because that man is not thinking what is in the best interests of those children? What? Being a good papa means handing over a paycheck?

 

Get real!

 

Also, when in the midst of the affair, most men begin to resent the kids along with the wife because they PREVENT the MM or MW from being with the AP. I lived it. I know.

 

If the greatest gift a man can give his children is to love their mother and treat her with respect, there is NO WAY to justify his affair.

 

It deprives his family of his time, attention and respect, and his total emotional investment in them as a unit. Mom feels the emotional distancing and the lack of attention and affection and grows...lonely, moody, and depressed but doesn't know why.

 

It is smoke and mirrors and one of the best excuses a cheater can give. It makes him look oh-so-noble in the eyes of his OW and keeps her from demanding a full-time relationship so as to "not hurt the kids."

 

It's a perfect excuse! Why do you think it is used so often? Because it works so well....

Well, but what about when a man leaves his wife because she is a drug addict or she is just mean and there is no OW? Or what if the W left him and he is now a single dad? Is it smoke and mirrors when he parents his children then?

 

I can see your point on the noble part though and I'm sure it works quite often, especially with little ones at home.

 

And I'm glad you're on this thread because it gives us the flip side.

[White Flower]

From my H following D-day:

 

"I will give you one year to get your revenge. After that. I will consider it cheating" (I laughed at him, the nerve, thinking he could give me permission AND a deadline when I gave him neither! LOL)

NID, I am literally laughing out loud!

"I don't know what I want just yet (regarding the marriage). But I do know that I am NOT sleeping on the couch."

Oh yeah? Watch me MAKE you!

[White Flower]

If I could just mix some of your sexual freedom and tomboyishness with her class and debutante-like mannerisms, I'd have the perfect woman!

 

:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

So much like, 'If I could just put the two of you together it would be the perfect woman for me'.

 

That was a looooong time ago! Boy have things changed. And it is amazing what I won't let him get away with now. But back on track, this thread is fun!

[White Flower]

But this kind of thing happens all the time on LS - like your "Reformed OW" thread

 

As it is, I was a WS and I posted on here the kind of things I said - just as many many WS have said. I think it is pretty safe to say that at some stage most (all?) the OW/OM on this thread believed all this. It's just how long it takes for them to realise enough is enough and they are just being told a story to keep the affair going.

Or things are even said (and sometimes believed by MP when they say it) until they are called on it. Ask, discuss, revise.

[White Flower]

.

 

Laughter can help to heal and it's not meant to necessarily degrade others we were in R with. It is meant to show a likeness between our situations and the situations we have found ourselves in; to help us to relate to one another. But also to try and help bring disparate people together in this community and add a little fun to the day.

 

I know if MM saw me making these jokes and rolling my eyes he would be laughing right along with me. We both have the ability to look at our past and make light of it. I think humor has a very healing power. Of course, I am with someone who is going through counseling for serial cheating and has become very self-aware.

 

When I tease him about exOWs and poke fun at him he laughs right along with me. It IS part of his past and he owns that. To be always serious about it would be torture I would think.

[anne1707]

Or things are even said (and sometimes believed by MP when they say it) until they are called on it. Ask, discuss, revise.

 

 

Very true. I look back on some of the things I said (or implied through omission) and I can see that sometimes I was trying to believe it myself to almost justify what I was doing. Whilst things were wrong with my marriage (obviously), it was not as bad as I let the ex-OM believe.

[BlueeyedJonesy]

"I am with someone who is going through counseling for serial cheating and has become very self-aware."

 

 

are you his OW or is this your H?

[White Flower]

"I am with someone who is going through counseling for serial cheating and has become very self-aware."

 

 

are you his OW or is this your H?

OW. SA. I'm the one who shares the counseling with him.

 

Here's another one I heard in the beginning: 'Why would you think I've had so many other lovers? Besides my W and a few hookers in the military you are it!'

[pureinheart]

I picked these up from his e-mails to her, (but forgive me for my own sarcastic comments in brackets):

 

I want the world to know how you make me feel. (But not my wife, my kids, my mother, my sister, my in-laws, my boss, my friends, my colleagues - you get the picture)

 

Our lives are still connected (after the A had ended and in response to a death in our family, after there had been a similar death in hers)

 

I love my wife like being in a boat on a wide river that I'll be on forever, and I love you like being in a small canoe on a rushing mountain stream that is about to founder on the rocks. (This was expressed in poetic form - I guess the rocks were more dangerous than they realised)

 

I like to think I energise every cell in your body when we have sex. (I can always hope there were a few fake Os I suppose)

 

I want to change your lightbulbs and would be honoured for you to do my cooking and cleaning. ( I just wish he had got her to do some of the housework when he had her round our place)

 

I want to tell you everything (but much of it will be outright lies)

 

 

Moaning, also no offence intended...although your H gets the BEST LINES EVER award...also your humor is great :lmao::lmao:....

[pureinheart]

No, the Reformed OW thread had a genuine question stated in it: "If you are one of these women who has changed her mind, I would be interested to hear why." It was not meant to bully rOW.

 

I do understand that there are MM/MW who are cake eaters and who lie during the affair. I do not believe that this is the case for all the LS posters in this thread. It is a bad way of getting over being hurt by an affair ending to paint the lost partner in bad colors.

 

I look back at my past relationships and I see their strengths and weaknesses. Never would I participate in this kind of thread about "lines my exSOs fed me". I loved them for whom they are, however imperfect. They said things that kept me hanging on. They were not feeding me lines, this was where they were at, and I chose to stay. The pros were greater than the cons. Until one day the cons were greater than the pros, and then I left.

 

Actually any R I've ever been in, unless of course I missed it, there were not any lines fed to me. If this makes sense, it was straight up truth and straight up lying, no lines ever. That's why JAST I couldn't think of any, although I know this does happen.

 

Actually, I know this may sound weird, although it is really encouraging to realise this as there have been other threads like this, and I couldn't once again think of any and I thought, "well, there must be some lines somewhere", and thought I am getting senial...you know being 50 and all....lol....hey priddy soon, the senior discount .

 

This sheds a whole new light on how I see ALL (and there are many) my ex's...and they are not all in Texas BTW!!!!!

[Just a stone's throw]

Actually any R I've ever been in, unless of course I missed it, there were not any lines fed to me. If this makes sense, it was straight up truth and straight up lying, no lines ever. That's why JAST I couldn't think of any, although I know this does happen.

 

Actually, I know this may sound weird, although it is really encouraging to realise this as there have been other threads like this, and I couldn't once again think of any and I thought, "well, there must be some lines somewhere", and thought I am getting senial...you know being 50 and all....lol....hey priddy soon, the senior discount .

 

This sheds a whole new light on how I see ALL (and there are many) my ex's...and they are not all in Texas BTW!!!!!

 

Pure, honestly, I could only come up with one myself. We were FWB so we didn't feed each other lines (except in the "heat" but that can't be written here and are not the same kind of "lines"). I do take what he said to me at face value, I had no reason to question him. Was I annoyed by his "freak-out" guilt attacks? Yep but they were understandable to some extent. He is just an odd duck. What can I say. I'm a poor judge of character.

 

My secondary reason for starting this thread is to be a Head's Up to anyone contemplating an A or finding themselves in an A and starting to hear warning sign of imminent danger to their person. If they read this and it makes them wiser or gives them the strength to question where they may not have otherwise then I see that as a benefit. Perhaps it could stop an EA from becoming a PA? Who knows.

[Spark1111]

Well, but what about when a man leaves his wife because she is a drug addict or she is just mean and there is no OW? Or what if the W left him and he is now a single dad? Is it smoke and mirrors when he parents his children then?

 

I can see your point on the noble part though and I'm sure it works quite often, especially with little ones at home.

 

And I'm glad you're on this thread because it gives us the flip side.

 

Absolutely not. If every avenue to rehabilitate the mate and the marriage were exhausted, whether it be the mama or the papa, then the stronger of the two must step up to the plate and be the best parent they can be for the children. That is what good parents do.

 

Rarely does that happen before an affair or during it.

[moaningmyrtle]

Moaning, also no offence intended...although your H gets the BEST LINES EVER award...also your humor is great :lmao::lmao:....

 

My H is a highly intelligent man but is also quite shy and has difficulty talking in virtually any social situation. He has never had any IQ tests but I know his would be exceptional. Mine supposedly is too (it puts me in the top 0.1% and I'm a member of a high IQ society as a result) but he's one of the few people I know who is more intelligent than me.

 

He has a real way with the written word - his passion is to write and he writes wonderfully well.

 

When I asked the OW why she had an affair with him her response is that she found his "mind" so irresistibly attractive. I knew exactly what she meant. It's why we are together.

[White Flower]

I too enjoyed Moaningmyrtle's remarks in parentheses. I laughed out loud.

[JoyDevine]

 

It's a perfect excuse! Why do you think it is used so often? Because it works so well....

You say it's an excuse, but yet you say this:

 

Also, when in the midst of the affair, most men begin to resent the kids along with the wife because they PREVENT the MM or MW from being with the AP. I lived it. I know.

Here you seem to be saying that if not for the kids, the man would be with the OW.

If he's not staying for the family, then just get out and be with the OW. No need for resentment.

[NoIDidn't]

Just read a new great line by a MM.

[moaningmyrtle]

Just read a new great line by a MM.

 

OK I'll bite - what was it?

[pureinheart]

My H is a highly intelligent man but is also quite shy and has difficulty talking in virtually any social situation. He has never had any IQ tests but I know his would be exceptional. Mine supposedly is too (it puts me in the top 0.1% and I'm a member of a high IQ society as a result) but he's one of the few people I know who is more intelligent than me.

 

He has a real way with the written word - his passion is to write and he writes wonderfully well.

 

When I asked the OW why she had an affair with him her response is that she found his "mind" so irresistibly attractive. I knew exactly what she meant. It's why we are together.

 

That is cool! My parents were extremely intelligent also, they were born shortly before the Great Depression, so being poor they could not afford to go to school of any sort. They both worked at young ages to support their families. My dad went to Ohio State (not sure if it was University or what) and the teachers let him sit in the classes, he never got a degree because he couldn't pay...but he didn't need one anyway...my mother was a math genius....

 

I was adopted..lol...and really didn't like school because of being hyperthyroid...can't sit for that long...but Moaning, it was really hard growing up with extremely intelligent parents with very high IQ's and being the "midland" child, expected to succeed...I did, just not in the way they would have liked

[pureinheart]

Pure' date=' honestly, I could only come up with one myself. We were FWB so we didn't feed each other lines (except in the "heat" but that can't be written here and are not the same kind of "lines"). I do take what he said to me at face value, I had no reason to question him. [b']Was I annoyed by his "freak-out" guilt attacks? Yep but they were understandable to some extent.[/b] He is just an odd duck. What can I say. I'm a poor judge of character.

 

 

JAST, exDM did this periodically...he was so very torn...to me it was a very easy fix, don't talk to me anymore..you know? I never put pressure on him, in fact I was always the one wanting to bail. I don't understand?

[White Flower]

I just thought of another one! "I'm only doing this because I'm so in love with you! Do you think I like living this way?"

I guess he did. Last time I talked to him, he told me he was in counseling, trying to be a better man. But a friend told me he's already moved on to a new OW. He's 55, she's 23. Guess he likes to get them young. I was 19 when ours started, he was 15 years older than I. I imagine she'll dump him when she gets tired of the ED issues that Viagra won't solve.

Oh, but I digress...

Ouch!:eek:

[Spark1111]

You say it's an excuse, but yet you say this:

 

 

Here you seem to be saying that if not for the kids, the man would be with the OW.

If he's not staying for the family, then just get out and be with the OW. No need for resentment.

 

That is exactly what I told him to do! Go get her.....It limped along for another two months with him begging to come home.

 

But now at least I knew why he had been such a miserable P***k to his family for so long. We stood in the way of his perfect fantasy affair partner. Given the opportunity to have her full-time, it seemed as if that was the last thing he wanted.

 

A slow arduous process, but as he turned his attention completely away from her (NC) he turned back to US, and is today again, a wonderful spouse and father.

[outofthedark]

*she is just my spouse, not my wife. We only married for insurance.

*no one has ever gotten me like you do

*I love how I can be myself with you without having to hide anything

*no one has ever made me feel sexy before you

*i never knew what it was like to please a woman till I met you

*where were you the past 10 years

*let me in, you can trust me, you have never met anyone like me.

*I never want to live a day without talking to you

*I want us to have a baby

*I'm depressed and need some time

*I cant hurt my spouse

*I have never felt this way before

*we were destined to find each other and be together

*We only have sex once a year

I could go on and on and on. All I can say is hind sight.. man I wish I knew.

The BEST one, and the worst one.... I cant lose you, you give a great blow job.

Edited April 6, 2010 by outofthedark
adding