Spouse Abuse Question

[Errol]

Watched a movie w/ my spouse last night. A young man in love witnessed his gf's mother hit her dad. he thought it odd, but the gf and her family didn't. yes - plot is very thin. the bf ends up being abused and ultimately murdered.

 

But i'm wondering -- how many of you men out there would speak up if you were being physically abused? What would you do? Do you think you would recognize if you were being abused?

 

Would you be embarassed about being beaten by a woman and not say anything or press any charges?

 

Just curious.

[moimeme]

Forgive me for not being a guy, Errol, but one of my exes was badly abused by his wife. He was a BIG guy, too

 

According to him, he never reported it because he felt worthless and that he didn't deserve anybody else. He thought nobody else would want him but her. He was raised not to hit women so never defended himself. As for seeking help, it was a few years ago, when it was still not understood that men can be abused, too. I think he did tell someone but wasn't believed. Often, it's the case that the men are not believed. People think a stronger man can just beat the tar out of the abusive woman. They don't understand why anyone would just 'take it'.

 

She'd do things like beat him awake when he was asleep He finally left when she wanted to get another apartment to have her affairs in. It was all very, very sad.

 

 

[HokeyReligions]

I'm not a guy either, but I can see my husband "sucking it up" and being too embarassed to admit that he was abused and far too ashamed to get help, and he would never stike back. I think he would leave the situation - but not right away. If early in our relationship he had hit me I would have been down the road before he unclenched his fist. Now if he were to strike me I would have him in the hospital looking for brain tumors or something! But I can understand the thinking behind being ashamed to admit that a woman was beating a man.

[Arabess]

Vivid had a situation with his brother in law which he posted about.....regarding this same topic.

 

I personally don't see why a man wouldn't simply 'restrain' a woman if she was beating on him.....but that's just my opinion.

[moimeme]

Thank God there are a lot of men who were socialized to never hit women. Violence wouldn't solve the problem, anyway. Try to restrain one of these cases and you'd only make them madder. The only answer ever is to leave. But these men are made to feel as though they are not 'real men' if they don't resort to violence themselves.

[dyermaker]

The world might be a better place if men were 'socialized' not to hit other men either.

[moimeme]

Nor women women. There is a lot of female-on-female violence in schoolyards, I hear.

[dyermaker]

Meh, it always seemed to happen when I was absent. I'd get to hear Miller-Lite-Commercial type stories, without ever witnessing it myself. My loss?

[moimeme]

Now did I say anything about mud-wrestling?

[jmargel]

My ex was mentally abusive towards me, and it did get physical. She was abused as a child herself, and I just had a feeling over the years I would get the same treatment by her, since I saw signs but was hoping for the best. The mental & verbal abuse started, really nasty stuff like (Eat **** & die), then I remember the one day she was just flipping out, out of control.

 

I came up behind her to get her into a bear hug until she calmed down. I was afraid on what she might do. She had long nails, then took them and dug deep into my arm where it bled. I let go, and just left. She would also do things to me like push into me very hard when she was upset. Never actually punched me but she left before it got that far.

 

I didnt say anything, because ya it is embrassing. How do you explain it to someone else that someone you love is treating you like this? Must be something bad I did to deserve this. It wasn't for a couple of months after we ended it for me to realize it wasn't me.

 

I also loved her then, and a male will instinctivly protect his mate even in times like that. Its just our nature I guess. That & having a big heart doesn't help when those kind of situations occur.

 

I didnt talk to her for 3 years after, when she came to my house one day & apologized for everything she's done to me. Kinda shocked me, but it was nice to put closure on all of it.

[Helpme2004]

yes some men feel ashamed if their spouse is beating them so there for they never report my sister was beat by her boyfriend from the time 15 and she ended up having a child who witnessed it all at a young age she did marry this guy but ended 3yrs after they married which was a very messy divorce my sister is now 28 and has had failed relationship because she never ot help the family never knew until it was all said and done.she felt it was her fault she had done something wrong when all the while it was him he was too controlling and still is to this day she never turned him in instead he used waht he had doen and turned it arund on her she had to take anger management classes and now has record for spousal abuse which hes the one who beat her.

[BadMan]

My wife tried to beat me up. She flipped out and starting hitting me all over. I called the cops.

She went to jail. Now she no longer wants to hit me. It's the people who don't speak up(man or women) who will keep getting abused. The police are always just a short phone call away. Don't be afraid to use them. It doesn't mean you don't love your spouse any less if they are flipping out on you and you call the cops.