Need some advice

[Dade]

Been going out with one lady for more than 3 months. I am crazy about her, and I have very strong feelings for her. Now, she likes me a lot too, very much i would say, when we are together, she just cant stop hugging me, kissing me, tells me how happy she is with me, we communicate a lot,,when i drive her home, she has hard time leaving me alone in the car, so we spend like hours sitting there and admiring each other,,,all the nice stuff....

 

but none of us have told each other that we LOVE each other,,,,, But I know that I love her, this feeling is not as strong as it will get later, but I do love her, she means a lot to me,,,,,

 

but I think both of us maybe are denying this or something....My question is, should I tell her this, well I have mentioned in my emails at the end "Love, Dade" or "have a nice day my LOVE" but actually never told her that I LOVE YOU, maybe i have a very high self esteem, and dont want to give in, admitting the possibility that she does not feel the same way, But at some poing it must be SAID, it wont happen at the same time, My worry is that, SHOUL I MAKE THE MOVE AND TELL HER THAT I LOVE HER,,,,,,I know she might not take it seriously cause, she is the kind of girl who doubts certain things, she has been in a not very nice relationship before me, but DO you think, I would not hurt anything by saying that I LOVE HER?????

 

its ok if she wont say anything,,,but what should I do dont know,,,,there is no timeline when it comes to feeling LOVE towards someone, she is the kind of girl i think that might play by the rules, and say " Oh my God, i have not known her for a long time, and I think its too early for LOVE"

 

but hey, I am all HEARTS,,,I am playing from my heart, am not denying what I am feeling, nor feel that what i feel is wrong, it is completely genuine,,,,but she has problems believing what she might feel....

 

she has mentioned couple of times:" I dont know, Dade, something is happening with me, DONT KNOW what, cant say what, maybe I dont want to admit what I feel,,,,stuff like that..." well you know how some of thoe girls are )

 

anyhow,,,how do I get close to her,,,maybe she is doubting the same thing,,if I say "I LOVE YOU" to her, maybe she will be more open with me, and will not fear to express her feelings, if there are any, freely?

 

HELP PLEASE!!!!

[(none)]

that's some kind of situation you are in. but when in all doubt go with your heart.

 

it sounds like the two of you are pretty serious and may be a little aprehensive of the whole love thing.

 

but i think if you tell her those three words, with the way you describe your relationship, she will say it back.

 

use your heart, not your head.

 

good luck!

 

hope i could help

Been going out with one lady for more than 3 months. I am crazy about her, and I have very strong feelings for her. Now, she likes me a lot too, very much i would say, when we are together, she just cant stop hugging me, kissing me, tells me how happy she is with me, we communicate a lot,,when i drive her home, she has hard time leaving me alone in the car, so we spend like hours sitting there and admiring each other,,,all the nice stuff.... but none of us have told each other that we LOVE each other,,,,, But I know that I love her, this feeling is not as strong as it will get later, but I do love her, she means a lot to me,,,,, but I think both of us maybe are denying this or something....My question is, should I tell her this, well I have mentioned in my emails at the end "Love, Dade" or "have a nice day my LOVE" but actually never told her that I LOVE YOU, maybe i have a very high self esteem, and dont want to give in, admitting the possibility that she does not feel the same way, But at some poing it must be SAID, it wont happen at the same time, My worry is that, SHOUL I MAKE THE MOVE AND TELL HER THAT I LOVE HER,,,,,,I know she might not take it seriously cause, she is the kind of girl who doubts certain things, she has been in a not very nice relationship before me, but DO you think, I would not hurt anything by saying that I LOVE HER????? its ok if she wont say anything,,,but what should I do dont know,,,,there is no timeline when it comes to feeling LOVE towards someone, she is the kind of girl i think that might play by the rules, and say " Oh my God, i have not known her for a long time, and I think its too early for LOVE" but hey, I am all HEARTS,,,I am playing from my heart, am not denying what I am feeling, nor feel that what i feel is wrong, it is completely genuine,,,,but she has problems believing what she might feel.... she has mentioned couple of times:" I dont know, Dade, something is happening with me, DONT KNOW what, cant say what, maybe I dont want to admit what I feel,,,,stuff like that..." well you know how some of thoe girls are ) anyhow,,,how do I get close to her,,,maybe she is doubting the same thing,,if I say "I LOVE YOU" to her, maybe she will be more open with me, and will not fear to express her feelings, if there are any, freely? HELP PLEASE!!!!

[Randy]

At some point, at the right time, in the right place and under the right circumstances, you absolutely should tell her you love her (if indeed you do).

 

I think it is very important before saying those words that you sense some sort of mutuality. Telling someone you love them when they don't have some strong feelings in return is pretty meaningless. I gather from your post that she has indicated she really cares about you.

 

Right now, what I would do is take her for a walk and, instead of coming right out with the "I Love You" thing, tell her words to the effect that you are growing very fond of her and beginning to have special feelings for her and you know those feelings are going to keep growing. Just look at her face and see her response. Discuss only that aspect of your feelings. Just the aspect that they are growing. That way, you don't really have to come right out with it.

 

This is a difficult thing but I think my suggestion can get you through this. If she comes right back and says she has special feelings for you as well, just tell her you don't think it will be very long before you tell her that you love her. Just leave it at that. Now, if she comes right out and tells you she loves you now, well that's your cue to tell her you love her.

 

If things don't become a lot more clear within a month or so, just come right out and tell her that you love her and see what her response is. If she doesn't offer hope that she is headed in that direction or fairly close then, you might want to discuss with her the status of the relationship. If she actually discourages you from falling for her, then you need to terminate.

 

It sounds to me like you have a pretty good situation going here and that she is very close to having the same feelings for you. I think you are worrying way too much. Love wasn't meant to cause this much of a hassle, but unfortunately it does.

[Dade]

I dont think I would terminate it. I want to stay with her, even if LOVE will not flourish between us. And I believe she wants to stay with me too. SHe seems to be very devoted and loyal. But hey, at least I will have this wonderful person next to me, and even if all this turns out to be physical, I am fine with that too. But I believe, she will fall for me, she already started. Just was little fearful, I guess unnecessarily, of spilling these emotions out

 

thanks for help guys

At some point, at the right time, in the right place and under the right circumstances, you absolutely should tell her you love her (if indeed you do). I think it is very important before saying those words that you sense some sort of mutuality. Telling someone you love them when they don't have some strong feelings in return is pretty meaningless. I gather from your post that she has indicated she really cares about you. Right now, what I would do is take her for a walk and, instead of coming right out with the "I Love You" thing, tell her words to the effect that you are growing very fond of her and beginning to have special feelings for her and you know those feelings are going to keep growing. Just look at her face and see her response. Discuss only that aspect of your feelings. Just the aspect that they are growing. That way, you don't really have to come right out with it. This is a difficult thing but I think my suggestion can get you through this. If she comes right back and says she has special feelings for you as well, just tell her you don't think it will be very long before you tell her that you love her. Just leave it at that. Now, if she comes right out and tells you she loves you now, well that's your cue to tell her you love her. If things don't become a lot more clear within a month or so, just come right out and tell her that you love her and see what her response is. If she doesn't offer hope that she is headed in that direction or fairly close then, you might want to discuss with her the status of the relationship. If she actually discourages you from falling for her, then you need to terminate. It sounds to me like you have a pretty good situation going here and that she is very close to having the same feelings for you. I think you are worrying way too much. Love wasn't meant to cause this much of a hassle, but unfortunately it does.

[Taressa]

Hi Dade,

 

It sounds like you're involved in something wonderful. A couple things leave me puzzled...

 

Just wondering:

 

Why are you afraid to tell her you love her? Her actions show she cares for and desires you. You describe her as a very loyal, kind person.

 

Why are you willing to stay lovingly at her side if she doesn't return your love? Have you been in a one-sided love relationship before? Is there something lacking that feels suddenly completed in her?

 

Why is it love if you're willing to turn it into something strictly physical? Everything else you've said about your lovely friend indicates she's not that type.

 

Dating relationships that quickly turn intense certainly feel wonderful. Generally speaking, however, there is some issue that draws two people together so desperately. I hope it truly is love because you both sound like wonderful people. Take the time to examine your relationship. Are there things in your life that are neglected or sacrificed so you can focus on her? Are there things in her life she is neglecting so she can be with you? You may want to keep a support group of friends involved so they can point out any blind spots in this new, exciting relationship.

 

Keep moving ahead, you've got something wonderful happening here. Just be aware that there are many aspects of a person to be learned and only time allows you to learn them.

 

Do tell her you love her and then give yourselves the gift of time to grow together.

[billy the kid]

hey silly boy; you are already close to her.. come on read your post.. if you start asking for more you'll blow it.. and the words will come in time.. you will know when to say them and so will she, so enjoy what you have now and relax..

Been going out with one lady for more than 3 months. I am crazy about her, and I have very strong feelings for her. Now, she likes me a lot too, very much i would say, when we are together, she just cant stop hugging me, kissing me, tells me how happy she is with me, we communicate a lot,,when i drive her home, she has hard time leaving me alone in the car, so we spend like hours sitting there and admiring each other,,,all the nice stuff.... but none of us have told each other that we LOVE each other,,,,, But I know that I love her, this feeling is not as strong as it will get later, but I do love her, she means a lot to me,,,,, but I think both of us maybe are denying this or something....My question is, should I tell her this, well I have mentioned in my emails at the end "Love, Dade" or "have a nice day my LOVE" but actually never told her that I LOVE YOU, maybe i have a very high self esteem, and dont want to give in, admitting the possibility that she does not feel the same way, But at some poing it must be SAID, it wont happen at the same time, My worry is that, SHOUL I MAKE THE MOVE AND TELL HER THAT I LOVE HER,,,,,,I know she might not take it seriously cause, she is the kind of girl who doubts certain things, she has been in a not very nice relationship before me, but DO you think, I would not hurt anything by saying that I LOVE HER????? its ok if she wont say anything,,,but what should I do dont know,,,,there is no timeline when it comes to feeling LOVE towards someone, she is the kind of girl i think that might play by the rules, and say " Oh my God, i have not known her for a long time, and I think its too early for LOVE" but hey, I am all HEARTS,,,I am playing from my heart, am not denying what I am feeling, nor feel that what i feel is wrong, it is completely genuine,,,,but she has problems believing what she might feel.... she has mentioned couple of times:" I dont know, Dade, something is happening with me, DONT KNOW what, cant say what, maybe I dont want to admit what I feel,,,,stuff like that..." well you know how some of thoe girls are ) anyhow,,,how do I get close to her,,,maybe she is doubting the same thing,,if I say "I LOVE YOU" to her, maybe she will be more open with me, and will not fear to express her feelings, if there are any, freely? HELP PLEASE!!!!

[RED]

I have been with and am still with a guy I've met about 6 years ago. He had cheated on me once I actually know about am guessing maybe more. He had chased me till I came back to him and promised to give him a second chance, and now I think hes starting to maybe do it to me again. Im seeing signs I dont wanna see, but when confronted these with him he denys them and swears his undying love to me, the problem is I do still unbelievable love this guy but am wondering if he has really changed or not, what can I do to know one way or the other so I can pick up and go on with having some kind of life again?

 

silently crying

 

chas.,wv

[Loved, and Maybe Lost]

To me, it doesn't seem like you have a choice. My roommate did the exact same thing to his girlfriend after a particularly messy situation where he slept with my Girlfriend's sister, but they got back together. Now he's cheating again, with no remorse. I hate to say it, but once a cheater, always a cheater.

 

And what kind of relationship can you really have in the future if you worry, probably quite rightly, all the time that he may be cheating on you. It's been said many times before.

 

You know full well that you'll never completely forgive him for his past transgressions. Moving forward will not be possible.

 

Sorry, just my humble opinion.

 

I have been with and am still with a guy I've met about 6 years ago. He had cheated on me once I actually know about am guessing maybe more. He had chased me till I came back to him and promised to give him a second chance, and now I think hes starting to maybe do it to me again. Im seeing signs I dont wanna see, but when confronted these with him he denys them and swears his undying love to me, the problem is I do still unbelievable love this guy but am wondering if he has really changed or not, what can I do to know one way or the other so I can pick up and go on with having some kind of life again? silently crying chas.,wv

[Taressa]

You are grasping for hope in a place there might not be any. I'm guessing there was quite a bit of deception involved with the affair you found out about. A one-time, admitted mistake can be forgiven. A pattern of half-truths, hidden truths, and outright lies tears down the foundation of a relationship.

 

If he can't be trusted stop looking for reasons to trust him. If you can't or won't believe his excuses or explanations for his current behavior it may be your intuition telling you to close this door before you get hurt even more.

 

It would be okay to back off from this relationship and work with him to rebuild the foundation you need. If he truly was repentant of his first affair, he will understand and will work with you to build the trust. If he reacts in self defense you will know who he cares about most in the relationship.

 

Guard your heart.