9Lives Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 my ex made it clear that we are not getting back together. He was very mad and said alot of mean things to me. I KNOW I Need to let go but I think sometimes that we are going to get past this. I know that I am wrong for thinking this way. I know that!! How do I get past this? Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovecake Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 You just have to keep saying to yourself that's it's over, it's sad, it hurts but your ex is gone forever and you're going to be OK. You were OK before him and you'll be OK after him. Pretending he's dead would also work. Link to post Share on other sites
angieg101 Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 I am so sorry that you are going thru this and i know its painful and the future is blurry but you've gotta stop. just stop. turn around and walk away. walk away with your dignity intact. my break up with an exe of 3 years ended nasty wt him saying a lot of hurtful things as well. even after he said all those hurtful things i wanted him back. the thing is you deserve better. I've been in NC with this exe for 2 years and it was the best thing that i could have done. its not easy. I cried myself to sleep for 7 months straight, lost 15lbs, became a hermit. But in time (yes, time. I hated to hear this when I was going thru this) you will sllloowly heal, but you will heal and you will feel again. All in time. Be good to yourself. Set small goals for yourself--move forward, just don't move backward. you're in my thoughts. it will get more manageable, just try not to look back. Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 IMO listing all the unpleasant things they did helps. Their farting, dirty pants, laziness ect all good fodda for healing. Dont allow to dwell on the good bits. I would suggest a vodoo doll.......but i may get kicked from here!:lmao: seriously though, its a road and a rollercoaster you are on. Some days calm others mental. Enjoy the quiet moments and when you feel weak, talk to us. There is always someone here that wants to listen and help if they can:love::love: Nobby xxxxxxxx Link to post Share on other sites
unsaved Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 9lives, The only thing that will make you get over it is time. Time focused on yourself, time to heal, time to find someone else. It's normal to have those thoughts and feelings. Each time they come around, just tell yourself that it's not going to happen. Do a distracting activity like talking to a friend or work. I, too, am in that rut. My b/f told me to move on. It's over. Yet, I still get these thoughts that pretty soon, he'll come back. It sucks in that moment but those thoughts eventually fade. I had them a LOT soon after we stopped talking. But, as I've continued NC and as time has passed, they don't come as often. Someday, they won't come at all. For right now, I just have to endure the thoughts and sadness that accompany them and then move on with my day. So, just keep on keepin' on :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted April 1, 2010 Author Share Posted April 1, 2010 I am so sorry that you are going thru this and i know its painful and the future is blurry but you've gotta stop. just stop. turn around and walk away. walk away with your dignity intact. my break up with an exe of 3 years ended nasty wt him saying a lot of hurtful things as well. even after he said all those hurtful things i wanted him back. the thing is you deserve better. I've been in NC with this exe for 2 years and it was the best thing that i could have done. its not easy. I cried myself to sleep for 7 months straight, lost 15lbs, became a hermit. But in time (yes, time. I hated to hear this when I was going thru this) you will sllloowly heal, but you will heal and you will feel again. All in time. Be good to yourself. Set small goals for yourself--move forward, just don't move backward. you're in my thoughts. it will get more manageable, just try not to look back. Wow! Thank you for sharing your story. It really helps alot. Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 Only one sure fire way: start a relationship with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted April 1, 2010 Author Share Posted April 1, 2010 9lives, The only thing that will make you get over it is time. Time focused on yourself, time to heal, time to find someone else. It's normal to have those thoughts and feelings. Each time they come around, just tell yourself that it's not going to happen. Do a distracting activity like talking to a friend or work. I, too, am in that rut. My b/f told me to move on. It's over. Yet, I still get these thoughts that pretty soon, he'll come back. It sucks in that moment but those thoughts eventually fade. I had them a LOT soon after we stopped talking. But, as I've continued NC and as time has passed, they don't come as often. Someday, they won't come at all. For right now, I just have to endure the thoughts and sadness that accompany them and then move on with my day. So, just keep on keepin' on :-) Yes, Yes, Yes. This is exactly how the day plays out. Just like a ghost haunting me. Feels good to know I am not alone. I guess with time, I will start to accept it. As usual, morning are the worst!! Link to post Share on other sites
annxxdisaster Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 Only one sure fire way: start a relationship with someone else. Not necessarily. That can sometimes do more harm than good to a person who's healing. Link to post Share on other sites
paleblue Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 unfortunately there is no on/off switch or trick in the book that you can use to stop hoping. it is a long slow painful process. the speediest way thru it all is NC. that wont stop you from going thru the long storm of mental agony, but, it will prevent you from relapsing/prolonging the pain due to continually being in contact with your ex & hoping. yeah...it sucks... Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted April 1, 2010 Author Share Posted April 1, 2010 unfortunately there is no on/off switch or trick in the book that you can use to stop hoping. it is a long slow painful process. the speediest way thru it all is NC. that wont stop you from going thru the long storm of mental agony, but, it will prevent you from relapsing/prolonging the pain due to continually being in contact with your ex & hoping. yeah...it sucks... You can always tell when a ESTABLISHED member answer your post! The response is always good...for me anyway. That makes sense...looks like Im going to have to print this one out. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 my ex made it clear that we are not getting back together. He was very mad and said alot of mean things to me. I KNOW I Need to let go but I think sometimes that we are going to get past this. I know that I am wrong for thinking this way. I know that!! How do I get past this? You're not wrong for thinking this way, it's only natural. You're just going thru the healing process. It takes time, patience and some tears. But you WILL make it Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted April 1, 2010 Author Share Posted April 1, 2010 You're not wrong for thinking this way, it's only natural. You're just going thru the healing process. It takes time, patience and some tears. But you WILL make it I love you!!!!! LOL Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 I love you!!!!! LOL The reason I say this is cause i'm going thru the same thing Link to post Share on other sites
ingridh Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 You just have to keep saying to yourself that's it's over, it's sad, it hurts but your ex is gone forever and you're going to be OK. You were OK before him and you'll be OK after him. Pretending he's dead would also work. That is what I am doing whenever the images of him and his young gf drift into my mind. It helps. But that doesn't make me hate him less though, maybe because I don't want to stop hating him. Dilemma, I know. It IS over, 9lives, there is no going back. You will be fine, like all of us who have been in the same boat, you will be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
weena1981 Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 I know the feeling. I have been trying to cut myself away from Facebook to avoid reading my ex-love of my life's public wall. It tears me up that he is happy without me and in a relationship. There is still hope inside of me thinking that we would be together in the future even though he told me that he is the happiest he has ever been. I just wish the pain would go away but I have a hard time not looking at his Facebook wall trying to decode his statuses. It's pathetic but I can't help it. I keep asking myself when do I leave the "denial" phase and get into the acceptance phase that it's over. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 I know the feeling. I have been trying to cut myself away from Facebook to avoid reading my ex-love of my life's public wall. It tears me up that he is happy without me and in a relationship. There is still hope inside of me thinking that we would be together in the future even though he told me that he is the happiest he has ever been. I just wish the pain would go away but I have a hard time not looking at his Facebook wall trying to decode his statuses. It's pathetic but I can't help it. I keep asking myself when do I leave the "denial" phase and get into the acceptance phase that it's over. Get away from fb at all costs. It is nothing but misery Link to post Share on other sites
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