Kind words would be nice. Unexpected low.

[DontWorryBHappy]

So I get up today and go about normal things for 2 hours or so. Suddenly I receive a text message from my brother. It says "uhh I thought you should know that [insert ex's name here] sent me a facebook message." I think to myself "WHAT?!!! Why would he send a message to my brother!?" and I text back "Well what does it say???????????". And he replies that apparently my ex wants to come up and see me on easter. Immediately I have this huge wave of emotion.... curiousity, hope, excitement. I thought, maybe he wants to get back together! I called my mom.... couldn't contain myself. When I get off the phone to look at my messages again wou wanna know what I see?

 

"Oh by the way..... April Fools :)"

 

My heart sank and I cried at the bus stop. My brother is not an evil person... he really wasnt thinking. But my god this hurt me. I skipped my first class. I literally am in recovery from an april fools joke. And I had the BIGGEST URGE ever to go crying to my ex after that..... Perhaps this is a test? I dont know.... this is HARD MAN.

[fiatflux]

That was a horrible prank that your brother pulled. He needs to know how much it hurt you. You must tell him!

[DontWorryBHappy]

I definitely did..... I don't know if I can really talk to him for a little while after that. It was like a sudden rush of hope, gone in a moment.....

[Ilovecake]

Oh man that's horrible. I'm sure your brother ment no harm but it was quite thoughtless.

 

I would feel the same way as you.

[DontWorryBHappy]

Ya, don't get me wrong I still love my brother but damn.... This is only day 4 of NC for me. My emotions are still everywhere. I'm just gonna forget this ever happened then continue on.... lol.....

[fiatflux]

Well, I'm glad you told him. He may have "not been thinking," but he should have been thinking about the consequences of his actions. Did he really think you would think it's funny? I hate these type of mean-spirited pranks. Hopefully, this experience will make him think twice about doing something like that to someone he loves in the future. Only 4 days of NC? Well, no wonder it's still so raw for you. Time is the best healer...I know you don't believe it now, but the day will come when you won't think about him anymore. Take care!

[skydiveaddict]

Your bro is an a**hole thats not a joke it's cruelty

Edited April 2, 2010 by skydiveaddict

[DontWorryBHappy]

Honestly he really isnt an *******.... It was just the worst case of doing without thinking that I've ever seen.... It was a really jerk think to do..... I'll admit that it might take me a little while to feel ok around him again after it. We go to the same school (my brother and I) and are generally pretty close. But ya, that just sucked. I sort of felt like I went through the breakup again. Not fun. I'm just going to try to forget it..... it was a mere fantasy situation.

[monkeymaid]

next year, your gonna kick his ass. ...u have to gett him back!!

 

 

 

 

...and u will see the comedy by then as well.

 

...jerk, timing was REALLY bad!!!

[mickleb]

That's a great response, monkeymaid!

 

I am impressed to see a little 'lol' from you, DWBH, along with the spirit of "I'm just gonna continue on".

 

I think, though, that you are wise to see this very thoughtless cock-up as a test. We all face several tests when we experience a painful break-up, you've been dealt a big one, early on.

 

Processing the tumultuous feelings this must have produced for you will, most definitely strengthen your gut, ultimately. Go through it to it's logical conclusion and it can help you to, wisely, understand what would be the BEST thing for YOU to do, just in case you are ever faced with the reality of such a prospect (refer, or re-refer to Caliguy's Guide to No Contact, to help you with this).

 

You wrote this, earlier:

 

Hey all. Approaching day 5 of NC..... Over the first few days I felt really huge jumps in my emotions. Sometimes I was really low and other times I felt really empowered. Now I kind of feel a general emptiness and blues... and it's really odd because I'm pretty much past the point of crying (with exception of an april fools prank that was played on me this morning... see here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t226726/).

 

Anyway.......... The only time I feel a sense of anxiety is when I wonder if as time is passing by he is starting to realize that yes, he made the right decision. I look back at the way I was while in that relationship and I don't even recognize that girl anymore. That girl was anxious, with low self-esteem, and she didn't know how to control her emotions at all. I feel like I've made more progress on myself in a week and a half than I've made in years, all because of how much this whole thing has shocked me.

 

I have a lot of fears.... I actually have a weird fear about the pain starting to feel better, because that means the old relationsip really is being left behind. I guess that's a good thing, especially if I ever want to pursue something with this boy in the future, because at that point we would be starting a brand new relationship. I know the road to healing is just beginning.... and it's a long road. I still secretly hope that he will try to make some kind of contact with me, despite my requesting him to not do so. I daydream about him contacting me and saying "I miss you.... I want to try us again."

 

You know what I don't get though? I was in two previous relationships prior to this one..... One guy I was with for 9 months. The other I was with for 2 years. I NEVER, EVER took those break ups anywhere NEAR as hard as this one. I was his girlfriend for only 2 months (courting stage was about a month). After those other 2 guys, while I was heartbroken initially, I realized pretty quickly that those relationships weren't right. But with this one I've always felt that it's right.... and I just wasn't being the person I always could be while with him. This is the guy that I've wanted to fight for. It makes me wonder if the feeling is mutual, or if he feels the way as I felt in my other 2 relationships. Don't feel like thinking about that too hard...

 

Here's what I think about that:

 

I am impressed with your self-understanding, at this point. I think it is very important that you have identified your low self-esteem and that you weren't 'being the person [you] always could be while with him'.

 

The bottom line, my dear, is that you risk any relationship you choose to enter into, until you become that 'person you always could be'. We all do.

 

Try to work on finding her before you work on finding where he went.

 

The kind words I can give YOU are that you are clearly a kind, understanding person. Your brother was nothing short of insensitive to do this to you and I can appreciate why some have considered him cruel. You have trusted and forgiven him very quickly. I hope this is because you have a wonderful relationship with him but that makes me think: how, then, could HE have made such a stupid mistake?

 

I *sense*, and I know I am doing this based on little evidence, but I sense that you have a tendency to be kind to others before you are kind to yourself. Perhaps this guy's rejection of you has opened a chasm of rejection you have already heaped upon yourself? And that's why you feel the need for him to take it all back?

 

The good news is that it is totally within your power to do this. Nobody else, in fact, can do it for you.

 

Prove to me that I am wrong and take good, good care of yourself now, please.

 

x

Edited April 2, 2010 by mickleb
Grammatical error; it's the teacher in me. Grr.