neoskunk Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 does this ever happen? and if its not the sole reason for a break up does it at least factor in to a break up decision? how important is sex to a relationship? I guess those are very complicated and probably have more than one answer but I want to know what you think. The reason I ask is because I have only ever been with one girl. Not really sure how good I am or how much that even matters. I mean she always said I was good and we both seemed to enjoy it most of the time but I don't think most people would tell you that you are bad at sex lol. I guess this is probably more of a self-confidence issue but its hard not to wonder if that factored into the break up at all. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 When the sex is fab, it's 5% of the relationship. When the sex isn't fab, it's 95% of the relationship. sex is a huge deal, but 'sex' covers a whole spectrum of stuff, from missionary to SM, bondage, threesomes, and all kinds of things you might never think of... Basically, if 2 people are prepared to get naked, enjoy each other's bodies, and be intimate, vulnerable, exposed and participate in what must be one of the most personal ways of hanging together, then surely, they should be able to talk about what they like, dislike, and occasionally share fantasies. The only time sex is just wrong, is if one partner is acceding to the requirements or demands of the other when really, they don't want to or it makes them feel uncomfortable. Yes, sex is a big deal, but communication, respect and trust all need to be factored in. This is just one input.... Others will say more. Link to post Share on other sites
goatee Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 it is not either or, it is both. Bad sex can ruin a relationship, especially if one partner is more sexually active than the other. Good sex can keep a bad relationship longer going than being "nice". Link to post Share on other sites
Author neoskunk Posted April 1, 2010 Author Share Posted April 1, 2010 When the sex is fab, it's 5% of the relationship. When the sex isn't fab, it's 95% of the relationship. Bad sex can ruin a relationship, especially if one partner is more sexually active than the other. Good sex can keep a bad relationship longer going than being "nice". that's kind of what I was thinking. any other views? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 OP, if you feel worried about how 'good you are' with a person, then that person is not the person for you. This presumes you prefer sex within the context of a relationship and not merely as sport. If as sport, like with any other sport, it's competitive and you must be at the top of your game to be popular and in demand, whatever that takes. Also, with more experience, you may be surprised (or become educated) at how brutal women can be about critiquing your sexual prowess. IME, brutal, especially if they have other axes to grind. Best to walk away from those types. Don't confuse this with a woman telling you what she likes. That's healthy, and you should do the same. Your break-up (I presume, based on your OP) is no reflection on you, personally. You're likely young, things didn't work out, and there will be many more potentials and opportunities. You'll learn from each one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author neoskunk Posted April 1, 2010 Author Share Posted April 1, 2010 yep you nailed it. im 20 and my gf of 4 years from high school broke up with me. I'm not really worried about sex it's just something that crossed my mind. She also, like i said, only told me how much she enjoyed it. and to this day (break up was about 5 months ago) we still mess around from time to time so I can't be that bad it was more of a philosophical question just out of curiousity, like as in how much emphasis do girls put on sex? probably would depend on the girl i would think. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 Since you're having sex with an ex who broke up with you, you might wish to re-examine your perspective on sex. Right now, it sounds more like it's sport than relationship sex. Are you OK with that? At what point will you tell a future date that you're still 'messing around' with your ex? Can you see how such activities could keep you from moving on in a healthy way to future relationships? Does still having sex with the ex who broke up with you validate your ego? If yes, is that healthy? You alluded to ego validation with your comment that 'we still mess around from time to time so I can't be that bad'. Does it validate hers? Some things to think about ..... Link to post Share on other sites
yume Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 does this ever happen? and if its not the sole reason for a break up does it at least factor in to a break up decision? how important is sex to a relationship? Yes, it factors in. I broke up with my first ex not only because I didn't want to have sex with him anymore (because it was bad) but also because I lost interest in him physically (essentially because it felt as though being physical with him was a chore). To me, physical chemistry is very important. I just broke up my second boyfriend partially because we had a huge lack of physical chemistry. He even said to me once that he "didn't expect" us to have sex anymore and that he wasn't really interested in it all that much. Huge red flag for me...because I really desired someone I could be with physically and feel good about myself, the other person, and the relationship as a whole. I didn't break up with him just for this reason, but it was definitely a factor. Link to post Share on other sites
Author neoskunk Posted April 2, 2010 Author Share Posted April 2, 2010 yea i feel ya but I think there is a difference between physical chemistry and just being bad at sex. sounds like what you are talking about is more of a loss of physical attraction than sexual chemistry or skill or whatever. but i can definately understand sex factoring into a break up decision. i mean i can see myself factoring it into a break up with a girl, not basing the whole break up on sex but if you have other reasons to break up and the person isn't up to your standards at sex its just icing on the cake. also if you don't mind me asking how long were those relationships yume? Link to post Share on other sites
Beolf Posted April 5, 2010 Share Posted April 5, 2010 without sex i dont a relationship being a relationship. yet, when the clothes are on.. the decisions to stay or to go are made. i dont think sex makes or breaks a relationship, everything else that the person does in everyday things does! Link to post Share on other sites
SyphenFighter Posted April 10, 2010 Share Posted April 10, 2010 If the sex is amazing ur woman will stay If the sex is horrible ur woman will leave it's as simple as that......and I find it very cheap tbh sex shouldn't be the central aspect of ur relationship but for many couples it is Link to post Share on other sites
Peter Attis Posted April 10, 2010 Share Posted April 10, 2010 "Or vice versa"? Do bad sex break up because of girls? Link to post Share on other sites
yume Posted April 12, 2010 Share Posted April 12, 2010 also if you don't mind me asking how long were those relationships yume? First one was 2 years (first love), recent one...5 ish months. but I think there is a difference between physical chemistry and just being bad at sex.Of course, it just so happens I was with someone where both of those things were present. Link to post Share on other sites
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