All's fair in love and war

[Joe Normal]

Here are some beliefs I have about relationships:

 

1. If you are cheated on, you should almost always immediately dump/divorce your partner/spouse.

 

2. Cheating is justifiable in some case. E.g. a wife whose husband beats her up has every right to cheat on him. A guy whose wife sleeps around is justified in sleeping with her sister and her best friend.

 

3. If someone acts like they are not that into you...well, guess what, they probably aren't.

 

4. The most important thing in a relationship is how good the sex is after the honeymoon period wears off.

 

5. Only about 2-3% of people of the opposite sex will truly turn you on still after a few years, and when they get older (40s, 50s) etc.

 

6. If you have a healthy sex drive, it is impossible to be both happy and monogamous with someone unless you rate them 9/10 or better on the sexual attractiveness scale (I don't mean looks - just how much they turn you on, all things considered...including personality etc)

 

7. The importance of intelligence is overrated in a relationship.

 

8. Most relationships work best when one person is in charge and the other follows their lead most (not all) of the time.

 

9. Counselling is generally a waste of time. Keeping a stiff upper lip and taking decisive action, 9 times out of 10 is a better option - which gets superior results to yapping for months on end at $100 per hour to a complete stranger.

 

10. As long as they support them financially enough for them to live properly, men having lots of kids by multiple women is a good thing.

 

11. At least half of people are not naturally suited to monogamy

 

12. The less you need to be in a relationship, the more other people want to be in one with you.

 

13. 90% of people would cheat, given the right time and temptation

 

14. If you cheat once, it's better not to tell; if you cheat more than once, it's best to admit it and then leave - both of you will be better off.

 

15. It's better to be happily single than unhappily married or in a 2nd rate relationship.

[ADF]

1, 3, and 15 are absolutley true. 2,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13, and 14 are either false, questionable or impossible to know.

 

Try again.

[Undine]

How old are you?

[Joe Normal]

1, 3, and 15 are absolutley true. 2,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13, and 14 are either false, questionable or impossible to know.

 

Try again.

 

Ok, why do you think that? Give us some explanation for your opinions and then we can discuss it.

 

I'll expound a little more on why I believed the things you disagree with.

 

2. Killing is legal in self-defence, war, law enforcement etc. Many country's have the death penalty for murder. Thus, something that is normally very wrong, can be very right if it is done in response to another person doing something just as bad (or worse). It's wrong for me to punch you in the face - unless you punched me first. Then, it would not be wrong at all, it would be a justifiable reprisal. Transfer this reasoning to relationships, and we arrive at my conclusion - cheating is wrong and harmful to your partner, just as punching them is; thus if your partner cheats on you, then you are justified in cheating on them back, just as if they punch you it's fair to punch them back.

 

4. I have many good friends that I care for and find interesting. They have great personalities that are compatible with mine. Yet I don't have sex with any of them. Why is this? Because I don't find them sexually attractive. If personality and common interests were what made a relationship work, we'd be marrying and having sex with our friends. Therefore it is not personality and common interests that matter. What do all romantic relationships have in common at first? Sexual attraction. What do most failed relationships have in common after a few years? Fading sexual attraction. Therefore not only is sexual attraction critical (without it, someone is just our "best friend"), it is clearly more important than the rest, because without it a relationship becomes intolerable.

 

5. How many sexy 50 year olds do you know? I know a few but they are 5-10% at most, and probably less. How many of them, 5 years into a relationship, will still turn your eye more than an attractive 21 year old? Be honest now. Attraction reduces when the honeymoon period has worn off.

 

6. About half of married people cheat at some point. More unmarried people do. Consider that many of the faithful ones are faithful because of lack of opportunity, or fear of consequences, rather than lack of desire, then simply maths tells us that maybe 10-20% of married people *at most* want to be monogamous at all times. Now, how many married people rate their partner a 9 or 10? Most of the truly happily married couples do. And bingo, they are the ones who don't want to cheat on each other. Hence, only the people who really love/fancy their partner in the long-term will want to stay faithful - that accounts for maybe 10-20% of the population. The rest will get bored or unsatisfied, and then meet someone new, and bingo - they cheat.

 

7. If intelligence were the most important factor, Stephen Hawking would be a sex symbol, and no one would watch porn (except that Mensa high IQ porn star, can't remember her name). Broke geniuses would be deluged with nubile young women, and rich powerful thickos wouldn't be able to get laid to save their life. Since this doesn't happen, my point is proven.

 

8. How many couples do you honestly know who make decisions equally? Versus how many that have one person who has ultimate say so in most situations? I can only go by my experience and what I see, hear, and read, but the egalitarian relationship seems pretty rare.

 

9. Some scientific research I read showed evidence that disaster survivors have less emotional and psychological problems in later life if they were told to "get over it" and stay strong, than if all their emotions were indulged and they were encouraged to wallow in their grief. It's not a definitive proof but at least I have some evidence on my side. There seems to be no evidence at all that counselling and modern psychology have reduced mental problems (anti-depressent drugs excepted) - if anything it's the opposite. They have also created a passive victim culture.

 

10. A world with 1 million people in it is better than a world with 10 people in it. Each birth creates a new life, a unique individual, which is (usually) a positive thing. The total resources and ability of the human race are in proportion to its population. Genetic diversity is also important. Therefore, creating lots of new life is a good thing. A one-woman man cannot have as many kids as a player. Therefore, players help by increasing the population more than monogamous men.

 

11. 60% of married men and 40% of married men cheat. Average out and you get 50%.

 

12. People want what they can't have. People like a challenge. Also, the less you need a relationship, the quicker you will clamp down on drama and BS - not only does this stop you having to deal with problems, it makes people respect you more as they can see you don't tolerate nonsense. Decisive, confident, in-command men (and women) are more attractive than hesitant, self-doubting, passive individuals.

 

13. 50% of people already cheat in marriage. Thus >50% cheat in unmarried relationships. So only about 40% of people are even monogamous at all. To reach the 90% level, we just have to assume that 3/4 of those who don't cheat, aren't doing it out of principle, but because they either don't have the opportunity or fear the consequences. Maybe 90% is too high but I think a figure of 50% of monogamous people only staying so because of lack of chances, or fear of reprisals, is realistic.

 

14. If you cheat repeatedly then clearly you are not satisfied in your relationship. I would say it's obvious why you should tell in that case - being with someone who you feel constrained by, or unsatisfied with, is a bum deal for you. And also for them - they would be better with someone who is fully satisfied by them and doesn't feel the need to screw around. For cheating once - to err is human, and if every relationship ended on the first betrayal, there would be very few relationships at all.

Edited April 3, 2010 by Joe Normal

[Joe Normal]

How old are you?

 

Old enough to know that it's wrong to snoop into my partner's email.

Edited April 3, 2010 by Joe Normal

[Undine]

Old enough to know that it's wrong to snoop into my partner's email.

 

And young enough to think you know everything.