Should I ask her out?

[Mikau]

I'm not really sure what I expect from this, but I feel like I need to write this out, to get some perspective. Any input is appreciated.

 

About 9 months ago I met a girl (we'll call her J). She's a friend of a couple of friends of mine among which my best friend (we'll call him L). We met a couple of times over the summer as a group, playing basketball, football, board games and going to the beach. Never really talked to her personally, but after the summer we added eachother on MSN, and since then we've talked a LOT. Basically since the end of summer up untill now we've talked on MSN every day we were both online. Both about silly insignificant stuff and more serious stuff. We get along great, and I've really started to like her. We (as in, 'my' group of friends) met up a couple of times a month since then, and everything is just normal. We hang out as friends, and that's it.

 

As I said, I really like her, and lately I've been thinking I like her as more than friends. She seems to like me too, but I think it's just as friends, thought I have no way of really knowing. I'm not in love with her or anything, but I would like to go out with her alone some time, to see if we connect beyond MSN/meeting with half a dozen other friends. However, there are complications.

 

First of all, I'm afraid asking her out or discussing this with her will ruin the friendship, will make it uncomfortable or awkward. I kinda don't want to risk that, but on the other hand I also don't want to miss my chance to find out if there's more. Secondly, and this is by far the most important point I guess. J has/had a crush on L, my best friend. L is not interested in J, and she knows it. I don't know if J is over L already, but I do know she realises she needs to move on and put it behind her. This is a crucial point not because of my friendship with L, I'm very certain he would no less than approve if anything happened. I do think this is a complication for J though, and I really don't want to say anything about this if she's not yet over L.

 

So what do I do here? My mind tells me that I should just stay friends and keep my mouth shut. Saying something is more likely to corrupt the friendship than anything else. On the other hand, I want to know how she feels about me, and if there could be more. Do I try to angle for it subtly, hoping she either makes a move or let's me know she's not interested?

 

Thanks in advance.

Edited April 2, 2010 by Mikau

[WTRanger]

Go for it. You'll never regret trying. Stop thinking and start doing.

 

Stop trying to think about corrupting the friendship. Get this straight, with your feelings IT IS ALREADY CORRUPTED. You've pulled the pin on the feelings grenade. You can either give it a toss and see what happens or let it blow up in your hand.

[Mikau]

I understand what you're saying, and you're probably right, but don't you think that's a bit harsh? It's not like I want to admit my undying love to her, I'd just like to find out if there's more between us than friendship.

 

We're meeting up again saturday after the next. I'm going to try to angle a bit. Look into her eyes, smile a bit excessively, see how she reacts. I'm also thinking about asking her best friend for help. She's also a close friend of mine and might be able to help me out here.

[WTRanger]

I'm not saying to spill your guts to her. But to ask her on a date. A REAL date. And let her know from the start that it is a real date.

 

If she's not willing to go on a real date with you, then you've pretty much got your answer if there is anything more to this.

[basumarra1510]

i think you should go for it dude ....

 

 

be confidant .............. :bunny:

[Mikau]

You sound like a loser better not ask her out she will just say no. I dont blame here.

Oh please do explain, I'd like to have a good laugh.