I'm in love with my best friend who is of the same sex as me

[TheShadow]

I'm 18 and I've been in love with my best friend for 4 years.

 

I'm not really sure how it happened. But over the time, I've come to a realization that I've based my entire friendship with her on the fact that I love her so dearly.

 

She's the best thing that ever happened to me. Naturally, I'm a quiet person and I find it hard to warm up to people at my school, mind you that doesn't mean I have no friends. However, my best friend (of whom I wont name) was always my counter balance. She always brought me back up. She has a slightly clueless personality. She never really catches on to things. And even when she does, it's almost as if she doesn't see the magnitude of it all. I've admitted my love for her multiple times. And she never got it. Then one day when I got upset and felt used, I confronted her and she finally rejected me... after 3 years of her saying that she didn't know what to really think. That alone crushed me.

 

I ALWAYS worry about her. And always either call or speak to her to make sure she's okay and whatnot. More so because of her heart condition. ( She's ill, and I wont say much more about that.) Even so, she almost ignored my feelings for her and sometimes, maybe even unintentionally, goes on about how no one loves her. But I stayed quiet. And even when she started dating another guy at the school... (Who funny enough liked me, but when he finds out from someone else that I wasn't interested... he dates my best friend.) Whenever they were together, which was all the time. I had to make an excuse to leave.. because I felt so sick seeing them all cuddled up that I wanted to cry. Most of the time, I did cry. As soon as I got home. He broke up with her a few weeks ago so now she's single again. I want to approach her about my feelings for her. And I want to spell it out black and white for her... but I don't want to screw up what little we have left. Hell, I've tried lying to myself for 1 of those 4 years and tell myself that I wasn't in love with her... But I could still feel that aweful feeling in the pit of my stomach. I want to be with her so badly that I have dreams about it all the time. And I always wake up sad.

 

In any case. I find myself, especially now with all this confusion and stress going on; needing her more than ever. Yet, it feels like she's pushing me away. She seems to be hanging around everyone else and doesn't seem to make much time for me anymore. Whenever I try to make plans to hang around with her or for her to come over to my house for some weekend (which we do all the time), she always seems to be busy. And when she does come over, she doesn't stay as long as she used to.

 

It hurts me so much that she'll never understand that no one will love her like I do. I love her for all that she is. Even though she hurt me like she did, nothing can ever change that.

I'm so terrified that I'm going to loose her. I don't want to live my life if she's not in it. I know it sounds delusional and very melodramatic, but I really and truly mean it. I think about her every day. And I miss her so much that I get pains in my heart and stomach. Even thinking about it makes me cry.

[SuperMatt]

She is your friend you should see her as a friend for now. You never know she may like you as well. The reason she is starting to pull away is probably because she can feel that you are starting to like her and being a little needy. But the problem with dating your friends is that there will be the possibility of you two not working and then you wont ever see her again.

 

If you want her in your life then be her friend. If you want to be more then friends and are willing to risk not being friends anymore then just let her know that you enjoy your time with her and you like her. DONT come out and say you love her. Just say "I think I am falling for you" (understand she may not feel the same way and you cant change that)

 

Best bet is to be friends if you want her around.